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[BishopLamont]

If some people would stop projecting their sex obsession so hard and get some experience they'd realize not all indiscretions go the route of fucking someone else. It's still a problem but it doesn't always go that far.

Its her ex, she didn't reject the kiss, she hid the fact that they were hanging out.

The facts are stacked against her.

 

[Guiberu]

Sometimes people share intimate situations and don't fuck. I know that's hard for some to understand.

Intimacy comes in a lot of different forms.

Any of those forms occurring with someone else, whilst in a relationship, is reason to end the relationship.

Equally, either side emotionally/psychologically "clinging" to someone they've shared intimacy with in the past, whilst in a new relationship, is reason enough to end the relationship.

Life and love is hard. Don't go making it harder on yourself or others.

 

[EloquentM]

Every relationship thread devolves into sex. See what I did there.

 

[Courage]

Thank you. Jesus fucking christ

I don't see how this proves any of your points. You were saying "IT'S JUST A KISS." Kiss or fucking or reverse cowgirl on the roof of the guy's car, it's still a break of trust that shouldn't be overlooked as "shit happens."

 

[Devolution]

Its her ex, she didn't reject the kiss, she hid the fact that they were hanging out.

The facts are stacked against her.

What facts? You're saying anyone who kisses someone else had to have fucked them. Please present facts or a logical statement why one ALWAYS leads to the other.

By the way I'm not saying "it's just a kiss", it's totally not but saying sex had to have happened, uh, no.

 

[SmokyDave]

If some people would stop projecting their sex obsession so hard and get some experience they'd realize not all indiscretions go the route of fucking someone else. It's still a problem but it doesn't always go that far.

In this case, I'm not sure it's relevant how far they went. That they went anywhere is damning enough.

 

[akira28]

Every relationship thread devolves into arguing. See what I did there.

fixed this for you

 

[Devolution]

In this case, I'm not sure it's relevant how far they went. That they went anywhere is damning enough.

It depends on what the person is willing to accept. So it can matter. Some people are far more likely to accept a kissing transgression than a full on fucking one.

 

[BeerSnob]

fixed this for you

Then make up sex?

 

[BishopLamont]

What facts? You're saying anyone who kisses someone else had to have fucked them. Please present facts or a logical statement why one ALWAYS leads to the other.

By the way I'm not saying "it's just a kiss", it's totally not but saying sex had to have happened, uh, no.

I just gave you 3 facts, sure there's the chance that they didn't fuck, but what are the chances? His relationship is at stake here, he has to choose wisely and based on the facts so far, I know which one is the smarter choice.

Every relationship thread devolves into sex. See what I did there.

Devolve? Everyone loves sex!

 

[akira28]

Then make up sex?

only after we make the other side cry.

 

[EloquentM]

only after we make the other side cry.

So meta

 

[SuperAndroid17]

This has already but desperately needs repeating:

This isn't some random dude she talked to, spent time with and kissed. He is her ex boyfriend. She has history with him. She clearly still has feelings for him. The OP shouldn't have to deal, cope or settle for anything. His feelings, time, money and energy are too precious to waste on someone who isn't 100% faithful to him. It's not his job to try and fix it or wait for her to sort her emotional bullshit out, while he sits on the side like a chump.

It's not the kiss. It's the fact she is still in communication and still in contact with her ex who clearly has feelings for her and clearly could give a rat's ass about the OP. Trust has been broken. It would require the ex to disappear for good and for her to sort her feelings out. All the OP has to do is decide whether or not he can trust her to break ties with her ex and move forward, once and for all.

I doubt it. I wouldn't bother. It's not worth the heart ache. She fucked up, not you. So what if you break up. It's her lose. You're young. It's not like you're married, have kids or any serious financial obligations together (right?)You'll be on your way to finding someone who will actually respects you. She's on her fucking own. Just telling it like it is.

OP should read this over and over and over.

 

[Devolution]

I just gave you 3 facts, sure there's the chance that they didn't fuck, but what are the chances? His relationship is at stake here, he has to choose wisely and based on the facts so far, I know which one is the smarter choice.

You're conflating a whole bunch of things. I'm not talking about what he has to forgive or accept. I'm saying not all indiscretions involve or become sex. I'm not saying the degree of which her kissing a dude is problematic, that's up to the OP to decide. Just that sex isn't in the equation every time.

 

[Escape Goat]

OP They probably even said shit like "I've wanted this for so long" and "Me too"

Followed by

Spoiler

"OHHH FUCK MY PUSSYYY"

 

[vincent vega]

OP you should post this on the bb.com misc.

your fault for letting her hang out with her ex. at least you learned sooner than later that she's no good. I would drop her asap.

