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[Anton Sugar]

I honestly don't get it. And I usually get it.

Same. As a resident GAF feminazi, the offense here goes beyond even me.

 

[entremet]

You can't please everyone, OP.

You know your intentions, so don't worry about. You shouldn't worry about walking on eggshells. You made your defense and move on.

 

[Siegcram]

Sounds hilarious tbh

 

[The Faceless Master]

Man, everyday something happens in my life. Need to make a show or write a book.

Anyway;

I'm part of this group on Facebook. I made a post that we should have a meet up at a restaurant, since it would be nice to chill with everyone.

In the commend section one dude said he will go as my date If I'm buying.

As a joke, I posted how I already bought a dress for another friend of mine, and that he is my date.

A few minutes later I start getting messages from a woman about how I am sexist and negative. How I need to tone it down and I am making them feel insecure since I am making fun of women wearing dresses. Then someone else besides her messaged me, and she said something similar.

Now, the messages aren't being rude, although a little aggressive. But I am just baffled how I am being negative or sexist.

I am trying to talk to them, and how its sexist, and all I'm getting back as a reply is "I think its sexist, that should be enough" or "you are making fun of dresses and women. I don't want to feel bad when I am scrolling down my Facebook page"


Willing to be enlightened.

tell them it's sexist of THEM to think only women like wearing dresses!

 

[John Kowalski]

Even if it's in the context of a joke? I just can't believe there are some people out there who live to be offended. Boggles my mind.

It's even worse in the context of a joke because it portrays the jokers as individuals who are unwilling to give the matter the importance they feel it deserves. Unless the comedy comes from a professional to whom the benefit of doubt (and sometimes the lenience to permit serious offence for the benefit of the joke) is given, turning something into a joke does little to show care for any subject matter, especially when the audience perceives the jokers to be the principal offenders. I bet two mornings that the OP isn't intimate with the women in question, or at least not intimate enough that such jolly playfulness would be taken lightly.

On one end, she could have taken the matter in a lighter manner, but on the other end perhaps she feels strong enough about the subject that the op did offend her. I know i'm offended by relatively small stuff, but seeing others discuss those things as the small and insignificant stuff they are really puts me off.

 

[injurai]

I honestly don't get it. And I usually get it.

I also don't get it, and I also usually get it.

Same. As a resident GAF feminazi, the offense here goes beyond even me.

I think it's the claim being made is that a man buying a dress for his date or SO is sexist. That sort of thing should be between the two people, so it also seems like they don't think a woman should be empowered by the female sexuality.

So maybe they are self-conscious or think they are making light of the efforts woman go through to look nice. Either way there is a fair amount of projecting. At least how the OP claimed it to be.

 

[jasonng]

I'm trying really hard to understand in what context that what you said can be considered sexist or offensive. I'm coming up with nothing.

I think it's the claim being made is that a man buying a dress for his date or SO is sexist. That sort of thing should be between the two people, so it also seems like they don't think a woman should be empowered by the female sexuality.

So maybe they are self-conscious or think they are making light of the efforts woman go through to look nice. Either way there is a fair amount of projecting. At least how the OP claimed it to be.

Huh? But the joke is that his date is a dude.

 

[TimeEffect]

Unless there's more to your comment you are not telling us, they sound incredibly narrow minded and uptight.

 

[SL128]

What exactly did you say?

 

[Dylan Sexbang]

I don't see how what Kraftwerk said in the OP was meant to put him down. If anything you're in the wrong for assuming that a guy in a dress is meant to be seen as a negative thing.

It's not a matter of OP putting down his friend and buying him a nice dress, it's his other "friends" interpreting it that way and reinforcing a man being in a dress is degrading to women because dresses are more often than not worn by females. If you're picking up what I'm laying down.

tcrunch's quote gets into it a little. OP is in now way implying dress=degrading, but that's how they take it cause that's how it's been portrayed for the longest time.

 

[injurai]

Huh? But the joke is that his date is a dude.

