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girl-age, the indications and signals

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Something about gaf's relationship advice is strangely fatalistic. Following this advice it's as if the OP can in no way make her like him. So either he has to ask her out, get shot down and move on or just accept friendship zone. Why is it so impossible for him to work his magic and woo her on a few outings? She was in a relationship when he confessed his feelings for her but she was with another dude and who knows where she was emotionally at that point in time. So it didn't work out and that was that. But people change emotionally and who's to say the two aren't compatible right now if he plays it cool?

Edit: I should add that the reason I feel strongly about this is because apathetic advice can kill a good thing from ever developing and I've been in his position. The girl I was pursuing just needed a good reason to like me, she needed me to prove compatibility. And compatibility doesn't lie dormant in people, it's something you develop. Being 'do or die' about this situation is stupid because realistically those are not the only two options available.
 
hteng said:
so, i've known this girl for 20 years+, we both share same interests, i like her, don't think she cheats or anything since she's always buried in her work (arts and stuff). She knows i like her, i've confessed my feelings to her before but it seems my timing is always off, some guy always get there first somehow. She should be currently in a relationship.

so out of the blue she asked me out for lunch, and we had a pretty decent chat, she seems sincere, even asked me join dinner with her sister on monday. I never asked about her relationship nor did she talked about it.

now, this girl never dates other guys if she's in a relationship, this struck me as odd, is she up to something? has she broke up her relationship, am i a rebound guy? or is she just out to socialize with some male friends?

tl:dr, girl in a relationship, starts asking me out which strikes me as odd, do i confront her about her relationship? or just observe?
Click to expand...

It sounds like she just wants to hang out, from what I'm reading. I suppose the only thing anyone can do properly at this moment is to wait it out and see what will happen. Don't go in too hopeful.
 
justjohn said:
You must be like 40something ;/
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2duyvrd.gif
 
You should be more confident and take more risks. I don't see why you didn't just ask her about her relationship status the first time you hung out. Playing it safe by avoiding confronting the issue is only going to confuse her and complicate things further down the road.

As an aside, my best advice to any and all straight guys seeking a relationship is don't be friends with girls. Once you get a steady girlfriend, it's okay, but if you are single don't be friends and let yourself get close with girls.
 
Salvor.Hardin said:
Something about gaf's relationship advice is strangely fatalistic. Following this advice it's as if the OP can in no way make her like him. So either he has to ask her out, get shot down and move on or just accept friendship zone. Why is it so impossible for him to work his magic and woo her on a few outings? She was in a relationship when he confessed his feelings for her but she was with another dude and who knows where she was emotionally at that point in time. So it didn't work out and that was that. But people change emotionally and who's to say the two aren't compatible right now if he plays it cool?

Edit: I should add that the reason I feel strongly about this is because apathetic advice can kill a good thing from ever developing and I've been in his position. The girl I was pursuing just needed a good reason to like me, she needed me to prove compatibility. And compatibility doesn't lie dormant in people, it's something you develop. Being 'do or die' about this situation is stupid because realistically those are not the only two options available.
Click to expand...

The reason relationship-GAF is often brutally honest with people is because it's what most people need to hear. A lot of guys who aren't experienced in relationships have this idea that if they just keep hanging around a girl that they like, that eventually she will make the first move. Or, they decide to simply emotionally ejaculate their pent-up feelings for their crush, despite never having been on an actual date. Countless experiences have shown that 99% of the time, relationships do not start that way. Generally, unless you act like "not you" whenever you're around them, there's very little you can do to convince a girl that you're attractive if you weren't already.

The advice here isn't apathetic; it's "shit or get off the pot." Dragging things out with a girl is just an easy way to build up false hope, waste time, and crush confidence.

Life is much easier if you're direct with your actions. If you like a girl, ask her out. If she says no, move on to the next one. You do not wait 6 months or 3 years (there was an actual thread where this happened) for her to eventually come around and see you for the shining beacon of awesomeness that you are. If she doesn't want you, that's her loss, you can both move on just being friends or never speaking to each other again, but at least you don't have regrets.

Count Dookkake said:
From the OP, I don't get the impression that you've ever dated anyone. I'm guessing you are a mid-30s virgin. Is that close to the truth?
Click to expand...

Mid 20's actually from what I've been able to piece together.
 
Count Dookkake said:
Yes. Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.
Click to expand...

Perhaps I'm slow and I just don't see the corollary, but you called him a mid-30s virgin. How is that supposed to teach him anything?
 
