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[Sats]

Its easy, you don't give a shit about the people you're involved with.

Honesty doesn't mean you can do watever the fuck you want, thats like saying its ok to commit crimes because you were honest about it, what?

"How do you find time for all of your kids?"

Silly, sometimes relationships can easily be open. ALL of mine are.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

There is so much to learn about dating, relationships, and various social constructs that are impossible to learn or know by dating one person, and one person that young in your life..

You can learn that with one person, but you have to go through all the problems that other people use multiple partners to figure out (if they ever do). It's just about expectations, communication, and maturity (and at the beginning you have: too many expectations, not enough communication, and not enough maturity; it's a bumpy road).

How old are you? I going to be 32 soon. [...] I've never had a point in any of my relationships where I've said "I wish I could be with them too, but I can't because of her" I honestly haven't.

I'm 32 and I have. I'm incredibly happy in my relationship too. Edit in response to your next post: She has become my best friend as well.

 

[Opiate]

If that's the case then maybe I'm in the minority. If there were somebody I'd rather be with than my current SO I'd be damned sure to break up with her first. Simply out of respect for her if nothing else.

Well, I'm suggesting a complex spectrum here.

1) True monogamists who show no real interest in anyone but their chosen mate. These people can exhibit the "pitter patter" love response years after a relationship begins and show no real interest in anyone else.

2) People in the middle leaning towards monogamy, who may exhibit many monogamist tendencies but also some polyamorous tendencies. These people likely practice monogamy anyway, because they're "supposed to" or because they agree to a figurative cease fire with their significant other. They will typically remain monogamous but may stray under certain circumstances.

3) People in the middle who lean towards polyamory, but who may exhibit some monogamist tendencies too. I think RDreamer sounds like he might roughly fit in to this category. It doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife, it just means he might also be attracted to other people and/or separate sex from love entirely. Jealousy is less of a concern for this group than for group 2, and these people are more likely to accept that this is just how love works for them.

4) Complete and total polyamory, where people are effectively incapable of a long term relationship because they rapidly lose interest in any partner they have. Even then, some of these people might accept the superficial trappings of marriage, but do so only because it's culturally expected of them. Most people who have these inclinations will cheat on their mates as soon and as frequently as possible.

I suspect that people are scattered across the spectrum in significant percentages. Human sexuality tends to be a broadly varying thing (e.g. from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual to everything in between).

 

[RDreamer]

Its easy, you don't give a shit about the people you're involved with.

Honesty doesn't mean you can do watever the fuck you want, thats like saying its ok to commit crimes because you were honest about it, what?

You can't have your cake and eat it too, if you were bang around stay single, the fuck is this open marriage bullcrap? lol

You're pretty funny. I'd love for you to say to either my girlfriend or my wife that I don't give a shit about them. They'd laugh in your fucking face.

Again, do you have more than one friend? More than one family member? Do you give a shit about all of them? OH BUT HOW!?

"How do you find time for all of your kids?"

Silly, sometimes relationships can easily be open. ALL of mine are.

This brings up another love that people can have multiples of. People don't bat an eye at parents loving all their children. Because it's possible. Not even just possible, but all parents do! But loving two adult people? Oh noes!

 

[BishopLamont]

"How do you find time for all of your kids?"

Silly, sometimes relationships can easily be open. ALL of mine are.

So its ok to go and take care of other peoples kids while you have your own to take care of?

 

[Skinpop]

lol wtf

How am I wrong? I do find it disgusting that at least a lot of people around me think it's totally natural to be friends with their exes even after getting into a new relationship. It always ends in trouble, and more importantly it clearly signals that the person can't fully commit, isn't able to let go and is egoistic in that he/she is not considering the feelings of the new partner but also the ex(giving false hope, or the reverse). Can't trust a person like that.

 

[Garcia]

Well, I'm suggesting a complex spectrum here.

1) True monogamists who show no real interest in anyone but their chosen mate. These people can and do exhibit the "pitter patter" love response years after a relationship begins and show no real interest in anyone else.