Guy buying a dress for a date is a bit of a trope, at least it was in years gone by. So I think they are being sensitive to the fact he's invoking it as joke with another guy. Which I guess make it at the expense of woman...

that's the only way I can make sense of it. Op should provide some screen caps with the names blurred out. So we can see the language of the parties involved.

 

[Truant]

These bitches are craving some serious D, mirite bros?

 

[esms]

It's even worse in the context of a joke because it portrays the jokers as individuals who are unwilling to give the matter the importance they feel it deserves. Unless the comedy comes from a professional to whom the benefit of doubt (and sometimes the lenience to permit serious offence for the benefit of the joke) is given, turning something into a joke does little to show care for any subject matter, especially when the audience perceives the jokers to be the principal offenders. I bet two mornings that the OP isn't intimate with the women in question, or at least not intimate enough that such jolly playfulness would be taken lightly.

On one end, she could have taken the matter in a lighter manner, but on the other end perhaps she feels strong enough about the subject that the op did offend her. I know i'm offended by relatively small stuff, but seeing others discuss those things as the small and insignificant stuff they are really puts me off.

That's an interesting take. I've always found the opposite. Denigrating the issue I could see, but that's tough to infer from a simple joke. Who says he doesn't take women's issues seriously?

If I, as a man, can joke about buying a dress for a male date, and at the end of the joke we both laugh, isn't that acceptance? Wouldn't it be the opposite if, instead of my jokingly male date laughing, he got offended that I'd even joke about buying him a dress?

I don't know. I think we're going to have different opinions on this.

 

[Summer Haze]

Sometimes people just look for things to get "offended" by. I wouldn't give them the time of day.

 

[Joni]

Occam's razor: your post was sexist and you're the one missing it.

 

[ThatGuyAgain]

Just post again saying that you meant to say Kilt.

 

[collige]

OP, can you post the full text of the conversation?

 

[Maffis]

The ones that message you are unhealthy in the mind. Just ignore them.

 

[michaelius]

Are you sure those are your friends ?

 

[jasonng]

Are you sure those are your friends ?

This is a facebook group. You can be in a facebook group with people you don't personally know.

 

[SummitAve]

Double down on said jokes.

 

[AudioNoir]

Tell em you're offended that they think only women are allowed to wear dresses. They're pushing gender roles!

 

[Joni]

This is a facebook group. You can be in a facebook group with people you don't personally know.

Even his female friend told him it was sexist.

 

[iammeiam]

Screen cap and post the thread.

Yeah, this. The paraphrasing sounds totally innocent but I'd be interested to see the original comment to see if there's more going on or some poor phrasing.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Tell them to piss off.

 

[jasonng]

Even his female friend told him it was sexist.

OP never said friend.

 

[Aurongel]

They're offended by it because they want to be offended by it. It's not feminism, it's misplaced concerns being distorted into something petty.

Don't waste your time. Unless of course you're omitting details or context...

 

[Kraftwerk]

Here a screencap of what said before I got messages from the women. Sorry about the shitty censoring, on my phone. Name and locations edited out.

Hell, now that I reread it it is even more baffling to me.

We has actually had conversations with members a while ego to go for a meet up,and even having people bring dates so the group can grow. I found that restaurant, and its name is similar to something in our group. So I thought it was a good location.

The person who said it fits very well is the friend that I commenced about, for whom I said I bought the dress.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

What a bizarre thing to be upset about.

"You can't use 'dresses' in humor! It's our word!"

Said no one ever.

What kind of group is this that random old ladies are joined up with you? College alumni?

Edit: Screencap seems innocent enough.

 

[cacildo]

Facebook
Not even once.

Yep

 

[Joni]

OP never said friend.

He did.

Because I told a female friend about it, who is also part of the group, and she messaged me saying how she agrees with them. Really bothered me. Just trying to see why anyone would be oddfendes by this.

 

[Charles Alan Ratliff]

Ignore them. Life must be really hard for them already if something so innocuous bothers them that much. It's not worth a second of your time.

