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GAF, Have you ever been on a "break"?

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shacklesmcgee

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Hey GAF,

Worst week of my life these last couple days, my GF asked for a break last Tuesday, and I've been a complete wreck since then. After having not the best weekend, and saying something really stupid Tuesday morning, I was supposed to go over and she asked me not to. I felt so bad I bought her some things and left them on her doorstep to say sorry, but I didn't actually see her. Later that night, she texted me about how she had sent me an email explaining the situation. The email said she wanted a break, and some stuff about our relationship, but not a whole lot. I emailed back asking if she wanted to break up, she called saying " i dunno, I need time".

So, it was bad enough I don't really know what's going on with her, she's been posting stuff online about us that really, really hurts. Stuff like "I'm FINALLY going out" or " for the first time in 2 years...." (we've been dating two years).

I've jumped from every single emotion, and have no idea what's gonna happen when we do talk....if she asks to meet in a public place, I'll just die.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, just kinda wanted to vent....but GAF, have you ever been on a "break"? Did it work out? Was it for the better? Or was it just prolonging the inevitable break up?

Thanks everyone :(
 
OP, I was gonna say maybe she needs some space and sometimes it might work but she posted those on social media? Yeah, break it off.
 
DO NOT LISTEN TO GAF. DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER.

GAF gives the worst relationship advices. Love is always worth fighting for.
 
Everyone will probably tell you to leave her, but I really don't know all the details so I can't give you advice. I don't know how either of you treated each other, there are usually a lot of details missing from posts like these.

It sounds like she just wants to try something different for a while (you can get bored after two years, or feel like you're missing out and want to try something new). It can go either way.

What were her reasons for wanting a break? What did she tell you in the email? It's important for you to understand what the problems are (or if she's the one causing the problems) and either try to change yourself for her, or remove yourself from the situation if she's the one causing the harm.
 
That sounds like it's over but she just doesn't want to tell you. Did you two not go out very often during your relationship?
 
I don't want to break up though, but it really seems like that's where it's headed. She's never really acted like this before, and it's just so confusing not knowing if she hates me, is upset with me, still loves me...

what's weird is we were talking about the songs we'd have at our wedding just days before...
 
Yeah this isn't good or emotionally healthy for you. We all know deep down what a "break" really is and I say you should walk away with your head held high and don't sacrifice your dignity by playing her back-up plan. You will only get hurt down to the core if you do anything but cut all ties.

Do yourself a favor and remove her from your Facebook feed and don't creep her page. The stuff you're about to see over the next few weeks is going to cut deep and make it hard for you to get over.

I sympathise, we've all been there in one way or another.
 
Anecdotally, I don't know anyone who's been on a break and then ended up together forever. I suspect most others have that same experience.

So basically, I'm sorry. Breaks are a bullshit way to get a trial period of being single without breaking up. If you can't work through your relationship problems, you shouldn't be in one.
 
I went on a break once. Broke up a 3-4 months down the line.

I wouldn't say break up with her now but think about the reasons you're taking the break. If not much has changed when you start up again, break it off.

Also, I'd say a break should last a month maximum, to be honest a month is a little unreasonable.

I dunno, those social media posts aren't great. Just try to gain some perspective and think through any decision you make, don't be rash.
 
zeemumu said:
That sounds like it's over but she just doesn't want to tell you. Did you two not go out very often during your relationship?
Click to expand...

The time I've known her she never really wanted to go out, she likes playing games and watching anime. In March we went out to a Poetry event, that she didn't think I'd like but I really did. The last two months she's been moving from temp house to temp house, and just last week moved into her final house, so we couldn't really go out. I was planning to start it all last/this week, now the she was settled...

giga said:
Anecdotally, I don't know anyone who's been on a break and then ended up together forever. I suspect most others have that same experience.

So basically, I'm sorry. Breaks are a bullshit way to get a trial period of being single without breaking up. If you can't work through your relationship problems, you shouldn't be in one.
Click to expand...

My brothers wife took a six month break from him, and they ended up getting married and having a kid. But that's such an outlier case

Auctopus said:
I dunno, those social media posts aren't great. Just try to gain some perspective and think through any decision you make, don't be rash.
Click to expand...

