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Genuine romantic connections are so rare

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A lot of people go through the same thing at some point in their lives. I know I did, and it was painful. Just remember that she is not the only girl for you. You are idolizing her because of your current infatuation. You said that it was not one sided, but to me it looks one sided. You will need some time to get over this. Be around your close friends and family. It will at least make you feel better.
 
If it makes you feel better, OP, in 5-8 years she will be a single mom with 2-3 kids, and be looking for a new boyfriend.

Then you will have your chance.
 
TheExorzist said:
It has nothing to do with age. I was 29 years old when I met a girl that just felt "right" to me and I still think about her sometimes.

OP, you did the right thin by telling her. Have no hard feeling for "putting the burden on her". She'll get over it.

That's really the shame about unconditional love. It's always pretty one sided.
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Yes! The Thunderbolt is real gentleman. How you handle it is where your age and experience comes in.
 
You definitely did fuck up OP.

You were meant to make a thread here first asking if you should tell her, whereby we all tell you not to but you do it anyway.
 
Lost Fragment said:
But I found one!

...and fucked it up pretty hard.
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Wow, talk about timing. I am in an almost complete opposite situation as you, and I still fucked up! I just finished typing a mope-y post in the GAF relationship thread.

Here's the abridged version.

I met this girl hanging out with another guy in a new city. I didn't think much of her, but she was pretty. Still, we did hit it off, and I needed more friends in a new city, so I gladly accepted. We got talking, and became good friends. We invited each other out often. I knew from day 1 she was single, but I didn't care. I wasn't into her. We continued to hang out for the past few months, and I've even tried to find a guy for her.

After hanging out for so many months, I realized I developed feelings for her. Shit hits the fan, because after I realized I had feelings for her, she tells me this guy she's had a crush on also likes her back. This like literally happened a week after I figured out I liked her. The thing is, this guy is from Scotland, so he's in another country.

After a lot of thinking and internal struggle, I said fuck it, and decided to let her know I have feelings for her. To my surprise, she said she's thought about us being together as well. Except now with this guy coming back into the picture, she doesn't know what to do. I know for a fact she likes this guy more than me. Now it looks like the guy is flying back for her, and I'm SOL. So now all I can do is move on, and probably cut her off, even if just for a while.

I lost a girl that was single, and was into me. I got you beat, OP!
 
AGoodODST said:
You definitely did fuck up OP.

You were meant to make a thread here first asking if you should tell her, whereby we all tell you not to but you do it anyway.
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Given GAF and the track record with advice the OP would still be confused.

Live, love and learn OP.

I am sorry that this isn't want you hoped for.
 
lightskintwin said:
Obviously, the boyfriend didn't matter in this situation, she wasn't feeling him like that anyway even if she didn't have one.
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LOL; probably true. OP has certainly convinced himself she's into him.. that stare... the nearly saying the wrong thing when he made his big reveal..
 
Sounds more like a one sided crush. You were just friends, you didn't make a move fast enough. If you really saw her as a friend, you wouldn't have felt the way you did. This your first time falling for someone?
 
Cow Mengde said:
Wow, talk about timing. I am in an almost complete opposite situation as you, and I still fucked up! I just finished typing a mope-y post in the GAF relationship thread.

Here's the abridged version.

I met this girl hanging out with another guy in a new city. I didn't think much of her, but she was pretty. Still, we did hit it off, and I needed more friends in a new city, so I gladly accepted. We got talking, and became good friends. We invited each other out often. I knew from day 1 she was single, but I didn't care. I wasn't into her. We continued to hang out for the past few months, and I've even tried to find a guy for her.

After hanging out for so many months, I realized I developed feelings for her. Shit hits the fan, because after I realized I had feelings for her, she tells me this guy she's had a crush on also likes her back. This like literally happened a week after I figured out I liked her. The thing is, this guy is from Scotland, so he's in another country.

After a lot of thinking and internal struggle, I said fuck it, and decided to let her know I have feelings for her. To my surprise, she said she's thought about us being together as well. Except now with this guy coming back into the picture, she doesn't know what to do. I know for a fact she likes this guy more than me. Now it looks like the guy is flying back for her, and I'm SOL. So now all I can do is move on, and probably cut her off, even if just for a while.