 

[LakeEarth]

One time my girlfriend couldn't open a jar of salsa, and I said something like "time for the man to shine" and her friend took offense to it. It's like stepping on eggshells.

 

[Fury451]

You monster.

Spoiler

I really don't see anything offensive at all.

The joke is so benign it's almost easy to miss completely.

 

[itsgreen]

And how is this sexist again?

It is a joke. And I liked it. Good for you OP.

 

[Simply Sarah]

Here a screencap of what said before I got messages from the women. Sorry about the shitty censoring, on my phone. Name and locations edited out.

Hell, now that I reread it it is even more baffling to me.

We has actually had conversations with members a while ego to go for a meet up,and even having people bring dates so the group can grow. I found that restaurant, and its name is similar to something in our group. So I thought it was a good location.

The person who said it fits very well is the friend that I commenced about, for whom I said I bought the dress.

...yeah, I've got nothing. If anything, this looks even more innocuous than how you originally paraphrased.

 

[family_guy]

Because I told a female friend about it, who is also part of the group, and she messaged me saying how she agrees with them. Really bothered me. Just trying to see why anyone would be oddfendes by this.

That's that hive mind mentality. I've had plenty of times where I was clearly right about something and a woman was wrong and the other females who were around would side with the woman or just wouldn't say anything even if they agreed with me.

 

[Extra Sauce]

My reply would be "Sorry you feel that way.It was not my intention to offend you, but I respectfully disagree that my comment was sexist."

You forgot "you asshole" at the end of that sentence.

 

[injurai]

Wow... they way you said it reads more like "I'm taken sorry."

 

[Keri]

Here a screencap of what said before I got messages from the women. Sorry about the shitty censoring, on my phone. Name and locations edited out.

Thanks for posting the screencap. For what it's worth, I don't see it as offensive and I think you did a great job censoring out names with your phone.

 

[jasonng]

He did.

Oh whoops, miss that post.

OP, what did your friend say? I really don't see anything offensive about your post.

 

[Siegcram]

Well that's a whole lot of nothing.

Apparently reading "dress" just short-circuited their brains.

 

[Perspicacity]

OP never said friend.

Because I told a female friend about it, who is also part of the group, and she messaged me saying how she agrees with them. Really bothered me. Just trying to see why anyone would be oddfendes by this.

.

 

[iammeiam]

Here a screencap of what said before I got messages from the women. Sorry about the shitty censoring, on my phone. Name and locations edited out.

Hell, now that I reread it it is even more baffling to me.

We has actually had conversations with members a while ego to go for a meet up,and even having people bring dates so the group can grow. I found that restaurant, and its name is similar to something in our group. So I thought it was a good location.

The person who said it fits very well is the friend that I commenced about, for whom I said I bought the dress.

Yeah that's not bad. They should take a breath.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Yeah its even more tame than I imagined, lol.

 

[Orbis Tabula]

I'm trying to figure it out and I just can't.

The only explanation I can imagine, and it's a big stretch, is that they don't like that you bought your date a dress. Like it's sexist that a man has to buy a dress for the woman and she can't do it herself. Or that she has to wear something pretty to be a man's date. Or maybe it has to do with you buying dinner and making the other guy wear the dress. Like you're saying women don't pay for dinner, only men do.

I dunno.

 

[Simply Sarah]

In any case, all I can suggest is to try and talk to some of these people and see if you can better understand how they read your comment, since to me it seems they're reading a ton into it that's not there. Hopefully this misunderstanding can be resolved and everyone can better understand where the other side is coming from. And if not then welp.

 

[Kinyou]

Why would this make anyone feel insecure about dresses? This is so weird

 

[Prologue]

Should have made a main post that everyone can see, asking why such and such girls(by name) think your comment is sexist.



Gotta let the idiocy show sometimes.

 

[kirblar]

Are any of these people from conservative religious/cultural background that would disallow wearing dresses altogether?