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[Moppet13]

Does the suspect wear a yellow around his neck that looks like a cross between Sonic and Pikachu (Sonichu original creation do not steal)?

Seeing as he is already going to jail...

 

[Pandaman]

You're calling it a break in because a retarded man knocked on the door?

murdererGAF is salty they missed their chance to shoot someone.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

Why do you need to go door to door? Can the cops not?

 

[Boken]

OP is a drama queen

 

[luckyarcher]

OP is a drama queen

yeah would seem to be one if the perp in question was you.

 

[trinest]

Maybe it was just some Gaffer who wanted to say "Hi"

*pictures a naked professor layton smiling tipping his hat*

*shivers*

 

[squidyj]

Oh internet!
"My wife was attacked!"

queue pages of discussion on the correct use of sans.

 

[Boken]

yeah would seem to be one if the perp in question was you.

She looked like she wanted crackers.

 

[Fusebox]

But who bundled the guy into the car and drove off? Maybe he was being kidnapped and molested and that's why he had nothing on but boxers and he escaped from his kidnappers just long enough to try and get help from the nearest house but your wife just pushed him away and then the kidnappers got him back into the car and now they're molesting him again!!

 

[mf.luder]

Geese GAF, when will we learn and stop letting our wives do anything? They are just completely irresponsible when it comes to matters like this.

Spoiler

OP is over dramatic. If he "tried to break in" did you file a missing persons/kidnapping?

 

[Mista Koo]

Hide your wife hide your kids.

 

[POWERSPHERE]

Check the bed for crumbs.

Cracker of a joke

 

[Vermillion]

peep hole ftw?

I don't answer the door for anyone I don't know.

sorry not worth it.

I just keep a knife nearby.

 

[BGBW]

Such an odd thread. I wish OP just mentioned the odd chap at his door without the whole attacking bit so it was clear whether we could laugh or not. Now I just don't know.

 

[Timedog]

I like that your wife paid close enough attention to know the exact brand name and sub-brand of the crackers. I wanna hang out with your wife and talk shop on crackers.

 

[Manos: The Hans of Fate]

Someone knocks on the door naked and physically attacks my wife/gf/family member? Would have no qualms with them shooting the attack no matter what their mental state.

Yeah. Not the exact same situation, but I always liked this line about intent.

Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!

 

[raphier]

This morning I went to drop my son off at pre-school. My wife and 7 year old daughter were here at the house. My wife got a knock at the door around 8am. She answered the door without looking outside first (idiot). There stands a heavyset man in his late teens- early 20s and he is completely naked sans boxer shorts with his penis poking through the peephole and a box of Ritz Bitz crackers in his hand. He shoves my wife back into the doorway and she screams and pushes him back outside enough to get the door shut. Then he stands in the front yard for 2 minutes until this man and woman pull up in a car, get out drag him into the car.

My wife was scared shitless and called me before calling the cops.

I'm pretty sure I know who it is. He lives in the neighborhood but I don't know which house. The guy is functionally retarded and I see his parents out walking with him and they practically have to keep him on a leash.

I told my wife to wait and call the cops until I see if it was him. But I dont know which exact house. I think I'll start going door to door and asking neighbors if they know of a family in the neighborhood who has a mentally handicapped adult living there. I'd like to talk to his parents first because they probably don't know that he tried to force his way into our house.

uh huh.

 

[marrec]

I like that your wife paid close enough attention to know the exact brand name and sub-brand of the crackers. I wanna hang out with your wife and talk shop on crackers.

She's not as much of an idiot as he thinks. If those were Goldfish he were holding, this would be a completely different story.

 

[bubnbob]

He was just there for the GAF meetup

 

[Timedog]

This is one those times where the appropriate use of then and than would have been important.

OMG.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Technically, he didn't try and break in.

Break in is what is sounds like, breaking/bypassing something to enter a building.

The door was open. Yes, your wife was in the way, and it ewas unfortunate that a large mentally handicapped man, and his special gues star pushed her aside.

As for talking to his parents. What are you going to tell them?

"Hey your son's a retard?"

They were probably already freak out that he was out in the open anyway. I'm sure they didn't know he and his Diglet her shoving neighborhood women. I guess you could ask for an apology, but I dunno, to me that seems weird.

Its unfortunate, and I'm sure everyone's safety feels violated. At least this was someone just armed with a pacakge of buttery, flaky crackers and a tallywhacker and not someone trying to do a home invasion.

 

[PetriP-TNT]

That's enough to pop a few rounds off.

 

[Feature]

Mentally retarded or not, assault my wife , you get a fist up your face.

 

[Aesthet1c]

Leave it to GAF to make fun of the OP in this situation.

Handicap or not, that is a very serious situation. This man tried to force his way into your house, whether your wife had the door open or not, that is an attempted break in. Who knows what his intentions were. Odds are it was fairly innocent, but that's not a chance I would be willing to take. I would call the police, inform them of the situation and then let them take care of it. Also talk to your wife and kids about looking before they open the door.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Mentally retarded or not, assault my wife , you get a fist up your face.

