Known her for two years. Worked with her for a short period. Hell, I remember back then she had said multiple times how much she enjoys working with me. This is the thing that is bothering me most about all of this. To throw out a friendship over something so minor. We have had no other arguments in the past, like ever.
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Getting messages for being sexist due to a post I made
- Thread starter Kraftwerk
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Known her for two years. Worked with her for a short period. Hell, I remember back then she had said multiple times how much she enjoys working with me. This is the thing that is bothering me most about all of this. To throw out a friendship over something so minor. We have had no other arguments in the past, like ever.
Haha, solid tactic. Never thought of it that way. But, then again, I hate conceding when I think I'm right.
DoktorEvil
Banned
I don't think she valued your friendship as much as you valued hers, but you'd know better than a stranger would.
So if she was willing to cut you at a moment's notice, I'd deduce that your friendship wasn't very close.
Eeeh. I can see her point but her overreaction is hilarious and her stubbornness to not talk it out with you is sad. I can see how your comments can imply what she thinks it means. Dude in a dress is funny because it's not a thing guys typically wear and because the dress is the point of the joke, you can infer a negative connotation with wearing dresses which in turn is negative towards women.
However, that doesn't really warrant her reaction and her inability to just talk it out with you.
However, that doesn't really warrant her reaction and her inability to just talk it out with you.
I think to make that a fair assumption we'd have to see the rest of his PM conversation between OP and this person.
Why can't guys wear dresses?
NoMoreTrolls
Banned
Bro if your friendship couldn't survive a fairly innocuous post like that, then it wasn't a friendship, full stop.
That's the thing about Facebook... Beyond a few close friends and colleagues, it's a collection of various acquaintances that you would have otherwise lost touch with if the service didn't exist. One shouldn't seek any sort of validation from those people, because really, who the fuck cares what some random person you barely know thinks? If everyone treated it as such and wasn't chomping at the bit to get offended by every little thing, the world would be a better place.
Don't stress about it, don't befriend weak sissies with nanometer thin skin.
That's the thing about Facebook... Beyond a few close friends and colleagues, it's a collection of various acquaintances that you would have otherwise lost touch with if the service didn't exist. One shouldn't seek any sort of validation from those people, because really, who the fuck cares what some random person you barely know thinks? If everyone treated it as such and wasn't chomping at the bit to get offended by every little thing, the world would be a better place.
Don't stress about it, don't befriend weak sissies with nanometer thin skin.
DoktorEvil
Banned
Sure, but for the information ascertained so far, I find it reasonably safe to determine that she only wishes to be friends/acquaintances that agree with her purview.
I didn't say that? I just said it's not typical and generally seen as something to be laughed at from many things I've seen, sitcoms and stuff. That is the general implication of a dude in a dress, at least, or what appears to be the general consensus amongst people. So her thinking it is meant to be humorous makes sense.
Sure if that's the case there's nothing wrong with that.
I know, but this is why her reaction doesn't make sense. I don't see at all where she is coming from at all.
NoMoreTrolls
Banned
That's a person's prerogative, but it's still small minded. I reject your assertion that there's nothing wrong with that. Just because someone is well within their rights to behave a certain way, it doesn't make them any less wrong.
I'm sure all you do is spend your free time with people that make you mad for some reason.
I don't think you did anything wrong here. While your post might be seen as a tiny bit insensitive to transwomen or queer men who like to wear dresses, it's very obvious that no malice was intended.
It's important to be sensitive to other peoples' concerns, but this is a case where you have to accept that some people really can be offended by anything.
It's important to be sensitive to other peoples' concerns, but this is a case where you have to accept that some people really can be offended by anything.
DoktorEvil
Banned
It's not about being right or wrong. Slight disagreements between good friends should not lead to the breaking up of a friendship. A solid friendship can and should last beyond slight disagreements. Otherwise, they're just acquaintances, at best.
Kuro Madoushi
Unconfirmed Member
Arguing with those people is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After the first few hours, you realize they enjoy it.
NoMoreTrolls
Banned
Yeah, sure, that's what I said.
I just don't get mad at stupid petty bullshit, so my friends don't consist of people with anemic worldviews.
