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Girls' worst pick-up lines.

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lockii said:
The way he positioned it was straight forward, but if you look at the situation and realize he's probably being succinct, they were probably drunk, etc, I see it as plausible.
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if you think that shit is plausible, then I'm sorry.
Not for you, but for the poor abused women you know with no self esteem.
 
lockii said:
The way he positioned it was straight forward, but if you look at the situation and realize he's probably being succinct, they were probably drunk, etc, I see it as plausible.
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Yeah, there's no way to word most of these stories in a way that stops it from sounding like a bunch of grand exaggerations. Real life is decidedly more complex than a few lines on the screen.

Here's something sort of related that, out of context, just sounds fucking ridiculous. Keeping in mind that I'm still pretty much totally inexperienced sexually:

Went over to a friend's house with a few people, met a friend of his who used to be a stripper. We all got high, and for whatever reason got right down to the serious, life-affirming chatter - really getting to know each other. Anyhow, at some point we're smoking cigarettes downstairs and I'm telling my friend about how my gym routine is going. She asks me to take my top off for her, and I comply. She says "that's hot..." about four times (clearly, the girl is high as a kite), and a few minutes later we're in my friends bed together.

And we talked for 5 hours, and then went to sleep. The end.

wat
 
noi5e said:
Talking with a Japanese girl when I was 18:

"What are you?"
"Filipino."
"Is that all?"
"Yeah, that's all."

*facepalm* so bad in retrospect.
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thats when you finish with "no? well thats good, because when i say 'I would like to fill your pino' it won't sound like a horrible pun but sweet delicious ignorant racism"



racist jokes bags em every time.
 
VOOK said:
That's Steve's pickup line!
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I'm trying to put the wog out of work!
I know 'wog' is a derogatory term but he uses it when he called his comedy group and show 'wogs out of work'. No offence intended.
 
I've had the "do I know you from somewhere" line twice in my life at nightclubs. The first time it happened I said in my stupidity "Ive never seen you before" and she walked away with this confused look on her face. The second time I was prepared and replied with " theres no need to play games I know your hitting on me, lets go dance". She got all embarrassed and said sorry and went back to her group of friends.

If it ever happens again i think i might just ask the girl what school she went to and where she's from and go from there.
 
[AT CLUB]

Girl: Is that a jaagerbomb? (spelling i know)

My friend: Ya

Girl: I love red bull

My friend: ok

Girl: red bulls really good

My friend: [whispers in her ear] if this is your shitty attempt at trying to get me to buy you a drink.. think again. even my game is better than yours. [walks away]
 
Staccat0 said:
if you think that shit is plausible, then I'm sorry.
Not for you, but for the poor abused women you know with no self esteem.
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Wow @ the cynicism being directed at my first post.

Part of my reason for posting those experiences is precisely because it was so implausible, and to this day I still ask myself "how the hell did that happen??" I didn't think there'd be much point to posting something lame. If I'm "succinct" it's because I've seen a few too many girl threads on GAF go pear shaped. That said, the first girl probably did have some self-esteem issues, but she wasn't drunk. I was. In the second instance, we were both drunk and I remember waking up the next morning thinking (with a huge grin on my face as I remembered the scene from American Pie) "I was used".
 
Out of the blue at a bar:
"Would you like some lip balm?"*shows a lip balm thingie*

Apparently it was a joke. I did not understand the funny.
 
ScientificNinja said:
Wow @ the cynicism being directed at my first post.

Part of my reason for posting those experiences is precisely because it was so implausible, and to this day I still ask myself "how the hell did that happen??" I didn't think there'd be much point to posting something lame. If I'm "succinct" it's because I've seen a few too many girl threads on GAF go pear shaped. That said, the first girl probably did have some self-esteem issues, but she wasn't drunk. I was. In the second instance, we were both drunk and I remember waking up the next morning thinking (with a huge grin on my face as I remembered the scene from American Pie) "I was used".
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...
bye
 
Pterion said:
Try to top this one : ''Do you speak English?'', randomly said to my friend yesterday in a park. Apparentlty the girl is the hottest he has ever seen, and my friend says they've kissed already and plan on dating, but geez.
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Hahahaha, that's actually a good one
 
Uncle said:
Out of the blue at a bar:
"Would you like some lip balm?"*shows a lip balm thingie*

Apparently it was a joke. I did not understand the funny.
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If you would've said yes, she would've kissed you. And then you would've had some lip balm. And later on a bj.
 
not a line, but a response from a friends (now ex) wife

Him to the bairmaid : "what would you say if i said you were the most beautiful girl i'd ever seen?"
her to him : "i'd drag you behind here and f*ck your brains out"

... she did too.

i miss liverpool. :(

worst to me : "Oooooh, i like your glasses, can i try them?"
or
"yo! check out my muscles!"

lol.
 
$1148 Jack said:
"I believe you are what you eat. I would love to be you in the morning."
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I'm so going to use this on my woman as a gag. She'll love it.
 
