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[The Last Wizard]

she called back, on the hone now and i suck at making conversation i need help guys

 

[Slo]

Don't talk long, ask her out for a drink. Talk when you're on your date.

 

[disillusion386]

she called back, on the hone now and i suck at making conversation i need help guys

Stop posting on GAF and talk to her!!!

 

[Fantasmo]

I'm up for it, but I've never managed to get anywhere with employees if I miss the number on the first meet. What's my approach?

 

[The Last Wizard]

Stop posting on GAF and talk to her!!!

we finished talking, there were still awkward pauses(i guess nerves and trying to think of topics)
we have some things in common i would've never expected, we both like roller coasters, rain, winter, and just chilling out. she says text her, well the better i get to know her the easier it'll be to talk. next time will be better

 

[demon]

we finished talking, there were still awkward pauses(i guess nerves and trying to think of topics)
we have some things in common i wouldve never expected, rollercoasters, rain, winter, and being mellow. she says text her, well the better i get to know her the easier it'll be to talk. next time will be better

You both have your own weather systems? holy shit

 

[disillusion386]

we finished talking, there were still awkward pauses(i guess nerves and trying to think of topics)
we have some things in common i would've never expected, roller coasters, rain, winter, and just chilling out. she says text her, well the better i get to know her the easier it'll be to talk. next time will be better

Wait, did you ask her out???

 

[Combine]

You both have your own weather systems? holy shit

:lol :lol :lol

Damnit, I shouldn't laugh, but that was just too good. God knows how I'll do whenever I finally try my very first conversation with a girl over the phone.

Shit...that is true, I don't think I've ever even conversed with a girl over the phone before. Heh, how strange.

 

[The Last Wizard]

Wait, did you ask her out???

yea for sunday, saturday she said she'll be at her aunts house and since its far from ehr house she might stay the night. so i'm gona hit her up on sunday and see if she's free

 

[kame-sennin]

Thinking about this for a minute, I think the real reason I'm so self-conscious and fear what other people will think of me is because it would reaffirm the negative beliefs I already have about myself and my low self-esteem. I'm like the anti-Barney.... in my body, where my awesome-gland should be, I have a second shame-gland. True story.

My problem is that my own appraisal IS more important, but my appraisal of myself is shockingly negative.

If I knew you guys in real life I would slap both of you repeatedly. The reason why you judge yourselves so harshly is because you're afraid. Regardless of what you say, you are afraid of the pain you may feel when others judge you. Therefore, you destroy your own self esteem before anyone else gets the chance. It's like a young, nervous writer sharing his work for the first time, "Here's my manuscript. It's pretty shitty, so don't get your hopes up." Stop protecting yourselves. You need to open up and embrace reality. Yes, it will occasionally be painful. But it will also be awesome.

The second thing that's tripping you up is pride. You may not be arrogant, but you're both overloaded with pride. Pride is what makes you so frightened of embarrassment. You both need to embrace humility; acknowledge the fact that you will make a few mistakes, that some people will think you're a fool, that some women will reject you, and accept it. That's what embracing humility means, and when you do this, you will find that your shame gland will start to shrink.

 

[BronzeWolf]

.

 

[kame-sennin]

I'm up for it, but I've never managed to get anywhere with employees if I miss the number on the first meet. What's my approach?

Honestly, after an epic fumble like the one you just had (not that I haven't been there), I think you need to go direct. I think you need to just walk back into the store at your earliest possible convenience, walk up to the girl, smile and say, "Hey, last time I was here, I forgot to ask for your number." Then whip out your phone and tell her to punch it in.

Go boldly my friend.

 

[Ether_Snake]

I blew it tonight! I was at the mall getting a Zagg screen protector put on for my new Droid and I walked into a nearby clothing store. A really cute employee welcomed me and asked me what I was looking for. I told her I was just browsing and mentioned I was getting a screen protector. She proceeded to mention that her Blackberry's wheel was broken, blabla, light chitchat.

I started to look around and she suggested I check out a couple thermal shirts since I was already wearing one. She pointed to one in particular and said that you get a free tote bag with it and I could give it to my girlfriend. I laughed and said "No girlfriend, I'm happy about that!" and laughed. She chuckled and mentioned I could get it for "one of your one night stands". I almost shit myself right there, but I kept composure and chuckled, and said "Yea totally!".