Salvor.Hardin said:
Perhaps I'm slow and I just don't see the corollary, but you called him a mid-30s virgin. How is that supposed to teach him anything?
Click to expand...

Yes, you may be a bit slow. :P

I asked him a question. If he answers it, then GAF can better aid him.

If it turns out he is an older virgin, or has only had one girlfriend a long time ago, or something equally sad, then giving him advice just about this particular girl is a waste of everyone's time. He would need to be taught how to interact with women in general, rather than focusing on this one unwinnable scenario.
 
Count Dookkake said:
Yes, you may be a bit slow. :P

I asked him a question. If he answers it, then GAF can better aid him.

If it turns out he is an older virgin, or has only had one girlfriend a long time ago, or something equally sad, then giving him advice just about this particular girl is a waste of everyone's time. He would need to be taught how to interact with women in general, rather than focusing on this one unwinnable scenario.
Click to expand...

Good point. I agree and I think that advice regarding how he can support himself with women in general would be better suited for him. But I think that's regardless of his age.
 
Count Dookkake said:
From the OP, I don't get the impression that you've ever dated anyone. I'm guessing you are a mid-30s virgin. Is that close to the truth?
Click to expand...

i'm 29, i've dated back in the my 20s, just never really had a solid relationships back then. not a virgin, i'm just kinda conservative i guess, i only do it with girls i really liked, which is like.. 1 lol, which broke up in the end sadly (we're good friends now).
 
esquire said:
As an aside, my best advice to any and all straight guys seeking a relationship is don't be friends with girls. Once you get a steady girlfriend, it's okay, but if you are single don't be friends and let yourself get close with girls.
Click to expand...

Where is the :lol smiley.

Worst advice ever.

In fact a lot of this thread is just awful.

Look OP you like this girl right? Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't feel the same way, move the hell on. As for the other advice in this thread, jeez guys try to at least appear less bitter.
 
hteng said:
she seems sincere, even asked me join dinner with her sister
Click to expand...
Means nothing bro.

Definitely hit on her sister, though if she's cute. If the girl you like acts jealous, then she's possibly into you. If she doesn't, then you've also got your answer and you might actually get some action.
 
Salvor.Hardin said:
Something about gaf's relationship advice is strangely fatalistic. Following this advice it's as if the OP can in no way make her like him. So either he has to ask her out, get shot down and move on or just accept friendship zone. Why is it so impossible for him to work his magic and woo her on a few outings? She was in a relationship when he confessed his feelings for her but she was with another dude and who knows where she was emotionally at that point in time. So it didn't work out and that was that. But people change emotionally and who's to say the two aren't compatible right now if he plays it cool?

Edit: I should add that the reason I feel strongly about this is because apathetic advice can kill a good thing from ever developing and I've been in his position. The girl I was pursuing just needed a good reason to like me, she needed me to prove compatibility. And compatibility doesn't lie dormant in people, it's something you develop. Being 'do or die' about this situation is stupid because realistically those are not the only two options available.
Click to expand...
Because if he had any magic he would have used it in the last 20 years or so.
 
Salvor.Hardin said:
Something about gaf's relationship advice is strangely fatalistic. Following this advice it's as if the OP can in no way make her like him. So either he has to ask her out, get shot down and move on or just accept friendship zone. Why is it so impossible for him to work his magic and woo her on a few outings? She was in a relationship when he confessed his feelings for her but she was with another dude and who knows where she was emotionally at that point in time. So it didn't work out and that was that. But people change emotionally and who's to say the two aren't compatible right now if he plays it cool?

Edit: I should add that the reason I feel strongly about this is because apathetic advice can kill a good thing from ever developing and I've been in his position. The girl I was pursuing just needed a good reason to like me, she needed me to prove compatibility. And compatibility doesn't lie dormant in people, it's something you develop. Being 'do or die' about this situation is stupid because realistically those are not the only two options available.
Click to expand...

Well, let's see here:

1. He's known her 20+ years and nothing has ever happened between them.
2. He's asked her out and got denied, because his timing is always off miraculously.
3. He thinks going to dinner with her and the sister is a "date" and implies that it's cheating.
4. Doesn't even know if she has a boyfriend or not, which speaks volumes about the amount of dialog they have between them. (How do you not know the relationship status of a friend, male or female?)