I'm out of gold stars so I owe you one for being able to enforce your own prerogative for yourself. Way to go. 🎉
NoMoreTrolls
Banned
Edit: never mind not worth it
BreezyLimbo
Banned
Tell your friend to never go to Scotland or Ireland. I hear they wear skirts over there. She might have a heart attack.
wanderingprostheyltite
Member
They sound like morons. Just looking to get offended at the slightest provocation (which you weren't doing). Unfriend.
OverBlood 3
Banned
Send her a picture of some poo wearing a little waistcoat, she'll be so confused she'll probably delete facebook forever.
Admiral Woofington
Member
let's be politically incorrect together bebbis <3
borborygmus
Member
In this case, I blame it on opportunists who use social issues to go on power trips.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
The screencap was even tamer than the OP made his joke seem. Yeah, I don't get it either and I'm pretty damn feminist.
Al-ibn Kermit
Junior Member
Well from what little I have seen and remember about you, you do seem like a nice guy and that comment was so tame so I wouldn't be worried about that actually being rude or sexist. You could try explaining it to them that you would assume it's sarcasm about female tropes is so obvious that it would not seem obvious. It's honestly surprising that anyone would raise a stink about that comment.
timetokill
Banned
OP, simply respond by saying you're not sure what the problem is. Then ask her if she wants you to buy her a dress.
What is so hard about saying "sorry didn't mean it that way. I see where you're coming from"
It's possible to have empathy without agreeing with someone but everyone gets so fucking uppity when someone dares challenge their own sensibilities that they refuse to acknowledge how what they say and do might be interpreted by someone else.
Did you say anything wrong? Not in my book but apologising isn't always an admission of guilt.
Did she overreact with her initial message? Maybe. Unfriending you? Definitely. But it could have been avoided pretty easily.
"I shouldn't have to apologise" really can be the height of narcissism.
Congrats, you fucked up a friendship over your e-pride.
It's possible to have empathy without agreeing with someone but everyone gets so fucking uppity when someone dares challenge their own sensibilities that they refuse to acknowledge how what they say and do might be interpreted by someone else.
Did you say anything wrong? Not in my book but apologising isn't always an admission of guilt.
Did she overreact with her initial message? Maybe. Unfriending you? Definitely. But it could have been avoided pretty easily.
"I shouldn't have to apologise" really can be the height of narcissism.
Congrats, you fucked up a friendship over your e-pride.
I'm going to take a stab at what they might be thinking here.
I think they are reading your guys joking as wearing a dress being embarassing so it's something to laugh about that you'd ever do (as if you'd ever do that hahahaha). Or being seen as doing something female like is being embarassing (it's ok for females cause they are the "lesser" being). I'm guessing they're taking it as when guys insult each other (even jokingly) by trying to equate the other with something feminine.
Put it this way. Female stuff is seen as "lesser". It's insulting to most guys to be equated wtih female stuff. You may say, "That's cause I'm not a female". But speaking as a tomboy, it's a lot less insulting to like guy stuff if you are a female. In fact, some people will outright see you as superior to a girly girl because you like the "good stuff". I remember my dad's friends being all congratulatory to me for not liking that stupid girly stuff and liking real stuff (like cars and planes). Try being a guy who likes dolls and girly stuff... you aren't going to get near as many people encouraging you or even writing you as characters that are "cool" (lots of cool tomboys in kids literature). That is kinda changing now (I've at least seen people calling out that attitude), but even when I was growing up, it was thought nothing to make fun of guys who like dolls. Though as a kid I met one kid who was such and I just thought it was amusing that I was a girl who liked boy stuff and he was a boy who liked girl stuff (I guess liking the kind of stuff you are stereotyped not to makes you more open to some one who also doesn't fit the mold? Especially if in some way he's similar to you in how he doesn't fit the mold). Hell, I remember reading a story of a mother whose kid liked some pink piece of clothing and how she ranted how many people came up to her and were horrified she'd let him wear that (where as most people thought nothing of me wearing jeans and never dresses or liking cars and didn't try to say I should be raised differently).
Female stuff is seen as inferior and it's ok for females cause they are inferior. But a guy shouldn't lower himself to doing female stuff.
That's probably what they are seeing when you are joking about wearing dresses in a way to say, "As if we'd do that!".
