Ah, that does make it more understandable. Nonetheless, associating the willingness to work past something like this with being a cuckold is ridiculous. No, you can't expect everyone to be a cuckold, but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with the great majority of people's position on matters of infidelity. It's a red herring.
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Girlfriend kissed her ex-boyfriend
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Ah, that does make it more understandable. Nonetheless, associating the willingness to work past something like this with being a cuckold is ridiculous. No, you can't expect everyone to be a cuckold, but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with the great majority of people's position on matters of infidelity. It's a red herring.
Well OP, good luck.
How many other boys from her past are going to come into her life? How often will she put herself in a situation to be physically intimate with another person? Are you in a place where you can break things off and move on with your life after a period of feeling terrible about the situation?
OP, it also sounds like your social supports don't like her (high school friends), don't know her (college friends), or would not approve of her actions (family). That to me is very troubling. More so given how long you have been with her.
Time to do some hard, assertive thinking OP.
How many other boys from her past are going to come into her life? How often will she put herself in a situation to be physically intimate with another person? Are you in a place where you can break things off and move on with your life after a period of feeling terrible about the situation?
OP, it also sounds like your social supports don't like her (high school friends), don't know her (college friends), or would not approve of her actions (family). That to me is very troubling. More so given how long you have been with her.
Time to do some hard, assertive thinking OP.
And that makes it a non issue? Not willing to cut the ties with an ex will damage the trust of the SO. Being a general slob might annoy her but not break trust.
I would never force anyone to drop contacts with someone she has a connection with. I would however not get into a relationship(or end it) if I were with someone who still keeps in contact with her ex/exes.
It's not about controlling, if someone doesn't want to cut ties to their exes you will only make them miserable by forcing them to do it. It's about character.
I find that being unable to let go and move on creates a lot of problems further down the road. An analogy would be someone who tries to quit drugs but still hang around with the same people, it's hard to trust someone like that. It's not that it can't be done but it takes much more work and often the results will be disappointing anyway.
I advocate just cutting it off completely when it ends and never look back. It makes it easier for everyone in the long run. It's emotionally fresher.
Welp.
This ain't How I Met Your Mother OP. People with a history can't just be left alone with each other for extended periods of time!! I know you trust her, but you can't trust their feels.
I don't know that I'm adding anything to the conversation here. But I am one of the people whose significant other kissed another guy. It was about eight years ago, we have been married for about 18. And I can only say this - there isn't a day in my life where I don't look back to the day that I found out.
OP, take that bit of personal experience as you will.
OP, take that bit of personal experience as you will.
Random Painted HIghway
Member
20 years from now when OP's ex and her husband are consoling their 16 year old on his first real broken heart, they will remind him of their story, of a teenage love that blossomed and then burned out too quickly due to high school immaturity, a bond that needed 4 years in the wilderness while the pair experienced life and other people in order to appreciate the unique love they shared. Do you want to stand in the way of destiny OP?
tldr; OP, you are the other guy in a young adult rom-com. You need to let that bird free, OP and let fate take its course. I hope you aren't co-habitating.
tldr; OP, you are the other guy in a young adult rom-com. You need to let that bird free, OP and let fate take its course. I hope you aren't co-habitating.
SlipperySlope
Banned
You think not allowing your girlfriend to hang out with her ex is possessive? Your name... you have none.
It's likely they fucked. And you let it happen by letting them hang out. Be a man.
Look into finding another girl and dump her. Start fresh and have some balls next time.
Same story for me except I didn't get married to the other girl, only stayed in a relationship with her for 2 years. The constant thought in the back of my mind made me emotionally abusive and her always bending over backwards trying to get me to completely forgive, it never worked out and hurt both of us for longer than it should have. This is all anecdotal tho and I know a lot of it had to do with how immature we both were with relationships at the time.
She slipped up once, told you right away. You can be mad, but that's the sort of thing you can work through, given you've been together for a while. You might want to talk to her about not seeing her ex anymore though.. I mean, even though she did apologize she did screw up, and it's her job to set things right.