Yeah. What was I thinking? The dude is in like Flin.
 
welp turns out it's just me thinking too much, she just wanted to socialize with other people and it's pretty normal for her to be going out with guy-friends. I've laid out all my cards, said if we're not gonna go forward in this relationship, best we avoid going on alone anymore, she took it quite well and said she's committed to her current relationship and practically admitted i'm being friendzoned (well not directly). Now that's cleared up everyone can move on.

thanks gaf for the advise, particularly the ones that got it right. Hats down to you guys

from now on it's no more mister nice guy, i'll be playing myself out and into the dating thread lol
 
hteng said:
welp turns out it's just me thinking too much, she just wanted to socialize with other people and it's pretty normal for her to be going out with guy-friends. I've laid out all my cards, said if we're not gonna go forward in this relationship, best we avoid going on alone anymore, she took it quite well and said she's committed to her current relationship and practically admitted i'm being friendzoned (well not directly). Now that's cleared up everyone can move on.

thanks gaf for the advise, particularly the ones that got it right. Hats down to you guys

from now on it's no more mister nice guy, i'll be playing myself out and into the dating thread lol
Click to expand...
So what's the story with the sister? You don't like her?

Edit:BTW don't cut this girl off. She might just have a friend one day looking for a guy just like you. The more female friends you have, the better, when you're looking to meet girls.
 
Act as if you just won the lottery but haven't told anyone yet.

Think about that. This is actually generally good advice for anyone anytime though.
 
freddy said:
So what's the story with the sister? You don't like her?

Edit:BTW don't cut this girl off. She might just have a friend one day looking for a guy just like you. The more female friends you have, the better, when you're looking to meet girls.
Click to expand...

well the sister had some business discussion with another guy, so we both went to the pub upstairs and chat it out.

like i said, the sister is a business oriented high status sorta woman, they were talkin about property investment for the whole time while we treat ourselves upstairs to some drinks.
 
I haven't read evey response here yet but I just want to point out a few things about females that should help the OP in this thread and maybe a few other lost souls.

These are a given with every female, I haven't met one exception to this rule yet.

1. Females love male attention.
2. Females love male attention from both someone they're dating AND guys they are not dating.
3. Most females are completely satisfied with the level of male attention they get while in a relationship and do not go seeking it elsewhere.
4. When a female is no longer in a relationship with a male, this burning desire for male attention claws at their very being.
5. Females in need, and with no immediate males around for attention will always, always always reach out to males from their past, friend or ex in hopes to get a compliment or two.
6. Do not fall for the guise, this is simply females scratching an itch they have, very similar to you having to beat off regularly. It just has to be done.

Lastly, the most important rule when it comes to females is this.

7. If you have to ask, the answer is ALWAYS, No.

In the OPs situation, lets look at the facts. He's been crushing on her for 20 years... 20 years. He has spilled the beans to this girl, so she is well aware of his feelings. However, through 2 decades she has managed to keep things as a friend relationship. It seems the OP has always just 'missed' his opportunity with her between other boyfriends. This is incorrect, girls don't mess this kind of thing up. OP has always been her friend and will always be her friend.

In the latest meet and greet, the OP finds out she is maybe single again. What does she do? She calls him for lunch, and possibly dinner with someone else there?

1. Red flag, she simply phoned you to hang out of the blue? This is basic male attention grabbing at its finest. Nothing wrong it per say, but ... its right there, clear as day.
2. She probably already exhausted her other male outlets.
3. She KNOWS she can get that sweet male attention from the OP and keep her distance at the same time.
4. How? Because she's been doing it for 20 years.

OP, my advice is to save everyone but mainly yourself a heap of time, and worry. Call her after you read this message, call her and ask her flat out if she is single and if she was wanting to hang out because she is interested. This shouldn't be hard to do at all, I mean you've known her for 20 years ... do it. She sounds like a like minded person, but you need to cut through the BS sometimes to get an answer, thus is the dance men and women play with trying to relate and understand one another.

Wondering this or that, asking strangers on the internet is going to do nothing. My opinion is that she is just using the ruse of being a female to be coy and just mysteryous enough to drag you along just long enough for her to latch onto another male. Nothing wrong with this, I am no knocking women, but this is a pattern I havent' seen an exception for.

Girls are like monkeys and men are the branches they swing on. They will NEVER let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next. Never forget this.
 