ScientificNinja said:
Wow @ the cynicism being directed at my first post.

Part of my reason for posting those experiences is precisely because it was so implausible, and to this day I still ask myself "how the hell did that happen??" I didn't think there'd be much point to posting something lame. If I'm "succinct" it's because I've seen a few too many girl threads on GAF go pear shaped. That said, the first girl probably did have some self-esteem issues, but she wasn't drunk. I was. In the second instance, we were both drunk and I remember waking up the next morning thinking (with a huge grin on my face as I remembered the scene from American Pie) "I was used".
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Hey, I'm on your side!
 
I have one.

* Me buying a purple magnetic fish tank cleaner *
Pet store girl: I love this colour!
Me: Yeah, it's nice
Pet store girl eying me down like a piece of meat: So how was your day?
Me: Pretty tiring I guess...
Pet store girl: I can't wait to get out off work
Me: ... Uh huh...

Felt kinda bad, she was clearly trying.
She was a 5 or 6/10

Stopsign said:
The worst one I've heard a girl use was something like this: "Let's play army, you lie down and I'll blow the fuck out of you."
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That is pretty terrible :lol :lol :lol

Count Dookkake said:
If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
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That's golden!
I'm using it :P

Ploid 3.0 said:
"Give me your number"
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So lazy :lol

buckfutter said:
Oh, and once I was out clubbing and I had my face painted up ala David Bowie/Aladdin Sane, and some dancing girl leant in and said something to the effect of "David Bowie huh? He had this great bulge, do you?". I was REALLY caught off guard, but I managed "... why don't you tell me?". And she shot back "... I don't know, it's dark?". Basically felt like neither of us thought it through very well.
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This is the best thread this week! :lol
 
lennedsay said:
If you would've said yes, she would've kissed you. And then you would've had some lip balm. And later on a bj.
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Actually I would have tried to kiss her, if se hadn't had the thing in hand. It confused me, as it seemed like a serious offer and I was already a bit rattled at that point since it had been a pretty surreal evening even before that. Got weirder too.
 
btkadams said:
[AT CLUB]

Girl: Is that a jaagerbomb? (spelling i know)

My friend: Ya

Girl: I love red bull

My friend: ok

Girl: red bulls really good

My friend: [whispers in her ear] if this is your shitty attempt at trying to get me to buy you a drink.. think again. even my game is better than yours. [walks away]
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That's not a pick-up line, that's just a moron.
 
I just now remembered this. Not so much a pick-up line as it was a WTF moment from a couple years ago. To give some back story, this girl was basically my best friend all through middle school, we did everything together but she made it abundantly clear over and over and over that she thought I was "gross," and she'd do things like tell me about other guys she had crushes on and all the reasons why she didn't like me as anything more than a friend, which actually kind of hurt because she was my official first crush and I didn't think of other girls in that way except for her. She was average-looking (6-7 range) but I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world because of these feelings I had for her. I used to have dreams about marrying her and all that stupid shit but obviously I never told her because I was certain she would reject me. I was friendzone'd before I even knew what the friend zone was.

One day on the phone winding down a conversation in which we listed our "top 5 crushes" (all of hers were guys at school, all of mine were girls on TV like Lindsay Lohan, Hermoine, etc):
ME: "Hey, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."
HER: "Okay, but before you go I have to tell you something [my name]."
ME: "..."
HER: "Don't be surprised if I like you."
ME thinking WTF does that mean?: "...okay, goodnight." *hangs up*

Good times. I lost touch with her shortly after I moved.
 
"You want to go to my place and watch a movie", while at a bar.
I know a girl who used this exact line at least twice.



And another one, not really a pick-up line, but a strategy at least:

*Girl shows me the place where she lives*
Her: "I can't show you my bedroom, you need a secret password to enter it"
Me: "heh, ok - no problem"

*hours later when I'm leaving*

Her: "Bye, oh, the secret password is xxxx" (can't remember it anymore, it was some time ago - and in dutch anyway)
 
Girl: "I think someone spiked my drink"

Guy" "
m_familyguy_quagmire.gif
"
 
I've been ass groped by (drunk) girls a few times.
That doesn't work at all. It makes you feel like a cheap whore and not a manly man :(
 
Phantast2k said:
I've been ass groped by (drunk) girls a few times.
That doesn't work at all. It makes you feel like a cheap whore and not a manly man :(
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Don't even start to complain until you've had your balls squeezed by a gay dude... twice, by the same dude, on the same night!!


Getting my ass touched/pinched/grabbed happens a lot, one of the results of having a strong Caribean heritage. You can also work this into your advantage. My cousin just grabs them back, whatever bodypart he can find first.

And my current g/f told me that she really wanted to grab my ass but was too scared to ask. I told her that I probably would have responded with 'only if I can grab your boobs'. She then turned into her thoughts and replied 'hmm, I think I would have accepted that'.
 