I broke down earlier this week apologizing after reading one of the posts, asking to talk. She said I wasn't supposed to see them, and that she didn't want to hurt me. Only other thing I did was start this thread, I didn't know who else to ask
 
Phyranion said:
DO NOT LISTEN TO GAF. DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER.

GAF gives the worst relationship advices. Love is always worth fighting for.
Click to expand...

No it's not. Love is very frequently not worth fighting for. Relationships often end for things that have nothing to do with love, and they often keep going because of things that have nothing to do with love.

"Breaks" are toxic because it implies that the relationship is a strain on itself just by existing. If someone wants to test out being single, they really just want to be single.

Don't break. Break up. Maybe a few years later you'll both be in a better place and you'll have explored your options and you'll get back together for the rest of your lives. But don't pretend it's just set aside for the moment. It's not.
 
shacklesmcgee said:
I broke down earlier this week apologizing after reading one of the posts, asking to talk. She said I wasn't supposed to see them, and that she didn't want to hurt me. Only other thing I did was start this thread, I didn't know who else to ask
Click to expand...

Get away from social media. I hope you didn't ask to talk on a comment and your privately contacted her. Anyway, forget about her for a bit and go do something outside.
 
giga said:
Anecdotally, I don't know anyone who's been on a break and then ended up together forever. I suspect most others have that same experience.

So basically, I'm sorry. Breaks are a bullshit way to get a trial period of being single without breaking up. If you can't work through your relationship problems, you shouldn't be in one.
Click to expand...

I have never known a break to be anything other than a code for "I want to fuck other people". A break is a slow tug of the band-aid, instead of the quick rip it should be.

Like you I don't know a single person who ever had a "break" that didn't end in the relationship. It's such a stupid delusional concept that only causes more hurt in the end.
 
You shouldn't be sorry OP. Can't be sorry for someone's confusion. Just let her be for a while, and I know that's easier said than done. Try and take your mind off it, overthinking about something is just the worst and more often than not causes more damage than good.

Sometimes people need to breathe, doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.
 
shacklesmcgee said:
I don't want to break up though, but it really seems like that's where it's headed. She's never really acted like this before, and it's just so confusing not knowing if she hates me, is upset with me, still loves me...

what's weird is we were talking about the songs we'd have at our wedding just days before...
Click to expand...

Sounds like you're both still young-ish. Young people can change directions overnight.
 
It's a case-by-case basis and there's no general rule to love outside of what two people decide.

This said, there are some general things that are true about human nature, and I can say earnestly, if someone wants to 'take a break' from a relationship with me (which has happened once), then I consider that a call for break-up. It's one thing to need time to yourself, recollect and find yourself, everyone has moments they need to be alone, but if you 'need a break' from a relationship specifically, it means you're either too caught-up into yourself to really be considering other peoples feelings and implies an immature self-centered nature (you can't run from things, people, responsibilities, life isn't that convenient and there's better ways to deal with it), they're not really into you and the 'magic' is gone so they need time to analyze if they want to be in this (which most likely means no, they don't want to be), they don't want to get 'tied-down' to this relationship and want to flirt and play around with some other people, or they view the relationship as a draining thing, which is not healthy and likely won't work out until they grow-up some, if they even do.
 
I cant really give advice on this, but im curious as to what she thinks you did or what you think she might think you did wrong that she now has changed her feelings for you. If you dont know, you should probably ask. Being vague does no one favors.
There has to be something.
 
OP, I've been on a break. Late last year following a 3 1/2 year relationship, in fact. At first it was optimistic but at some point you realize you're in that situation because the other person doesn't care about whether or not they'll hurt you my keeping you on a leash like that. You're on that break because they've already checked out and are either too afraid to end it completely, or they just don't care about how it will effect you and want an easy way out. Mine was the later.

Here is my thread if you want to give it a look.

I do think doing on the break was a mistake I needed to make for myself, though. If you feel that way I understand. But know that it is exceedingly likely to not work out. The fact is that your girlfriend asking for the break means that she does not value the relationship remotely as much as you do.
 
Phyranion said:
DO NOT LISTEN TO GAF. DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER.