I think they are reading your guys joking as wearing a dress being embarassing so it's something to laugh about that you'd ever do (as if you'd ever do that hahahaha). Or being seen as doing something female like is being embarassing (it's ok for females cause they are the "lesser" being). I'm guessing they're taking it as when guys insult each other (even jokingly) by trying to equate the other with something feminine.
Put it this way. Female stuff is seen as "lesser". It's insulting to most guys to be equated wtih female stuff. You may say, "That's cause I'm not a female". But speaking as a tomboy, it's a lot less insulting to like guy stuff if you are a female. In fact, some people will outright see you as superior to a girly girl because you like the "good stuff". I remember my dad's friends being all congratulatory to me for not liking that stupid girly stuff and liking real stuff (like cars and planes). Try being a guy who likes dolls and girly stuff... you aren't going to get near as many people encouraging you or even writing you as characters that are "cool" (lots of cool tomboys in kids literature). That is kinda changing now (I've at least seen people calling out that attitude), but even when I was growing up, it was thought nothing to make fun of guys who like dolls. Though as a kid I met one kid who was such and I just thought it was amusing that I was a girl who liked boy stuff and he was a boy who liked girl stuff (I guess liking the kind of stuff you are stereotyped not to makes you more open to some one who also doesn't fit the mold? Especially if in some way he's similar to you in how he doesn't fit the mold). Hell, I remember reading a story of a mother whose kid liked some pink piece of clothing and how she ranted how many people came up to her and were horrified she'd let him wear that (where as most people thought nothing of me wearing jeans and never dresses or liking cars and didn't try to say I should be raised differently).
Female stuff is seen as inferior and it's ok for females cause they are inferior. But a guy shouldn't lower himself to doing female stuff.
That's probably what they are seeing when you are joking about wearing dresses in a way to say, "As if we'd do that!".
You act like a friendship destroyed by something this stupid was worth keeping with a forced apology. I'm sure he would have apologized if she actually went into detail about what she found so offensive.
There's nothing forced about saying sorry when someone's taken offence to something you've said.
Making a blanket statement about the quality of their friendship based on what's happened here is pretty dumb.
MisterNoisy
Member
Run away from the people that freaked out about it - people that get offended recreationally (or solely in search of likes/reblogs/retweets) are no fun.
timetokill
Banned
Why you should lie if you don't, in fact, see where they're coming from?
Multiple posters in this thread have explained how what the OP posted could be construed as offensive.
Now the OP has every right to claim that that's not what he meant but if he's read those posts, he can't claim to not understand.
MisterNoisy
Member
Sure he can - I've seen people get offended for completely incomprehensible reasons innumerable times - I don't doubt that they feel offended, but that doesn't make their offense sensible.
Why is this even a big deal?
Unfriend/Block. The end? Why does this even have to be a discussion topic.
That whole thing was so stupid. Instead of celebrating a grand achievement as the human civilization, we turned our worry to a shirt and if it was sexist or not and how it affects the STEM field.
People always look to get offended by something.
Unfriend/Block. The end? Why does this even have to be a discussion topic.
Just make a heart felt video apology and post it to the Facebook page. Don't forget to let the waterworks flow. Then show up to dinner in this shirt.
That whole thing was so stupid. Instead of celebrating a grand achievement as the human civilization, we turned our worry to a shirt and if it was sexist or not and how it affects the STEM field.
People always look to get offended by something.
not psycho
Member
Not a Nirvana fan I guess.
It's kind of sad that guys talking about wearing a dress, with no belittling, and no homophobia, would be called offensive. Being comfortable with that seems like a good sign in overcoming negative gender roles. Like... hey, there's nothing wrong with wearing a dress.
It would be totally different if the response was "fuck you" instead of "fits very well, thank you."
It's kind of sad that guys talking about wearing a dress, with no belittling, and no homophobia, would be called offensive. Being comfortable with that seems like a good sign in overcoming negative gender roles. Like... hey, there's nothing wrong with wearing a dress.
It would be totally different if the response was "fuck you" instead of "fits very well, thank you."
Would you post this in a thread concerning transexual or racial bigotry?
You seem offended.
I'll take that as a no.
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