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Girlfriend kissed her ex-boyfriend

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Valnen said:
It's pretty easy to see why she would hide it even if she wasn't up to no good. Just look at posts like this.



The majority of guys seem to think like this, and it's stupid.
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Its not stupid with the information the OP has posted so far.

1) Dude was feeling down so he calls a person that he used to fuck. He basically needed a confidence boost and just happened reach out to someone of the opposite sex that he used to fuck.

2) She still has feelings for him. If you think the other guy is oblivious to this then you're lying to yourself. The guy got her in small space and made a move. He knew all along that she was still into him.

3) She responded to him positively. So far it really sounds like she would fight him off and out of the car.

4) In her tearful truth telling she also lets it be known that she thinks about still being together with him. Basically means she thinks about fucking him. If I was the OP I would be asking myself how many times has she imagined that the other dude was the one fucking her when the OP was fucking her.

If it was me and I wasn't breaking up with her I would tell her that she can't see this guy again just to see what her response is.
 
Sorian said:
Do what you do, if you feel like this is right then its right for now. I'll give one piece of advice that I feel you should at least keep in mind. You guys have been in a four year relationship, you've fought before and you will fight again. If you are fighting in the future and you want to bring up something about this as ammunition "well at least I've never cheated on you!" etc. then you should consider bailing for real. If it's coming up at times like that then its become a cancer on the relationship and things are too toxic. That's anecdotal for sure, but something to keep in mind.
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I always thought I abhor cheating but I don't consider this "cheating" for some reason. Had she hidden it/happened more than once, maybe. It's still reprehensible, but it's not an "affair" or what have you.

EDIT: ^She's already agreed not to see him. If she rescinds that, I'll react in kind.
 
MasterBalls said:
I always thought I abhor cheating but I don't consider this "cheating" for some reason. Had she hidden it/happened more than once, maybe. It's still reprehensible, but it's not an "affair" or what have you.

EDIT: ^She's already agreed not to see him. If she rescinds that, I'll react in kind.
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it doesn't make you sick to think that she still has feelings for him after being with you for 4 years?
 
MasterBalls said:
I always thought I abhor cheating but I don't consider this "cheating" for some reason. Had she hidden it/happened more than once, maybe. It's still reprehensible, but it's not an "affair" or what have you.

EDIT: ^She's already agreed not to see him. If she rescinds that, I'll react in kind.
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You know what I mean :P Change out cheating for whatever wordage you would use, I don't know you well enough to fake quote you.
 
PJV3 said:
Good, Women don't automatically sit on a cock even if they think about it. Hope it works out.
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This isn't a woman thing. This is a person thing. When a person has fucked someone and is still yearning for them, a guy in the OP's position loses in this game most of the time. He'll be back in 6 months to a year talking about how he should have cut his loses the first time it happened.
 
charsace said:
This isn't a woman thing. This is a person thing. When a person has fucked someone and is still yearning for them, a guy in the OP's position loses in this game most of the time. He'll be back in 6 months to a year talking about how he should have cut his loses the first time it happened.
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I still can't even begin to fathom why you think they ever had sex originally. I'm still up in the air about this current time, but during the original relationship? You're making some leaps in logic.
 
You don't end a healthy relationship of four years over a kiss and anyone saying that is an asshole with jealousy issues. Except in monogamy fantasy land, pretty much everyone has held a flame for someone else, often an ex, while in a relationship. I don't think a single guy in here, probably including you, OP, would deny that they've fantasized about someone other than their partner. The question is whether or not she's committed enough to you to keep it under control, and whether or not you're committed enough to her to forgive her. Hell, the fact that she even told you about it at all is a good sign - if this was indicative of deeper relationship issues, this is something she'd keep secret and probably keep going. But she obviously regrets it enough and feels shitty enough about it that she told you almost straight away, and wants your help in moving on and staying together.
 
Sorian said:
I still can't even begin to fathom why you think they ever had sex originally. I'm still up in the air about this current time, but during the original relationship? You're making some leaps in logic.
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Doesn't even matter if they fucked or not, shit if they didn't fuck thats more incentive for them to fuck now.

