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[Eggo]

To clear things up, this girl has not offered to have sex with me. I don't understand where you guys are getting this impression.

Edit: Oh wait maybe I do



Also, I had my eyes on another girl before this one came on the scene.

Who says you can't pursue both at the same time? This is that oneitis we were talking about earlier.

 

[Aesius]

Dammit, guys. I just had "the talk" with my ex (who I've still been hanging out with regularly for the past 5 months - unhealthy, I know).

I asked her what the hell was going on, and where the relationship was headed. She said she didn't know, and that she still loved me but doesn't want a relationship. We agreed to actually spend some time apart for once and see how we feel about things in a few weeks. In other words, it's probably over for good.

I'm pretty fucking upset about it. I really love her, and I tried my best to play it cool the entire time, but by the end we were both in tears. It's the first time she has seen me cry in two years.

And to top it all off, tonight she's going out with a bunch of her coworkers for her birthday. So she'll likely end up very drunk and....ugh. I don't even want to think about it.

 

[JimiNutz]

i want to tell my co-worker i like her. i'm thinking i should just get this out there instead of holding it in me, if she rejects me....fine, whatever. at least i know for sure and can move on.

not really sure when to bring it up, not at work of course. i do have one thing going against me though, she prefers hispanic guy...what a racist! :lol i'm thinking about calling her that too, as a joke of course.

any pro-tips? cool lines i can say? i love cool lines. i'm going to be calm and casual about it when i tell her.

thanks.

Do not date people from work...very bad idea.

Is she someone that you have to interact with or see on a regular basis, or just someone that works in a different department?
If you're in a small - mid sized office dating a co-worker in usually a recipe for disaster...

 

[Tornado Condor]

So I'm going out with the girl tomorrow to the fair. Sweet and thanks to all of you for the advice!

 

[DrFunk]

So I'm going out with the girl tomorrow to the fair. Sweet and thanks to all of you for the advice!

Congrats!

and give us details

 

[jon bones]

To clear things up, this girl has not offered to have sex with me. I don't understand where you guys are getting this impression.

Edit: Oh wait maybe I do



Also, I had my eyes on another girl before this one came on the scene.

it's a basic rule of investing, diversify your portfolio. pursue both women at the same time.

as for the sex thing - understandable but lots of women don't want to have sex before they're married... until they meet someone who gets em wet.

So I'm going out with the girl tomorrow to the fair. Sweet and thanks to all of you for the advice!

godspeed

 

[SlasherJPC]

Dammit, guys. I just had "the talk" with my ex (who I've still been hanging out with regularly for the past 5 months - unhealthy, I know).

I asked her what the hell was going on, and where the relationship was headed. She said she didn't know, and that she still loved me but doesn't want a relationship. We agreed to actually spend some time apart for once and see how we feel about things in a few weeks. In other words, it's probably over for good.

I'm pretty fucking upset about it. I really love her, and I tried my best to play it cool the entire time, but by the end we were both in tears. It's the first time she has seen me cry in two years.

And to top it all off, tonight she's going out with a bunch of her coworkers for her birthday. So she'll likely end up very drunk and....ugh. I don't even want to think about it.

Hey man. I'm in a very similar spot myself. As with seeing the ex. Not sure how its going to turn out...thinking of trying to talk to her tonight about this (its especially crucial since she has two kids and I don't think its fair to the kids for us to keep seeing each other if she doesn't want to stay involved) but regarding your situation. You need to not think about anything she is doing. You need to realize it doesn't matter. Right now you need to think about yourself and getting back on track with things you want to do.

Don't put her on a pedestal. Know that ANYONE is replaceable so to speak. Not saying the relationship didn't mean anything or that she wasn't someone that could have been "the one" as they claim. I think there can be many "ones" You need to worry what your going to do, how your going to spend your time, etc. Think more about what you want, and not what she is doing.

Trust me its hard, but it helps!

 

[Atramental]

Who says you can't pursue both at the same time? This is that oneitis we were talking about earlier.

it's a basic rule of investing, diversify your portfolio. pursue both women at the same time.

Or how about I forget those 2 and find someone who doesn't go to BJU and isn't a fundie fucktard.

That's what I should be doing.

Argh... if you guys knew me in real life you wouldn't be giving me this advice.

 

[SlasherJPC]

Or how about I forget those 2 and find someone who doesn't go to BJU and isn't a fundie fucktard.

That's what I should be doing.

Argh... if you guys knew me in real life you wouldn't be giving me this advice.

Well we don't know you in real life and can only go so far from the posts you make. The idea though of keeping your eyes out for a few different woman and whatnot is fine though. Good luck with all that.

 

[Pyke Presco]

Atramental, if you are seeing all these girls at school and you are not trying to meet people elsewhere, and then you come in here and ask the thread "Hey guys there's these cute chicks at this school but I don't want to date them but I also have no intention of finding people elsewhere. What should I do?" what do you really expect to come out of this thread? If you don't want advice on what to do in this situation, then why tell us about the situation at all?

