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I mean, I can understand, to a point. I am introverted by nature as well, and I need my alone time to recharge. That is the definition of introversion to me - it's whether being in a group of people is a draining or an exhilarating thing.

Being in a group is ultimately draining, because I feel like I'm just constantly reaching out, trying to keep a conversation going, trying to stay funny and casual.....it's constantly trying to think of the next question to ask or the next story to tell, or trying to find a place to interject. I'm actually fairly decent at it, but to be honest it feels like more of a performance than a legitimate social interaction. I feel like I can be funny and charming without making an ass out of myself, but at the same time all that energy goes in one direction and never really comes back. It's more a sense of being an emcee or entertainer than it is being a friend.

Think about how comfortable you are around your best friend - you can literally just let it all hang out and not worry about your friend judging you. That is how you need to be, and that is the essence of "just being yourself."

I have maybe 1 or 2 friends that I'm kinda myself around (let's say 80-90% of who I am comes out). But to be honest I've articulated my viewpoints pretty well in this thread and people thought I was somewhere between pathetic and depressing. Granted I was less glib and jovial about it than I normally am, but I think the obvious answer is to be less myself rather than more. I have thus far been described as callous, apathetic, clinical, cynical. I wouldn't argue with those evaluations, and I recognize that I should probably not let those parts of myself through when I'm talking to all but a special few people.

And frankly I prefer "cavalier" to "callous". :lol

The friends I get on with are nearly are cynical and cavalier as I am, though maybe without my mild nihilist streak. That's perhaps why we jive so well, but in mixed company nobody ever lets that side out.....probably because they realize those personality traits are generally pretty repugnant to those that don't share them.

 

[RefigeKru]

Great fucking job man! I always get inspired hearing success stories from (probably average?) guys. Makes me more and more optimistic with each one I read

Congrats again dude!

I have no idea if I'm attractive or not. As dumb as it sounds, I think I have the capacity to look nice, but so does everyone else. I've got maaaaaaaad confidence issues though, I used to have miniature panic attacks reading out poems in my English class about 4-5 years ago. I can't publicly speak or anything along those lines. I used to walk the streets looking at my feet all the time. I'm better than I used to be but still, not even remotely confident in myself.

I felt good today though because I wasn't dressed as I usual would dress, my older brother dressed me up primarily in All Saints attire and I felt pretty good about the way I looked, which obviously showed itself in the way I acted there.

Feels good man.

 

[Asmodai]

Being in a group is ultimately draining, because I feel like I'm just constantly reaching out, trying to keep a conversation going, trying to stay funny and casual.....it's constantly trying to think of the next question to ask or the next story to tell, or trying to find a place to interject. I'm actually fairly decent at it, but to be honest it feels like more of a performance than a legitimate social interaction. I feel like I can be funny and charming without making an ass out of myself, but at the same time all that energy goes in one direction and never really comes back. It's more a sense of being an emcee or entertainer than it is being a friend.

I have maybe 1 or 2 friends that I'm kinda myself around (let's say 80-90% of who I am comes out). But to be honest I've articulated my viewpoints pretty well in this thread and people thought I was somewhere between pathetic and depressing. Granted I was less glib and jovial about it than I normally am, but I think the obvious answer is to be less myself rather than more. I have thus far been described as callous, apathetic, clinical, cynical. I wouldn't argue with those evaluations, and I recognize that I should probably not let those parts of myself through when I'm talking to all but a special few people.

And frankly I prefer "cavalier" to "callous". :lol

The friends I get on with are nearly are cynical and cavalier as I am, though maybe without my mild streak. That's perhaps why we jive so well, but in mixed company nobody ever lets that side out.....probably because they realize those personality traits are generally pretty repugnant to those that don't share them.

Um, if you're referring to my post, that was me describing myself, not you. :lol Hell, I'm nihilistic as well. None of those things necessarily correlate to being anti-social. What you talk about is something different altogether, I think.

I can't understand how someone with your mindset operates, though. Surely you must want to do something, right? You're posting on GAF, why? What motivates you to do this as opposed to something else?

Personally I get bored if I have nothing else to do, and I find doing things with other people much more enjoyable than doing them by myself. Anything is more fun with other people.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

There is insane 'pussy on the pedestal' going on in this thread.

Girls are human beings too. They think pretty similarly to you. When you go up to a girl and ask her out, you aren't asking out this huge mysterious creature that is all-knowing and judging, you're asking out a person with an XX chromosome. They drink too much, have weird hobbies, eat and sleep and are often very insecure.

Sure, sometimes it won't work out when you ask a girl out, and there are lots of reasons for that. When you roll the dice, you can't always expect sixes. you can expect them sometimes though.

Too many people are in awe of women here, when they don't deserve awe due to their gender or their looks. They're just people, no better than you.

NOMG WRONG!!!!!!

you wouldn't put her on the pedastal if she was real? I'd be cupcakin like a motherfucka

 

[Combine]

Combine

You were thinking about what she was thinking about you, instead of what you think about her.

Secondly, all you had to do was sit down, draw two stick figures on a bench talking, hand it to her, and say, "What do you think of my drawing?"

That's it. All the extraneous shit you were thinking and the nervousness you had mean nothing.

Kame-Sennin had some great advice:

I wish I knew how to explain it. But my mind just goes into some kind of zone where it begins to pile stuff on and it becomes so overwhelming that in the end, nothing happens. You're suggestion there with the stick figures, I currently cannot see myself doing that. I wish I could, but I in my current state, I don't think I'd be able to get control of myself to be able to draw stick figures that look any good. Let alone try and hand her something out of the blue.