2) People in the middle towards monogamy, who may exhibit some monogamist tendencies but also some polyamorous tendencies. These people likely practice monogamy anyway, because they're "supposed to" or because they agree to a figurative cease fire with their significant other. They will typically be true but may stray under certain circumstances.

3) People in the middle who tend towards polyamory, but who may exhibit many monogamist tendencies too. I think RDreamer sounds like he might roughly fit in to this category. It doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife, it just means he might also be attracted to other people and/or separate sex from love entirely. Jealousy is less of a concern for this group than for group 2, and these people are likely to accept that this is just how love works for them.

4) Complete and total polyamory, where people are effectively incapable of a long term relationship because they rapidly lose interest in any partner they have. Even then, some of these people might accept the superficial trappings of marriage, but do so only because it's culturally expected of them. Most people who have these inclinations will cheat on their mates as soon and as frequently as possible.

I suspect that people are scattered across the spectrum in significant percentages. Human sexuality tends to be a broadly varying thing (e.g. from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual to everything in between).

Word.

 

[RDreamer]

How am I wrong? I do find it disgusting that at least a lot of people around me think it's totally natural to be friends with their exes even after getting into a new relationship. It always ends in trouble, and more importantly it clearly signals that the person can't fully commit, isn't able to let go and is egoistic in that he/she is not considering the feelings of the new partner but also the ex(giving false hope, or the reverse). Can't trust a person like that.

It's disgusting to be friends with someone? I can't even begin to fathom the mindset that would produce that. Christ, sometimes life paths just don't work out or you realize you're not going in the same direction as someone and you break up. Now you suddenly can't be friend with them because some guy like you can't fucking deal with it?

How in hell does being friends with someone signal any of that? It signals that you still think the person is a good friend. Oh noes. The horror! I've been friendly with many of my exes with no desire whatsoever to rekindle things, because there's a reason things broke in the first place.

 

[Alcotholic]

I think it's great that she was honest. And since she was in tears, you can tell she knew it was a mistake. My best friend kissed another girl (drunk), felt really bad about it and apologized profusely. Unfortunately his girlfriend didn't forgive him and their relationship went downhill with an eventual break up.
If this shit happens, make sure you set things straight and move on. Is it worth ruining a relationship just because someone made a mistake. Why not learn from them? If this stuff keeps happening, then I would consider splitting up, but not over one instance.

 

[Sats]

So its ok to go and take care of other peoples kids while you have your own to take care of?

You completely missed my point. Here is how it is:

I am currently in a relationship with two people. I see them both equally, and love them both, equally. They are aware of it, and completely okay with it (as far as I know)

 

[HiiiLife]

That sounds like something to dump your gf over, OP. That's a slip up that could have and should have been avoided.

 

[Sats]

Too many guys in here are so quick to break up. I think OP was right to give her one more chance.

 

[entremet]

You completely missed my point. Here is how it is:

I am currently in a relationship with two people. I see them both equally, and love them both, equally. They are aware of it, and completely okay with it (as far as I know)

Ok. But you're aware that this is not a common or ideal arrangement for most. And I think that's what most people are projecting--they're preference for pure monogamy.

More power to you, though.

 

[RDreamer]

Well, I'm suggesting a complex spectrum here.

1) True monogamists who show no real interest in anyone but their chosen mate. These people can exhibit the "pitter patter" love response years after a relationship begins and show no real interest in anyone else.

2) People in the middle leaning towards monogamy, who may exhibit many monogamist tendencies but also some polyamorous tendencies. These people likely practice monogamy anyway, because they're "supposed to" or because they agree to a figurative cease fire with their significant other. They will typically remain monogamous but may stray under certain circumstances.

3) People in the middle who lean towards polyamory, but who may exhibit some monogamist tendencies too. I think RDreamer sounds like he might roughly fit in to this category. It doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife, it just means he might also be attracted to other people and/or separate sex from love entirely. Jealousy is less of a concern for this group than for group 2, and these people are more likely to accept that this is just how love works for them.