Valnen said:
Already said why. The way the OP actually thinks isn't really relevant because in the mind of someone who's nervous they make false assumptions about how other people may see something all the time.
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Yeah thats called a guilty conscience, come on don't be so naive.
 
charsace said:
This isn't a woman thing. This is a person thing. When a person has fucked someone and is still yearning for them, a guy in the OP's position loses in this game most of the time. He'll be back in 6 months to a year talking about how he should have cut his loses the first time it happened.
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Perhaps, he thinks she's worth it, if he's wrong then he tried and he can move on.
 
BishopLamont said:
Doesn't even matter if they fucked or not, shit if they didn't fuck thats more incentive for them to fuck now.
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Apparently its worth talking about because I've seen a lot in here about "well they used to fuck and now they are getting together again? Gotta catch up on lost time!" bullshit.
 
Guess Who said:
You don't end a healthy relationship of four years over a kiss and anyone saying that is an asshole with jealousy issues. Except in monogamy fantasy land, pretty much everyone has held a flame for someone else, often an ex, while in a relationship. I don't think a single guy in here, probably including you, OP, would deny that they've fantasized about someone other than their partner. The question is whether or not she's committed enough to you to keep it under control, and whether or not you're committed enough to her to forgive her. Hell, the fact that she even told you about it at all is a good sign - if this was indicative of deeper relationship issues, this is something she'd keep secret and probably keep going. But she obviously regrets it enough and feels shitty enough about it that she told you almost straight away, and wants your help in moving on and staying together.
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Yeah OP, if you can't let your significant other kiss around to see if she still has feelings for an old flame and decide whether she wants to leave you for him, then there is something wrong with you. I mean, if you leave her, what do you think she's going to do? Is she going to regret ever kissing the guy, or regret telling you? Is she going to fight for the relationship or wind up back with her ex? Duh hello, you are the one who has to fight for her. Did you apologize for not satisfying her enough? Did you apologize for being upset over the kiss?

I think you should apologize to her.
 
Not sure if this is a shared experience for a lot of people, but before I was married and with a girl my options were always open. I was (95%) faithful, and tried to be, but I'd always keep an eye out because shit, girls are awesome. Even when I was with my wife I got the pangs now and again when I'd get a little too close to someone else but never ended up acting on it. Since we were married, I'd never even think of it. Not even once! Kind of strange, but I think for me the commitment is there now. Sometimes I hate her and I can't understand how we're married, but that line of thinking stopped when I bought in.

Long semi-unrelated story to say that you should kick her ass out. There's someone better that's not going to fuck with you like this.
 
MasterBalls said:
She said last night something like that she never knew how it would have turned out with him had he not dumped her, which didn't exactly reassure me.
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I'm sure someone else has already pointed this out at some point in the past 14 pages, but that is an even bigger red flag than the kiss. It sounds like she has been harboring feelings for her ex, and probably hung out with him knowing that it could lead to a situation like this.
 
Sorian said:
I still can't even begin to fathom why you think they ever had sex originally. I'm still up in the air about this current time, but during the original relationship? You're making some leaps in logic.
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If they didn't have sex and the hooks are in deep enough where she still thinks about the EX, that isn't a good thing.
PJV3 said:
Perhaps, he thinks she's worth it, if he's wrong then he tried and he can move on.
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The problem is that she isn't over the EX. Doesn't matter how the OP feels. She isn't over this guy and the situation confirmed all of her fantasies. If this was some guy she didn't have a past history with then I could see her not ending up doing more with him. This is an EX that she has history with. Most likely they are gonna hook up again.
 
charsace said:
She admitted to you that she's been thinking about him and what it would be like if they never broke up. Her telling you this is a sign that she's been thinking about giving her ex a 360 degree massage along all 3 axes with her vagina since the first day you been with her.