Combine, I learned today how simple it really is. You can do it man, fuck, failure ain't nothing, but a thang. I can't even describe the amount of times I've done what you've done, flaked on trying it with a girl I like simply because the words won't come and I'm sitting/standing there looking like a fool.

I figured I was due some practice, today I went to...

That is quite a great accomplishment. You did very well with that line at the most opportune time. Everything does just seem so easy when you read about it, yet when it comes down to it, it becomes so complicated and scary. I hope i can find a way to control my fear and uncertainty. I believe the only way that will occur is that I try and do similar things as I did today, and just suffer through the pain, and hopefully learn something. I don't know if I learned anything for sure today though, that kind of worries me. I mean, cause I knew going in that I needed to say something and I didn't. I guess I just have to keep trying and hope that one time I get it right somehow.

There is insane 'pussy on the pedestal' going on in this thread.

Girls are human beings too. They think pretty similarly to you. When you go up to a girl and ask her out, you aren't asking out this huge mysterious creature that is all-knowing and judging, you're asking out a person with an XX chromosome. They drink too much, have weird hobbies, eat and sleep and are often very insecure.

Sure, sometimes it won't work out when you ask a girl out, and there are lots of reasons for that. When you roll the dice, you can't always expect sixes. you can expect them sometimes though.

Too many people are in awe of women here, when they don't deserve awe due to their gender or their looks. They're just people, no better than you.

Speaking from my perspective, the reason I suppose I do this is because, in my outlier case, I've never done any associating with women outside of sructured channels (school/work, and only in the past where I didn't care sadly), never dated, kissed, or even had a friend who happened to be of the opposite sex. So in my mind, it has become a thing where they are almost these mysterious creatures that I have no clue about, because I've never done anything with them. And I do believe they are quite judgemental going by what I've read and seen in the media. So I've therefore put them on a pedestal. I just now need to figure out how to bring them down it seems.

But Combine, please please please do not wait for this to happen. It will not happen often enough for you to get decent socialization practice, and it will never happen when you want or need it to. If you wait for the girl to approach you, you will go home most nights having not talked to anyone and your approach skills will atrophy. That means when you see a girl you really want to talk to, you won't have developed the skill you need to get her

Pretty sure this is exactly what I've been doing the entire time and why I have always gone home every night and moan about nothing every happening. So yeah, I definitely realize that it is a certainty that I will never meet a girl because they approached me first.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Shhh! This is not noob-friendly advice! Now that the cat's out of the bag, yes, sometimes girls will approach you. But Combine, please please please do not wait for this to happen. It will not happen often enough for you to get decent socialization practice, and it will never happen when you want or need it to. If you wait for the girl to approach you, you will go home most nights having not talked to anyone and your approach skills will atrophy. That means when you see a girl you really want to talk to, you won't have developed the skill you need to get her.



Hey, I thought you said to offer to sketch the girl. The line I posted was to reassure her that you weren't sketching her. Either way, I take no credit. I'm sure I didn't make that up :lol

:lol oh yeah i did say that. oh well still stealing it, .

Oh, combine, next time you're drawing tell her you're a really good artist, and u wanna draw her, then draw a stick figure with bewbz!!!!!!!! I saw it on tv, so IT HAS TO WORK!!!

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

I have no idea if I'm attractive or not. As dumb as it sounds, I think I have the capacity to look nice, but so does everyone else. I've got maaaaaaaad confidence issues though, I used to have miniature panic attacks reading out poems in my English class about 4-5 years ago. I can't publicly speak or anything along those lines. I used to walk the streets looking at my feet all the time. I'm better than I used to be but still, not even remotely confident in myself.

I felt good today though because I wasn't dressed as I usual would dress, my older brother dressed me up primarily in All Saints attire and I felt pretty good about the way I looked, which obviously showed itself in the way I acted there.

Feels good man.

Like I told everyone else, to build confidence, focus on the good things about you and pay attention to your perceived short comings. That's how I built up my self-confidence and it works flawlessly. Confidence is knowing yourself and how incredible you are

...Speaking from my perspective, the reason I suppose I do this is because, in my outlier case, I've never done any associating with women outside of sructured channels (school/work, and only in the past where I didn't care sadly), never dated, kissed, or even had a friend who happened to be of the opposite sex. So in my mind, it has become a thing where they are almost these mysterious creatures that I have no clue about, because I've never done anything with them. And I do believe they are quite judgemental going by what I've read and seen in the media. So I've therefore put them on a pedestal. I just now need to figure out how to bring them down it seems.

First, don't believe anything you've read or seen in the media. It's all b.s. All you have to go on is your own reality....and gaf :lol. And so far I'm assuming no women have been judgmental towards you, so get those negative thoughts out of your head.

And you take them off the pedestal by putting yourself on one. Then when you realize they're your equal, it'll be THAT much easier to go up to them.

Pretty sure this is exactly what I've been doing the entire time and why I have always gone home every night and moan about nothing every happening. So yeah, I definitely realize that it is a certainty that I will never meet a girl because they approached me first.

LOL no more negative thoughts man, every girl you meet wants to come up to you, they're just intimidated by you. Remember, you can't type anything negative anymore. Matter fact everytime you say something negative about yourself you have to paypal me ten cents. At this rate, you'll pay my rent for me before the weeks up :lol

 

[Combine]

About dressing. I noticed you guys mentioned this a lot, but I'm afraid I need some information, cause you see, again, as long as I've been alive, I haven't really cared much about my appearance (until I started working out) so I didn't care much about what I wore, usually just jeans, black/brown shoes and some various shirts. I also tend to wear a lot of videogame logo shirts (love my Zelda Twilight Princess shirt).