I tried on a few things and another employee helped me while she was helping another customer.

I ended up trying on a thermal "Oh so you DID want the thermal, I see how important my suggestions are!". She mentioned how she can't wait to get out of work since she's been working since 9am and it was now 6pm or so. I asked the group of employees for their thoughts, because I was unsure about the shirt length. The guy employee made a comment about the cute girl cutting her shirt short earlier today because she spilled coffee on it. We all laughed a bit.

I'm checking out and I had to make a move, and I totally putzed it. Instead of asking her what she was doing after work and if she wanted to grab a drink, I choked up and asked if I could come back and return it for a smaller size if it doesnt shrink properly in the wash. She said she could definitely do something for me.

I'm kicking myself right now, as she was a hottie (with a killer body), more than any of the other girls I'm currently talking to, and it definitely felt right until the last moment. Argh!

Man, the girl mentioned a "one night stand", AND says she can't wait to get out of her work place. Wow. One thing that can always save your ass even at the last minute is if you pay with your credit card. She will hand you over a pencil, so it's the perfect opportunity to ask her for her number as you give it back.

 

[Incognito]

i really need to man up and ask this girl out in my class...it's becoming pathetic. we have great eye-contact and smile at each other constantly, but we've never actually talked to each other since we sit at seperate tables. i'm 90% sure that if i asked her out, she'd say yes, but i keep avoiding the question... ughhh. only 2 weeks left of this term, too; i'm determined to say something..

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

If I knew you guys in real life I would slap both of you repeatedly. The reason why you judge yourselves so harshly is because you're afraid. Regardless of what you say, you are afraid of the pain you may feel when others judge you. Therefore, you destroy your own self esteem before anyone else gets the chance. It's like a young, nervous writer sharing his work for the first time, "Here's my manuscript. It's pretty shitty, so don't get your hopes up." Stop protecting yourselves. You need to open up and embrace reality. Yes, it will occasionally be painful. But it will also be awesome.

The second thing that's tripping you up is pride. You may not be arrogant, but you're both overloaded with pride. Pride is what makes you so frightened of embarrassment. You both need to embrace humility; acknowledge the fact that you will make a few mistakes, that some people will think you're a fool, that some women will reject you, and accept it. That's what embracing humility means, and when you do this, you will find that your shame gland will start to shrink.

You know what? You're absolutely right. But you know what else? This is something about myself that I've been trying to fix for a long time, and I haven't really gotten anywhere. I can identify the problem and its source, but I have no idea what to do to fix it; I've tried a lot of things, but I always end up back where I started. My fear of rejection is really, really deep; sometimes, I can't even make myself call close friends because I fear them turning me down or something to that extent.

Slap me all you want, but this issue isn't some frivolous matter to me; it's something that hangs over my whole life.

 

[demon]

I think you need to just walk back into the store at your earliest possible convenience, walk up to the girl, smile and say, "Hey, last time I was here, I forgot to ask for your number." Then whip out your..

..phone and tell her to punch it in.

 

[demon]

You know what? You're absolutely right. But you know what else? This is something about myself that I've been trying to fix for a long time, and I haven't really gotten anywhere. I can identify the problem and its source, but I have no idea what to do to fix it; I've tried a lot of things, but I always end up back where I started. My fear of rejection is really, really deep; sometimes, I can't even make myself call close friends because I fear them turning me down or something to that extent.

Slap me all you want, but this issue isn't some frivolous matter to me; it's something that hangs over my whole life.

ditto, man. ditto.

Kame that's good advice and I know there's a lot of truth to it, but putting into practice is a whole other issue. I don't know what to say. I think I need therapy.

 

[kame-sennin]

You know what? You're absolutely right. But you know what else? This is something about myself that I've been trying to fix for a long time, and I haven't really gotten anywhere. I can identify the problem and its source, but I have no idea what to do to fix it; I've tried a lot of things, but I always end up back where I started. My fear of rejection is really, really deep; sometimes, I can't even make myself call close friends because I fear them turning me down or something to that extent.