People in here are gonna say "Hey, you're in college and people change their minds on what's important all the time at that stage. These girls might not be so craxy after all and are just looking to have some fun like every single other early twenties person going to university, try it out" which is absolutely true. Or they might say "Hey, you really hate BJU and don't want to meet anyone there, so you should leave". Also true. But when you come in here, complain about things and then tell everyone they're so wrong about all their suggestions and it's so very different in your case because your school is the one place in the universe where every single person is crazy except you and you wouldnt touch any of them with a ten foot pole...well, in that case why even say anything in the first place? I just don't understand exactly why you're in here or what you're asking. The thread can only give advice based on what you tell us, which is semmingly very difficult in this case.

 

[Xun]

Atramental, if you are seeing all these girls at school and you are not trying to meet people elsewhere, and then you come in here and ask the thread "Hey guys there's these cute chicks at this school but I don't want to date them but I also have no intention of finding people elsewhere. What should I do?" what do you really expect to come out of this thread? If you don't want advice on what to do in this situation, then why tell us about the situation at all?

People in here are gonna say "Hey, you're in college and people change their minds on what's important all the time at that stage. These girls might not be so craxy after all and are just looking to have some fun like every single other early twenties person going to university, try it out" which is absolutely true. Or they might say "Hey, you really hate BJU and don't want to meet anyone there, so you should leave". Also true. But when you come in here, complain about things and then tell everyone they're so wrong about all their suggestions and it's so very different in your case because your school is the one place in the universe where every single person is crazy except you and you wouldnt touch any of them with a ten foot pole...well, in that case why even say anything in the first place? I just don't understand exactly why you're in here or what you're asking. The thread can only give advice based on what you tell us, which is semmingly very difficult in this case.

If I recall correctly, BJU has a curfew.

That alone would make things harder to socialise outside of the college.

 

[Aesius]

Hey man. I'm in a very similar spot myself. As with seeing the ex. Not sure how its going to turn out...thinking of trying to talk to her tonight about this (its especially crucial since she has two kids and I don't think its fair to the kids for us to keep seeing each other if she doesn't want to stay involved) but regarding your situation. You need to not think about anything she is doing. You need to realize it doesn't matter. Right now you need to think about yourself and getting back on track with things you want to do.

Don't put her on a pedestal. Know that ANYONE is replaceable so to speak. Not saying the relationship didn't mean anything or that she wasn't someone that could have been "the one" as they claim. I think there can be many "ones" You need to worry what your going to do, how your going to spend your time, etc. Think more about what you want, and not what she is doing.

Trust me its hard, but it helps!

I know man. And I know, realistically, that I probably won't give much of a fuck the instant I meet someone else who I'm attracted to. But she has all of the power right now, and that's what sucks. I laid it out on the line - I told her I love her, that I'd like to still be with her, and that I miss her, and she didn't want any of it.

Of course, all of the feelings were reciprocated, with the caveat being her not wanting a relationship right now.

The fucked up thing is, I was on the verge of breaking up with her multiple times throughout the relationship. And now I'm sitting here with a huge lump in my throat as I type this because I'M the one who got dumped.

 

[Atramental]

Atramental, if you are seeing all these girls at school and you are not trying to meet people elsewhere, and then you come in here and ask the thread "Hey guys there's these cute chicks at this school but I don't want to date them but I also have no intention of finding people elsewhere. What should I do?" what do you really expect to come out of this thread? If you don't want advice on what to do in this situation, then why tell us about the situation at all?

People in here are gonna say "Hey, you're in college and people change their minds on what's important all the time at that stage. These girls might not be so craxy after all and are just looking to have some fun like every single other early twenties person going to university, try it out" which is absolutely true. Or they might say "Hey, you really hate BJU and don't want to meet anyone there, so you should leave". Also true. But when you come in here, complain about things and then tell everyone they're so wrong about all their suggestions and it's so very different in your case because your school is the one place in the universe where every single person is crazy except you and you wouldnt touch any of them with a ten foot pole...well, in that case why even say anything in the first place? I just don't understand exactly why you're in here or what you're asking. The thread can only give advice based on what you tell us, which is semmingly very difficult in this case.

I can't express myself anywhere else besides here on GAF and on the internet. I don't have people that I can just shoot the shit with and speak my mind to, in real life. This is all I have.

I'm really that pathetic.

 

[Tornado Condor]

Congrats!

and give us details

I'm picking her up at her house. I hope she doesn't make me meet her parents!

 

[Pyke Presco]

I can't express myself anywhere else besides here on GAF and on the internet. I don't have people that I can just shoot the shit with and speak my mind to, in real life. This is all I have.

I'm really that pathetic.