Salvor.Hardin said:
Something about gaf's relationship advice is strangely fatalistic. Following this advice it's as if the OP can in no way make her like him. So either he has to ask her out, get shot down and move on or just accept friendship zone. Why is it so impossible for him to work his magic and woo her on a few outings? She was in a relationship when he confessed his feelings for her but she was with another dude and who knows where she was emotionally at that point in time. So it didn't work out and that was that. But people change emotionally and who's to say the two aren't compatible right now if he plays it cool?

Edit: I should add that the reason I feel strongly about this is because apathetic advice can kill a good thing from ever developing and I've been in his position. The girl I was pursuing just needed a good reason to like me, she needed me to prove compatibility. And compatibility doesn't lie dormant in people, it's something you develop. Being 'do or die' about this situation is stupid because realistically those are not the only two options available.
Click to expand...


It doesn't work that way. Women either like you, or they don't. Now, you can spend a small amount of time trying to gauge this interest. But any energy spent on 'woo-ing' is wasted. And I've personally grown too proud for that I guess (perhaps also because I've learned it's utterly useless).
 
xxjuicesxx said:
Act as if you just won the lottery but haven't told anyone yet.

Think about that. This is actually generally good advice for anyone anytime though.
Click to expand...

Ha, that is good advice for the flirtatiously challenged .
 
GAF

I will precurse this story by saying that this is a true story.

A girl was over at my house that I know. We have always just been buds. She is very hot. Anyways, she was over at my place one night and I was playing my Wii for a while and she was watching. I was sitting on a chair in front of my TV and she was sitting on the couch behind me under some blankets. So I kept talking to her and we were having this really boring convo, when I turn off the game. She pushes the covers off and is only in her underwear. He shirt is also set so that her boobs are showing out. She slowly pulled her pants up and then didn't button them. She then said something like "my breasts are falling out of my shirt."

i didnt do anything

can i haz biggest fail in thread?
 
CoffeeJanitor said:
GAF

I will precurse this story by saying that this is a true story.

A girl was over at my house that I know. We have always just been buds. She is very hot. Anyways, she was over at my place one night and I was playing my Wii for a while and she was watching. I was sitting on a chair in front of my TV and she was sitting on the couch behind me under some blankets. So I kept talking to her and we were having this really boring convo, when I turn off the game. She pushes the covers off and is only in her underwear. He shirt is also set so that her boobs are showing out. She slowly pulled her pants up and then didn't button them. She then said something like "my breasts are falling out of my shirt."

i didnt do anything

can i haz biggest fail in thread?
Click to expand...

Biggest fail.
 
alphaNoid said:
I haven't read evey response here yet but I just want to point out a few things about females that should help the OP in this thread and maybe a few other lost souls.

These are a given with every female, I haven't met one exception to this rule yet.

1. Females love male attention.
2. Females love male attention from both someone they're dating AND guys they are not dating.
3. Most females are completely satisfied with the level of male attention they get while in a relationship and do not go seeking it elsewhere.
4. When a female is no longer in a relationship with a male, this burning desire for male attention claws at their very being.
5. Females in need, and with no immediate males around for attention will always, always always reach out to males from their past, friend or ex in hopes to get a compliment or two.
6. Do not fall for the guise, this is simply females scratching an itch they have, very similar to you having to beat off regularly. It just has to be done.

Lastly, the most important rule when it comes to females is this.

7. If you have to ask, the answer is ALWAYS, No.

In the OPs situation, lets look at the facts. He's been crushing on her for 20 years... 20 years. He has spilled the beans to this girl, so she is well aware of his feelings. However, through 2 decades she has managed to keep things as a friend relationship. It seems the OP has always just 'missed' his opportunity with her between other boyfriends. This is incorrect, girls don't mess this kind of thing up. OP has always been her friend and will always be her friend.

In the latest meet and greet, the OP finds out she is maybe single again. What does she do? She calls him for lunch, and possibly dinner with someone else there?

1. Red flag, she simply phoned you to hang out of the blue? This is basic male attention grabbing at its finest. Nothing wrong it per say, but ... its right there, clear as day.
2. She probably already exhausted her other male outlets.
3. She KNOWS she can get that sweet male attention from the OP and keep her distance at the same time.
4. How? Because she's been doing it for 20 years.

OP, my advice is to save everyone but mainly yourself a heap of time, and worry. Call her after you read this message, call her and ask her flat out if she is single and if she was wanting to hang out because she is interested. This shouldn't be hard to do at all, I mean you've known her for 20 years ... do it. She sounds like a like minded person, but you need to cut through the BS sometimes to get an answer, thus is the dance men and women play with trying to relate and understand one another.