Slap me all you want, but this issue isn't some frivolous matter to me; it's something that hangs over my whole life.

ditto, man. ditto.

Kame that's good advice and I know there's a lot of truth to it, but putting into practice is a whole other issue. I don't know what to say. I think I need therapy.

Hey guys, wanna know why it's good advice? Because I am speaking from EXPERIENCE. The writer who disses his work before he hands it in... THAT'S ME. Or rather, it was me. I used to put myself down before anyone else could. I used to reject myself before any woman got the chance. I was the same damn way you guys were, and I can tell you from experience that this is a problem you can overcome.

Snowman: You like talking about your problems more than acting on them. No biggie. I'm a pretty cerebral guy, and I've been guilty of the same. But now it's time to turn shit around. Let's stop trying to figure out "what's wrong" with you. You've established that you're afraid of rejection, so act on that. Go out and get rejected. Do it tonight if you can. Go to a bar, walk up to the first woman you see, and say, "hi, my name's Snowman Prophet of Doom, but my friends call me Snowman for short. What's your name?" With that weak ass opener, you will probably get rejected. Or you might not. The point is, it is something you are probably scared shitless of doing, so why not do it? Do it just to say you did it. Do it.

Do it.

Demon: If you think you need therapy, I won't discourage you. I'm no medical professional. But in the meantime, why don't you try not taking yourself so seriously? Like I said, pride is going to kill you. I bet you hate dancing. Why not go to a bar/club with your friends, walk out onto the floor, and just start dancing? So what if you suck at? "Oh no, I'll look stupid, everyone will think I'm a jackass." That voice in your head is pride. It's telling you you're too good to embarrass yourself. Ignore it. Allow yourself to do whatever the fuck you feel like doing. And more importantly, allow people to have their own judgment of you, be it positive or negative. I'm using dancing as an example because it trips up a lot of guys here. Whatever it is that makes you feel insecure, try it out. Wear a cowboy hat, order an appletini at the bar. Just actually do something that forces you to accept the fact that people will judge you... and that's ok. Once you do that, you might start to understand that other people's perception of you has almost no impact on how you actually feel.

 

[Combine]

I too believe strongly in all the advice that has been presented by kame, hectorse, bdizzle and everyone else. It's all true. Yet, when it comes down to actually doing it. Well, I'm certainly not going to say stupid stuff like "its impossible" or something like that. Obviously it isn't impossible because we've read success stories.

For me though, well, I wish I knew what to say. Change can only come from within. I wish I knew what the catalyst to that would be. It sucks being so damn nervous because of being so self-conscious (conditions I beleive were created due to hereditary, as well as my growing up experiences). I am afraid of being judged, funny how that is given how often I judge myself. Is it pride? I dunno if that's the correct word, more like self-worth perhaps. As if the little worth that exists is only sustained by the knowledge that somehow, if others judge me poorly, then no worth will no longer exist, and therefore, no further reason to exist.

It is strange. The reason I've felt no worth to me is because of my past. But in order to get beyond that, I have to find a way to bury it and start off clean.

 

[Guts Of Thor]

i really need to man up and ask this girl out in my class...it's becoming pathetic. we have great eye-contact and smile at each other constantly, but we've never actually talked to each other since we sit at seperate tables. i'm 90% sure that if i asked her out, she'd say yes, but i keep avoiding the question... ughhh. only 2 weeks left of this term, too; i'm determined to say something..

Man, just fucking do it! I can't count how many times I've been in your situation and didn't do anything and the regret I felt after wards.

Speaking of fumbles, there was this one time when I was getting my oil changed and when the cashier gave me my change, she grabbed my hand, looked me deep in the eyes and said, 'Here you go sweetie" and slowly put the change in my hand.

What did my dumbass do?

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.

I said thank you and got in my car and drove off.

 

[Ether_Snake]

Man, just fucking do it! I can't count how many times I've been in your situation and didn't do anything and the regret I felt after wards.

Speaking of fumbles, there was this one time when I was getting my oil changed and when the cashier gave me my change, she grabbed my hand, looked me deep in the eyes and said, 'Here you go sweetie" and slowly put the change in my hand.

What did my dumbass do?

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.

I said thank you and got in my car and drove off.

Wat.

What the fuck.