So I guess, the thing is I have probably zero eye for fashion. Is there a way I can figure out what to wear?

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

About dressing. I noticed you guys mentioned this a lot, but I'm afraid I need some information, cause you see, again, as long as I've been alive, I haven't really cared much about my appearance (until I started working out) so I didn't care much about what I wore, usually just jeans, black/brown shoes and some various shirts. I also tend to wear a lot of videogame logo shirts (love my Zelda Twilight Princess shirt).

So I guess, the thing is I have probably zero eye for fashion. Is there a way I can figure out what to wear?

Go to a dept store, and look for an attractive, well dressed girl that works there and tell her you're trying a new look if she'll help you pick some stuff out. Girls LOVE that shit. Plus, it'll give you a practice in talking to a pretty female and not getting nervous. You'll realize there's nothing special about her.

I had my ex get my a new wardrobe, she was really fashionable, and I can't front, it does make me look a whole lot better.

 

[demon]

One thing I've noticed about girl/dating advice is no matter how much I read and internalize it, it seems to vanish from my mind the second I'm face to face with a girl. I just turn into a total fucking social retard. Like today I was at a cafe I've been to several times before in the past month where this staggeringly cute blonde chick works. I ordered this drink she recommended to me last time I was there and she flashed this gorgeous smile at me and said "So you like that one, huh?". All I could muster up was "yeah.....it's good..."

Really sucks how my brain just locks up when I'm faced with a girl I'm attracted to, on top of how much I suck at conversing with strangers in general.

I really wish there was some sort of real-life equivalent of the therapy experience Peter had in Office Space. Just a quick 30 minutes, I show up, the fat guy puts me in a trance, counts back from 10, keels over from a heart attack at 2, and I wake up a new person who doesn't give a shit about what other poeple think of me and what I have to say or the outcome of interactions I have with people. Sounds like CBT is the closest thing to that. It's like if there was just some switch I could flip in my head that turned off my crippling self-consciousness, I could start a new life.

 

[cdyhybrid]

One thing I've noticed about girl/dating advice is no matter how much I read and internalize it, it seems to vanish from my mind the second I'm face to face with a girl. I just turn into a total fucking social retard. Like today I was at a cafe I've been to several times before in the past month where this staggeringly cute blonde chick works. I ordered this drink she recommended to me last time I was there and she flashed this gorgeous smile at me and said "So you like that one, huh?". All I could muster up was "yeah.....it's good..."

Really sucks how my brain just locks up when I'm faced with a girl I'm attracted to, on top of how much I suck at conversing with strangers in general.

I really wish there was some sort of real-life equivalent of the therapy experience Peter had in Office Space. Just a quick 30 minutes, I show up, the fat guy puts me in a trance, counts back from 10, keels over from a heart attack at 2, and I wake up a new person who doesn't give a shit about what other poeple think of me and what I have to say or the outcome of interactions I have with people. Sounds like CBT is the closest thing to that. It's like if there was just some switch I could flip in my head that turned off my crippling self-consciousness, I could start a new life.

That'll come with practice, man. If you keep trying it, you won't freeze up eventually, and if you keep going after that, you eventually won't even have to think about it - it'll just happen naturally, like blinking.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

One thing I've noticed about girl/dating advice is no matter how much I read and internalize it, it seems to vanish from my mind the second I'm face to face with a girl. I just turn into a total fucking social retard. Like today I was at a cafe I've been to several times before in the past month where this staggeringly cute blonde chick works. I ordered this drink she recommended to me last time I was there and she flashed this gorgeous smile at me and said "So you like that one, huh?". All I could muster up was "yeah.....it's good..."

Really sucks how my brain just locks up when I'm faced with a girl I'm attracted to, on top of how much I suck at conversing with strangers in general.

I really wish there was some sort of real-life equivalent of the therapy experience Peter had in Office Space. Just a quick 30 minutes, I show up, the fat guy puts me in a trance, counts back from 10, keels over from a heart attack at 2, and I wake up a new person who doesn't give a shit about what other poeple think of me and what I have to say or the outcome of interactions I have with people. Sounds like CBT is the closest thing to that. It's like if there was just some switch I could flip in my head that turned off my crippling self-consciousness, I could start a new life.

Think about the first time you played an fps....yeah you probably sucked pretty bad. Or the first time you drove a car, or rode a bike, or did anything. It's all nerve racking, but you just gotta keep practicing and keep doing it. it gets easier then you don't even have to think about it. next time go to the cafe when she's there, if she asks what you want, tell her "you know what i like and how i like it" and smile. if she smiles back say "OMG you have all your teeth, awesome" and give her a high five. Literally do that, word for word, action for action. That way you don't have to think about. Report back when your penis is in her mouth

 

[Argyle]

I have maybe 1 or 2 friends that I'm kinda myself around (let's say 80-90% of who I am comes out). But to be honest I've articulated my viewpoints pretty well in this thread and people thought I was somewhere between pathetic and depressing. Granted I was less glib and jovial about it than I normally am, but I think the obvious answer is to be less myself rather than more. I have thus far been described as callous, apathetic, clinical, cynical. I wouldn't argue with those evaluations, and I recognize that I should probably not let those parts of myself through when I'm talking to all but a special few people.

And frankly I prefer "cavalier" to "callous". :lol

The friends I get on with are nearly are cynical and cavalier as I am, though maybe without my mild nihilist streak. That's perhaps why we jive so well, but in mixed company nobody ever lets that side out.....probably because they realize those personality traits are generally pretty repugnant to those that don't share them.

Well, I am disappointed that you are discarding the advice that I and others have given in this thread. I do not recall ever calling you pathetic or depressing.