Ridiculous in the way the post they were responding to saying everyone who said to leave was young, you mean.
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
I say give her one more chance but if she ever sees or contacts her ex again, break it off. A slip-up can be worked through; emotional ties are little more tricky.
do not listen to this person. just end it.
lmao this is such shit
Contrary to popular belief, not all guys think about sex 24/7. Some of us are capable of having female friends that we can actually communicate with
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
Do not listen to this person. Give her a chance.
Fornaximus
Member
Is she watching you right now?
Sixfortyfive
He who pursues two rabbits gets two rabbits.
Honestly, I applaud this attitude and think it's a good thing. But once that bare minimum of respect isn't being reciprocated anymore, you have to do something about it.
On the contrary: the older you are, the more aware you are of the futility in fighting battles that have already been lost.
Sure, being a slob might be one example. But what about going to a show alone? Going to a club with friends? Having, say, a commute buddy who happens to be attractive and of the opposite gender? The room for discomfort in a relationship is endless, and that's why your "trust" can't be so circumstantial.
I find it hard to imagine how this works in practice. You can't control numerous things about the circumstances in which you meet/fall for someone. Their romantic history at the time you drop into their life is only one of those. Do you actually interrogate them about their every ex flame, and make sure they're willing to suddenly drop every single one before you commit to anything? How do you decide which ex flames are okay to keep around to varying degrees? None?
You invoke character, but it seems your conception of character is extremely one-sided. Being considerate of a SO means entirely sculpting your circumstances so that there's somehow no room for discomfort, and it doesn't mean at all being willing to suck up/grow above your base feelings of insecurity/jealousy/discomfort so that your SO doesn't feel the need to take all these extreme measures for you.
I couldn't disagree more with your last line. I find your idea of "fresh" to be very unnatural. It's almost like, for you, a prerequisite for "freshness" is wiping out your SO's past.
You can have the last word here, if you'd like. I can only justify investing so much time in an argument like this when I have two exams tomorrow.
Play her this:
Arab Strap - New Birds
Real advice: Talk to her. Some of those old feelings might not go away, but she can't act on them. It's up to you whether or not you consider it to be something you can't look past.
Arab Strap - New Birds
Real advice: Talk to her. Some of those old feelings might not go away, but she can't act on them. It's up to you whether or not you consider it to be something you can't look past.
BishopLamont
Banned
Its funny because they'll do it whether you want them to or not, if they really want to they'll find an excuse to.
Amen.
ricardo_sousa11
Member
Kill the guy ! Burry him in the woods !
I kid...you know her dude, but I'd have a serious conversation with her, either you stand your ground or she will slip again.
I've been on a similiar situation, and trust me, its better if they stop hangin out with each other, or it will go out of hand.
Dreams-Visions
Member
If she's important to you, try to work it out. If you think this could last, work it out.
Kano on the Phone
Member
4 years and just one kiss with someone? There are plenty of relationships that have weathered a lot worse.
Talk to her, tell her you aren't comfortable with her being close with her ex (you're in your rights to say that now, obviously) and if she continues, you'll know where you stand.
lol @ anyone saying to dump her immediately after one small discretion that she was honest about.
Talk to her, tell her you aren't comfortable with her being close with her ex (you're in your rights to say that now, obviously) and if she continues, you'll know where you stand.
lol @ anyone saying to dump her immediately after one small discretion that she was honest about.
A better woman would have reciprocated and been smart enough not to associate with past loves she might still have lingering feelings for. Everyone makes mistakes, but there is no denying that your GF clearly did not appreciate your trust.
Having said that, if she's willing to make amends, try to work it out with her. She'll have to understand that she won't regain that trust for a long time yet.
cyberheater
PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 Xbone PS4 PS4
OP. I know you will not listen to this but I'm going to say it anyway. A long term relationship is more then hard enough, especially when marriage and kids comes along to have trust issues up front. It needs total commitment from both parties who are madly in love with each other and want to be with each other so strongly that it manages to negate the ability to really piss each other off on a daily basis year in year out. Yeah. It's that hard.