I'm out of here.

 

[Shai-Tan]

A high anxiety type will often tend to have a trait of perfectionism which leads to avoid and escape behavior. A good method to overcome the fear is to not focus on the highest anxiety situations, have a hierarchy in mind of low to high and build up from the lower. The path that led to that internal script also robs the individual of developing better social skills so it isn't something that will change overnight. It isn't an issue of "I can't talk to women" it's "I'm not very good at relating". It isn't only anxiety that leaves one with nothing to say. Spend less time in that shell and notice what others are doing, take what works and make it yours. No need to wear a persona if it comes naturally.

There are people out there who can push all the right buttons. It's a skill they learned. Obviously some get more of a free ride because of their looks or presentation but there's a lot more to it. It could be as simple as being able to observe, anticipate something about the person or what they're doing, how their day is going, something small but not too obvious or cliche to share sympathy about, make light of it, show an exaggerated interest in x (where x is what is observed, anticipated, shared, ...) even if it's mundane, make it funny, be subtle, lead in a direction that makes the person feel good about themselves, about whatever

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

God, I'm just not in the right place psychologically to deal with this. No matter what advice I get in this thread, I have nothing but objections and excuses. Fuck. I really just don't know how to fucking deal with this, and it's driving me into a really depressing place.

 

[Ether_Snake]

God, I'm just not in the right place psychologically to deal with this. No matter what advice I get in this thread, I have nothing but objections and excuses. Fuck. I really just don't know how to fucking deal with this, and it's driving me into a really depressing place.

Forget about it, just do something not girl-related, but that can make you proud.

I got to work out, and wash the fucking dishes I've left aside for I don't know how long now. It's 12:06am.

I'm fucking doing it! Get out of my way!

 

[kame-sennin]

God, I'm just not in the right place psychologically to deal with this. No matter what advice I get in this thread, I have nothing but objections and excuses. Fuck. I really just don't know how to fucking deal with this, and it's driving me into a really depressing place.

The fact that you know your objections are bullshit is a good start. Don't give up now. What do you think is stopping you from going forward?

 

[clav]

Didn't say agree with everyone, but how about picking your battles? Are you the guy who's looking for advice here, or are you the guy giving it out? You're the former, so maybe running your mouth and poking holes in everything isn't the best strategy.



When the conversation turns to a serious topic, serious thought and discussion is involved. And when disagreements are found, we generally agree to disagree fairly quickly to avoid alienating each other and making it unpleasant to be around each other. This may be a good strategy for you to employ, even on internet forums.

Anyway, go ahead and tell me how incredibly wrong, douchey, and stupid I am. I'll let you have the last word. I'm not going try to drag you out of your negativity against your will any more.

Look man. All I wanted to discuss was a life path that my friend and I discussed for 5 hours a couple nights ago. I posted that here. Instead of people talking about it, I am presented with people ignoring this (except hectorse, I thank you dearly) and see what you guys felt about it.

You on the other hand say, "Stop bickering!" when I'm trying to see if this life path I drew up is right. All I want to know is what are your thoughts on it as for the past few pages, it has been like that.

This is very relevant to the OP and other guys in my situation who do not have a large circle of female friends or if any.


... and from all of this, I owe you an apology making you feel like I'm trying to stab your arguments and others out there, too. My friends talk in this manner all the time, but it doesn't bring out this negative vibe that you described. Maybe I'm already conditioned that way, and I don't really mean it to make it feel like I am taking a stab at your responses.

I feel if we were to talk in person, this would come up more natural as I did with my friend when we discussed this.

Yes, pages back more, I will admit: I attacked people which was unnecessary. Totally uncalled for. I'm sorry.

I am just a lost young man. That is all. There are just days I am really fucking depressed in life, and I don't really have guy friends who care enough or are available to talk to about this. I don't have a job which I have been searching daily, and in my free time by myself a lot. I try to go out and do things to see people, but usually these outings are from invitations from other friends. I grew up not knowing people for the matter, and throughout college, I majored in engineering and did not know the female density would be so low. My homework and projects took up a lot of my free time. I tried to make myself more available to outings starting junior year and went to parties/social events to see new faces. Now all of that is gone now.