 

[evil solrac v3.0]

I know it's hard to believe but some men, me included, don't want to bang every female friend who's good looking.

you're a rare one.

Sometimes people share intimate situations and don't fuck. I know that's hard for some to understand.

yeah, well... not in this case.

 

[pizza dog]

If I ever start dating someone and then discover they're a GAFer, I'm dropping it like it's hot.

Ya'll a bunch of moralizing absolutist lunatics.

 

[Troll]

OP Don't break up with her just so she can't get back with dude #2. That's probably more painful for her than breaking up if you want revenge.

 

[Escape Goat]

If you can prove infidelity doesn't that help the person initiating the divorce in legal proceedings/division of assets?

 

[BishopLamont]

OP They probably even said shit like "I've wanted this for so long" and "Me too"

Followed by

Spoiler

"OHHH FUCK MY PUSSYYY"

lol omg /dead

If you can prove infidelity doesn't that help the person initiating the divorce in legal proceedings/division of assets?

You're suggesting to string this one along and strip her of everything shes got?

You're conflating a whole bunch of things. I'm not talking about what he has to forgive or accept. I'm saying not all indiscretions involve or become sex. I'm not saying the degree of which her kissing a dude is problematic, that's up to the OP to decide. Just that sex isn't in the equation every time.

Yeah it doesn't always lead to sex, in this case I'm very sure it did.

 

[Dicer]

You are young, bail out move along...

 

[PJV3]

If it's only kissing then it would be daft to end it, if you want to be with her that is.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Dear sweet Lucifer what have I done... I expected 2 pages then for it to fizzle out.

Only a GAFfer deals in absolutes!

 

[charsace]

They never had sex.

She admitted to you that she's been thinking about him and what it would be like if they never broke up. Her telling you this is a sign that she's been thinking about giving her ex a 360 degree massage along all 3 axes with her vagina since the first day you been with her.

And like out of one of her fantasies the ex that broke up with her(because this is a really important fact in all of this) makes a move on her. And she responds positively to it. You really think he didn't seat himself deep in her 7'th day canal? He most likely left an Adam or Eve in there as a parting gift. Right now dude is wondering how far her top game has advanced and whether or not she's down to take it balls deep in her butt hole. All while he's looking for his "dream" girl.

Don't be a second in chump. You're only 20 man. Go out and meet some women. She's not that in to you and is only with you because your convenient and its most likely the reason you're with her for so long. Once the ex made a move on her she was down to get the full weight. She even told you that his dick has always been on her mind. Do you have to be laying underneath them, waiting to catch this dudes load on the bridge of your nose, before you come to the realization that she is more into him than she is into you? If you break up with her today she will be rolling around in his bed, happy as fuck, within 2 weeks.

 

[Sorian]

Dear sweet Lucifer what have I done... I expected 2 pages then for it to fizzle out.

Only a GAFfer deals in absolutes!

You've opened Pandora's Box, fool. There is no going back now.

Spoiler

Any progress on your side, how are you feeling?

 

[BishopLamont]

Dear sweet Lucifer what have I done... I expected 2 pages then for it to fizzle out.

Only a GAFfer deals in absolutes!

Only you can put an end to this...or not..

 

[Valnen]

Why is she hanging out with an ex anyway? Sounds like a recipe for disaster

Lots of people don't completely cut people from their lives just because their romantic relationships are over.

 

[vincent vega]

OP what are your thoughts? are you seriously thinking about staying with her?

 

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I agree. She isn't telling you everything.


Girl code for "kissing" is sex. She will never tell you the whole story.

Oh she'll tell him, when she leaves him in a few months, it will be one if the last thing she blurts out, even if it's not true.

 

[BishopLamont]

Lots of people don't completely cut people from their lives just because their romantic relationships are over.

Thats perfectly understandable, but shes seeing him and hiding it, that doesn't raise any flags? Its not like there's a reason for her to hide it, the OP is cool with it.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

You've opened Pandora's Box, fool. There is no going back now.

Spoiler

Any progress on your side, how are you feeling?

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

 

[SonicXtreme]

I am not as fast with breaking up as others.
if she said she wont see him again, take her by her word and if she ever lets him close to you again, end it. if you find out she lied about how far they went, end it.

but have you been cheated on before?

some things are ok to let slip as mistakes, and some things are huge red flags that should be wake up calls.

this is a huge red flag, not a small mistake. don't put yourself at her mercy, OP. you're young and there are tons of eligible ladies in your age frame.

 

[BishopLamont]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

lol, good luck buddy.

Oh and the way you sound, I can guarantee you this will eat at you slowly, I know you "just want to get past this", but it doesn't work like that, its not gonna hit you straight away and you're definitely not just gonna get over it. Just talking about all this brings back the feelings I get when this happened to me and guess what? I believed her. Anyways keep us updated, and all the best.