And like out of one of her fantasies the ex that broke up with her(because this is a really important fact in all of this) makes a move on her. And she responds positively to it. You really think he didn't seat himself deep in her 7'th day canal? He most likely left an Adam or Eve in there as a parting gift. Right now dude is wondering how far her top game has advanced and whether or not she's down to take it balls deep in her butt hole. All while he's looking for his "dream" girl.

Don't be a second in chump. You're only 20 man. Go out and meet some women. She's not that in to you and is only with you because your convenient and its most likely the reason you're with her for so long. Once the ex made a move on her she was down to get the full weight. She even told you that his dick has always been on her mind. Do you have to be laying underneath them, waiting to catch this dudes load on the bridge of your nose, before you come to the realization that she is more into him than she is into you? If you break up with her today she will be rolling around in his bed, happy as fuck, within 2 weeks.
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ALL OF THESE QUOTABLES
YOOOOOOO
 
If she's been thinking about her ex, this relationship is done. You're delaying the inevitable. Sorry, but its true. You are convenient. Nothing more.
 
honestly the biggest red flag of it is that this happened 4.5 years after dating you. it's one thing if she's not sure about you and slips up 6 months into the relationship, but jesus 4.5 years later and she's still thinking about the one that got away? some other guy said it best; if you broke up with her she'd probably end up back with her ex in a matter of days. that's just a situation where you're setting yourself up to be burned, imo.
 
I guess it'd come down to whether you actually trust her now or not. If you completely and fully do, in your heart you do, then sure stick around. But if you have an inkling of doubt, it will continue to gnaw at you. It'll always be at the back of your head. So, just how much trust do you still have?
 
charsace said:
She admitted to you that she's been thinking about him and what it would be like if they never broke up. Her telling you this is a sign that she's been thinking about giving her ex a 360 degree massage along all 3 axes with her vagina since the first day you been with her.

And like out of one of her fantasies the ex that broke up with her(because this is a really important fact in all of this) makes a move on her. And she responds positively to it. You really think he didn't seat himself deep in her 7'th day canal? He most likely left an Adam or Eve in there as a parting gift. Right now dude is wondering how far her top game has advanced and whether or not she's down to take it balls deep in her butt hole. All while he's looking for his "dream" girl.

Don't be a second in chump. You're only 20 man. Go out and meet some women. She's not that in to you and is only with you because your convenient and its most likely the reason you're with her for so long. Once the ex made a move on her she was down to get the full weight. She even told you that his dick has always been on her mind. Do you have to be laying underneath them, waiting to catch this dudes load on the bridge of your nose, before you come to the realization that she is more into him than she is into you? If you break up with her today she will be rolling around in his bed, happy as fuck, within 2 weeks.
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Lol holy crap.

Log4Girlz said:
If she's been thinking about her ex, this relationship is done. You're delaying the inevitable. Sorry, but its true. You are convenient. Nothing more.
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Yep, pretty much.
 
MasterBalls said:
I always thought I hate cheating but I don't consider this "cheating" for some reason. Had she hidden it/happened more than once, maybe. It's still reprehensible, but it's not an "affair" or what have you.

EDIT: ^She's already agreed not to see him. If she rescinds that, I'll react in kind.
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You love her deeply enough (or foolishly enough take as you will ) to make yourself believe it wasn't cheating. I've been in your boat man. I know how that feels. You're young as fuck. And she is too. You don't know if it's happened more than once. Don't go down this path man, not at this age. Trust me. After four years of your undying loyalty, what does it mean? Don't let it blind you. Anyway, I can only speak from experience. Tread with caution, well I don't have to tell you, you forever will as long as you stay in this relationship now. Think about that.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
I guess it'd come down to whether you actually trust her now or not. If you completely and fully do, in your heart you do, then sure stick around. But if you have an inkling of doubt, it will continue to gnaw at you. It'll always be at the back of your head. So, just how much trust do you still have?
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He doesn't. No one fully does--not for a long, long time. You can forgive, but you never forget.
 
