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[Mr.Squirrel]

We tend to stop giving serious responses to threads that regard the entirety of the female species as "pussy".

who did that? Ive read every post in this thread and no one eluded to that, at least nothing ive noticed. Unless youre talkin about the whole "putting the pussy on a pedestal" thing.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

I meant to take The Bdizzle Quiz earlier, but there were a lot of questions and some other stuff I wanted to answer prior to that:


No, it probably is my personality - I'm generally a pessimist/cynic. I can remember doubting major stuff like love, religion, etc from even before my age was in the double digits. And as I mentioned, major personality tests have also pegged me as having that slant. I'm not sure whether it's the sort of thing you can change, as it seems to be my natural, innate reaction to a lot of things.

It's one thing to question things like religion, deities, love, etc. But it's another thing to come off as the whole "woe is me type." And I think you're that way because on the inside you're feeling like a 4-5/10 (which on an A-F grade scale is failing).

What needs fixing? Well as I've said I am mostly interested in trying to strike a balance between being myself and being who I need to be to live a normal, well-adjusted life....and how much each of those things need to be sacrificed. I've had girlfriends and I'm not a virgin. On the 1-10 scale of happiness I'd probably rate things a 4 or 5. I have my health, I have a few good friends. Other than some credit card debt I don't have any huge baggage like kids or exes or criminal convictions or poor investments.

What's a normal life to you? What's happiness to you? If you could have your life be a 10/10 what would have to change about you as a person? More confidence, more self respect? Being more understanding? What. Nothing trivial like money or possession. What would bring you up 40-60%?

I have acquaintances and co-workers I'm quite friendly with but I would not consider them friends (if a friend is to be defined as someone you're really relaxed around, and someone you would turn to if you were in serious trouble). No new friends in the last 3-5 years -- most of my current friends I have had for more than a decade.

Why do you think you haven't made any new friends in the last half a decade? Is it by choice or circumstance?

The last few things I did socially were fun. Went to DragonCon over Labor Day weekend....learned all the steps to the dance from Thriller and danced them in a group of about 900 people looking to break the Guinness World Record for "Largest Group of People Simultaneously Dancing to Thriller". I spent about an hour dancing to the 80's DJ that took over the ballroom after the MC Chris concert (though it wasn't really quiet enough to talk so I'm not sure if you would consider it a social experience). Since then I've gone out for drinks with a friend a few times but didn't really talk to anyone but him.

As for being around people, I'm okay in small groups but tend to shut down once there's like 6 or more people or a party full of folks I don't really know. I'll commandeer a conversation if it's going nowhere, but if someone else is controlling the discourse I usually don't say much unless it's really relevant to an area of my expertise.

What makes you shut down in larger groups? I used to be similar but it was because of paranoia more than being afraid to speak. I've dealt with the paranoia part and now I'm no longer apprehensive about being around a lot of people.

No, no, and yes. I think friends and family enjoy my presence, but from my end of things it often feels like things are a bit contrived and forced even with people I've known for a long time. If I were to hang out with the same people 5 nights in a row I'd probably be out of stuff to say by the 3rd night.

As a person I don't seem to have much drive or direction and I'd love to be able to have that but nothing particularly inspires me. It'd be great if it did, but I tend to opt for small pleasures over grandiose goals.

In order to have drive you have to have direction. To have direction, you have know where you want to go. So the question is, where do you want your life to go? What would make you happy? Do you want to be more sociable? Do you want people to accept you for you? Do you want to be able to accept people and relate to them better? Do you want to be more confident around people? Women? Be more charismatic? What will take you from 5/10 - 10/10? People always tell me I'm so focused and driven, and it's because I know exactly what I want, and I know what I have to do to get it. And accomplishing those goals is attractive, commands respect, and builds longstanding confidence.

 

[Exhumed]

Speaking of walking wallets. I'm guilty of this with my first few GF's. I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be but I will definitively say "You think I have the money to cover both of us?" for something like an expensive restaurant. I am still far to comfortable with the cheap stuff ie. subway, coffee, movies, etc.