If the OP is young which I believe he is. Move on. You'll find someone and she can start seeing her ex like she really wants to.
If the OP is young which I believe he is. Move on. You'll find someone and she can start seeing her ex like she really wants to.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Some people don't have time for cheaters.
Epsilon-delta
Banned
But she kissed back and they were exes.
He's young so I think it's sound advice.
Sixfortyfive
He who pursues two rabbits gets two rabbits.
I've read about half the thread and skimmed the rest. Just going to throw in my 2 cents.
The confession itself would bother me if I was in your position, OP. It's a selfish gesture. It's more about putting her mind at ease than actually making it up to you, because she should know that this is going to be eating away at your relationship now and it's an agonizing spot to put you in. It's done you no favors. You shouldn't have to tell her not to see this guy anymore. That should be a given. It should have been a given in the first place.
I'm not going to tell you what you should do about it because I think it's best to just go with your instincts and learn from whatever comes of it. Just be honest with yourself and don't drag things out more than you have to in either case.
The confession itself would bother me if I was in your position, OP. It's a selfish gesture. It's more about putting her mind at ease than actually making it up to you, because she should know that this is going to be eating away at your relationship now and it's an agonizing spot to put you in. It's done you no favors. You shouldn't have to tell her not to see this guy anymore. That should be a given. It should have been a given in the first place.
I'm not going to tell you what you should do about it because I think it's best to just go with your instincts and learn from whatever comes of it. Just be honest with yourself and don't drag things out more than you have to in either case.
Jmanunknown
Member
Man sorry you were put in this situation op. Now if I was you I would make sure that is as far as went. I know it is hard to see the signs of cheating especially when your in love with someone the blinders are usually on but, she obviously kissed him back for a reason. Talk to someone you trust that knows you both and is brutally honest tell them everything that happened. That person will probably give you an honest opinion and should help you decide what to do next.
Mercury Fred
Banned
Ingueferroque
Banned
This does not make sense.
Do the right thing and dump her ass OP. She will never lose the feelings she has for mr. ex. Furthermore, you'll never fully trust again even if you forgive her. Also, telling someone to stop hanging out with someone they have feelings for never works out. If you forbid her, she's just going to start hanging out with him in secret.
You're only 20. Trust me, there will be plenty of girls and opportunities for you in the future.
You're only 20. Trust me, there will be plenty of girls and opportunities for you in the future.
captmorgan
Banned
Most people will only confess to one or two levels less than what they actually did. So if she came forward and admitted to making out, she probably has his cock on her breath.
Ok, no one saying, give her another chance has had to live through something like this.
Reach under your seat, there is lever marked eject. Give that lever a sharp upwards yank and let the impending crash that is this relationship take place without you on board. Watch from the safety of far, far fucking away as the twin fireballs that are her and her ex consume each other and devolve into a swirl vortex of shrapnel and fire. Then float happily away and doink her friends.
Reach under your seat, there is lever marked eject. Give that lever a sharp upwards yank and let the impending crash that is this relationship take place without you on board. Watch from the safety of far, far fucking away as the twin fireballs that are her and her ex consume each other and devolve into a swirl vortex of shrapnel and fire. Then float happily away and doink her friends.
BishopLamont
Banned
Realistic people always have the best posts. +1
Fornaximus
Member
Must have missed that part. They definitely banged, or at least did oral, and if he's making booty calls like that then this isn't the first time. You're getting played, OP.
cobragt4001
Banned
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? omg you can't be serious. You let your gf hang out with a guy that use to fuck her like you currently are? This isn't about trust, it's about being foolish. Your gf should have sense enough to know that if she is trying to make it work with you then hanging out with an ex should be a no no. In all honestly, she might be fucking him and things went sour, maybe he lost interest and now she's coming crying to you.
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