But he brought crackers.

And his penis.

 

[Gav47]

Mentally retarded or not, assault my wife , you get a fist up your face.

Beating up someone with a disability, yeah you're a real hard man.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Beating up someone with a disability, yeah you're a real hard man.

As horrible as this is, I think it's not as horrible as beating up, say Stephen Hawking.

It's bad, very, very bad. But, less bad by a smidge.

 

[Timedog]

I'm just gonna be completely honest and to the point and say that I think we should talk more about OP's use of sans, and whether it is or is not correct.

Also, we should come up with more cool names for me exposed penis, like if someone were to say "The guy and his Roger Klotz tried to bully their way into the house"

Let's make a bunch of Grey Poupon jokes too for some reason.

 

[marrec]

Let's make a bunch of Grey Poupon jokes too for some reason.

I was there, then you lost me at mustard humor.

Anyway, an exposed penis should be called a 'NeoGAF Meetup'.

Like;

"I was sitting on the bus and some dude was holding a NeoGAF Meetup on the seat across from me! It was disgusting!"

 

[akira28]

Seriously, it depends on the parenting thing. If this is getting to be too much for them, for his own care and safety maybe something should happen. There used to be a culture of locking your mentally disabled family members in the attic or basement because of shame. I dunno about their situation, and maybe the police aren't capable of properly dealing with a situation like this with the proper delicacy. It just seems to me that a well rounded, properly socialized mentally disabled person would know better. For his own safety even. Maybe you can talk to a social worker first, they can do the legwork, and see if those parents need some help.

Yes, I live in a perfect world on television.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

In Chicago, tradition is to only put Grey Poupon on a NeoGAF Meetup.

It's considered very bad form, sacriliege even, to put ketchup on your NeoGAF Meetup.

A popular option is to have your NeoGaf Meetup and "drag it through the garden."

 

[Timedog]

I was there, then you lost me at mustard humor.

Yeah, not really sure what that was about, to be honest.

I like your NeoGAF meetup idea though. Dudes getting exposed.

 

[KillGore]

Damn OP, glad your wife and daughter is ok. Just call the cops, dont be going door to door, you never know what might happen if you actually see him and his parents, or the people who took him... well other than showing you his penis an crackers.

 

[Feature]

Beating up someone with a disability, yeah you're a real hard man.

Oh please, like I give a shit. Having a disability doesn't give you the right to (sexually) assault people.

And yes, I'm a hard man, thanks.

 

[Gaaraz]

Check the bed for crumbs.

oh no you dint

 

[akira28]

Damn OP, glad your wife and daughter is ok. Just call the cops, dont be going door to door, you never know what might happen if you actually see him and his parents, or the people who took him... well other than showing you his penis an crackers.

Yeah...my paranoid side wanted to linger around this thought for a moment more. Like...what if those aren't his parents? And what if he doesn't even live in that neighborhood?

 

[Ecto311]

That is the same reason I don't open the door for anyone.

Call me first if you want in. Crackers and dick out, wtf kind of world we in right now?

 

[KillGore]

Yeah...my paranoid side wanted to linger around this thought for a moment more. Like...what if those aren't his parents? And what if he doesn't even live in that neighborhood?

Yeah, to me it doesn't sound like it's his parents either, but I'm a bit paranoid as well. Who knows if he is actually memtally challenged or not.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

Oh please, like I give a shit. Having a disability doesn't give you the right to (sexually) assault people.

And yes, I'm a hard man, thanks.

I don't think there was a sexual assualt.

I mean, sounds like the NeoGAF Meetup was a coincidence.

 

[reggieandTFE]

According to home invader GAF you should have shot him. Then, you should have called the cops and they should have shot his family.

 

[KillGore]

According to home invader GAF you should have shot him. Then, you should have called the cops and they should have shot his family.

Sounds about right, but don't forget the pets too.

 

[CoffeeExpress]

damn... women. cant leave em alone for 10 minutes.

 

[Choke on the Magic]

Do you live in a bad neighborhood?

 

[poppabk]

Just because you have the mental age of a child, doesn't mean that you don't have the sexual desires of an adult. Your wife and daughter were very lucky, you should definitely get the police involved.

 

[cntr]

well

That's my daily "oh gaf" thread.

 

[andycapps]

OP should call the cops and not be a vigilante.

 

[hteng]

you were oddly specific about the crackers, but you werent even at the scene?

 

[marrec]

OP should call the cops and not be a vigilante.

OP should buy the kid an Ice-Cream.

 

[Stet]

Are people actually defending the prospect of someone executing someone who is known to be functionally retarded on their doorstep?

 

[mrklaw]

Idea for a porno. Check.

ritz bitz and titz