My problem is I am trying to budget hardcore to purchase things I am missing from my apartment. Things like a good TV, few game systems, computer upgrades, furniture, decorations, etc. Basically my hobbies. My budget is real tight atm so I have very limited extra money. However, I'd like to keep doing the things we been doing, but at half the cost. Over a couple month period all those "no worries I got this" can add up to a significant amount.

Is there some technique or way of explaining things that gets the message to her that she needs to be more responsible and cover her own ass a bit more without coming off as a cheapskate? I can afford it but id rather save up to get these bigger purchases out of the way.

 

[BronzeWolf]

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[Exhumed]

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[RefigeKru]

Okay, I've got a pretty difficult situation for you guys.

I've almost fallen into old habits again, but basically it goes like this. There's a backstory too so I'll try cut it short. Last year of college there was a girl I really liked, she came to talk to me first which was awesome. We hung out a lot during/after college, then came joking texts late @ night which basically was just back and forth innuendo, silly I know. Then came her hugging me all the time, sitting on my lap, pretending to cough then saying "I'm choking... *cough cough* on your dick* , yeah basically lots of <--- this kind of stuff. But she had a boyfriend, which halfway through the year she dumped and she was asking me all the time "Who should I pick for a new boyfriend " and stuff like that. Basically I refused to do anything with her, even just fool around. BUT because of this, I think she went cold on me for a bit.

CURRENT SITUATION: Second year of college, and she has no boyfriend, we're hanging out a lot again, and we almost keep ending up at the same parties. Last time I left too early and she decided not to come because I was leaving. Today... I decided to save money for my friend's 20th instead of going to a club she invited me to go to along with her. I get the feeling, I'm going full circle.

So what say you, GAFguys. Do I have a chance, am I being silly and looking too much into things, but most importantly, can I tap that?

Also, I'm pretty sure everytime we say bye at college she wants to go in for a hug but I never make the gesture. She gets on her toes towards me and leans in a bit, it's weird.

 

[BladeWorker]

who did that? Ive read every post in this thread and no one eluded to that, at least nothing ive noticed. Unless youre talkin about the whole "putting the pussy on a pedestal" thing.

That would be precisely what I'm talking about.

I don't refer to boys as pensises or balls or phalluses or dicks in everyday language (sophmoric puns included) unless I want to insult them. When I do, I usually opt for the term "putz".

These threads give the distinct impression that women - their presence or their advice - aren't welcome. Which is just as well, I'm trying to avoid girl-age threads because a lot of the advice makes me want to hurl. I get enough of boys ignoring my opinions and feelings because of my genitalia in the real world, I don't need it here, too.

/my two cents.

 

[MoxManiac]

That would be precisely what I'm talking about.

I don't refer to boys as pensises or balls or phalluses or dicks in everyday language (sophmoric puns included) unless I want to insult them. When I do, I usually opt for the term "putz".

These threads give the distinct impression that women - their presence or their advice - aren't welcome. Which is just as well, I'm trying to avoid girl-age threads because a lot of the advice makes me want to hurl. I get enough of boys ignoring my opinions and feelings because of my genitalia in the real world, I don't need it here, too.

/my two cents.

It's just an expression, a catch-phrase, from a movie. It's not meant to demean anyone, it's simply a label put on behavior that men should avoid doing.

I don't think anyone is putting 'genitalia' over everything else in here. I'm pretty sure the people the advice is targeting want something meaningful with women, or at least that's my impression.

 

[Combine]

That would be precisely what I'm talking about.

I don't refer to boys as pensises or balls or phalluses or dicks in everyday language (sophmoric puns included) unless I want to insult them. When I do, I usually opt for the term "putz".

These threads give the distinct impression that women - their presence or their advice - aren't welcome. Which is just as well, I'm trying to avoid girl-age threads because a lot of the advice makes me want to hurl. I get enough of boys ignoring my opinions and feelings because of my genitalia in the real world, I don't need it here, too.

/my two cents.

I don't think I have ever even tried to convey the idea that women should not participate or especially not give advice in this thread. Hell, if anything those are the kinds of things I would want to hear the most. I need to be as open to new suggestions and ideas as I possibly can because I am trying to build myself up to a level where I can interact with women and be good company.

 

[hulot]

That would be precisely what I'm talking about.