Don't get me wrong man, I'm not trying to bring you down or anything. And I understand the people that come in here and ask for help, as I made extensive use of this very thread myself back in February (and onwards) to great success. I just am not sure what it is that you are asking or what sort of advice you are looking for. You clearly don't want advice on dealing with the girls at your school as you just keep shrugging it off as unimportant; yet at the same time, from the tone of your posts, you aren't really making an effort to find other options. So again, I ask you: what sort of advice are you looking for and how can GAF help you? If you don't ask the right questions or give us all the pertinent info, there is no way people in here can help you to get past this point. Everyone in here wants people to do well in their efforts and the advice is always well-intentioned, but everything has to be done in the framework that the person seeking help provides.

 

[whitehawk]

So I'd just like to a post a little success-age if you don't mind. This girl asked me out in February but it didn't work out because I just started dating someone else (which didn't work out at all). Found out she still likes me, and talked at a party. Asked her out a few days later. That was about one month ago, and now she's my girlfriend . Hell I've already met her extended family :lol Her parents both used to be professional models and my now GF has done some herself (not professional though). Plus she's tall like me (I'm 6"3 she's probably 6") so I don't have to bend down to kiss her, I love it. She's nice, beautiful, into the same things as me and just great to hang out with.

That's it, I'm just extremely happy this has happened, I can see us lasting for quite a while. This is big for me because this is my first real relationship. I had short flings with 3 girls this year, but they didn't last long and they never seemed to care about the relationship. (one girl dumped me for one of my friends, one flat out started ignoring me, and one sort of cheated on me [we were'nt officially a couple yet so I say 'sort of']). This girl however is amazing, so happy.

 

[Atramental]

Don't get me wrong man, I'm not trying to bring you down or anything. And I understand the people that come in here and ask for help, as I made extensive use of this very thread myself back in February (and onwards) to great success. I just am not sure what it is that you are asking or what sort of advice you are looking for. You clearly don't want advice on dealing with the girls at your school as you just keep shrugging it off as unimportant; yet at the same time, from the tone of your posts, you aren't really making an effort to find other options. So again, I ask you: what sort of advice are you looking for and how can GAF help you? If you don't ask the right questions or give us all the pertinent info, there is no way people in here can help you to get past this point. Everyone in here wants people to do well in their efforts and the advice is always well-intentioned, but everything has to be done in the framework that the person seeking help provides.

Getting advice on how to stand up for myself is probably what I'm really looking for. I bend to peoples demands so easily and I have never been my own person. I'm a rebel inside but outside I'm just another mindless drone in the collective.

 

[Danj]

Hey GAF, just had my latest therapy session today. Apparently, learning to pretend play at age 2, and going to birthday parties during childhood, are really critical things in the path to social development. I never had birthday parties myself as a child, and I didn't go to many either, so that kind of links up with my experience.

In other unrelated news, apparently oxytocin cures shyness in socially deficient people. I have got to get me some o' that.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

I know man. And I know, realistically, that I probably won't give much of a fuck the instant I meet someone else who I'm attracted to. But she has all of the power right now, and that's what sucks. I laid it out on the line - I told her I love her, that I'd like to still be with her, and that I miss her, and she didn't want any of it.

Of course, all of the feelings were reciprocated, with the caveat being her not wanting a relationship right now.

The fucked up thing is, I was on the verge of breaking up with her multiple times throughout the relationship. And now I'm sitting here with a huge lump in my throat as I type this because I'M the one who got dumped.

She doesn't have any power when it comes to your happiness. You're choosing to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you, which in turn is making you sad. That's not a good look man, not a good look at all.

You gotta have some pride in yourself and not allow yourself to be placed in that type of situation. Ultimately your devaluing yourself. It's gonna be hard because feelings is involved, but you have to learn to separate emotion and logic and do what makes sense. And in your case you don't really have a choice because she's made her position clear as fuck.

 

[SlasherJPC]

I know man. And I know, realistically, that I probably won't give much of a fuck the instant I meet someone else who I'm attracted to. But she has all of the power right now, and that's what sucks. I laid it out on the line - I told her I love her, that I'd like to still be with her, and that I miss her, and she didn't want any of it.

Of course, all of the feelings were reciprocated, with the caveat being her not wanting a relationship right now.

The fucked up thing is, I was on the verge of breaking up with her multiple times throughout the relationship. And now I'm sitting here with a huge lump in my throat as I type this because I'M the one who got dumped.

I know this sucks... believe me. I was going through these exact thoughts only a couple weeks ago. Though now that I've got my schedule going and things happening in my life. Seeing results of my workout out, etc.... things are much better. Right now I'm in the position with my ex where I don't know whats going to happen. We have a good time together and its great but sometimes I feel like I don't know for sure. Though regardless, I've got my emotions in lock now. So if we "officially" get back together cool. If not, ouch but hey... I enjoyed it while it lasted. I probably won't open up to my ex again until I know for sure that we both want to move forward. Thats called keeping my emotions in check. Though I'm not being a dick to her, just she doesn't have all the power. Thats the way you want to keep the situation. Don't give her the power.