If finding people with a similar outlook on life is important to you, why hide who you are? You've already found a couple of people like you - bummer that you are not sexually attracted to them I think there are a lot of people out there like you to be honest...you just need to put yourself into a position where you might actually meet them.

It seems to me that you care too much about what other people think and have convinced yourself that no one out there will like you for who you are. That's why almost everyone in this thread is giving advice to try and build up your confidence...although not every one will meet your criteria, it's about making sure you are ready so that your odds are good when you meet someone who does.

 

[Phthisis]

About dressing. I noticed you guys mentioned this a lot, but I'm afraid I need some information, cause you see, again, as long as I've been alive, I haven't really cared much about my appearance (until I started working out) so I didn't care much about what I wore, usually just jeans, black/brown shoes and some various shirts. I also tend to wear a lot of videogame logo shirts (love my Zelda Twilight Princess shirt).

So I guess, the thing is I have probably zero eye for fashion. Is there a way I can figure out what to wear?

If you love your video game shirts, rock them when you feel like it. It's about being comfortable with who you are and knowing that you are awesome, even in a Zelda shirt.

That said, there are times you should dress a little nicer. I'm a big fan of polos and button downs (both short and long sleeve) for work and social outings (yes, even bars). Don't be afraid to look snazzy.

 

[MoxManiac]

I'm trying to interalize all the advice in this thread since I i'm in a similar boat as Combine and the others..but I'm wondering if my problem is deeper.

I have the approach anxiety, I have the general anxiety, but what's worse, is the anxiety that manifested itself during the times someone was interested in my and trying to get my attention. Yes,this has happened to me several times, believe it or not. I honestly think i'm not just scared of rejection, but also scared of something happening. It sounds fucked up...but I started thinking about it again when Max mentioned he's had women approach him.

 

[Solaros]

I wish I knew how to explain it. But my mind just goes into some kind of zone where it begins to pile stuff on and it becomes so overwhelming that in the end, nothing happens. You're suggestion there with the stick figures, I currently cannot see myself doing that. I wish I could, but I in my current state, I don't think I'd be able to get control of myself to be able to draw stick figures that look any good. Let alone try and hand her something out of the blue.

Alright then, try this.

You are cognizant and aware that your mind does these things to you. Knowing that, the next time you walk up to a girl or get near one, take a deep breath, and just say hey.

1. See cute girl
2. Take a deep breath
3. Say Hi

That's it. Don't worry about what comes after, and make sure when you take a deep breath in think of the air as a positive force in your life. When you breath out, think of all the negative ideas leaving your body. Open your mouth, and say hello. Practice that too. It doesn't matter if you get rejected, what matters is that you open your mouth and say hello to someone. They respond, and ask them anything you want. Usually the more ridiculous the better.

Practice that in front of a mirrior 100 times. Close your eyes, imagine a chic is next to you, take a deep breath, and say hello.

Edit: The same goes for you MoxManiac, my magic playing friend. You said it, "I have approach anxiety." How do you get over that? You approach people. Take a weekend trip and drive to another semi-big city near you. Park your car, walk around downtown and just say hello to people. Just nod in their direction, say hello, smile, and keep walking. Then go back to your hometown, and dot he same thing, but to women and follow it up with a random question. Overcome approach anxiety first.

 

[border]

where in florida do you live? Im in fort myers area

I'm in Jacksonville, though considering a move once my lease is up. At this point I'm not really sure whether leaving town and going someplace where I don't know anyone would be the best possible thing for me or the worst possible thing for me.

Um, if you're referring to my post, that was me describing myself, not you. :lol

Your original post was missing a pronoun to designate who you were talking about, though with this correction there is apparently the implication that I am somehow now beyond callous or apathetic. Whatever (**irony**).

Surely you must want to do something, right? You're posting on GAF, why? What motivates you to do this as opposed to something else?

Shouldn't that be pretty obvious? On a message board you pick and choose your discussions according to your tastes. You're not limited by your ability to speak off the cuff; you can collect thoughts and revise yourself. You can bow out of a conversation without looking like a wallflower and it ultimately doesn't matter whether or not you impress anyone. And obviously, it's just cheap entertainment that allows you to have a conversation about things that people you know might not really care about or be interested in. The very conversation we're having now is not really the sort of thing you end up having at a bar or club or party or even coffee shop really.

 

[MoxManiac]

Believe me, I plan to, Solaros, I'm not going down like this. It's just weird that the anxiety for me works both ways; whether i'm trying to initiate or someone else is doing the initiating.

 

[NetMapel]

Yikes

 

[Asmodai]

Your original post was missing a pronoun to designate who you were talking about, though with this correction there is apparently the implication that I am somehow now beyond callous or apathetic. Whatever (**irony**).

Precisely! See, I would describe myself as cynical and apathetic(especially toward pronouns!), but definitely not as emo. And while I hate to use the term, many of your posts are leaning dangerously toward the emo-zone.

Shouldn't that be pretty obvious? On a message board you pick and choose your discussions according to your tastes. You're not limited by your ability to speak off the cuff; you can collect thoughts and revise yourself. You can bow out of a conversation without looking like a wallflower and it ultimately doesn't matter whether or not you impress anyone. And obviously, it's just cheap entertainment that allows you to have a conversation about things that people you know might not really care about or be interested in. The very conversation we're having now is not really the sort of thing you end up having at a bar or club or party or even coffee shop really.

Ironically, it's for these reasons that I think interaction on a forum is infinitely worse than interaction face to face. Text alone has some advantages, but it removes too much of the experience for a real conversation, no matter what the topic.