I don't refer to boys as pensises or balls or phalluses or dicks in everyday language (sophmoric puns included) unless I want to insult them. When I do, I usually opt for the term "putz".

These threads give the distinct impression that women - their presence or their advice - aren't welcome. Which is just as well, I'm trying to avoid girl-age threads because a lot of the advice makes me want to hurl. I get enough of boys ignoring my opinions and feelings because of my genitalia in the real world, I don't need it here, too.

/my two cents.

Are you new to the internet? Forums aren't generally like everyday situations hence the different language. It's just anonymous locker room slang; rather than take offense, why don't you contribute? I don't see guys here actually put down women or bar them from typing their thoughts.

An earlier female poster was horrified that men see women sexually. Think about the absurdity of that statement.

 

[Solaros]

/my two cents.

Sounds to me like you could use some of the advice on how to gain confidence that is presented in this thread; the advice on diminishing insecurities seems right up your alley too.

The point of this thread is to make Combine, and anyone else who tries to apply the advice, happier.

That's it. Reading into it anymore than that is naive.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

That would be precisely what I'm talking about.

I don't refer to boys as pensises or balls or phalluses or dicks in everyday language (sophmoric puns included) unless I want to insult them. When I do, I usually opt for the term "putz".

These threads give the distinct impression that women - their presence or their advice - aren't welcome. Which is just as well, I'm trying to avoid girl-age threads because a lot of the advice makes me want to hurl. I get enough of boys ignoring my opinions and feelings because of my genitalia in the real world, I don't need it here, too.

/my two cents.

The term putting the pussy on the pedestal can mean 1 of 2 things, IMO.

1) Making sex the reason why you put up with bullshit from a woman you normally wouldn't put up with because the sex is good.

2) Overvaluing a woman or devaluing yourself based on some illogical belief that you've mustered up in your head.

Number 2 is usually what is meant most of the time, and is what most the advice in this thread has been about. Stop devaluing yourself and start being confident in who you are as a person. No one hear has given any tips on how to trick or deceive women. Not only that, there was a long discussion on whether the advice of "being yourself" is valid since being yourself has led some of the posters to a life of unhappiness.

And what specifically in this thread has given you the impression your input isn't needed? I'm the only, I think, who made the comment that women in general give bad advice to men when it comes to approaching women, and so far no one has even commented on that statement I made or gave any credence or validity to it. The OP even specifically asked for women to chime on in the advice that's been given; which IMO is crazy considering gaf is pretty much a sausage fest.

Lastly what advice in this thread makes you want to hurl? What was said that was so offensive or blatantly wrong? What alternatives do you have to give the guys in here, who honestly for the most part just want to be in a relationship with someone their attracted to who'd accept them for them?

Are you new to the internet? Forums aren't generally like everyday situations hence the different language. It's just anonymous locker room slang; rather than take offense, why don't you contribute? I don't see guys here actually put down women or bar them from typing their thoughts.

An earlier female poster was horrified that men see women sexually. Think about the absurdity of that statement.

This is the reason for the comment I made earlier. I had a friend who would get mad because guys she liked that liked her bad wanted to....gasp....have sex with her. She was offended. I told her every man wants to fuck you, don't believe anything to the contrary. And the guys that don't want to fuck you either 1) aren't attracted to you or 2) are gay. Her ex-bf didn't want to fuck her, turns out he preferred penis.

I would ask her what would you do if a guy didn't wanna screw you? You'd either get upset that he's turning you down, or put him in the friend zone and view him as being asexual.

 

[RoH]

Liste,n women don't want to make sense; plain and simple. They have and always will come at you sideways, like succubus in the night.

 

[Cubsfan23]

you guys are analyzing this stuff way too much :lol

 

[RobertM]

bdizzle I was wondering, are you Mr.Chi-City?

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

bdizzle I was wondering, are you Mr.Chi-City?

Chi city mayne!