You were your own person before you met her, and most likely that was the very thing that attracted her to you. News flash... you are still you. Don't get co-dependent. It is a very bad place to be and if there is ANY chance of working things out with her. Thats the LAST thing you want to do. It will only drive her away further. You need to be happy with yourself and enjoy your life, you only get one. Her seeing you sulk, mope around, be sad, etc is just proving to her the very reasons why it was a good reason NOT continue being with.

Sorry if this comes off too hard but its just the truth and things I've figured out and experienced first hand myself in the last month. Stay strong man and just stay happy and content with everything else in your life. The rest will follow.

 

[Pyke Presco]

Getting advice on how to stand up for myself is probably what I'm really looking for. I bend to peoples demands so easily and I have never been my own person. I'm a rebel inside but outside I'm just another mindless drone in the collective.

Want to stand up for yourself? Do it. Tell your parents your sick of BJU and want to go to another school. Get a part time job and take out student loans to help you pay for such a transition since you've said before your parents won't help you pay for it if you go somewhere else. There are tens of thousands of students each year who take student loans to go to school, it's not like this isnt an option. I'd say finish this year at school since tuition is already paid and whatnot, but get the job and start banking some money now so that next year you can transfer. Work your ass off in the summer, apply for a loan and bail the fuck out next september. Hell, if you bank enough you might be able to pull off a transfer in January when the new semester starts. Also, make some new friends and start spending time with them. Expand your social circles. It's university for fucks sake, there should be thousands (maybe only hundreds? How big is this school?) of people who are interested in hanging out, having fun. Those crazy cathloic churchgoers? Yeah, they like going to the bars, heading to concerts/shows, going to shoot some pool with their friends, going on dates and fucking just as much as the "rebel atheists" at your school. They are people too, being religious doesnt automatically mean they suddenly have no idea how to have fun and that an atheist cannot comfortably hang out around them.

This "crazy" girl who keeps flirting with you and you want to get rid of? Tell her you're not interested in her. It's not gonna hurt her feelings, and you won't be looked at as the bad guy. She might be upset for like 5 minutes, and then she'll get over it, and you can stop worrying about trying to juggle this ridiculous balance of flirtation but totally not wanting to date her. Find someone who isn't so over the top religious if it makes you uncomfortable. How many people at your school are there because their parents are pushing it on them like your own are? I'm willing to bet you're not the only one.

I mean, come on man. You're putting up these artificial barriers that are sabotaging you from the get go. "Everyone here is crazy. Nobody here is normal dating material. It's impossible for me to have any fun at this school." With that sort of mindset your just setting yourself up for failure. It might be more difficult because of restrictions at your school, but there's no way in hell that you can't possibly in any way imaginable enjoy your time there.

 

[Atramental]

Want to stand up for yourself? Do it. Tell your parents your sick of BJU and want to go to another school. Get a part time job and take out student loans to help you pay for such a transition since you've said before your parents won't help you pay for it if you go somewhere else. There are tens of thousands of students each year who take student loans to go to school, it's not like this isnt an option. I'd say finish this year at school since tuition is already paid and whatnot, but get the job and start banking some money now so that next year you can transfer. Work your ass off in the summer, apply for a loan and bail the fuck out next september. Hell, if you bank enough you might be able to pull off a transfer in January when the new semester starts.

Very well. I shall get a job, save up money, get some loans, and bail out.

Also, make some new friends and start spending time with them. Expand your social circles. It's university for fucks sake, there should be thousands (maybe only hundreds? How big is this school?) of people who are interested in hanging out, having fun. Those crazy catholic churchgoers? Yeah, they like going to the bars, heading to concerts/shows, going to shoot some pool with their friends, going on dates and fucking just as much as the "rebel atheists" at your school.

Bob Jones is a Protestant university. They despise Catholics and atheists. And the things that I put in bold can get you expelled. If I did find people who did these things they probably wouldn't do them during the school year. Also, most students are from out of state so I wouldn't be able to hang out with them during the summer.

And there is approximately 4000 students. 80% of them live on campus and I'm apart of the 20% that doesn't.

They are people too, being religious doesnt automatically mean they suddenly have no idea how to have fun and that an atheist cannot comfortably hang out around them.

Sure. But when you're behind the walls of BJU you have to become another person. You can't act like you normally do. It is an environment of fear and intimidation.

This "crazy" girl who keeps flirting with you and you want to get rid of? Tell her you're not interested in her. It's not gonna hurt her feelings, and you won't be looked at as the bad guy. She might be upset for like 5 minutes, and then she'll get over it, and you can stop worrying about trying to juggle this ridiculous balance of flirtation but totally not wanting to date her.