I lost a girl that was single, and was into me. I got you beat, OP!
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If the other guy hasn't moved back yet, you still have/had the advantage before you made your big reveal. You should've done less talking and more action by putting yourself in a position to comfortably/naturally make the first move.
 
My one is annoying because when we met there was an intense mutual attraction. But then we lived in different countries...so it became long distance. So I end up visiting her a few times, everything is good and over time I start developing strong feelings for her. It gets to a stage where it's nearly a year since we met and I can't take it anymore so I tell her I want to visit her more often, not just the randomness it had been. She no longer feels the same as I do...

Then I made the mistake of pushing her away with my rage, because I felt like I had been patient and holding her in my heart all that time...for nothing in the end.

I should have been more clinical and visited her often from the start or just move to be closer to her. Even if it didn't work out I would have enjoyed that romance a lot. But I never thought cynically or negatively. "I better take advantage of her attention now, otherwise it will be too late." I naively thought she would be as patient as me...For example the times we met up I never thought "take advantage of this singular moment as much as possible" I wasn't overthinking anything and just going with the flow.
 
Stereogatari said:
My one is annoying because when we met there was an intense mutual attraction. But then we lived in different countries...so it became long distance. So I end up visiting her a few times, everything is good and over time I start developing strong feelings for her. It gets to a stage where it's nearly a year since we met and I can't take it anymore so I tell her I want to visit her more often, not just the randomness it had been. She no longer feels the same as I do...

Then I made the mistake of pushing her away with my rage, because I felt like I had been patient and holding her in my heart all that time...for nothing in the end.

I should have been more clinical and visited her often from the start or just move to be closer to her. Even if it didn't work out I would have enjoyed that romance a lot. But I never thought cynically or negatively. "I better take advantage of her attention now, otherwise it will be too late." I naively thought she would be as patient as me...For example the times we met up I never thought "take advantage of this singular moment as much as possible" I wasn't overthinking anything and just going with the flow.
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You know, sometimes you just meet people and you like them a lot, but they just don't like you as much back.

You didn't fuck up. If it there had been something between you it would have happened. Don't beat yourself up with "what if".
 
Zakalwe said:
You know, sometimes you just meet people and you like them a lot, but they just don't like you as much back.

You didn't fuck up. If it there had been something between you it would have happened. Don't beat yourself up with "what if".
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Thank you. It means a lot to hear a clear comment like that.

I have ruminated and analysed so much that I've made it more complicated than it is. But it is as simple as you say.
 
I know the word is overused but the OP and thread title felt a bit creepy to me. There was no romantic connection, that implies 2 people were interested when really you were just crushing on someone who wasn't interested.

The first paragraph in your OP is the part that sounds a little creepy. You describe yourself basically falling in love with someone and having a special connection just by looking at them. You then read far too much into her being a little friendly and really vaguely similar personality traits which aren't unique at all. Basically your mind was trying to convince something was there when it wasn't.

As a general rule I usually think if you get to the point where you're making a grand proclamation about your feelings than you fucked up. What could you possibly hope to achieve with that? All it does is put the other person on the spot in a really awkward forward manner and takes all the pressure off yourself. I think there are very few situations where this is appropriate and even when it works you probably could have achieved the same thing much more easily (by just asking them out).

All that happened here was that you fell way too hard for a pretty girl and you're over analysing the situation (which I guess I am now too lol).

My advice would be not to get so involved with someone you barely know, you don't have a romantic connection with someone you haven't even spoke to yet. If you do get to know someone and like them then make a move. Don't wait for months and make a last minute declaration of your feelings. If you know they're already taken and happily so than don't make the situation super awkward by saying you have feelings for them.
 
I know it's hard but you just have to move on. There's nothing to say you won't have this work with someone else. You're not going to learn anything and nothing good is going to happen by dwelling on it and being miserable.
 
If you were OK with potentially ruining any continued friendship and future chance at dating, it sounds like you made the right high-risk, high-reward move.

Personally, I'd manage the feelings and keep her as a friend, if there was such a strong connection. Life often doesn't move in a linear fashion and the timing for a romantic connection between the two of you could have presented itself in the future.
 
I'm sorry, but that was not a "genuine romantic connection", because it was so one sided, also, not based on any real emotional connection.

I had a genuine romantic connection to the last woman I had dated. She was the first woman I had dated who was previously married and had kids. We connected on a lot of levels, and became very deeply vulnerable with each other.