Lol naw Ima fan of his stuff tho, I remember watching his fridge video and thinking holy shit who told him my secret!!! :lol I'll take it as a compliment tho!! People tell me all the time tho I should write a book, start a blog, do a podcast or something.....my black ass too lazy and I know I wouldn't like the fame or people recognizing me

 

[Exhumed]

And what specifically in this thread has given you the impression your input isn't needed? I'm the only, I think, who made the comment that women in general give bad advice to men when it comes to approaching women, and so far no one has even commented on that statement I made or gave any credence or validity to it. The OP even specifically asked for women to chime on in the advice that's been given; which IMO is crazy considering gaf is pretty much a sausage fest.

I am actually talking to a female friend of mine about this subject. She thinks girls give the best advice on getting or approaching a woman. I think I got her on this point. "You always want your friends to be treated or treat better than you are have been treated." Basically you are going to tell your friend to give the girl everything you didn't get. In the mean time you have no idea why you really ended up with such a bad guy.

 

[Argyle]

I am actually talking to a female friend of mine about this subject. She thinks girls give the best advice on getting or approaching a woman. I think I got her on this point. "You always want your friends to be treated or treat better than you are have been treated." Basically you are going to tell your friend to give the girl everything you didn't get. In the mean time you have no idea why you really ended up with such a bad guy.

I 100% agree that women generally will not give good dating advice to their male friends.

In all fairness, though I have found that I give lousy advice to my female friends. I think about the best you can do is to explain what you think is going on in the other person's head, but actual actionable advice? No way - "the game" is played differently by each gender by its very nature.

For example, in a given situation I might tell someone to just ask her out. But giving that advice to a woman may not be a good idea...as it is currently the societal norm for women to be asked out, not the other way around. (not saying that women should never be forward and ask guys out - just that I have never played the game from that role, so how should I know if it is a good idea? If any women are still reading this thread, maybe they can weigh in on this.)

Sorry if you were offended BladeWorker - no disrespect was intended, it's a common phrase when discussing the issue.

 

[Exhumed]

In all fairness, though I have found that I give lousy advice to my female friends. I think about the best you can do is to explain what you think is going on in the other person's head, but actual actionable advice? No way - "the game" is played differently by each gender by its very nature.

For example, in a given situation I might tell someone to just ask her out. But giving that advice to a woman may not be a good idea...as it is currently the societal norm for women to be asked out, not the other way around. (not saying that women should never be forward and ask guys out - just that I have never played the game from that role, so how should I know if it is a good idea? If any women are still reading this thread, maybe they can weigh in on this.)

Which brought me to my next point. Its hard to give "general" advice on how to play the game for that very reason. Everyone has different game that works for them. Just got to do some research and practice and next thing you know girls will be all over you.

 

[hulot]

The term putting the pussy on the pedestal can mean 1 of 2 things, IMO.

1) Making sex the reason why you put up with bullshit from a woman you normally wouldn't put up with because the sex is good.

2) Overvaluing a woman or devaluing yourself based on some illogical belief that you've mustered up in your head.

Just to add to this another take, the phrase is actually far from anything misogynistic since it actually tries to steer men away from seeing women as something foreign because of their genitalia but rather as regular people. So really, what's the problem? The term itself is being objectified and examined in the phrase, not used to objectify women.

To BladeWorker, instead of taking offense, why not be active in your feminism and initiate rather than keep allowing society to expect men to approach you?

 

[kame-sennin]

t, I'll give that a shot. Umm, in the off event that I might get a succesful "hi" return, what do I say then?

Don't plan that far ahead, you'll end up writing a script that you won't remmeber. And if nothing comes to your head, just smile and tell the truth:

Combine: Hi
Girl: Um.. hi.
Combine: Yea, that's all I got *smiles*.

Remember, it's one big adventure. Who cares what happens? Just stop giving a fuck.

Does that line honestly work? It sounds so generic and wouldn't a girl see right through it?

See through to what? You're just a nice guy saying 'what's up'. She won't see through to your ulterior motives because you have none. Yes, you want to meet women. Yes, you want to sleep with women. But there's no guarantee that you want to sleep with that particular woman. You don't know anything about her. She could be a psycho, she could be boring. Remember, she's got to show you something too*. So when you approach a woman, your mind will be empty of all those desires. You will simply be a man walking up to a woman, hoping to find something interesting. Any other thought is just bullshit to trip you up.