 

[SephCast]

Combine, I learned today how simple it really is. You can do it man, fuck, failure ain't nothing, but a thang. I can't even describe the amount of times I've done what you've done, flaked on trying it with a girl I like simply because the words won't come and I'm sitting/standing there looking like a fool.

I figured I was due some practice, today I went to an open day at Urban Outfitters, plenty of pretty girls and guys lined up for a mini-interview along with handing in an application form.

I was standing in the line on the steps filling in my sheet, a real nice vibe there and everyone was pretty chill. I ended up standing alone in the line as my older brother left to go chat to a friend of his and I noticed the girl behind me was pretty cute. One of the clerks came by and gave us all a sweet so I as we both took one all I said was "They're trying to sugar us up to the fact we won't get the job won't hurt as much" along with a smile, she laughed and we got talking for the next half hour, then hung out for a bit directly after the interview for about an hour or so - we ended up exchanging numbers as I had to leave soon after.

There's one thing I always tend to forget in social situations, and that's that the girls I like are people too, I always see them as different, always putting myself down in my head (they won't want to talk to ME, etc) and unless they're prudes or dickheads/douchebags to begin with you'll probably get along with them. So yeah, I need to work on this now but it's a nice mini-victory for me, I decided to grow some balls and just for it. ^^;

Could I ask how exactly you asked for her number? Did you just say, "hey I gotta go, but could I call you some time?"

 

[border]

Well, I am disappointed that you are discarding the advice that I and others have given in this thread. I do not recall ever calling you pathetic or depressing.

I'm not outright discarding anyone's advice. As I've said probably more times than I can count, the problem is that the advice seems self-contradictory. Be yourself. Oh, but you should also take up all these hobbies you don't care about and go to some crafting classes and stop being so negative about things because nobody likes people that are negative.

Finding someone with a similar outlook on life is not really important to me. It just seems to be that people that don't share my outlook tend to find it a bit of a downer.

And "emo" is really unfair. I don't lament this stuff. I'm not morose or mournful or romantic about it. It's just my observation -- and to be fair it's an issue that far better people have struggled with (whether or not you should indulge yourself or try to live up to a higher societal ideal).

Ironically, it's for these reasons that I think interaction on a forum is infinitely worse than interaction face to face. Text alone has some advantages, but it removes too much of the experience for a real conversation, no matter what the topic.

I'm not suggesting that GAF is a substitute for real life social interaction. You just wanted to know what I like about this place. That fact that it's virtually free is pretty nice as well.

 

[Asmodai]

I'm not outright discarding anyone's advice. As I've said probably more times than I can count, the problem is that the advice seems self-contradictory. Be yourself. Oh, but you should also take up all these hobbies you don't care about and go to some crafting classes and stop being so negative about things because nobody likes people that are negative.

Finding someone with a similar outlook on life is not really important to me. It just seems to be that people that don't share my outlook tend to find it a bit of a downer.

And "emo" is really unfair. I don't lament this stuff. I'm not morose or mournful or romantic about it. It's just my observation -- and to be fair it's an issue that far better people have struggled with (whether or not you should indulge yourself or try to live up to a higher societal ideal).

I'm not suggesting that GAF is a substitute for real life social interaction. You just wanted to know what I like about this place. That fact that it's virtually free is pretty nice as well.

My question wasn't why you were posting here specifically, on GAF, or even why you were posting on an internet forum. It was about what motivates you to do anything. If you don't work for or see the prospect of a better future down the road, why do you get out of bed in the morning? That's what I was asking. Are you completely content with whatever your life is now, enough so that you aren't willing to put forth any effort to improve it?

If it wasn't for this being text-only communication, there would be a lot less misunderstanding :lol

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Gah, what happened to "Hi, my name is ****, I couldn't help noticing you. I don't suppose I could convince you to join me for coffee?"

And then you smile, talk, laugh and see where things go organically.

 

[border]

It was about what motivates you to do anything.

Because if I was doing nothing I would literally be starving to death somewhere? I mean yeah, we are probably alone in a godless universe and everything we do serves no real purpose. But it's really the only shot you get, so you might as well eke out whatever pleasures you find (or at the very least avoid tortures you might endure). I'm by no means content with my life and improvement seems like a crapshoot at best, but I don't really see that as a reason to give up completely. You got the dice, might as well roll them.

And to be fair, if this wasn't a forum we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. It's not really to sort of thing that comes up in casual conversation.

 

[GalacticAE]

Gah, what happened to "Hi, my name is ****, I couldn't help noticing you. I don't suppose I could convince you to join me for coffee?"

And then you smile, talk, laugh and see where things go organically.

It's not that easy for a lot of people. Including myself.

 

[SephCast]

Question to Combine:

Do you do random conversation or any type of random talking when you're around? For example, when I go to any type of store, I smile and ask how the cashier is doing today. Often times I joke about how the weeks almost done, and the weekend's almost here. I do this because I know the person probably hates their job and I'm trying to ease their annoyances for at least 5 minutes.

You should try it out. I don't know what you do for a living, but I work in an office. I used to be afraid of phone calls because I was afraid of awkward silences. Now, I genuinely want to be nice on the phone and try to brighten some peoples' days. When you order food from a fast food restaurant, say "have a nice day" or "take it easy". Baby steps, my man, baby steps.

 

[demon]

Gah, what happened to "Hi, my name is ****, I couldn't help noticing you. I don't suppose I could convince you to join me for coffee?"

And then you smile, talk, laugh and see where things go organically.

That's like telling someone with a fear of public speaking who's about to speak to an audience of 5,000 and on live tv that it's nothing more than just reading what's on the cue cards.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

It's not that easy for a lot of people. Including myself.