----

So back on topic, I just wanted to share with you something I was thinking. You did not bother to answer from I guess your conceived conception that I would bite back at you. Again, I'm sorry that I've done that to many in this thread.

I spent some days to think about what to do about my situation. Yes, I made some progress since I first posted in this thread. I just wanted to know if this was a way to approach my life now and many others who live in this manner.

Again, I thank hectorse for sharing his opinion about my argument.

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

The fact that you know your objections are bullshit is a good start. Don't give up now. What do you think is stopping you from going forward?

I've known for the past year and a half that my objections and trepidations are bullshit, but that recognition hasn't really led me to any meaningful solutions.

What's stopping me is that I just don't feel capable of doing anything to fix the situation; I feel helpless. Now, I can recognize intellectually that that is completely asinine and a way for me simply to avoid fixing anything, but I can't take that and turn it into anything meaningful for myself because these problems exist on an emotional/habitual level that I can't change by simply applying logic and reasoning.

I don't have any kind of social circle here at all; there are a few people that I talk to in/between classes, but I haven't hung out with anybody in a month and a half. The reason that I don't have a social circle is that I don't know how to relate to people and to form relationships. My problem, then, is more than just an inability to approach women in a non-platonic way; I have fundamental issues with making genuine connections with other people. I guess that's what's standing in my way, and it's a really big problem.

 

[clav]

Ok GAF. This is what I was hammering at. Let me rediscuss what I was trying to say for the past two pages.

This topic is about girl age and where to begin, so I was answering this with a very intense discussion that I had with my friend a couple nights ago.

Basically, you need to have a social circle. In other words, friends. You need to start from the ground up basics. Male friend. Female friend. Doesn't matter.

Now, some of us guys are deficient in the female friend factor. What most of you guys seem to be so adament about that if it's a GIRL = OMG DATE! This is a terrible way of thinking for guys lacking female friends.

If you don't have female friends to begin with, this is bound to end up with a lot of clinginess and wasteful actions. You end up infatuated, and you pretty much all over this one girl you are meeting if she shows interest. This is what happened with me, and this is what happened with my other friend. Most of the time girls just want another guy as a friend, and they don't want him in a relationship sort of sense if she already has one. If you guys are always going to equate GIRL = OMG DATE ZONE ONLY, then this is bound to fail even if it succeeds initially. This girl most likely wanted to be looking for friendship only, which should be fine if this is at your stage.

You need to build a base of solid friends that include females to help us to go somewhere.

After you established your group of female friends and male friends, then you are ready for a girlfriend.

I was saying my situation is this, and that for females that I encounter, I will now have to put them in the friend zone. This is what I'm very bummed about.

Do you guys not agree with this? For those of you guys saying I was making excuses these last few pages, as you can see, those were not excuses. This is what I was talking about!!!

What? How did you get to that conclusion?

I noticed my friends around me who are dating all have a # of female friends. A least a good handful of them. However, those female friends are also dating other people.

 

[The Last Wizard]

You both sound quite young. She is probably nervous too, so don't think much about it! you are doing good, and she is most likely interested since she called you back and agreed to a date on such a short notice!

GO GET SOME ICE CREAM

the Date isn't official yet, it will be if she comes back from her aunt's house. I'm gonna hit her up sunday afternoon and see. i guess you could say were young college freshmen

But yea Ice Cream how come i didnt think of that

 

[baultista]

Has this sort of become a generic lady advice thread for the masses?

If so... help a GAFfer out!

---

Backstory:

1) Boy meets girl in March, thinks girl is sorta cool
2) Boy meets girl again at a party (both sober), realizes girl is pretty cute, gets an MSN add and talks to girl once or twice on MSN (fyi, i dont talk to anyone on MSN)
3) Boy meets girl at another party (both sober), they hit it off, boy asks her out on a date
4) Girl tenses up (HORRIFIED look on her face) awkwardly says no, bolts
5) Girls' best friend says "she doesn't really date, never been asked out before or hit on or held freekin hands, has to look for other Asian/Christian boys" the next day via MSN
6) Boy mopes for a day or two, says "whatever", gets on with life and summer!