Very well.

Find someone who isn't so over the top religious if it makes you uncomfortable. How many people at your school are there because their parents are pushing it on them like your own are? I'm willing to bet you're not the only one.

I did. Some of them dropped out and some of them got expelled.

I mean, come on man. You're putting up these artificial barriers that are sabotaging you from the get go. "Everyone here is crazy. Nobody here is normal dating material. It's impossible for me to have any fun at this school." With that sort of mindset your just setting yourself up for failure. It might be more difficult because of restrictions at your school, but there's no way in hell that you can't possibly in any way imaginable enjoy your time there.

I'm sorry... but go to that school for a week and get back to me about that crazy thing.

 

[Pyke Presco]

I honestly don't understand how going out to the bar or going to a concert or having a sexual relationship can get you expelled from university, especially if it's done on your own time outside of school. I'm not saying bust out the vodka and start banging some chick in the computer lab. Maybe I'm just missing something here.

Also, you cannot lump in all Prtoestants as despising all atheist and Catholics. Maybe it's just my crazy Canuckland sense of tolerance speaking, but my parents are Anglican, I went to a Catholic high school and I am agnostic leaning heavily towards atheism and I don't think a word has ever been said from friends, family or anyone around me bar one manager at my first fast food job.

And again, nothing says you have to socialize with these people at your school all the time. If you're commuting to school each day and not making friends at school or dont want to hang out with any of them, then just treat it like a job. Go in, take your lectures and leave, then do shit with your friends back home. Join some clubs, or start doing some casual sports. Take a martial arts class, or become a wicked bowler. Find a buddy to go to the gym with, and get a group that you go out for wings and pizza and beer on friday nights. It's just a matter of finding something different to do with your time. If you just go to school, dont socialize and generally hate it, then go home and head to your bedroom where you do nothing while waiting for the next day, and you never have anyone to hang out with, its no wonder that things are so shitty. If you do have people to hang out with, then why arent you doing so? They will know people, and those people will know even more people, and magically you have 3 or 4 friends and 20 acquaintances whom you can spend time with and do shit.

I was a hermit in my second and third year of university. Moved in with a roommate who was my best friend from first year, and then said "Ok, I'm good." Never bothered to go out, didn't meet anyone, sat in my room and played videogames, watched movies and hung out with my roommate. That was it. In first year I was meeting tons of people, always going out, and then in fourth year my roommate had graduated so I had to go out and do it all again. Needless to say, second and third year were a terrible waste of my time and if I could go back and redo it I would change so many things in a heartbeat. I made a mistake, but I've learned from it. You need to broaden your horizens and start making some changes, because you are very clearly dissatisfied with your current lot in life. And from the sounds of things, you really should try to get out of BJU as soon as possible, I would recommend seriously looking into a part time job to make some money and transfer in January. Though I do seem to recall you saying you only had one year left, so it might be better to suck it up and finish. And getting the job can also give you some other people to spend time with. Get into a restaurant working in the kitchen or a retail store with a bunch of other 18-22 year olds and start hanging out with them. They will intorduce you to other people and you can hopefully find some better people to spend your free time with.

I realize I don't understand your situation entirely and I can only give very general advice and personal anecdotes which may not be relevant, but the overarching principles should still be useful. Expand social circles. Find new activities (jobs, hobbies, socializing) to fill your free time. Make something happen. You can easily do it if you set your mind to it.

 

[Solideliquid]

So I'd just like to a post a little success-age if you don't mind. This girl asked me out in February but it didn't work out because I just started dating someone else (which didn't work out at all). Found out she still likes me, and talked at a party. Asked her out a few days later. That was about one month ago, and now she's my girlfriend . Hell I've already met her extended family :lol Her parents both used to be professional models and my now GF has done some herself (not professional though). Plus she's tall like me (I'm 6"3 she's probably 6") so I don't have to bend down to kiss her, I love it. She's nice, beautiful, into the same things as me and just great to hang out with.

That's it, I'm just extremely happy this has happened, I can see us lasting for quite a while. This is big for me because this is my first real relationship. I had short flings with 3 girls this year, but they didn't last long and they never seemed to care about the relationship. (one girl dumped me for one of my friends, one flat out started ignoring me, and one sort of cheated on me [we were'nt officially a couple yet so I say 'sort of']). This girl however is amazing, so happy.

Cool story bro. No actually pretty cool story. Let me ask you guys something. I'm 30, and I've been dating a girl near my age for a little over a month. Not sure if it's serious, don't really think about it much but we have agreed to see each other exclusively.

So about this whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" thing. Do you feel, that at some point the guy should ask "hey, wanna be my girlfriend?". I don't want to do that, it seems a bit immature at my age. I'm kind of assuming she is my girlfriend, though we haven't talked about it or defined the relationship.