Hell, not easy for me either. I met my gf on match.com, because the thought of approaching random women is not something I can really handle. But I can't believe all this...self-defeating anxiety before y'all get out of the gate.

 

[Asmodai]

Because if I was doing nothing I would literally be starving to death somewhere? I mean yeah, we are probably alone in a godless universe and everything we do serves no real purpose. But it's really the only shot you get, so you might as well eke out whatever pleasures you find (or at the very least avoid tortures you might endure). I'm by no means content with my life and improvement seems like a crapshoot at best, but I don't really see that as a reason to give up completely. You got the dice, might as well roll them.

And to be fair, if this wasn't a forum we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. It's not really to sort of thing that comes up in casual conversation.

It isn't the kind of thing that comes up in a casual conversation, but then again most of the people in this thread apparently have real difficulty having conversations in the first place.

How you can be ambivalent about your future is beyond me. Life, to me, is about having a good time, but that definitely isn't as simple as living in the moment.

Hell, from the way you describe it, it sounds like you have no desire or anticipation about the future in general. If you don't look forward to a better future, or to anything at all, would you even care if there was some kind of crazy natural disaster and you were going to be killed in a few minutes? Say a meteorite is about to hit your house....would you even bother to get out of the blast radius?

That level of indifference scares me, and I can't understand people like that.

 

[Combine]

Go to a dept store, and look for an attractive, well dressed girl that works there and tell her you're trying a new look if she'll help you pick some stuff out. Girls LOVE that shit. Plus, it'll give you a practice in talking to a pretty female and not getting nervous. You'll realize there's nothing special about her.

I had my ex get my a new wardrobe, she was really fashionable, and I can't front, it does make me look a whole lot better.

Sheesh, you really are a walking repository of pure awesomeness. That's perfect. I'm going to hopefully see about trying that on the weekend.

Alright then, try this.

You are cognizant and aware that your mind does these things to you. Knowing that, the next time you walk up to a girl or get near one, take a deep breath, and just say hey.

1. See cute girl
2. Take a deep breath
3. Say Hi

That's it. Don't worry about what comes after, and make sure when you take a deep breath in think of the air as a positive force in your life. When you breath out, think of all the negative ideas leaving your body. Open your mouth, and say hello. Practice that too. It doesn't matter if you get rejected, what matters is that you open your mouth and say hello to someone. They respond, and ask them anything you want. Usually the more ridiculous the better.

Practice that in front of a mirrior 100 times. Close your eyes, imagine a chic is next to you, take a deep breath, and say hello.

Alright, I'll give that a shot. Umm, in the off event that I might get a succesful "hi" return, what do I say then?

Gah, what happened to "Hi, my name is ****, I couldn't help noticing you. I don't suppose I could convince you to join me for coffee?"

And then you smile, talk, laugh and see where things go organically.

Does that line honestly work? It sounds so generic and wouldn't a girl see right through it?

Question to Combine:

Do you do random conversation or any type of random talking when you're around? For example, when I go to any type of store, I smile and ask how the cashier is doing today. Often times I joke about how the weeks almost done, and the weekend's almost here. I do this because I know the person probably hates their job and I'm trying to ease their annoyances for at least 5 minutes.

You should try it out. I don't know what you do for a living, but I work in an office. I used to be afraid of phone calls because I was afraid of awkward silences. Now, I genuinely want to be nice on the phone and try to brighten some peoples' days. When you order food from a fast food restaurant, say "have a nice day" or "take it easy". Baby steps, my man, baby steps.

Honestly no, I have never been one to ever initiate a conversation with a random person out of the blue that didn't have some sort of point to it. Usually, when talking to the clerks at stores it just goes "how are you today" "fine" "same" and that's about it. I'm not good at small talk I don't think. Though I do smile a lot lately. I dunno if that's helping or not though.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Does that line honestly work? It sounds so generic and wouldn't a girl see right through it?

It all depends on how creepy you are when you do it I suppose.

 

[Anticitizen One]

Once at work a guy hitted on me and I talked to my sister about it and she says I don't act manly enough and project "gayness". What are some things I can do about this?

On the plus side I know that in my life at least three people (2 girls, 1 guy) were attracted to me sexually so I guess im not the hideous ogre I thought I was.

 

[Asmodai]

It all depends on how creepy you are when you do it I suppose.

All about confidence. If it isn't natural, it won't work.

The real issue here is people getting over their self-confidence issues. Try public speaking, that usually helps.

Once at work a guy hitted on me and I talked to my sister about it and she says I don't act manly enough and project "gayness". What are some things I can do about this?

You're kidding, right?

 

[Anticitizen One]

You're kidding, right?

Sadly no, a guy really came into my work and started hitting on me. I hope I didn't sound like a homophobe because that wasn't my intention at all.

 

[border]

Hell, from the way you describe it, it sounds like you have no desire or anticipation about the future in general. If you don't look forward to a better future, or to anything at all, would you even care if there was some kind of crazy natural disaster and you were going to be killed in a few minutes? Say a meteorite is about to hit your house....would you even bother to get out of the blast radius?

I still have an instinct of self-preservation yes. I evacuate when there is a hurricane coming. I was at a friend's shithole apartment a few weeks ago and I heard gunshots about 50 yards away and I immediately hit the deck. That being said, I don't feel like I would really be that upset if I was stuck in some situation where self preservation was not an option and my death was certain (airplane going down, impending catastrophic asteroid collision). Pain bothers me, death not so much.

I took the famous Myers-Briggs personality test over 10 years ago and vividly remember reading that someone of my type is "fatalistic about the past and pessimistic about the future." I was only 18 at the time and I don't think I'd ever before read such a concise and accurate description of my outlook on things.