-- you'd think the story would end there, but NOOO

7) Boy realizes girl is in same student association as him for the upcoming school year
8) Boy inadvertently winds up spending lots of time with girl
9) Girl warms up to boy, awkwardness from last encounter goes away (for her, I was totally cool about it) and things go on like we were just somewhere between acquaintances and friends and then...



10) Boy starts to feel attraction towards girl again

What really irritated me off last time was that her *friend* had to run in and "let me down easily"... apparently I'm the first person that's ever asked her out. I still kinda like this girl, but I don't know if I should bother asking her out again (see point 5).

We always click when we talk... similar sense of humour, some similar interests (but of course what's the fun in dating your twin). She gets dismissed a lot in favour of her "hotter" friend, but I find her absolutely adorable.

I don't know what my question is... maybe just general opinion? Is it worth going after this girl?

 

[clav]

Has this sort of become a generic lady advice thread for the masses?

If so... help a GAFfer out!

---

Backstory:

1) Boy meets girl in March, thinks girl is sorta cool
2) Boy meets girl again at a party (both sober), realizes girl is pretty cute, gets an MSN add and talks to girl once or twice on MSN (fyi, i dont talk to anyone on MSN)
3) Boy meets girl at another party (both sober), they hit it off, boy asks her out on a date
4) Girl tenses up (HORRIFIED look on her face) awkwardly says no, bolts
5) Girls' best friend says "she doesn't really date, never been asked out before or hit on or held freekin hands, has to look for other Asian/Christian boys" the next day via MSN
6) Boy mopes for a day or two, says "whatever", gets on with life and summer!

-- you'd think the story would end there, but NOOO

7) Boy realizes girl is in same student association as him for the upcoming school year
8) Boy inadvertently winds up spending lots of time with girl
9) Girl warms up to boy, awkwardness from last encounter goes away (for her, I was totally cool about it) and things go on like we were just somewhere between acquaintances and friends and then...



10) Boy starts to feel attraction towards girl again

What really irritated me off last time was that her *friend* had to run in and "let me down easily"... apparently I'm the first person that's ever asked her out. I still kinda like this girl, but I don't know if I should bother asking her out again (see point 5).

We always click when we talk... similar sense of humour, some similar interests (but of course what's the fun in dating your twin). She gets dismissed a lot in favour of her "hotter" friend, but I find her absolutely adorable.

I don't know what my question is... maybe just general opinion? Is it worth going after this girl?

Sounds like you're in the friend-zone already. Move on.

If it bugs you so much, give it a shot asking her out (again although that just seems really awkward).

 

[kame-sennin]

Is it worth going after this girl?

That depends on whether or not you like unbroken hymens and blue balls.

If you go after this girl, go slow and keep it SUPER CASUAL. Don't "ask her out". Just make plans to do stuff alone together. For example, if you wanted to study with a guy friend, you wouldn't say, "hey Bill, I was wondering if you were going to be busy on Thursday. If not, do you want to come over to my dorm and study for the quizz?". No, you'd just say, "goddamn that quizz is gonna suck. Come over to my room on Thursday and help me study." You've got to take the same approach with this girl. Arrange as much alone time as possible, but don't dare try to make a date out of it. If you can get her out to do fun stuff like going to the park, getting ice cream, ect. that's great, but if not, just focus on spending casual time together. While you guys are hanging out, slowly push forward with this:

yes

 

[Ether_Snake]

I realized that I'm much more comfortable talking and keeping a conversation up in english than in french, even tho my first language is french. I also fumble over my words in french a lot more. It's like when I speak english it's less intimate, like I'm speaking through someone else, so it's easier. Weird.

 

[kame-sennin]

I've known for the past year and a half that my objections and trepidations are bullshit, but that recognition hasn't really led me to any meaningful solutions.

What's stopping me is that I just don't feel capable of doing anything to fix the situation; I feel helpless. Now, I can recognize intellectually that that is completely asinine and a way for me simply to avoid fixing anything, but I can't take that and turn it into anything meaningful for myself because these problems exist on an emotional/habitual level that I can't change by simply applying logic and reasoning.

I don't have any kind of social circle here at all; there are a few people that I talk to in/between classes, but I haven't hung out with anybody in a month and a half. The reason that I don't have a social circle is that I don't know how to relate to people and to form relationships. My problem, then, is more than just an inability to approach women in a non-platonic way; I have fundamental issues with making genuine connections with other people. I guess that's what's standing in my way, and it's a really big problem.