GAF gives the worst relationship advices. Love is always worth fighting for.
Click to expand...

...but youre Gaf.

Like he said, don't listen to him. Break up. It'll be doing you more harm than good. The younger you are, the more this applies.
 
Strangelove77 said:
I cant really give advice on this, but im curious as to what she thinks you did or what you think she might think you did wrong that she now has changed her feelings for you. If you dont know, you should probably ask. Being vague does no one favors.
There has to be something.
Click to expand...

My guess is because he said they a few days ago were talking about wedding songs, she thought about if she really wants to get to that point and started to doubt if this is what she wanted. That's just a guess, but I find usually when these things happen, it's when people reflect on where they're going, which is why break-ups often happen around such talks if the relationship is in an unhealthy state, or around holidays and the such, things that sort of push to make us think about the relationship we're in and if this is what we want.
 
Auctopus said:
Get away from social media. I hope you didn't ask to talk on a comment and your privately contacted her. Anyway, forget about her for a bit and go do something outside.
Click to expand...

No I texted her....and she emailed me again.

Cryxo93 said:
You shouldn't be sorry OP. Can't be sorry for someone's confusion. Just let her be for a while, and I know that's easier said than done. Try and take your mind off it, overthinking about something is just the worst and more often than not causes more damage than good.

Sometimes people need to breathe, doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.
Click to expand...

I'm sure I'll get the "I do love you, I'm just not in love with you"

terrisus said:
A crown of sonnets?

(It's over)
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lol

it was a sonnet about crowns....

Just some Japanese imported things, chopsticks, rice bowl, etc.

acheron_xl said:
Sounds like you're both still young-ish. Young people can change directions overnight.
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Both 23. I'm her first relationship. Edit : Was?

Dusk Golem said:
My guess is because he said they a few days ago were talking about wedding songs, she thought about if she really wants to get to that point and started to doubt if this is what she wanted. That's just a guess, but I find usually when these things happen, it's when people reflect on where they're going, which is why break-ups often happen around such talks if the relationship is in an unhealthy state, or around holidays and the such, things that sort of push to make us think about the relationship we're in and if this is what we want.
Click to expand...

We've talked about marriage for a while. But this just came out of no where. I even just overheard my mom say " And here I thought they were gonna get married..."
 
Breaks typically do not exist. A break in a relationship is what noncommittal cowards call break ups.

This is especially true if no rules are set and the relationship is put on total hiatus. If you are simply spending time apart, to gain perspective of whatever, it is not so insidious (but still feels slimy and uncomfortable).

In essence, asking for a break is like saying "I do not enjoy spending time with you so much that I want to keep doing it, and I hope in our short time apart I can find a better life for myself and an excuse to leave you. But in case I don't, I'd like to leave my options open."
 
Feel like such a shmuck for all the stuff I was writing and doing for her this past week (before seeing the social media stuff) to try and get her back.

And those were the only social media things I was comfortable to post....

Anyways, thanks everyone. I'll see what happens when we talk I guess? She said she'd let me know sometime this week....but it really does seem like this "break" is just missing a word
"up"
 
Breaks = Break-up.

The only difference is that a "break" is a mental tactic by the ex-partner to make you think you still have a chance, and almost everyone falls for it and becomes the ex-partner's backup plan, in case their new relationship fails.

So run. Run away and never return. Don't talk to her, don't Facebook her, don't look up any news about her, nor look at old photos - it prevents you from maturing and only gives you more anguish.

Bail.
 
In a few years you won't even remember her name. Hop on okcupid/plenty of fish and meet someone completely new. Those posts on her social media show that she has zero respect for you. She knew you would read them at a time when you're feeling like shit.
 
Hey GAF,

Guess whhaaaat happened!

She broke up with me...


....through email ;p lol

She won't even see or talk to me, 2.5 years gone in 6 days and two emails

Haha oh well
 
shacklesmcgee said:
Hey GAF,

Guess whhaaaat happened!

She broke up with me...


....through email ;p lol

She won't even see or talk to me, 2.5 years gone in 6 days and two emails

Haha oh well
Click to expand...

From the sound of things, you're better off now.

It may suck at first, but you'll find someone that doesn't put you through childish things like she did.
 
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