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Girlfriend kissed her ex-boyfriend
- Thread starter peanutbutterlatte
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Dreams-Visions
Member
If you're staying with her, what's her penance? Because this is the kind of stuff that burns slow. Compromised trust is the ultimate relationship destroyer.
All I can say is if it gets to the point where you're checking her text messages and figuring out how to get into your email, it's time to go. Past time, really. Unless you're there just for some ass.
And yea, if you're under 25...I'd move on unless she's just the one.
All I can say is if it gets to the point where you're checking her text messages and figuring out how to get into your email, it's time to go. Past time, really. Unless you're there just for some ass.
And yea, if you're under 25...I'd move on unless she's just the one.
titiklabingapat
Member
You either ask for a threesome or you leave. Those are the only choices. Sorry, OP,
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
Ahh, thanks. Hmm, well good luck to him. I was cheated on in the past myself, ex said it was just a kiss but it had turned out to be more. It can eat away at you especially if you ove the person (like I did), made me very bitter and I realized too late that I held on to those feelings for way too long. I'm just glad I eventually learned to let go.
Byakuya769
Member
It's a kiss, people have gotten past much more.
ElectricBlue187
Member
Kissing just doesn't really seem like a big deal to me. She should feel bad about it but is this worth ending a good relationship over? I don't think so.
Arrowgigantic
Member
She told you about this because she wants to break up with you. Sometimes women don't actually want to hurt your feelings by just straight dumping you, so they do things that they hope will make you dump them. It's this weird self-sacrifice thing where she accepts being the heel in the relationship in exchange for being out of it. You can tell it's this kind of play because it's a minor thing like kissing. She doesn't want to be really awful, just awful enough to get dumped.
Also, you should very much play into that and get on your way. The longer you try to stick around, the more she'll escalate. Bail before you get hit with some real shit and end up hating her.
Also, you should very much play into that and get on your way. The longer you try to stick around, the more she'll escalate. Bail before you get hit with some real shit and end up hating her.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Don't change the subject, you tried to use someone not being a saint as a justification for a person cheating on another person. I'm glad you finally realize you're wrong since you keep trying to change the subject to random shit instead of responding to my posts yet again.
He didn't need creative texting, apparently he was dropping her off in his car so she was either already at his place or they were out together.
Completely disagree.
Relationship wasn't good if the girl was still meeting with her ex who she still had romantic feelings for... despite being with the OP for four years.
I don't know about you, but kissing someone else tells me it wasn't a good relationship. No tolerance for cheaters.
You disagree with what I said, therefore I don't understand how things work
ElectricBlue187
Member
You don't know anything about these people, so I must disagree.
As a serial monogamist who has never once had sex just to get off, I think you're wrong and people do it all the time and there ain't nothing wrong with that.
That's fine. I'm just saying what I thought.
No need to say I don't understand when everyone else is just assuming what's going on based on what the OP has given.
Edit: Why did you quote me?
OP, this is 22 pages in and I'm sure you won't see it, but whatever.
Cheating is a huge, huge deal, and no one should try to minimize how much pain it causes to the partner. You will always remember it. For the first while, you won't be able to get it off your mind. Then you'll think about it (and hurt) maybe once a week, then once a month. Eventually, the pain goes away, and you've just got the memory of it, sans pain. That takes a long time.
That being said, relationships are also a huge, huge deal. Her mindset on the situation is precisely the mindset she needs to have to earn your forgiveness. She owned up to it immediately, said she reciprocated, claimed the fault, cut off all ties with the dude. She clearly truly values her relationship with you, and put honesty at the forefront of it, knowing what it could mean.
So she cheated on you (via kiss). That happened, and breaking up with her won't make it go away. It won't make the pain go away. You can't change that. All you can control is what you do in the present to shape your future.
Do you want your future to include this girl? Is it a relationship you value? Do you enjoy her company? Do you love her?
If yes, then you should forgive her. Brace yourself for the pain, and forgive her. If not, if you do not love her, if you do not want her in your future, then cut it off... and brace yourself for the pain. Because the pain will come either way, and you can't avoid it.
So bottom line, your choice is a future with the girl you love (+ pain), or a future without the girl you love (+ pain). Assuming, of course, you love her. If you don't, cut it off.
Cheating is a huge, huge deal, and no one should try to minimize how much pain it causes to the partner. You will always remember it. For the first while, you won't be able to get it off your mind. Then you'll think about it (and hurt) maybe once a week, then once a month. Eventually, the pain goes away, and you've just got the memory of it, sans pain. That takes a long time.
That being said, relationships are also a huge, huge deal. Her mindset on the situation is precisely the mindset she needs to have to earn your forgiveness. She owned up to it immediately, said she reciprocated, claimed the fault, cut off all ties with the dude. She clearly truly values her relationship with you, and put honesty at the forefront of it, knowing what it could mean.
So she cheated on you (via kiss). That happened, and breaking up with her won't make it go away. It won't make the pain go away. You can't change that. All you can control is what you do in the present to shape your future.