From reading your earlier posts, I know you mentioned having some friends or acquaintances. You need to start spending more time with these people. You may feel like you have no social abilities, but you have to remember that humans are a very social species. You know how to be social on a biological level. All you need now is to immerse yourself in more social situations. So start inviting people over to play video games or rent a movie or something. It doesn't have to be anything special or extreme. Just get yourself acclimated to being social and then you can move forward on the female front. Start doing this asap (like tomorrow morning) because you won't be in college forever. It's going to suck really hard if you graduate having not taken advantage of all the easy sex that ONLY college provides.

 

[Combine]

It's going to suck really hard if you graduate having not taken advantage of all the easy sex that ONLY college provides.

*cries*

Ya, please snowman dude, don't become like me.... :'(

Be thankful you've got friends to talk to. Use them!

 

[clav]

*hands tissue to Combine*

Seriously snowman. DO SOMETHING! You are going to regret this forever and be at the same stage that I am.

As a recent college graduate, I find myself saying a lot of times that if I were back as a freshman, there would be so many things I would do different.

One of them is to be with as many girls as I can.

 

[demon]

Demon: If you think you need therapy, I won't discourage you. I'm no medical professional. But in the meantime, why don't you try not taking yourself so seriously? Like I said, pride is going to kill you. I bet you hate dancing. Why not go to a bar/club with your friends, walk out onto the floor, and just start dancing? So what if you suck at? "Oh no, I'll look stupid, everyone will think I'm a jackass." That voice in your head is pride. It's telling you you're too good to embarrass yourself. Ignore it. Allow yourself to do whatever the fuck you feel like doing. And more importantly, allow people to have their own judgment of you, be it positive or negative. I'm using dancing as an example because it trips up a lot of guys here. Whatever it is that makes you feel insecure, try it out. Wear a cowboy hat, order an appletini at the bar. Just actually do something that forces you to accept the fact that people will judge you... and that's ok. Once you do that, you might start to understand that other people's perception of you has almost no impact on how you actually feel.

Some of that isn't really an option, though. I don't have anyone to "go out dancing" with, and I'd just feel awkward walking around downtown in a cowboy hat. I feel like I don't even have the foundation in my life for that kind of stuff to help me yet. I don't know how to describe it, I just feel....... lost. I went out tonight for an hour and a half or so, and nothing happened as usual. Just kinda wandering around, stepping into a bar or two, feeling like an invisible ghost drifting through crowds of friends and couples and college students still in the social prime of their life, living it up on friday night. And I put on my white studded belt, tinted clubbing glasses and gel spiked hair for nothing.

It's going to suck really hard if you graduate having not taken advantage of all the easy sex that ONLY college provides.

ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu *slits wrists*

 

[RobertM]

I witnessed firsthand a dude trying to get with a chick at the train station. The conversation went something like this:
"Hi, I'm Victor"
"Hi Victor" (in pleasant voice)
"Where are you going?"
"I'm just going home from work"
He says something else and she proceeds to use her phone, and that's that. It felt kind of strange as an observer, more like out of place or something I didn't imagine it having that kind of reaction. Imagining certain encounters and seeing them unfold in front of your face is polar opposite. Also he was wearing baggy pants a Yankee hat and the chick was nicely dressed/professional looking, totally opposite.

 

[ReiGun]

It's going to suck really hard if you graduate having not taken advantage of all the easy sex that ONLY college provides.

I'm three years into college and I feel like I'm gonna be in this category. It's awfully depressing. :/

 

[Scarecrow]

would a girl find it strange if I offered to cook her dinner?

 

[BronzeWolf]

.

 

[grumble]

would a girl find it strange if I offered to cook her dinner?

Depends on the situation and culture. Probably a great third date idea, since it generally leads to sex. As a first date, it's a little riskier if she's a stranger.

 

[Scarecrow]

Depends on the situation and culture. Probably a great third date idea, since it generally leads to sex. As a first date, it's a little riskier if she's a stranger.

what a coincidence. It would be a third date, although I'm not that hopeful that it would lead to anything close to doing it.

