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[Sho_Nuff82]

Is the other bf a Jehova's Witness too? Did you get absolute assurance that she was going to break up with him before you broke up with your gf?

Other than those concerns, I say go for it. Life is short, do what you have to do to be happy.

 

[SeanR1221]

Getting together with someone you're infatuated with is never a good idea.

When I started dating my fiancé, I took the stance of "she's cool, I'll ask her out."

Now I love her more than anything, but that didn't happen over night, and I still wouldn't say I'm 'obsessed' like how you are with your ex.

 

[Realyst]

Are you sure part of the pain wasn't guilt?

Also, what's the latest with this other girl? Pull it together though dude. Compose yourself, only then will you act and think rationally. Right now in your current state you might just chase one or the other in a bid to close that vacuum and diminish the fear of losing either, but try not to think of it like that. Instead of rushing it out of mis-placed fear or pain, try to think of it as valued time to yourself, to take your time going over it whilst avoiding hurting others.

It was the decent thing to do.



Thanks

You're right, it may be guilt. I told myself to not rush in either direction; just try to take it easy. Right now, I'm not as excited as I was, due to this guilt. My entire personality is based on making others happy. It feels like I not only betrayed her, but I also betrayed myself and my morals.

Is the other bf a Jehova's Witness too? Did you get absolute assurance that she was going to break up with him before you broke up with your gf?

Other than those concerns, I say go for it. Life is short, do what you have to do to be happy.

I don't believe that he is, that's what threw me for a spin a few years back. Before me, she only dated JW's. I was kinda shocked that she went out with him so easily. I guess she did it because she thought that I had moved on, and that she was back in the good graces of the JW's.

Getting together with someone you're infatuated with is never a good idea.

When I started dating my fiancé, I took the stance of "she's cool, I'll ask her out."

Now I love her more than anything, but that didn't happen over night, and I still wouldn't say I'm 'obsessed' like how you are with your ex.

That's actually a lot like what happened to us. That's what made me give it a shot. It was a gradual process, but neither one of us wanted to really fall in love at the time. It just happened anyway, which lead us to this situation.

 

[Monumental]

(EDIT) Update:

Well, I broke up with my GF yesterday. One of the worst days of my life. I never cry, but I did while talking to her...and I broke down after I left her house. Just about the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It also had me second-guessing my decision. What if I do, in fact, love her? If I didn't, why would I break down like I did?

I don't feel any relief at all. And now, she's confused about what happened (she didn't see it coming at all). Ugh.

You know, reading the OP one goes through many different mindsets. Should I view this optimistically? Pessimistically? Should I take your perspective on this matter as the truth?

But after this update, I just find you sad. You're not in love. You're just an immature person who can't commit to anything. Even a breakup.

 

[Realyst]

You know, reading the OP one goes through many different mindsets. Should I view this optimistically? Pessimistically? Should I take your perspective on this matter as the truth?

But after this update, I just find you sad. You're not in love. You're just an immature person who can't commit to anything. Even a breakup.

You don't understand. I really do care for her, I just don't believe that we were meant for each other. If I didn't care for her, I wouldn't have been there for her for 2+ years. That's why it took me so long to break up with her. It was something I had to do anyway, regardless of how I feel about the other girl. The fact that I'm so depressed about it has me second-guessing my decision, which I should've expected anyway. She truly doesn't deserve to be hurt. Me breaking up with her when I did was, I feel, the mature thing to do

As far as an update on the other girl's situation: she's in the same boat as me. She hasn't told me this yet, but I think that she basically told her BF what was going on. Dude is NOT trying to let her go (I don't blame him). She's as depressed as I am (she told me this earlier in the week). Knowing what it took for me to go through with it, I can only imagine what it would be like for her if she were to do the same. I think that's why I'm not as excited as I was before my break-up; if she goes through with it, she's gonna feel like crap. I really do love her and want to be with her only, but I'm finally realizing the expense of following through.

 

[Always-honest]

You don't understand. I really do care for her, I just don't believe that we were meant for each other. If I didn't care for her, I wouldn't have been there for her for 2+ years. That's why it took me so long to break up with her. It was something I had to do anyway, regardless of how I feel about the other girl. The fact that I'm so depressed about it has me second-guessing my decision, which I should've expected anyway. She truly doesn't deserve to be hurt. Me breaking up with her when I did was, I feel, the mature thing to do

As far as an update on the other girl's situation: she's in the same boat as me. She hasn't told me this yet, but I think that she basically told her BF what was going on. Dude is NOT trying to let her go (I don't blame him). She's as depressed as I am (she told me this earlier in the week). Knowing what it took for me to go through with it, I can only imagine what it would be like for her if she were to do the same. I think that's why I'm not as excited as I was before my break-up; if she goes through with it, she's gonna feel like crap. I really do love her and want to be with her only, but I'm finally realizing the expense of following through.

There is no such thing as "meant for eachother"

 

[nib95]

You're right, it may be guilt. I told myself to not rush in either direction; just try to take it easy. Right now, I'm not as excited as I was, due to this guilt. My entire personality is based on making others happy. It feels like I not only betrayed her, but I also betrayed myself and my morals.

That guilt is a good thing though. Yea it's causing you pain, but at least you know you're maintained some compassion and moral ethic through all of this, despite your actions. Everyone makes mistakes, guilt is one of the few signs we have to show we appreciate the gravity of them.

 

[Flambe]

Nib has good advice.

Also, give it time. If both you and new girl are feeling raw over breaking up like this, if you rush into a relationship together the guilt might just drive you apart and taint everything.

Take it very slow, hang out a little bit for sure but give yourselves space to find happiness again in just being with yourselves. Don't make it dependent on being with others.