4) Complete and total polyamory, where people are effectively incapable of a long term relationship because they rapidly lose interest in any partner they have. Even then, some of these people might accept the superficial trappings of marriage, but do so only because it's culturally expected of them. Most people who have these inclinations will cheat on their mates as soon and as frequently as possible.

I suspect that people are scattered across the spectrum in significant percentages. Human sexuality tends to be a broadly varying thing (e.g. from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual to everything in between).

I'm not sure I'd agree that complete and total polyamory necessarily means someone is incapable of long term relationships. I think those can be separate things. I've seen people that would fit that description, and I've seen others that wouldn't.

Personally, where you put me might fit. I can separate sex from love. I don't like to, necessarily, but I can see how it's possible. I also can definitely have very long relationships. I still keep a lot of interest even after a very long time.

 

[Sorian]

Too many guys in here are so quick to break up. I think OP was right to give her one more chance.

Wise words from the cuckold queen.......

 

[RDreamer]

Ok. But you're aware that this is not a common or ideal arrangement for most. And I think that's what most people are projecting--they're preference for pure monogamy.

More power to you, though.

Trust me, I think most people who are polyamorous know that it's not a common or ideal arrangement for most. It's still probably an ideal arrangement for more people than what currently practice it, though.

 

[BishopLamont]

You're pretty funny. I'd love for you to say to either my girlfriend or my wife that I don't give a shit about them. They'd laugh in your fucking face.

Again, do you have more than one friend? More than one family member? Do you give a shit about all of them? OH BUT HOW!?

So tell me, whats the difference between your wife and your girlfriend if faithfulness doesn't even matter? Whats the point of even marrying your wife?

 

[entremet]

Trust me, I think most people who are polyamorous know that it's not a common or ideal arrangement for most. It's still probably an ideal arrangement for more people than what currently practice it, though.

Oh of course. I'm just saying that Sats should not find it strange that people are not going to jive with his expectations of relationships. That's all.

 

[Tragicomedy]

You know what you must do, OP.

Spoiler

Kiss the ex-boyfriend.

 

[RDreamer]

So tell me, whats the difference between your wife and your girlfriend if faithfulness doesn't even matter? Whats the point of even marrying your wife?

Living arrangements. Finances. Future plans like kids and the like.

In particular I suppose I could say my girlfriend doesn't want children. I do eventually. My wife will be a perfect partner for raising children. That's definitely not the only reason, but it's an easy reason to write down and explain for people, I suppose.

And as Sats says below, you can be faithful to more than one person.


Now if you guys'll excuse me, I have to go see my girlfriend.

 

[Ian]

And since she was in tears, you can tell she knew it was a mistake.

lol

 

[Sats]

So tell me, whats the difference between your wife and your girlfriend if faithfulness doesn't even matter? Whats the point of even marrying your wife?

Faithfulness =/= Monogamy.

You can be "faithful" to more than one person.

 

[Piecake]

Well, if you remain with her, I would suggest that one condition is that she stops hanging out with that guy. I sure wouldnt be cool with my gf hanging out with that dude now that she broke my trust.

 

[FullMetaltech]

The fact that she has unresolved issues with this guy is pretty telling. Also he played the sympathy card and she fell for it.

 

[BishopLamont]

Living arrangements. Finances. Future plans like kids and the like.

In particular I suppose I could say my girlfriend doesn't want children. I do eventually. My wife will be a perfect partner for raising children. That's definitely not the only reason, but it's an easy reason to write down and explain for people, I suppose.

Eh whatever floats your boat, I just find it very hard to believe that complications won't arise in the future due to these arrangements.

Faithfulness =/= Monogamy.

You can be "faithful" to more than one person.

I don't see the difference between the two, like that guy said, its an oxymoron.

lol

The oldest trick in the book, crying is like built into women to fuck with a mans head.