Should I just let it roll?

 

[Pyke Presco]

Solide, in my opinion, if you guys have agreed to be exclusive I'd say leave it at that. If she wants to put further emphasis on it then so be it, but you're going out on dates, she's with you and things are going well. Why do you care if she's your "official" girlfriend or not when it is for all intents and purposes a relationship. Just let it slide for now, I wouldn't sweat it.

Although, at the same time my last "relationship" was apparently not one in her eyes, we were just friends with benefits which sort of caught me by surprise considering it was like 3.5 months of steady dating as far as I'm concerned, so my opinion may not be the most useful.

 

[Solideliquid]

Solide, in my opinion, if you guys have agreed to be exclusive I'd say leave it at that. If she wants to put further emphasis on it then so be it, but you're going out on dates, she's with you and things are going well. Why do you care if she's your "official" girlfriend or not when it is for all intents and purposes a relationship. Just let it slide for now, I wouldn't sweat it.

Although, at the same time my last "relationship" was apparently not one in her eyes, we were just friends with benefits which sort of caught me by surprise considering it was like 3.5 months of steady dating as far as I'm concerned, so my opinion may not be the most useful.

Right, mainly I got a weird feeling this week when I saw her. She seemed to imply I was seeing her for sex (or some kind of "convenience" girlfriend). I kind of didn't engage her and just changed the subject. Whatever I'm not in a rush, and I don't really care about making anything "official" or not. As far as I'm concerned being "official" doesn't give you any benefit. As long as she's interested in me, and I'm interested in her, and we aren't seeing other people I'm good with that.

 

[equap]

Do not date people from work...very bad idea.

Is she someone that you have to interact with or see on a regular basis, or just someone that works in a different department?
If you're in a small - mid sized office dating a co-worker in usually a recipe for disaster...

we're working in the same project, but different department. i see her almost daily just for chit chat and sometimes go out of my way to give her status she needs when she could have gotten it from the daily emails.

what's the worse that could happen? she rejects me? i think i can be professional about it at work. but i do hate the idea that it could mess up the friendship because i'm being selfish. i hate bottling up my feelings, just get it out of the way and move on or something. i think i got friendzone'd too :lol

i recently joined okcupid and eharmony for a fallback but no luck so far. she told me she's on eharmony too and been in contact with a guy...some fucking swimmer who went to the 2008 olympic :lol fuck! i can't compete with that!

 

[Rubenov]

Cool story bro. No actually pretty cool story. Let me ask you guys something. I'm 30, and I've been dating a girl near my age for a little over a month. Not sure if it's serious, don't really think about it much but we have agreed to see each other exclusively.

So about this whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" thing. Do you feel, that at some point the guy should ask "hey, wanna be my girlfriend?". I don't want to do that, it seems a bit immature at my age. I'm kind of assuming she is my girlfriend, though we haven't talked about it or defined the relationship.

Should I just let it roll?

My rule is let the woman handle the boyfriend/relationship talk. It has never failed.

 

[Solideliquid]

My rule is let the woman handle the boyfriend/relationship talk. It has never failed.

Yes I'm inclined to let her talk about it whenever it happens. However, in my age group, what does it mean for me if I agree to be her "boyfriend"? I've already got the exclusivity thing down, so what more does one expect?

Im asking because this concept appears to mean something different when you are 20 vs 30 years old. Thoughts?

 

[grumble]

Yes I'm inclined to let her talk about it whenever it happens. However, in my age group, what does it mean for me if I agree to be her "boyfriend"? I've already got the exclusivity thing down, so what more does one expect?

Im asking because this concept appears to mean something different when you are 20 vs 30 years old. Thoughts?

20: Wow I have a boyfriend just like people do on TV! I can brag about him to all my friends! We're gonna love each other forever and ever!

30: Operation Marriage Phase B complete.

 

[Aesius]

I know this sucks... believe me. I was going through these exact thoughts only a couple weeks ago. Though now that I've got my schedule going and things happening in my life. Seeing results of my workout out, etc.... things are much better. Right now I'm in the position with my ex where I don't know whats going to happen. We have a good time together and its great but sometimes I feel like I don't know for sure. Though regardless, I've got my emotions in lock now. So if we "officially" get back together cool. If not, ouch but hey... I enjoyed it while it lasted. I probably won't open up to my ex again until I know for sure that we both want to move forward. Thats called keeping my emotions in check. Though I'm not being a dick to her, just she doesn't have all the power. Thats the way you want to keep the situation. Don't give her the power.

You were your own person before you met her, and most likely that was the very thing that attracted her to you. News flash... you are still you. Don't get co-dependent. It is a very bad place to be and if there is ANY chance of working things out with her. Thats the LAST thing you want to do. It will only drive her away further. You need to be happy with yourself and enjoy your life, you only get one. Her seeing you sulk, mope around, be sad, etc is just proving to her the very reasons why it was a good reason NOT continue being with.