I have this massive blind spot for cashiers and the like that are into me. There was this incredibly hot girl working at the supermarket were I always went shopping that would always launch intensely cheesy lines to start conversations. I never thought much about untill my roommates kinda pointed it out to me. Then I met her once while clubbing while she happened to be quite drunk, and she kinda wispered in my ear 'No waiting line for you here and now' :lol . Unfortunately later that night she puked her guts out and I didn't really feel like making out any more after that.
 
This girl once asked me "whatchu doing?" while I was on the library computer back in grade 10 or something. I just responded "reading..." and ignored her and she said "interesting..." and walked away. Goddamn I was dumb and I'm still dumb (to a lesser degree) today. She broke up with multiple guys in HS so it's no big deal. Either a 4 or an 8/10 depending on your preference for asians.

In the reverse situation, I try to strike up convos with this girl I like at work, but she seems oblivious or she's not into me or she's too much into work. She has a boyfriend, but I don't give a fuck. I need practice and if it leads somewhere then all the better.

Like today she was buying crap from the vending machine and I jokingly asked her "what did you have for lunch?" and she answered literally and then sat down to do other things. I fail.

Well this thread isn't for that kind of stuff so I apologize.
 
YYZ said:
In the reverse situation, I try to strike up convos with this girl I like at work, but she seems oblivious or she's not into me or she's too much into work. She has a boyfriend, but I don't give a fuck. I need practice and if it leads somewhere then all the better.

Like today she was buying crap from the vending machine and I jokingly asked her "what did you have for lunch?" and she answered literally and then sat down to do other things. I fail.
.
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There you go.
 
In the laundry room at the dorms:

"You do a great job folding your clothes"

Back a few years ago (when the loony wasn't worth much compared with the US dollar), 2 homely girls approached me and started talking:

"It's my friend's birthday... why don't you buy her a drink. You must be rich with all your American dollars"
 
noi5e said:
Talking with a Japanese girl when I was 18:

"What are you?"
"Filipino."
"Is that all?"
"Yeah, that's all."

*facepalm* so bad in retrospect.
Click to expand...

Talking to a Chinese girl when we were both pretty good and at that point:

Her: "Man my sister is with a filipino dude, my friend is with a filipino dude, what is it with you guys"
Me: uhh. *thinking* IvegotaGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriendGirlfriend
Her: Is it something about you guys what is it?
Me: yea dunno.
 
Phantast2k said:
I've been ass groped by (drunk) girls a few times.
That doesn't work at all. It makes you feel like a cheap whore and not a manly man :(
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:lol I don't feel cheap, but it's like do you want to be grabbing that disgusting cellulite shit. Then I put myself in their shoes and I feel disgusted. I have the grossest ass ewww.
 
Pterion said:
Ah, sarcasm. Regardless, it helps when you have a very cute dog in a park. *takes notes*.

Oh, he rides a sportbike (CBR 600RR) on week-ends, and drives around in a 3-series whenever he's not on his bike. Apparently chicks dig bikes, as he's been repeatedly asked to give them a ride (you guess what they really wanted to ride after)...
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This is true. I've gotten quite a few stares/smiles. If you're in a spot where you can, pulling a wheelie and showing off a little is fun, too :D
 
The worst I've heard was probably a fat slag loudly proclaiming "I'm so big! I could probably fit a 1,5 litre bottle inside me!" Yeah, that'll bring the men running.



Once had my balls squeezed by two moderately attractive (and ten years older) women taking turns, then asking me which one I'd sleep with. (I took a gamble and said "Both!" Didn't pay off.)
Also had my privates grabbed one time by a 13-year old, which was just creepy.
 
Probably the weirdest one i've had is when i was leaving a club some girl grabbed me by the shoulder and asked me straight up, do you have a girl friend?? but the music was so loud i couldnt make out what she was saying so i was like "WHAT??" and she said it again and then i said sorry i cant hear you, my friend who was standing inbetween us at the time grabbed me outside the club and was like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! once i found out what she really said i could literally kick myself, as there was no re-admintance once you left... and she was really really hot.

Definatly never had a girl be more forward then that though.
 
FreezeSSC said:
Probably the weirdest one i've had is when i was leaving a club i girl grabbed me by the shoulder and asked me straight up, do you have a girl friend?? but the music was so loud i couldnt make out what she was saying so i was like "WHAT??" and she said it again and then i said sorry i cant hear you, my friend who was standing inbetween us at the time grabbed me outside the club and was like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! once i found out what she really said i could literally kick myself, as there was no re-admintance once you left... and she was really really hot.

Definatly never had a girl be more forward then that though.
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Jesus christ.
 
she made it abundantly clear over and over and over that she thought I was "gross," and she'd do things like tell me about other guys she had crushes on and all the reasons why she didn't like me as anything more than a friend
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Awww somebody liked you.................. ;)
 
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