Well, I certainly don't think that, and I don't think in any of my posts I've ever referenced the entire opposite sex by that term. But I'm a man, and as a man, I sure as hell find pretty girls attractive, what is wrong with that?

Don't look now, but you're starting to sound like a confident man who respects himself. Keep that in mind when you're out in the real world.

With regard to what she was referencing though, yes, it stinks like a locker room in here and "pussy on a pedestal" is a stupid, sexist phrase. On the whole though, I think this thread has maintained a pretty respectful tone. And it's been far more critical of the average male's behavior than the average female's. Take that for what its worth.

*Stolen from Roger Dodger, a movie you ought to see.

Edit: Btw Combine, it's fast approaching Friday night. Are you going out?

 

[Combine]

Oh wow, it is Friday isn't it. Man I must be still tweaked from the trip that it snuck up on me like that.

I don't have any plans. Was probably going to try to work on some art or try and play more Batman, but I guess those wouldn't be of much help to me for this situation huh?

Still not sure where exactly I'd want to go around my area. I guess I could head to a store or something, but I was gonna do that tommorow plus get a haircut. I dunno if I'm ready to try and attempt to go to a place like a bar or a club all by myself at this current moment.

Of course if I had had a friend that wanted to go out and do something tonight, I'd probably say yes, but, don't have any friends, so well, guess I gotta improvise somehow. Or at least, figure out how so I can improvise in the future.

 

[disillusion386]

Oh wow, it is Friday isn't it. Man I must be still tweaked from the trip that it snuck up on me like that.

I don't have any plans. Was probably going to try to work on some art or try and play more Batman, but I guess those wouldn't be of much help to me for this situation huh?

Still not sure where exactly I'd want to go around my area. I guess I could head to a store or something, but I was gonna do that tommorow plus get a haircut. I dunno if I'm ready to try and attempt to go to a place like a bar or a club all by myself at this current moment.

Of course if I had had a friend that wanted to go out and do something tonight, I'd probably say yes, but, don't have any friends, so well, guess I gotta improvise somehow. Or at least, figure out how so I can improvise in the future.

Just go to Starbucks or a trendier coffee shop. There are a lot of low-key women there.

Wait, do you live in a large city or more of a suburb?

 

[BronzeWolf]

.

 

[Combine]

Just go to Starbucks or a trendier coffee shop. There are a lot of low-key women there.

Wait, do you live in a large city or more of a suburb?

Suburb, though I can get to the large city if I really really wanted to. Heh, ok, guess I'll see about googling coffee shops or Starbucks. Heh, I think we discussed my lack of coffee love, so I guess I'll just take my sketchbook and sketch and have some other kind of drink or something.

 

[BronzeWolf]

.

 

[disillusion386]

Suburb, though I can get to the large city if I really really wanted to. Heh, ok, guess I'll see about googling coffee shops or Starbucks. Heh, I think we discussed my lack of coffee love, so I guess I'll just take my sketchbook and sketch and have some other kind of drink or something.

Get a smoothie, bring your sketch book or some other reading material with you, and try to approach at least one woman tonight. That's your goal: one woman. Keep it simple.

And just so you can practice, start by initiating conversation with the clerk or the barristas. Ask them how the night's going and all that. Smile and make eye contact. Then do the exact same thing to a random girl.

 

[Combine]

I don't think it will be likely. I'm tired out from the week and work, and my folks are returning form their leg of the trip tonight and we're probably gonna wind up talking the remainder of the evening.

I'll definitely be looking during the weekend though when I do go out on my own.

Also, I think this might be a bit of border-ness in me, heh, but I'm not getting any excitement about going to a place I have no real interest in at all (coffee shop). But I guess, it's all part of research. Hmmmm, guess it won't be any easier than that.

 

[Solaros]

Suburb, though I can get to the large city if I really really wanted to. Heh, ok, guess I'll see about googling coffee shops or Starbucks. Heh, I think we discussed my lack of coffee love, so I guess I'll just take my sketchbook and sketch and have some other kind of drink or something.

Drive to the downtown of a city.

Walk around.
Make eye contact with a cute girl.
Say Hi to her and toss her a little smile.

Repeat until you feel like you are over approach anxiety and could say hi to anyone.