 

[Skinpop]

It's disgusting to be friends with someone? I can't even begin to fathom the mindset that would produce that. Christ, sometimes life paths just don't work out or you realize you're not going in the same direction as someone and you break up. Now you suddenly can't be friend with them because some guy like you can't fucking deal with it?

How in hell does being friends with someone signal any of that? It signals that you still think the person is a good friend. Oh noes. The horror! I've been friendly with many of my exes with no desire whatsoever to rekindle things, because there's a reason things broke in the first place.

You can't simply reduce it to just being friends with someone. The disgusting part is the not being able to move on in life, fear of cutting ties to other people and being inconsiderate of other peoples feelings part. Keeping in contact with exes is always going to be uncomfortable for your so, even if you're never directly told about it it's not something most people can be indifferent about, and with good reason just as the story in OP displays.

Usually there is no reason to stay friends with exes, people just do it because they feel entitled to do whatever they want and have difficulty moving on in life/letting go. That stuff just keeps piling up over the years and becomes a heavy emotional burden.

 

[RDreamer]

Eh whatever floats your boat, I just find it very hard to believe that complications won't arise in the future due to these arrangements.

Complications arise in any relationship. You just work through them and come out the other side better. If you ever have a relationship without any complications at all, then you're probably a unicorn.

You can't simply reduce it to just being friends with someone. The disgusting part is the not being able to move on in life, fear of cutting ties to other people and being inconsiderate of other peoples feelings part. Keeping in contact with exes is always going to be uncomfortable for your so, even if you're never directly told about it it's not something most people can be indifferent about, and with good reason just as the story in OP displays.

Usually there is no reason to stay friends with exes, people just do it because they feel entitled to do whatever they want and have difficulty moving on in life/letting go. That stuff just keeps piling up over the years and becomes a heavy emotional burden.

I'm sorry but this is really some dumb shit. How the hell is staying friends with someone who might actually be a good friend a "fear of cutting ties with other people." Jesus, quit your armchair psychology. Sometimes people just stay friends. Deal with it. To think that they shouldn't because your little feelings will be hurt for some reason makes you entitled, not them.

 

[Resilient]

Too many guys in here are so quick to break up. I think OP was right to give her one more chance.

Agreed.

Complications arise in any relationship. You just work through them and come out the other side better. If you ever have a relationship without any complications at all, then you're probably a unicorn.

This is so true, and honestly, being of the mindset that relationships are complications-free is naive. It's telling, and suggests that the person has never been in a serious, committed relationship.

 

[jasonng]

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, OP. While I can understand that you want to forgive her because obviously have strong feelings for this girl, her kissing another guy is just not going to go away. That shit sucks because it's going to be in the back of your mind for the rest of your relationship with this girl. What's even worst is that you won't tell anybody this, for whatever reasons you have, and you can only vent about this through an online forum. You really have to ask yourself if this relationship is worth all this crap.

 

[Sats]

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, OP. While I can understand that you want to forgive her because obviously have strong feelings for this girl, her kissing another guy is just not going to go away. That shit sucks because it's you who is going to have to deal with this in the back of your mind for the rest of your relationship with this girl. What's even worst is that you won't tell anybody this, for whatever reasons you have, and you can only vent about this through an online forum. You really have to ask yourself if this relationship is worth all this crap.

Or he could learn to forgive and forget because it is just a fucking kiss.

 

[jasonng]

Or he could learn to forgive and forget because it is just a fucking kiss.

But it's not just a "fucking kiss."

Are you serious?

 

[HiiiLife]

OP go on eharmony and find a new interest.

 

[Tekniqs]

Again, I sort of liked being the laid back non-controlling boyfriend. Obviously that didn't work out, so maybe I should change my outlook.

no you shouldn't, you should find a gf that wouldn't do this shit lol

being a controlling bf would have led to the same thing

If I were in your shoes, I would bail out.

 

[BishopLamont]

Complications arise in any relationship. You just work through them and come out the other side better. If you ever have a relationship without any complications at all, then you're probably a unicorn.

