So almost four years ago my co-worker gets divorced and has to move out. She asks me if I need a roommate. I didn't exactly need a roommate but I wanted a change of scenery. I told her if she finds a place I'll move in with her. She found us a place and we move in. She also starts dating another co-worker (her boss in fact, haha). So for the next six months or so we're both co-workers and roommates and everthing is fine. We were both into martial arts and both into the same TV show and almost never got into arguments.
Anyway at the end of this six month period is when she gets into nursing school and moves in with her boyfriend to save money (he owns his place and she wouldn't be paying rent). So I replace her with another roommate. That was about three and a half years ago. Since then, my friendship with her was basically random texts with references to TV quotes and Facebook comments. She lived pretty close but I still didn't see her much. I saw her like twice in three years.
Then like three months ago or so I get a text from her asking if I needed a roommate. Well I didn't, but was wondering why she asked. She says she broke up with her boyfriend. She also said we should do something sometime. I'm like, "Sure we can hang."
Well we never hung out because she was busy moving to the new place she found. Though on Facebook I could see she had a new boyfriend and made time to hang with him. Her other friends also posted on her wall joking how she doesn't have time for them now that she has a boyfriend. And she insisted that her boyfriend wasn't the reason why she was so busy, but that it was the moving process.
Fast forward to a couple months ago I decide to downsize my Facebook friendslist. Too many people that I didn't care about, at least not at this point in time. They were just acquaintances, not real friends that I care to share status updates with. And I didn't care to see their stuff either.
I actually did this twice, the first time getting my list from like a thousand people to like six hundred. Then I still wasn't satisfied, and I cut it from like six hundred to about three hundred.
Well, this friend of mine didn't make the second cut. I saw her like two or three times in three years, and lately she says it's cause of her being busy. But it's not just lately that we haven't seen each other, it's been three years of scarce personal interaction. It's not a big deal to me, I just figure if we were real friends, we'd important enough to each other to make time for each other. I mean, there are people still on my Facebook friendslist that I haven't seen in even longer, but that's cause we don't live in the same city anymore. She and I live within about twenty to twenty-five minutes (taking traffic into account) of driving, which by L.A. standards is really close. So if we don't see each other, I figure we're just not real friends. Not completely her fault. I didn't put effort into seeing her either. I'm just recognizing it for what it is.
Anyway, I'm visiting my family over Xmas and she sends me a text saying WTF, why did you delete me? And I get a friend request from her with a message attached, asking if I deleted her. I kinda didn't know what to say. I mean, I have nothing against her, but I thought our friendship was dead. It's like watching popcorn in the microwave slowly stop popping. Each "pop" would be a random text with a TV quote, or a Facebook post. Our friendship was where you could wait for the next kernel to pop, but you know you're burning the other popcorn in the process. Not that the burning applies in this analogy, but that's where our friendship was.
The day I get the text from her, I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know if I wanted to confirm her request. So I slept on it and had fun with my family. The next day I respond to her text asking who it was, pretending like I didnt recognize her number. My excuse was I got a new phone, which I technically did but I didn't lose her number. I guess I wanted to convey to her that losing touch was nothing personal and not a big deal. Somehow I figured that if she thought I just lost her number and didn't bother getting it back, that it would make it seem like I was just careless and maybe I didn't delete her on purpose.
She responds to my text asking who it was with an "lol" and another random TV quote, and saying it's ____ (her name). She then asks if I'm gonna confirm the request. I ignore those texts for the day and she sends me a Facebook message saying WTF, confirm me! And by now I've figured that confirming her would make it awkward, and I deleted her for a reason. I just don't wanna go through Facebook charades with people who don't consider me important enough to make time for me. Sure I'm guilty for not trying harder to hang out with her, but she put in even less effort, and we live so damn close it's comical.
So I'm hoping she'll go away and I ignore her Facebook message. Then the next day she sends me a text saying "I thought we were friends" followed by a "
". I ignored it.
Then in a couple days it's New Year's Eve and she sends me a Happy New Year text. I texted back Happy New Year, and then she answers with a text asking if I'm going to confirm her request. She ends the text by saying it's _______ (insert her name, with each letter emphasized by placing periods in between each letter). I guess this is sort of a response to earlier when I asked who it was, saying I didn't recognize her number. I didn't know what to say to that. Her request is still sitting there, not confirmed nor deleted or even hidden. I don't want a facade of a friendship in Facebook form, or any form. If she had put as much effort into our friendship as she has been into getting back on my Facebook friendslist, I'd consider her a real friend.
Am I a dick? I know I'm guilty of not trying harder to hang out or talk, but I know I've put more effort into it than she has. Over the past year I've really reconnected with old friends and have started really valuing true friends over what I call the typical Los Angeles friend (superficial friendship). My real friends put in a lot of effort into seeing me and I put in a lot of effort into seeing them. She and I live so close but we don't see each other so I figured our friendship was dead. But now she's not letting it go how I deleted her. After three years of a facade of a friendship I just think it's time we let go of each other.
What do you guys think?