 

[charsace]

Sometimes people share intimate situations and don't fuck. I know that's hard for some to understand.

She admitted to having a lot of pent up feels for this guy for a while. The dude felt "down" and needed cheering up. I doubt a kiss would be enough to cheer him up.

 

[Rur0ni]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

You'll get passed it, one way or another. Hope it works out.

 

[JohnDoe]

Threads were a person in a relationship kisses someone else always end badly.

 

[Valnen]

Thats perfectly understandable, but shes seeing him and hiding it, that doesn't raise any flags? Its not like there's a reason for her to hide it, the OP is cool with it.

It's pretty easy to see why she would hide it even if she wasn't up to no good. Just look at posts like this.

She admitted to you that she's been thinking about him and what it would be like if they never broke up. Her telling you this is a sign that she's been thinking about giving her ex a 360 degree massage along all 3 axes with her vagina since the first day you been with her.

And like out of one of her fantasies the ex that broke up with her(because this is a really important fact in all of this) makes a move on her. And she responds positively to it. You really think he didn't seat himself deep in her 7'th day canal? He most likely left an Adam or Eve in there as a parting gift. Right now dude is wondering how far her top game has advanced and whether or not she's down to take it balls deep in her butt hole. All while he's looking for his "dream" girl.

Don't be a second in chump. You're only 20 man. Go out and meet some women. She's not that in to you and is only with you because your convenient and its most likely the reason you're with her for so long. Once the ex made a move on her she was down to get the full weight. She even told you that his dick has always been on her mind. Do you have to be laying underneath them, waiting to catch this dudes load on the bridge of your nose, before you come to the realization that she is more into him than she is into you? If you break up with her today she will be rolling around in his bed, happy as fuck, within 2 weeks.

The majority of guys seem to think like this, and it's stupid.

 

[Guiberu]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

Good luck, man.

Genuinely hope it works out.

 

[Rur0ni]

Threads were a person in a relationship kisses someone else always end badly.

Good times.

 

[Rubenov]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

Fail. But then again you're only 20; you'll learn.

 

[Twilight Gap]

Threads were a person in a relationship kisses someone else always end badly.

 

[BishopLamont]

It's pretty easy to see why she would hide it even if she wasn't up to no good. Just look at posts like this.



The majority of guys seem to think like this, and it's stupid.

OP doesn't think like that, he seems cool about it all, why the need to hide it?

 

[Sub_Level]

If I ever start dating someone and then discover they're a GAFer, I'm dropping it like it's hot.

Ya'll a bunch of moralizing absolutist lunatics.

Ok Ozymandias.

Spoiler

I'm not actually agreeing or disagreeing with you I just wanted to make that reference.

 

[Heysoos]

She could very well be sorry and never do this again OP. Or she's going to be apologizing soon because she took it even further again. You're also going to deal with this being in the back of your mind. Nagging at you. Fact is she broke your trust. Sure you may have thought you've forgiven her, but deep down it's probably not true. Now you're going to deal with the thought of "Do I really trust her?" You probably don't. At least not right away. Even then it might be nagging you in the back of your mind.

Of course that's just personal experience. I'd end it and save myself getting more hurt down the road. Whatever you choose to do though, good luck.

 

[PJV3]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

Good, Women don't automatically sit on a cock even if they think about it. Hope it works out.

 

[vincent vega]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

she probably wishes you showed some more spine. you let her walk all over you it sounds like. this will be all well for a week or two, but then she will most likely return to her ex.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

p*ssy ain't got no face. either you are the gay friend or you have low testosterone because if you're put in a situation alone with one of these girls and she wanted it and you said no.... lol?

Boy, aren't you just a winner?

 

[Horse Detective]

I would have a hard time trusting her again, but that's just me.

 

[Sorian]

I'm feeling okay. Discussed it further with her and have no reason to believe it devolved into pornstar style knobbing as some have suggested. I know some will think "Well of course she'd say that!" but... there you go.

Told her she has to stop seeing him which she's agreed to. Said it's going to take a while to regain trust, which she understands. Maybe I'm naive and not a man as some have said, and maybe I'm young. I will gladly eat a big ol' crow if I'm wrong, but I really want to get past this.

Do what you do, if you feel like this is right then its right for now. I'll give one piece of advice that I feel you should at least keep in mind. You guys have been in a four year relationship, you've fought before and you will fight again. If you are fighting in the future and you want to bring up something about this as ammunition "well at least I've never cheated on you!" etc. then you should consider bailing for real. If it's coming up at times like that then its become a cancer on the relationship and things are too toxic. That's anecdotal for sure, but something to keep in mind.