Do you want your future to include this girl? Is it a relationship you value? Do you enjoy her company? Do you love her?
If yes, then you should forgive her. Brace yourself for the pain, and forgive her. If not, if you do not love her, if you do not want her in your future, then cut it off... and brace yourself for the pain. Because the pain will come either way, and you can't avoid it.
So bottom line, your choice is a future with the girl you love (+ pain), or a future without the girl you love (+ pain). Assuming, of course, you love her. If you don't, cut it off.
I have seen this first hand (and was admitted soon after). Blows my mind too, so much crazy.
Seems as if you might be dealing with some sexual repression issues of your own.
BishopLamont
Banned
Yeah not surprised if this is the case, they're still young and she's probably bored.
ProfessorMoran
Member
It's NEVER ok for a gf or bf to "hang" with an ex, it means there isn't a clean break, and that he or she is still part of someone's life and that the gf/bf has not truly moved on from the relationship.
Now if she claims she has cut ties with him, it depends on whether you think you can still trust her, there's no way of knowing whether she will see him again, even if she stays away from him, it doesn't prevent him from seeking her out, the only way that would not happen is if the dude has move on to someone else, but that's not the case here.
That is such bullshit. I have friends who are exes and are great friends to this day.
FreeMufasa
Junior Member
Real talk. Based on how she would react if you hang out with girls, she'd prolly leave you if the situation was reversed.
This. Something's wrong if she has a problem with you having female friends while she still gets to mull around with a guy she has feelings for. Double standard. Now that this has happened, you should tell her straight up that you should be able to have friends of the opposite sex, or at least call her out on that bullshit stance.
This is true, and is also why I avoid these types of people when it comes to relationships. I'm not someone who finds the idea of having multiple partners appealing at all, even considering the bold.
Absolutely, there are no absolutes with this stuff. That doesn't mean everyone should become polyamorists or polygamists. It just means people have different views on love and relationships (and sex). Though, I get the feeling this is your point.
Interesting where this thread has gone.
ElbowRocket
Member
Yes and I would do anything for love
SwiftDeath
Member
She told you about it the night of or night after?
If so that's a good sign
Perhaps ask her if she'd be okay with seeing less of her ex
I'd never try to make an ultimatum of it or anything though
If so that's a good sign
Perhaps ask her if she'd be okay with seeing less of her ex
I'd never try to make an ultimatum of it or anything though
That was intentional
I figured.
And I think it's the right sentiment. Don't have advice for OP at this point every single thing has been said, but man have a lot of people missed out on there being any room for nuance or complexity here.
Sometimes people have indiscretions. Sometimes they up and confess them. Sometimes they're sincere. Sometimes they aren't. OP's presented a situation nobody here is remotely qualified to answer directly, what with dude having been with this babe four years.
I wish GAF relationship threads were more people sharing relevant stories and less "dump the ho lol".
Legit. Not uncommon either.
But would you do that?
Yep, most people here like to jump straight to the "you're young, dump the broad, plenty of fish, etc". It's like no one has any idea how to actually communicate in a relationship and reach compromises to fix issues. Instead they jump IMMEDIATELY onto the simple solution.
Similar thing happened to me...GF kissed a guy and called me in the middle of the night in tears, she obviously regretted it and felt bad enough to call me and tell me. I was mad at the time, and now we've been together 12 years (7 dating, 5 married), and have a child together.
Well, you're raising a child together anyways.
I kid Cranky. I kid.
haha, fuck
Then on my child's 18th birthday I find out she wasn't mine all along!
God Dayumm
Banned
I think you can stay with her. But be sure to hurt the guy and tell him to not get close to your girl ever again. Beat him up or something, don't tell your girlfriend about it.
Don't think that would have made any difference, it's probably just in her character to do these sort of things(not cheating per se, but finding it easy to break trust). People stop loving each other or fall in love with others but the right thing to do is talk about it and end the relationship properly, not to kiss an ex and then apologize for it.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Call me a cuckold all you want, I'd rather not have an assault charge.
It's not about the kiss, why is that so hard for people to understand? She hung out with an ex she knew still liked her and they ended up kissing. That's breaking trust. Them fucking would be just as bad, it's just more personally insulting.
This.
I mean, the OP can't hang out with other girls but she can see her ex boyfriend? Yeah... Get the fuck outta here, bitch.
OP is asking for trouble i f he stays with this girl. World's of trouble and heart ache.
It doesn't necessarily need to be a dealbreaker...
That's up to him, it's just strange how people focus on the kiss and not the part that actually matters, betrayal and trust.
Wait what did op mention this? Oh hell naw. I would be out like the proverbial trout.
I understand, but it's an important thing that she told him right away and seemed remorseful. Now if she did that because she was really remorseful or because maybe she saw this as an out by having the OP initiate a breakup is a different story.
Trust can be rebuilt, they have 4 years of history, so it's understandable he doesn't necessarily want to throw that away.
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