EDIT: TL;DR: I deleted a former friend off Facebook after three years of barely seeing her, and then she added me back, and now she is texting me almost every day asking if I will confirm her request. I don't feel like having another "fake" friendship in the form of a
Facebook friend but she is making me feel guilty about deleting her.
Anyway at the end of this six month period is when she gets into nursing school and moves in with her boyfriend to save money (he owns his place and she wouldn't be paying rent). So I replace her with another roommate. That was about three and a half years ago. Since then, my friendship with her was basically random texts with references to TV quotes and Facebook comments. She lived pretty close but I still didn't see her much. I saw her like twice in three years.
Then like three months ago or so I get a text from her asking if I needed a roommate. Well I didn't, but was wondering why she asked. She says she broke up with her boyfriend. She also said we should do something sometime. I'm like, "Sure we can hang."
Well we never hung out because she was busy moving to the new place she found. Though on Facebook I could see she had a new boyfriend and made time to hang with him. Her other friends also posted on her wall joking how she doesn't have time for them now that she has a boyfriend. And she insisted that her boyfriend wasn't the reason why she was so busy, but that it was the moving process.
Fast forward to a couple months ago I decide to downsize my Facebook friendslist. Too many people that I didn't care about, at least not at this point in time. They were just acquaintances, not real friends that I care to share status updates with. And I didn't care to see their stuff either.
I actually did this twice, the first time getting my list from like a thousand people to like six hundred. Then I still wasn't satisfied, and I cut it from like six hundred to about three hundred.
Well, this friend of mine didn't make the second cut. I saw her like two or three times in three years, and lately she says it's cause of her being busy. But it's not just lately that we haven't seen each other, it's been three years of scarce personal interaction. It's not a big deal to me, I just figure if we were real friends, we'd important enough to each other to make time for each other. I mean, there are people still on my Facebook friendslist that I haven't seen in even longer, but that's cause we don't live in the same city anymore. She and I live within about twenty to twenty-five minutes (taking traffic into account) of driving, which by L.A. standards is really close. So if we don't see each other, I figure we're just not real friends. Not completely her fault. I didn't put effort into seeing her either. I'm just recognizing it for what it is.
Anyway, I'm visiting my family over Xmas and she sends me a text saying WTF, why did you delete me? And I get a friend request from her with a message attached, asking if I deleted her. I kinda didn't know what to say. I mean, I have nothing against her, but I thought our friendship was dead. It's like watching popcorn in the microwave slowly stop popping. Each "pop" would be a random text with a TV quote, or a Facebook post. Our friendship was where you could wait for the next kernel to pop, but you know you're burning the other popcorn in the process. Not that the burning applies in this analogy, but that's where our friendship was.
The day I get the text from her, I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know if I wanted to confirm her request. So I slept on it and had fun with my family. The next day I respond to her text asking who it was, pretending like I didnt recognize her number. My excuse was I got a new phone, which I technically did but I didn't lose her number. I guess I wanted to convey to her that losing touch was nothing personal and not a big deal. Somehow I figured that if she thought I just lost her number and didn't bother getting it back, that it would make it seem like I was just careless and maybe I didn't delete her on purpose.
She responds to my text asking who it was with an "lol" and another random TV quote, and saying it's ____ (her name). She then asks if I'm gonna confirm the request. I ignore those texts for the day and she sends me a Facebook message saying WTF, confirm me! And by now I've figured that confirming her would make it awkward, and I deleted her for a reason. I just don't wanna go through Facebook charades with people who don't consider me important enough to make time for me. Sure I'm guilty for not trying harder to hang out with her, but she put in even less effort, and we live so damn close it's comical.
So I'm hoping she'll go away and I ignore her Facebook message. Then the next day she sends me a text saying "I thought we were friends" followed by a "
". I ignored it.Then in a couple days it's New Year's Eve and she sends me a Happy New Year text. I texted back Happy New Year, and then she answers with a text asking if I'm going to confirm her request. She ends the text by saying it's _______ (insert her name, with each letter emphasized by placing periods in between each letter). I guess this is sort of a response to earlier when I asked who it was, saying I didn't recognize her number. I didn't know what to say to that. Her request is still sitting there, not confirmed nor deleted or even hidden. I don't want a facade of a friendship in Facebook form, or any form. If she had put as much effort into our friendship as she has been into getting back on my Facebook friendslist, I'd consider her a real friend.
Am I a dick? I know I'm guilty of not trying harder to hang out or talk, but I know I've put more effort into it than she has. Over the past year I've really reconnected with old friends and have started really valuing true friends over what I call the typical Los Angeles friend (superficial friendship). My real friends put in a lot of effort into seeing me and I put in a lot of effort into seeing them. She and I live so close but we don't see each other so I figured our friendship was dead. But now she's not letting it go how I deleted her. After three years of a facade of a friendship I just think it's time we let go of each other.
What do you guys think?
EDIT: TL;DR: I deleted a former friend off Facebook after three years of barely seeing her, and then she added me back, and now she is texting me almost every day asking if I will confirm her request. I don't feel like having another "fake" friendship in the form of a
Facebook friend but she is making me feel guilty about deleting her.