 

[dojokun]

Once at work a guy hitted on me and I talked to my sister about it and she says I don't act manly enough and project "gayness". What are some things I can do about this?

On the plus side I know that in my life at least three people (2 girls, 1 guy) were attracted to me sexually so I guess im not the hideous ogre I thought I was.

Since your sister is insightful enough to tell you that, ask her to help you out. Practice hitting on her and maybe fool around a bit with her.

 

[disillusion386]

All about confidence. If it isn't natural, it won't work.

The real issue here is people getting over their self-confidence issues. Try public speaking, that usually helps.

QFT.

Also, Combine, asking a girl out on the spot may seem generic, but it's a direct way of saying that you're interested. Of course she'll see through it because you're not really hiding anything. Again, it's all about confidence, and girls find it attractive when guys can muster the balls to go up to them, ask them out, and not beat around the bush.

 

[Mr. E. Yis]

Hey Combine - Did you start reading that book I PMed you about?? It's pretty good.

 

[Asmodai]

Anticitizen One, sorry about the misunderstanding, I just thought your post was worded amusingly and might have been a joke.

Your sister probably means that you act feminine and use a lot of effeminate gestures and the like. You should ask her to specify what she means. The rest of us can only guess.

I still have an instinct of self-preservation yes. I evacuate when there is a hurricane coming. I was at a friend's shithole apartment a few weeks ago and I heard gunshots about 50 yards away and I immediately hit the deck. That being said, I don't feel like I would really be that upset if I was stuck in some situation where self preservation was not an option and my death was certain (airplane going down, impending catastrophic asteroid collision). Pain bothers me, death not so much.

I took the famous Myers-Briggs personality test over 10 years ago and vividly remember reading that someone of my type is "fatalistic about the past and pessimistic about the future." I was only 18 at the time and I don't think I'd ever before read such a concise and accurate description of my outlook on things.

I know that people have an aversion to pain, just as they have an aversion to starving as well as the self-preservation instincts.

But if you're psychologically going to say "meh" if someone pointed a hypothetical gun in your face....that kind of mindset is unfathomable to me. I can understand not caring about a lot of things. But not caring about anything? That strikes me as the worst kind of hell imaginable.

 

[BronzeWolf]

.

 

[Combine]

QFT.

Also, Combine, asking a girl out on the spot may seem generic, but it's a direct way of saying that you're interested. Of course she'll see through it because you're not really hiding anything. Again, it's all about confidence, and girls find it attractive when guys can muster the balls to go up to them, ask them out, and not beat around the bush.

I see. I guess it will then all come down to confidence. I shall just have to find a way to build mine up somehow. It'd be nice if there were external help, but I guess, confidence can only come from within. Still, knowing a girl would be attracted to me would be a plus, but oh well, gotta start from somewhere.

Hey Combine - Did you start reading that book I PMed you about?? It's pretty good.

Heh, I "glanced" at it, and man, it's huge. I'm gonna need a lot of free and focused time to go through it, but I definitely want to do it. Hopefully soon.

 

[layzie1989]

Can't wait to turn 21....i'm going to start listening to the pickup podcast

 

[Asmodai]

hectorse, is that an actual picture of you? I don't believe that for a second. That's some random one you found on the internet. It has makeup.:lol

 

[davepoobond]

hectorse, is that an actual picture of you? I don't believe that for a second. That's some random one you found on the internet. It has makeup.:lol

i dont know...its conveniently high-school-photo-like

 

[border]

But if you're psychologically going to say "meh" if someone pointed a hypothetical gun in your face....that kind of mindset is unfathomable to me. I can understand not caring about a lot of things. But not caring about anything? That strikes me as the worst kind of hell imaginable.

I don't think I'd really enjoy my impending demise, but I wouldn't be full of panic or regret or prayer or anything like that. I think my reaction would be more along the lines of "Shit, this sucks I didn't really want everything to end like this, but oh well."

I grew up when the USSR was still in power, so occasionally I still have dreams of an impending nuclear holocaust (I wonder if people in the generation after mine have bad dreams about a terrorist holocuast?). In those dreams I do end up a bit anxious and panicked, so maybe that's my subconscious telling me I'm not as fearless and carefree as I think I am.

 

[Solaros]

Alright, I'll give that a shot. Umm, in the off event that I might get a succesful "hi" return, what do I say then?

Anything you want, really.

You can't even say anything right now, so just say something and that is a success.

Small steps.

 

[BuggyDClown]

hah. Okay I think I need to get in on this.

I have little experience when it comes to the dating scene. Actually strike that. none. Not to say I didnt have girlfriends, but being single, well it's new to me.

I didnt bother attempting to date anyone highschool was annoying and hard enough, it avoided drama, but then to be really cliche I dated my prom date and went out for like 6-7 months. Then I was single for about 3-4 months and started dating my ex, whome I was with up until this june. So in the alst 4 years, i've spent about 6 months of it single. Not really much time

Now I have gotten in pretty good shape, and after I got over the ex about 2 months ago or so i started goin out to bars and shit you know, and well i've realised something. Both of my ex's made the first move, and I never asked a girl even for her number before, never had to. So my experience although not limited when it comes to women, is lacking completely in the single/dating scene.

Plus apparently I'm pretty decent looking these days, i'm not being cocky or anything, but i think i know how to dress pretty nice, and I spent a lot of my new found free time losing wiehgt and getting back into shape, but this new attractiveness that i apparently have is wasted as I can't ever tell when someone is hitting on me.