The first word is usually the hardest, but you and I both know that you can hold a conversation just fine. Even if you can't, just ask the woman to tell her about what is going on in her life. Most first dates/approaches I don't say shit. Just let them talk and feel them out to see if they are right for me.

The good part of going into the city while you live in a suburb is that fact that you will probably never see these people again.

 

[kame-sennin]

I don't think it will be likely. I'm tired out from the week and work, and my folks are returning form their leg of the trip tonight and we're probably gonna wind up talking the remainder of the evening.

I'll definitely be looking during the weekend though when I do go out on my own.

Also, I think this might be a bit of border-ness in me, heh, but I'm not getting any excitement about going to a place I have no real interest in at all (coffee shop). But I guess, it's all part of research. Hmmmm, guess it won't be any easier than that.

Go out, get some practice. Report back tomorrow.

 

[RefigeKru]

edit - not for here

 

[Combine]

Alrighty, I dunno if this counts or not, but i felt because I was so tired and such that if I probably won't make it out later tonight, I should at least try something.

So, as I was walking for a drink, I noticed a female co-worker I know sitting by her lonesome with no one else around (so that might discount it since I've know her), so I walked up to her and started a conversation (yes, with a "hello"). And we talked for quite a bit, mainly about my trip and I was sure to maintain eye contact and smile, and also tried to ask her questions about things she mentioned.

It was fun. Again, it probably is "cheating" a little since it wasn't a random stranger, but at least I know my conversational skills apparently appear to be somewhat functional. She was smiling the whole time, so she must have been enjoying it.

I felt really good about myself afterwards. That must be a nice side effect to having a good conversation with a cute girl.

I should talk to her more often

 

[JORMBO]

I'm stuck in the suburbs now too. It takes a lot more effort to meet people here. I really miss college for this reason. But, it can be done.

All you have to do is take the approach you just did on your coworker and apply it on another girl. Sounds easy, right? It is. You'll be ok.

 

[Combine]

You are right, and I should probably think about it like this.

Clearly, my co-worker was more receptive of me because we know eachother, but obviously there will be times when there are women, especially random ones that will treat me with a "why are you talking to me?" attitude. I am just going to have to toughen up and realize that, yes, there will no doubt be those times, but hopefully that does not mean that every girl out there will be so cold and unapproachable.

I have to believe that there will be girls out there that will be receptive of me, a complete stranger just coming up to them and saying hi.

Hmm, I think I'm starting to feel better about things. Almost hopefull too.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Bring it on!


Well duh hahaha




Woah, no shit Sherlock hahaha

This next part I don't get:



followed by



First, yes you can tap that
Second, that chick is throwing herself at you
Third, do you want to tap that? If you do, start hugging her, touching her in slightly inappropriate places and cuddling.

I thought we were talking about a difficult situation here

:lol :lol :lol

Hey hectorse I could actually use your advice too. I'm going out tonight with this chick my brother hooked me up with. She's like a 15/10, I don't think I've ever dated anyone as pretty as her. We met up for lunch today and kicked it and I asked her if she wanted to come by my place after lunch and chill ( we had the day off). She smiled, said yeah, and said she give really good head. So after lunch I gave her a handshake and left. She sent me a text message saying "I thought we were supposed to go back to my your place?"

I'm confused...does she like me? I think she's like me but so far she hasn't given me any signals. And now I'm not even sure if she's gonna stand me up for our date tonite! What should I do????

 

[BronzeWolf]

.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

You are right, and I should probably think about it like this.

Clearly, my co-worker was more receptive of me because we know eachother

no, she's receptive of you because she has no reason not to be. When I saw your pic your not a bad looking dude.....no homo. So there's nothing physically wrong with you that makes you off putting.

but obviously there will be times when there are women, especially random ones that will treat me with a "why are you talking to me?" attitude.

You can't have any negative thoughts like that in your head. Every girl you approach are gonna be like "wow he's talking to ME!" Go into it from a positive mind state. Just like your co-worker, they'll sit down and talk. So far how many girls have treated you like the imaginary girl in your head that says "why are you talking to me" and how many have done what you co-worker did?