Yeah they do, but there's some things you can never work through once its broken, eg. faithfulness, trust, but I suppose thats not gonna be a problem for you.

Or he could learn to forgive and forget because it is just a fucking kiss.

Its never just a fucking kiss, don't be so naive.

 

[Ian]

Or he could learn to forgive and forget because it is just a fucking kiss.

What next? "Forgive and forget, they only had sex once".

 

[BishopLamont]

What next? "Forgive and forget, they only had sex once".

Nah that comes after "she only gave him head once".

 

[Sorian]

All the different expectations for relationships in this thread.

 

[Skinpop]

I'm sorry but this is really some dumb shit. How the hell is staying friends with someone who might actually be a good friend a "fear of cutting ties with other people." Jesus, quit your armchair psychology. Sometimes people just stay friends. Deal with it. To think that they shouldn't because your little feelings will be hurt for some reason makes you entitled, not them.

It applies to both in a relationship, I wouldn't expect my partner to take commitments I'm not ready to take myself. And I do think it's more important that my SO's "little feelings" aren't hurt than for me to stay friends with an ex, just as I would hope that my partner values my feelings more than her friendship with some ex of hers. Your point of view seem to be that your actions don't impact other people emotionally, that you should be able to do whatever you like and everyone should deal with it/be ok with it. I think that's highly egoistical.

 

[Courage]

I think Mufasa's weekly split sounded reasonable.

 

[kmax]

Or he could learn to forgive and forget because it is just a fucking kiss.

Allegedly. They could of made out or even fucked for all we know, considering that his gf and the guy have feelings for each other. If it hasn't happened yet, what's stopping it from happening later down the road if he just forgets about it?

Bad move, in my opinion.

 

[megamerican]

Well if OP breaks up, his girlfriend is just going to go running to the other guy. OP should at least string his girl along while he finds her replacement.

 

[Sorian]

Well if OP breaks up, his girlfriend is just going to go running to the other guy. OP should at least string his girl along while he finds her replacement.

Here is some thinking like a champ right here.

 

[shira]

༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ PUNCH HIM

 

[BishopLamont]

Well if OP breaks up, his girlfriend is just going to go running to the other guy. OP should at least string his girl along while he finds her replacement.

Yeah but then the OP will just be stooping to their level, take the high road and end it for everyone's sake.

 

[Syf]

Eh, I have no tolerance for cheating, even if it's 'just a kiss.' If you cheat on me it's over.

 

[Sats]

What next? "Forgive and forget, they only had sex once".

I'm sorry if you put so much stock on kissing that it is on a pedestal for you, but I on the other hand have the ability to think of kissing, and sex, in different ways.

 

[HiiiLife]

Eh, I have no tolerance for cheating, even if it's 'just a kiss.' If you cheat on me it's over.

This. I don't see what's so hard to understand when people say they'd end it. Cheating is cheating.

But besides that, OP already decided he wants to stay with her sooooo.. Screw it I guess. Lol.

 

[BishopLamont]

I'm sorry if you put so much stock on kissing that it is on a pedestal for you, but I on the other hand have the ability to think of kissing, and sex, in different ways.

One thing leads to the other, this is her ex, not just some random guy she banged and will forget.

This. I don't see what's so hard to understand when people say they'd end it. Cheating is cheating.

But besides that, OP already decided he wants to stay with her sooooo.. Screw it I guess. Lol.

No one ends it that fast, but its only gonna get worse from here, if OP is smart he'll save himself the headache, but hey thats love for you, if it didn't make you stupid then no one would ever make another love song again.

 

[Tekniqs]

your SO kissing another person isn't a complication...it's a major fuck up

 

[megamerican]

Yeah but then the OP will just be stooping to their level, take the high road and end it for everyone's sake.

The high road is great for giving advice or hypothetical situations. The high road isn't going to do anything for the guy bitter and alone while his girl is fucking the guy that ended his relationship.