For example just this last week a pretty cute girl was talking me up at the bar, and I was just giving my friend this look like wtf does she want. i figured it was just a girl being dumb and drunk. Apparently my friends said (after she gave up mind you) that she had been checking me out and was hitting on me. I oblivious to all of this cant pick up any signals and dont even think about thse things.

So gaf, wtf do I do. It's not that I'm nervous, I dont have trouble talking to girls, and I'm not getting denied because of looks. I just dont have the normal single mindset of "Oh shit, this girls cute I should get her number, or oh she obviously is hitting on me maybe I should flirt with her and not completely ignore the fact and nerd out like I have done before."

Also, wtf, why did I type so much

 

[methos75]

hah. Okay I think I need to get in on this.

I have little experience when it comes to the dating scene. Actually strike that. none. Not to say I didnt have girlfriends, but being single, well it's new to me.

I didnt bother attempting to date anyone highschool was annoying and hard enough, it avoided drama, but then to be really cliche I dated my prom date and went out for like 6-7 months. Then I was single for about 3-4 months and started dating my ex, whome I was with up until this june. So in the alst 4 years, i've spent about 6 months of it single. Not really much time

Now I have gotten in pretty good shape, and after I got over the ex about 2 months ago or so i started goin out to bars and shit you know, and well i've realised something. Both of my ex's made the first move, and I never asked a girl even for her number before, never had to. So my experience although not limited when it comes to women, is lacking completely in the single/dating scene.

Plus apparently I'm pretty decent looking these days, i'm not being cocky or anything, but i think i know how to dress pretty nice, and I spent a lot of my new found free time losing wiehgt and getting back into shape, but this new attractiveness that i apparently have is wasted as I can't ever tell when someone is hitting on me.

For example just this last week a pretty cute girl was talking me up at the bar, and I was just giving my friend this look like wtf does she want. i figured it was just a girl being dumb and drunk. Apparently my friends said (after she gave up mind you) that she had been checking me out and was hitting on me. I oblivious to all of this cant pick up any signals and dont even think about thse things.

So gaf, wtf do I do. It's not that I'm nervous, I dont have trouble talking to girls, and I'm not getting denied because of looks. I just dont have the normal single mindset of "Oh shit, this girls cute I should get her number, or oh she obviously is hitting on me maybe I should flirt with her and not completely ignore the fact and nerd out like I have done before."

Also, wtf, why did I type so much

Man I am in the same boat as you, trying to start over after my divorce and damn its hard going because like you, in the past the women just threw themselves at me and I never had to ever make an first move. now that i am actually looking again, its still pretty easy to get the women to approach me, but sadly I have no interest in them at all and I am into one night stands really. Even the girl I am interested in kinda of threw herself at me, and I kinda of blew her off, but now I am into her and I think I totally blew my chance when I played her off.

 

[border]

I meant to take The Bdizzle Quiz earlier, but there were a lot of questions and some other stuff I wanted to answer prior to that:

You seem to go into things from a place of negativity. Whether it's hobbies, people, or life in general. That may not be your personality, but it does come off that way.

No, it probably is my personality - I'm generally a pessimist/cynic. I can remember doubting major stuff like love, religion, etc from even before my age was in the double digits. And as I mentioned, major personality tests have also pegged me as having that slant. I'm not sure whether it's the sort of thing you can change, as it seems to be my natural, innate reaction to a lot of things.

Secondly, what issues are you having that you want to actually fix? Have you had a gf before? Are you a virgin? On a scale of 1-10 how happy are you with your life? Do you have any frineds? Have you made a new friend in the last 3-5 years? Do you enjoy being around people? When's the last time you were in a social environment?Did you have fun? If not why?

What needs fixing? Well as I've said I am mostly interested in trying to strike a balance between being myself and being who I need to be to live a normal, well-adjusted life....and how much each of those things need to be sacrificed. I've had girlfriends and I'm not a virgin. On the 1-10 scale of happiness I'd probably rate things a 4 or 5. I have my health, I have a few good friends. Other than some credit card debt I don't have any huge baggage like kids or exes or criminal convictions or poor investments. I have acquaintances and co-workers I'm quite friendly with but I would not consider them friends (if a friend is to be defined as someone you're really relaxed around, and someone you would turn to if you were in serious trouble). No new friends in the last 3-5 years -- most of my current friends I have had for more than a decade.

The last few things I did socially were fun. Went to DragonCon over Labor Day weekend....learned all the steps to the dance from Thriller and danced them in a group of about 900 people looking to break the Guinness World Record for "Largest Group of People Simultaneously Dancing to Thriller". I spent about an hour dancing to the 80's DJ that took over the ballroom after the MC Chris concert (though it wasn't really quiet enough to talk so I'm not sure if you would consider it a social experience). Since then I've gone out for drinks with a friend a few times but didn't really talk to anyone but him.

As for being around people, I'm okay in small groups but tend to shut down once there's like 6 or more people or a party full of folks I don't really know. I'll commandeer a conversation if it's going nowhere, but if someone else is controlling the discourse I usually don't say much unless it's really relevant to an area of my expertise.

Lastly how do you feel about yourself as a person. When you're out and about do you know if you wanted to you could win someone over? Do you feel every girl that meets you it would a privaledge for them to have your penis in their mouth? When your friends or family are around you do you feel their lives are more enriched by your very presence?

No, no, and yes. I think friends and family enjoy my presence, but from my end of things it often feels like things are a bit contrived and forced even with people I've known for a long time. If I were to hang out with the same people 5 nights in a row I'd probably be out of stuff to say by the 3rd night.

As a person I don't seem to have much drive or direction and I'd love to be able to have that but nothing particularly inspires me. It'd be great if it did, but I tend to opt for small pleasures over grandiose goals.