OP might be a cuckold. If not, the denial and naivety is very strong in this one. Hope she has the decency to end it for you and let you move on with your life.
 
Sats said:
Thank you. Jesus fucking christ
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In all honesty, I think everyone debating whether they fucked or not or whatever is the least of the worries. It's all about the mental and emotional impact this has in a monogamous relationship. I guess what I'm getting at is that I completely agree. Though I guess after my past I'd probably go Wallace over a footmassage (not in the violent way, but I ain't got time for disloyalty anymore, hurts way to much.)
 
Irnbru said:
In all honesty, I think everyone debating whether they fucked or not or whatever is the least of the worries. It's all about the mental and emotional impact this has in a monogamous relationship. I guess what I'm getting at is that I completely agree. Though I guess after my past I'd probably go Wallace over a footmassage (not in the violent way, but I ain't got time for disloyalty anymore, hurts way to much.)
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Yeah, I agree with this. I'm not sure OP can recover fully from this, especially if his girl has already been thinking of her ex and shit. I won't say whether he should or shouldn't break up with her, but it seems like she's not fully into it anymore, mentally.
 
Log4Girlz said:
Yeah OP, if you can't let your significant other kiss around to see if she still has feelings for an old flame and decide whether she wants to leave you for him, then there is something wrong with you. I mean, if you leave her, what do you think she's going to do? Is she going to regret ever kissing the guy, or regret telling you? Is she going to fight for the relationship or wind up back with her ex? Duh hello, you are the one who has to fight for her. Did you apologize for not satisfying her enough? Did you apologize for being upset over the kiss?

I think you should apologize to her.
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Yeah, that is totally exactly what I said.
 
Sai-kun said:
lmao this is some of the scummiest shit i've ever read here
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Yeah, NeoGaf has some of the most fucked up ideas about relationships I've ever seen.

Brother-in-law is cheating on your sister? Not your business, don't say a word. Having relationship problems? Dump her and start over.
 
Valhelm said:
Yeah, NeoGaf has some of the most fucked up ideas about relationships I've ever seen.

Brother-in-law is cheating on your sister? Not your business, don't say a word. Having relationship problems? Dump her and start over.
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I agree that GAF tends to overreact on these things.

But honestly, they could very well be right. And that really sucks, just as a general thing. Wish relationships were simple.
 
It's important to note that this is not something that just came out of nowhere. Like you said OP he clearly had lingering feelings for her. She had the same. It's not isolated to the past or even the future. She's been in a bf/gf relationship with this guy before. They also continued to be in a friendship relationship after, while your gf was going out with you. She's been in a relationship with him for longer then she was with you. Even though she says she's cutting off ties with him, is it probable that she will?

Did she try to apologize when she told you? if so, was it sincere? Sincere as in
1. Saying it was wrong for her to cheat on you
2. Promising not to do it again
3. Not demanding your forgiveness
4.Regrets doing it
5. Accepts the responsibility, as in she was part of it.

While that's a systematic list, you have to consider these things. To me it sounds like she was unloading the burden of the responsibility over the relationship onto you. There's no point of an apology if what you're apologizing for isn't acknowledged, and attempt to fix it. She had feelings for him, she participated in the kiss. She did stuff with him and only told you after. Does she really regret doing it? She even said how it made her wonder what it would have been like if they didn't break up.

She might have not done it porn style like some poster's were suggesting, but the truth is she probably softened what she did, or even omitted certain parts. You really don't know everything. You didn't even see what happened. The arbitrary things they could have done, felt are unknown. That will eat you up like other posters have said.

You're 20, a 4 year bf/gf relationship is nothing compared to what else you guys could be in the future if other stuff happens. Just know that there is the option to leave and you have to think about both sides with staying, and leaving.
 
Servbot24 said:
I agree that GAF tends to overreact on these things.

But honestly, they could very well be right. And that really sucks, just as a general thing. Wish relationships were simple.
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OP needs to ask his girlfriend if she and her ex are just friends. He should just tell her how she feels about kissing him, and should mention that she's glad she told him.
 
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