I am just going to have to toughen up and realize that, yes, there will no doubt be those times, but hopefully that does not mean that every girl out there will be so cold and unapproachable.

Remember, no negative thoughts. Keep telling yourself the opposite of what you're thinking. So instead of this:

I have to believe that there will be girls out there that will be receptive of me, a complete stranger just coming up to them and saying hi.

You gotta think:

I know that every girl out there will want me, a motherfuckin mack, coming up to them and saying sup

.

Hmm, I think I'm starting to feel better about things. Almost hopefull too.

There you go, you're starting to turn around mentally. Keep up with the positive thoughts and you'll start to notice you feel just fuckin great about yourself all the damn time.

 

[Combine]

no, she's receptive of you because she has no reason not to be. When I saw your pic your not a bad looking dude.....no homo. So there's nothing physically wrong with you that makes you off putting.

Aw shucks.

You can't have any negative thoughts like that in your head. Every girl you approach are gonna be like "wow he's talking to ME!" Go into it from a positive mind state. Just like your co-worker, they'll sit down and talk. So far how many girls have treated you like the imaginary girl in your head that says "why are you talking to me" and how many have done what you co-worker did?

Well, I didn't think of it in so much a negative light as more of just being somewhat realistic. I mean, really, will every girl I approach be all happy to see me? If I let myself completely believe that (not that I don't) and then all of a sudden one of them does act that way, I'd have built too much expectation and I'd be let down too much.

But yeah, I wasn't trying to be negative there. Just preparing myself for that, if a girl does give me the cold shoulder, I should get over it and move on to the next one.

There you go, you're starting to turn around mentally. Keep up with the positive thoughts and you'll start to notice you feel just fuckin great about yourself all the damn time.

I do feel a bit more stride in my step today.

 

[disillusion386]

Well, I didn't think of it in so much a negative light as more of just being somewhat realistic. I mean, really, will every girl I approach be all happy to see me? If I let myself completely believe that (not that I don't) and then all of a sudden one of them does act that way, I'd have built too much expectation and I'd be let down too much.

Don't think of it that way. If a girl is not receptive to you, then it's her loss not yours. The reality is that she's stuck up and isn't worth your time. It has nothing to do with you, it's actually because of her up-turned nose.

 

[Combine]

Yeah, that is pretty much what i'm trying to prepare myself to avoid, so I won't think that, get depressed and whatnot. I want to make sure I just shrug it off and move forward, without any loss in my stride.

 

[disillusion386]

Yeah, that is pretty much what i'm trying to prepare myself to avoid, so I won't think that, get depressed and whatnot. I want to make sure I just shrug it off and move forward, without any loss in my stride.

Exactly! And that's confidence!

 

[RefigeKru]

:lol :lol :lol

Hey hectorse I could actually use your advice too. I'm going out tonight with this chick my brother hooked me up with. She's like a 15/10, I don't think I've ever dated anyone as pretty as her. We met up for lunch today and kicked it and I asked her if she wanted to come by my place after lunch and chill ( we had the day off). She smiled, said yeah, and said she give really good head. So after lunch I gave her a handshake and left. She sent me a text message saying "I thought we were supposed to go back to my your place?"

I'm confused...does she like me? I think she's like me but so far she hasn't given me any signals. And now I'm not even sure if she's gonna stand me up for our date tonite! What should I do????

|:

It's not THAT straightfoward.

... I'll admit, it's SIMILAR but naturally I assume I'm looking into things too much, bad habit.

 

[Fantasmo]

Going out soon with my wingman.

Props to hectorse and bdizzle for all the info.

Now my little piece of advice for all you would-be ladies' men.

The model of success is not

FAILURE<<<YOU>>>SUCCESS
(failure means you're a failure, success means you're a success)

It is actually

YOU>>>FAILURE>>>SUCCESS
(you start off failing, eventually grab a few wins, and just keep getting better and better until you're a success)

Don't be afraid of them, they're people too, and probably won't hurt you

Have fun guys!

 

[Asmodai]

Don't think of it that way. If a girl is not receptive to you, then it's her loss not yours. The reality is that she's stuck up and isn't worth your time. It has nothing to do with you, it's actually because of her up-turned nose.