 

[Hypereides]

would a girl find it strange if I offered to cook her dinner?

I'd suggest doing it together, instead of doing it for her.

 

[shintoki]

first date jitters are th ebesttt embrace themmm

also shintokioaki - i'm having a very hard time figuring out your gender and sexual orientation by your post :lol

I'm a guy...who looks a bit like a girl, but manly enough! And I like both girls and guys. Even though I'm not quite sure how it helps me make friends:lol

Really though, anything someone could offer would be helpful. And I don't mean the "Find common interest club or something". I'm talking more about the general basics. Like when it is okay to call someone to hang out, or get along. Like do I call them or do I let them call me? How do I ask it. Etc. I really just want people to hang out with

 

[clav]

I'm a guy...who looks a bit like a girl, but manly enough! And I like both girls and guys. Even though I'm not quite sure how it helps me make friends:lol

Really though, anything someone could offer would be helpful. And I don't mean the "Find common interest club or something". I'm talking more about the general basics. Like when it is okay to call someone to hang out, or get along. Like do I call them or do I let them call me? How do I ask it. Etc. I really just want people to hang out with

Simple. Do you have friends at all?

What do you do in your free time? Use that time to invite people to do other things.

 

[Fantasmo]

*cries*

Ya, please snowman dude, don't become like me.... :'(

Be thankful you've got friends to talk to. Use them!

Combine, you know what's awesome about you?
You're still hanging around in this thread, and you realize your faults, and you're taking actions. You may not be anywhere near where you want to be, but you're taking the advice and applying it, which is stupid cool!

You're not going to get it overnight, no one becomes a Don Juan overnight, and that's not the point anyway. In fact, it's not healthy at ALL to do this stuff religiously. It's supposed to intermingle with the rest of your life! The point is to learn and grow over time.

Most really good skills take years to develop, and little by little, if you keep it up as the opportunities present themselves, and with some reflection about it, you'll get there.

When you fail or screw up, it does stink, and sometimes sucks a lot, but it's never THAT bad because a new opportunity is always around the corner, as long as you put yourself out there.

I give you props. There're a lot of complainers out there that aren't willing to actually DO anything.

You are and I commend you for that!

 

[Fantasmo]

By the way guys, let me give you a huge tip. Something that I only recently learned sadly.

Become who you want to be. There are girls attracted to everything. You can be a nice person who goes to church regularly and find a girl. You can be a mob kingpin and find a girl.

And contrary to popular opinion, there are stunning girls who act normal and not crazy, it's just that they're harder to find because they fly under the radar, instead of right through it at mach 10.

You can be anything you want and find a girl who matches that type of personality. It's possible. Become good at a lot of things, and show the right signals, and eventually girls will pick up on that and start hanging around you.

At that point, it becomes a matter of filtering out what matches your lifestyle.

So seriously, don't try to impress anyone. Not only does it make you look silly, but it undermines you. Do the things that you like, and the fact that it comes natural will come across and you will be genuine. People like genuine.

 

[Fantasmo]

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

The only thing you had to say wasw "Look, I think you are cute, want to hang out later?"

THAT'S THE ONLY THING YOU HAD TO SAY! I WISH I HAD GIRLS FLIRTING WITH ME ON THE MALL HOLY JESUS ON A POPSICLE

Go back tomorrow and just ask her!

:lol I know I know. My body language and style says all the right things, then my sense of humor takes over and I kick butt.

My biggest hurdle is that I have intense anxiety and an overwhelming fear of rejection unless I've had a couple drinks or we end up spending a bunch of time together.

So "the moment" is where I usually get caught up.

I'm kind of an oddball in that sense. I learned the mating ritual / game stuff. My body language and sense of humor are on point. My girlfriends have all been knockouts and the women I've dated all very cute. Girls open up to me very quickly. But traditionally I've been single more often than not because my "comfort zone" was so rarely presented.

I have a date today/tonight with another girl, so I may not have time to go back, but I'm gonna try to find my balls to just do it, maybe after my dance class. If I do, I'll report back. If I don't, I'll report back also.

 

[MoxManiac]

See if you can find my balls while you're out as well, I could really use them. no homo