Sorry if this comes off too hard but its just the truth and things I've figured out and experienced first hand myself in the last month. Stay strong man and just stay happy and content with everything else in your life. The rest will follow.

I know man. This is exactly right.

I was ice cold about the breakup the first time, and she called me within a day, in tears, saying she had made a mistake. I doubt it will play out like that this time, but it's really my only shot. Obviously I wasn't as emotionless this time - I fucking cried - but I figure maintaining radio silence for a few weeks will work as well.

It's still an absolutely horrible feeling though.

 

[DualShadow]

20: Wow I have a boyfriend just like people do on TV! I can brag about him to all my friends! We're gonna love each other forever and ever!

30: Operation Marriage Phase B complete.

:lol :lol :lol

 

[deadbeef]

20: Wow I have a boyfriend just like people do on TV! I can brag about him to all my friends! We're gonna love each other forever and ever!

30: Operation Marriage Phase B complete.

:lol So true

 

[Solideliquid]

20: Wow I have a boyfriend just like people do on TV! I can brag about him to all my friends! We're gonna love each other forever and ever!

30: Operation Marriage Phase B complete.

*hand lightly rests on EJECT lever*

 

[whitehawk]

Cool story bro. No actually pretty cool story. Let me ask you guys something. I'm 30, and I've been dating a girl near my age for a little over a month. Not sure if it's serious, don't really think about it much but we have agreed to see each other exclusively.

So about this whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" thing. Do you feel, that at some point the guy should ask "hey, wanna be my girlfriend?". I don't want to do that, it seems a bit immature at my age. I'm kind of assuming she is my girlfriend, though we haven't talked about it or defined the relationship.

Should I just let it roll?

Okay well for me, it automatically means your exclusive if you go on multiple dates with a person. Honestly I couldn't imagine dating more than one girl at a time, so I don't get this whole "we have agreed to see each other exclusively" thing. Even from the first date with this girl it would feel weird going on a date with someone else the next day.

But that's just me. As for the boyfriend/girlfriend talk, we haven't officially talked about it but we both know each other as that, I'll probably bring it up soon so I can make it facebook official lol.

 

[JimiNutz]

we're working in the same project, but different department. i see her almost daily just for chit chat and sometimes go out of my way to give her status she needs when she could have gotten it from the daily emails.

what's the worse that could happen? she rejects me? i think i can be professional about it at work. but i do hate the idea that it could mess up the friendship because i'm being selfish. i hate bottling up my feelings, just get it out of the way and move on or something. i think i got friendzone'd too :lol

i recently joined okcupid and eharmony for a fallback but no luck so far. she told me she's on eharmony too and been in contact with a guy...some fucking swimmer who went to the 2008 olympic :lol fuck! i can't compete with that!

Getting rejected isn't necessarily the problem.
It's if you two start dating. Most early relationships benefit from a little space in the beginning, you guys won't get that at all since you'll be seeing each other everyday.

But worst of all is if you two get serious, and then somewhere down the line it all goes wrong.
You'll have to see her everyday and deal with all the emotions of not being able to forget about her since she's right there 5 days a week for 8 or 9 hours a day....
Chances are that, even if you're discreet, at least half the office will probably know you two dated, and then your personal life is out there in your office space as well.

I do understand why you want to though, bottling up your feelings might not be healthy either.
If you two don’t have to interact on a daily basis it might just be fine. So long as you are confident that you two can avoid each other IF it all goes wrong down the line - then it may be worth a shot.

I dated someone that I sat next to lol...
Luckily we got to move spaces when it all went wrong, and we now sit at separate ends of the office, but it can still be pretty awkward at times, and it made getting over her a lot more difficult than it would have been under normal circumstances.
Sorry if I'm scaring you off bro, but they say not to dip your nib in the office ink for a reason...

 

[Eggo]

what's the worse that could happen? she rejects me? i think i can be professional about it at work. but i do hate the idea that it could mess up the friendship because i'm being selfish. i hate bottling up my feelings, just get it out of the way and move on or something. i think i got friendzone'd too :lol

Worst that can happen is she files a sexual harassment claim against you and you lose your job. If you're OK with that/don't care about the job or potential bad rap, then go for it and let us know how it goes.

Solid, I'm 36 and my gf is 33. We haven't defined the relationship because there doesn't seem to be a need to. We haven't even defined exclusivity, but since we spend nearly all our time together, we don't have time to date other people, and it'd be weird explaining the extra toothbrush in the bathroom. You're right that it seems childish to 'make it official.' As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to have that talk unless she brings it up. I also don't want to update my FB status, because if it ever goes south, I don't want to deal with changing the status from "in a relationship" to "single" and the ensuing online group hug.