Wondering this or that, asking strangers on the internet is going to do nothing. My opinion is that she is just using the ruse of being a female to be coy and just mysteryous enough to drag you along just long enough for her to latch onto another male. Nothing wrong with this, I am no knocking women, but this is a pattern I havent' seen an exception for.

Girls are like monkeys and men are the branches they swing on. They will NEVER let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next. Never forget this.
Click to expand...

wait wha? im confused, are you saying she's really single and just putting up a show about her being still in an relationship?

women are so hard to understand goddam
 
CoffeeJanitor said:
GAF

I will precurse this story by saying that this is a true story.

A girl was over at my house that I know. We have always just been buds. She is very hot. Anyways, she was over at my place one night and I was playing my Wii for a while and she was watching. I was sitting on a chair in front of my TV and she was sitting on the couch behind me under some blankets. So I kept talking to her and we were having this really boring convo, when I turn off the game. She pushes the covers off and is only in her underwear. He shirt is also set so that her boobs are showing out. She slowly pulled her pants up and then didn't button them. She then said something like "my breasts are falling out of my shirt."

i didnt do anything

can i haz biggest fail in thread?
Click to expand...


She was probably trying to make a point and I suspect, had you tried anything, she would have been like 'dude what are you doing?'.

Can't imagine her getting all hot and bothered from a guy playing a fucking Wii.
 
Fallout-NL said:
She was probably trying to make a point and I suspect, had you tried anything, she would have been like 'dude what are you doing?'.
Click to expand...
She was trying to make a point...


... in his pants.
 
Fallout-NL said:
She was probably trying to make a point and I suspect, had you tried anything, she would have been like 'dude what are you doing?'.

Can't imagine her getting all hot and bothered from a guy playing a fucking Wii.
Click to expand...
True. She had been giving me eyes and flipping her hair and ish all day, and there was other stuff.

What do you mean by "make a point"?

thanks
 
CoffeeJanitor said:
GAF
I will precurse this story by saying that this is a true story.
A girl was over at my house that I know. We have always just been buds. She is very hot. Anyways, she was over at my place one night and I was playing my Wii for a while and she was watching. I was sitting on a chair in front of my TV and she was sitting on the couch behind me under some blankets. So I kept talking to her and we were having this really boring convo, when I turn off the game. She pushes the covers off and is only in her underwear. He shirt is also set so that her boobs are showing out. She slowly pulled her pants up and then didn't button them. She then said something like "my breasts are falling out of my shirt."
i didnt do anything
can i haz biggest fail in thread?
Click to expand...

Hand your testicles over to the nearest medical center.

Somewhere, out there, someone is in desperate need of them, and yours aren't being used at all.
 
CoffeeJanitor said:
True. She had been giving me eyes and flipping her hair and ish all day, and there was other stuff.

What do you mean by "make a point"?

thanks
Click to expand...


The point, I think, was that she would have liked you to focus your attention on her and the conversation instead of a video game.

However, I don't know you and I don't know her. There might be the possibility of you having blown a perfect opportunity to have some fun. Although, in light of the rest of this thread, girls usually make this kind of stuff happen when they actually feel like it.
 
Fallout-NL said:
The point, I think, was that she would have liked you to focus your attention on her and the conversation instead of a video game.

However, I don't know you and I don't know her. There might be the possibility of you having blown a perfect opportunity to have some fun. Although, in light of the rest of this thread, girls usually make this kind of stuff happen when they actually feel like it.
Click to expand...
aight
 
hteng said:
so, i've known this girl for 20 years+, we both share same interests, i like her, don't think she cheats or anything since she's always buried in her work (arts and stuff). She knows i like her, i've confessed my feelings to her before but it seems my timing is always off, some guy always get there first somehow. She should be currently in a relationship.

so out of the blue she asked me out for lunch, and we had a pretty decent chat, she seems sincere, even asked me join dinner with her sister on monday. I never asked about her relationship nor did she talked about it.

now, this girl never dates other guys if she's in a relationship, this struck me as odd, is she up to something? has she broke up her relationship, am i a rebound guy? or is she just out to socialize with some male friends?

tl:dr, girl in a relationship, starts asking me out which strikes me as odd, do i confront her about her relationship? or just observe?
Click to expand...
Youv'e known her for 20+ years and you don't get dinner and lunch together? Also she might be trying to hook you up with her sister.
 
Update the OP bro, people read halfway through a thread, get excited and want to comment. I do it all the time :(.
 
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