BUT, she lived about an hour away (that's without traffic, took closer to 75 minutes to get to her place in normal traffic), and she had kids. We dated a little over 6 months, but logistics just couldn't get us past that. It was tough getting time together, and at our age, logistics are just as important as "connection". If she lived close and had kids, it could've worked, if she didn't have kids and still lived far, it could've worked. But both; just too tough, especially for her, since she was the one with the kids, and she needed to stay near her ex, since they shared custody. And her kids are obviously going to come first.

It's a real bummer, because we really DID connect on a lot of emotional levels, got very vulnerable with each other, both emotionally and physically, which is far more important than being "into" the same things (though we were both into running). But life and other responsibilities can still get in the way.
 
Woh, OP. You're being way too hard on yourself.

You met a cool girl, you told her how you felt, she rejected you, end of story. That's normal when you put yourself out there. That's nothing to be ashamed about. You did good, and you even recognize that it would be bad if you keep going after her.. For your own peace of mind, move forward! I know how hard it can be when you fall for someone. I've had similar relationships in the past that felt like amazing connections.. But there's something to be said too about what happens when you're done swooning over each other. Sometimes it seems like people are perfect matches, when they're actively attracted to each other when getting to know one another, but in time, you may find you aren't as compatible as you thought.. It's just that people tend to be much more compatible when they both want to bone each other.

But anyway..

Who knows.. You may end up crossing paths again.. If you meet again in the future, she may think positively about you because your good choices... Ernestly putting yourself out there, accepting the results, and moving on.

Don't dwell on it, but think of this as a step forward for you, and experience in getting to know people. The end goal isn't finding the perfect relationship... Those come and go. The journey is the important part, and the strength to travel on.
 
You put her on a pedestal. Don't put a girl on a pedestal.

You're also letting too much hollywood rom-com c%&p get into your head ("I can't be the friend she deserves" - that's just rubbish).

Also, 5 months is too long. It was already long gone by then. You can be fairly certain that her current boyfriend didn't wait 5 months before letting her know that he's into her
 
Just remember that infatuation is always a lie. Just a chemical concoction meant to obfuscate your judgment and clarity of mind.
 
same boat. had a great date sunday. hung out for hours and boned. texted her monday and she had blocked my number. notice she's gone from tinder. today i was on fb and she popped up in my "friend suggestions" guessing they pull from my cell contacts. anyway she's engaged.
 
Just about a month ago I had an incredibly beautiful, funny, smart, witty and interesting woman dry humping me on my couch. Bra was taken off, but she said we couldn't do anything. An hour later she lied in my lap and said she was falling in love with me. The day after she started ignoring me.

The week after she invited me over to do my laundry at her place, day after that she ignored me.

She's driving me crazy.
 
5 months is a long time OP. You should've asked her out the first night you talked. If she said she had a boyfriend before that night was over, she wasn't interested in you like that.

Regretfully, I did something like this when I was like 14 or so. Looking back on it is obvious, we talked a bunch, but we were coworkers. Coworkers talk to get through the day. She wasn't in to me, but I was like infatuated with her.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
Just about a month ago I had an incredibly beautiful, funny, smart, witty and interesting woman dry humping me on my couch. Bra was taken off, but she said we couldn't do anything. An hour later she lied in my lap and said she was falling in love with me. The day after she started ignoring me.

The week after she invited me over to do my laundry at her place, day after that she ignored me.

She's driving me crazy.
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Sounds like she's using you for attention and validation when she's bored. Experience tells me that it's best not to get invested in something like this.
 
WolfeTone said:
Sounds like she's using you for attention and validation when she's bored. Experience tells me that it's best not to get invested in something like this.
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Definitely somewhere along these lines. We had a good connection though.

Also, she's one of my superiors, which is the excuse she's used every time things got too hot. A shame because I like her.
 
Ultima_5 said:
same boat. had a great date sunday. hung out for hours and boned. texted her monday and she had blocked my number. notice she's gone from tinder. today i was on fb and she popped up in my "friend suggestions" guessing they pull from my cell contacts. anyway she's engaged.
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WTF wait, she got engaged immediately after having a one night stand with you? Or she cheated on her fiance with you? Either way she sounds like a piece of work. Probably for the best she severed ties.
 
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