 

[Incognito]

been screwing a girl that's coming off a 4 year relationship with a dude and who has a curfew to boot. :lol the other evening, her and her friend were over going over their demands for 'buddies'... only to find out that the girl i'm screwing demands really weren't what they seem, since she proceeded to ask for exclusivity on my part. i told her that's likely not going to happen, and that i wouldn't be bothered if she were to sleep with other guys. she pouted for a few minutes but then got to business. her friend, a little hottie, mentioned how much she loved dexter and wanted to watch with someone. so she will be watching with me... :lol

 

[Ultima_5]

My rule is let the woman handle the boyfriend/relationship talk. It has never failed.

I did this with my current gf... We were kissing / kinda together for a few weeks until one day she told me that if i cheated on her, she wouldn't want to be friends and stop talking to me. I figured that's when the exclusivity came in. I made the mistake of asking if we were bf/gf after another few weeks. she said she wasn't sure yet. eventually she asked me if i wanted something more and now i have a gf. just wait it out.

 

[Aesius]

Getting setup with my roommate's girlfriend's coworker pretty soon. Apparently she's pretty hot and a member of my university's dance team. I'll keep you guys updated.

I haven't even met her and I already feel better about the situation with my ex. Just gotta remember that there are others out there.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

this awkward mega nerd finally got a date with my ex after like... a few years in the friend zone and and a few boyfriends. looks like working out and buffing up did the trick. :lol there's a video of him trying out for glee. :lol i actually think they'd make a good couple, assuming it's not a pity date.

 

[equap]

Getting rejected isn't necessarily the problem.
It's if you two start dating. Most early relationships benefit from a little space in the beginning, you guys won't get that at all since you'll be seeing each other everyday.

But worst of all is if you two get serious, and then somewhere down the line it all goes wrong.
You'll have to see her everyday and deal with all the emotions of not being able to forget about her since she's right there 5 days a week for 8 or 9 hours a day....
Chances are that, even if you're discreet, at least half the office will probably know you two dated, and then your personal life is out there in your office space as well.

I do understand why you want to though, bottling up your feelings might not be healthy either.
If you two don’t have to interact on a daily basis it might just be fine. So long as you are confident that you two can avoid each other IF it all goes wrong down the line - then it may be worth a shot.

I dated someone that I sat next to lol...
Luckily we got to move spaces when it all went wrong, and we now sit at separate ends of the office, but it can still be pretty awkward at times, and it made getting over her a lot more difficult than it would have been under normal circumstances.
Sorry if I'm scaring you off bro, but they say not to dip your nib in the office ink for a reason...

well today she told me she went out with another co-worker who is also my friend. he recently ended a long relationship, so did she. he's hispanic which is something she's looking for, i'm not hispanic. he doesn't know i like her...we used to sit next to each other and talked about everything but he got moved to a different building. i don't think that shit matters anyway, shit just happens.

when she told me i was like oh great...but not really happy about it. i was actually disappointed that i was unable to let her know and didn't get a chance with her.

i'm pretty certain that things between them will work so i'm just going to try to forget about it and bottle that shit up! and i'm not going to be bitter about it...still be their friends and all that shit. yeaaah..i feel pretty pathetic right about now, it's kinda nice that i can type this shit out since i can't do this on my facebook :lol i'm just embarrassed that i'm still struggle with this shit at my age.

 

[jamesinclair]

Just came home from a first date with an internet girl (just coffee).

How long are first dates supposed to last?

 

[Chinner]

about 2 hours. any less ands he isn't interested and any longer and she'll think you're a creepy stalker.

 

[jamesinclair]

about 2 hours. any less ands he isn't interested and any longer and she'll think you're a creepy stalker.

Hm, it was shorter than that, but she did say at the beginning that she had dinner plans.....in fact, we were going to meet at 6, but she asked to push it back to 4 but I could only do 5.

I think it went well, but whatever. Im also looking for a job, and at this point, not getting a call back is as routine as milk on my cereal :lol

Id love to here back from her, but Im not going to sweat it. If Im getting a call next week, I hope its for the job I interview for on Thursday.

been screwing a girl who has a curfew l

Pedobear.gif?

 

[Chinner]

okay i just feel bad now, i wasnt being serious bro

 

[Blader]

Depends on what you're doing, but I think, for a coffee date, an hour is a good amount of time.

I can't say for sure though, as I don't drink coffee and therefore do not go on coffee dates. :lol

 

[Hydranockz]

Just came home from a first date with an internet girl (just coffee).

How long are first dates supposed to last?

Anything you have had is longer than any 1st date I've ever been on I never 'dated' in that sense. I'd say 1-5 hours sounds ok. (movies take a big chunk of that if it is ever that kinda date.)

 

[DualShadow]

about 2 hours. any less ands he isn't interested and any longer and she'll think you're a creepy stalker.

:lol ?

 

[Blader]

:lol ?

ands he = and she