This isn't necessarily true. While it's important for people to have confidence, it's not fair to just blame everyone else if the world doesn't respond with universal praise to their very presence.

It's one thing to have a healthy self-esteem and quite another to have delusions of grandeur.

 

[disillusion386]

This isn't necessarily true. While it's important for people to have confidence, it's not fair to just blame everyone else if the world doesn't respond with universal praise to their very presence.

It's one thing to have a healthy self-esteem and quite another to have delusions of grandeur.

I was exaggerating a little bit, and you're right the girl isn't necessarily stuck up. All I'm saying is that it's her loss if she didn't give Combine the time and opportunity to show her who he is. That's the mindset I have whenever I strike up random conversations with women. If they turn me down, then whatever, they didn't get a chance to know me, and it's not my loss.

 

[EzLink]

This isn't necessarily true. While it's important for people to have confidence, it's not fair to just blame everyone else if the world doesn't respond with universal praise to their very presence.

It's one thing to have a healthy self-esteem and quite another to have delusions of grandeur.

If those "delusions of grandeur" are the best way to get someone from hating themselves to being actually confident though then its worth it. Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you land among the stars and all that

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

This isn't necessarily true. While it's important for people to have confidence, it's not fair to just blame everyone else if the world doesn't respond with universal praise to their very presence.

It's one thing to have a healthy self-esteem and quite another to have delusions of grandeur.

you have to understand combine's situation though. for his entire life he's been lying to himself about his own self worth, and now we're trying to bring him back to reality. if it takes lying to himself to get him to the point where he no longer thinks "every girl hates me" then I'm 100% fine with him lying his ass off. right now, he needs to constantly reaffirm himself so that he sees that he's worthy to have the type of woman he wants in his life. Look at the change in the way his typing going back to the beginning of the thread. he says he has a pep in his step, he's not using I guess all the time, he's attempting to talk to females, and he even had a convo with a co-worker and was charming/engaging enough to make her smile. If lying helped him go from post 1 to that, then I see nothing wrong with it for right now. after his psyche returns to normal, then we can give him tips on how to build true long lasting self confidence in himself.

 

[disillusion386]

Hey Combine, I'm not sure if this was addressed in the thread already, but I feel that we need to give you tips on HOW to look confident through body language. I am a firm believer that your body is your best weapon at exuding confidence.

- Stand up straight and tall. Have your shoulders back and chest out. It doesn't matter if you're buff or not.
- Relax your body. Appearing tense is a no-no.
- Keep your arms to your side and don't put your hands inside your pockets unless it's necessary (i.e. only when it's cold).
- Look straight ahead and not down on the ground when you're walking. Keep your chin up.
- This has been stressed already: SMILE
- Never, ever slouch
- Try to get rid of any nervous habits like shaking your leg, tapping your foot while seated, or being generally fidgety. I know it's hard to fix old habits and it will take time, but it's good to be cognizant of your habits so that you can fix them gradually.

There are more tips that other guys can give, but those are mine. If you follow them, you'll look like a relaxed, collected, and welcoming guy, and what girl wouldn't want to talk to you?

 

[Asmodai]

I was exaggerating a little bit, and you're right the girl isn't necessarily stuck up. All I'm saying is that it's her loss if she didn't give Combine the time and opportunity to show her who he is. That's the mindset I have whenever I strike up random conversations with women. If they turn me down, then whatever, they didn't get a chance to know me, and it's not my loss.

Yeah, I know what you mean, and I can see why some might think that this kind of advice is a good thing for people with self-esteem or confidence issues.

Personally, I don't think its a good strategy for several reasons. You can tell someone that they're Perfection Incarnate and that anyone who isn't instantly attracted to them is retarded, and you might even be able to trick them into thinking it for a while, but eventually reality is going to bring that crashing down.

Also, telling someone that they're perfect as they are gives them no room for improvement. People always need to be thinking about ways to improve. The only reason we bother dressing well and being hygienic and maintaining a hairstyle is because we are self-conscious. Not being self-conscious at all isn't necessarily the best approach. There's an ideal median point. Tons of heroin addicts out there don't care what other people think of them either.

 

[deadbeef]

This is a great thread.