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Guy's an'd Girl's ca'nt b'e friend's.

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Beer Monkey said:
Torturing yourself is caused by self loathing. Sack up, be a man and ditch her as a friend. You'll thank me someday.
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Or...her could just try and get over it and maintain a good friend. I mean it's one thing if you only became friends with the person to try and get with them, but if feelings just developed over the course of a good friendship there is no reason to drop a good friends unless there literally no way to be around this person.
 
kingslunk said:
You know what he meant, stop trying to make an argument out of nothing.
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The arguement is basically, "You can't be friends with the gender that you're attracted to, since you'll inevitably want to have sex with them."

By that line of thinking, someone who is attracted to both genders wouldn't be able to be friends with anyone, since they would want to have sex with them all.


If the 2nd line is absurd, the 1st one should be also.
 
I accept that my SO's male friends want to fuck her. But they can't. That doesn't make them any less friends, really. It hardly seems worthy of my consideration.
 
I've been married for 11 years and living with my wife for 15+ years and neither myself or any of my friends have close female friends. We are all friendly with each others wives and some of us have wives that have friends that we are friendly with, but none of us are calling these women up to chat as we know our spouses wouldn't appreciate it.

I'm not even the least bit jealous but I would find it very weird if my wife was having long conversations with another man or meeting another man for coffee/drinks without me. She has guy work friends but that friendship stays at work and doesn't happen off hours. If it did, her office would proabaly have a problem with it too..

And I couldn't have a friend who is a woman outside of work because I would just want to bone them even though I know I can't. Hell, I want to bone some of my friends wives.
 
bro1 said:
none of us are calling these women up to chat as we know our spouses wouldn't appreciate it.

I'm not even the least bit jealous but I would find it very weird if my wife was having long conversations with another man or meeting another man for coffee/drinks without me.
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Well...

bro1 said:
And I couldn't have a friend who is a woman outside of work because I would just want to bone them even though I know I can't. Hell, I want to bone some of my friends wives.
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That might be why.
 
bro1 said:
I've been married for 11 years and living with my wife for 15+ years and neither myself or any of my friends have close female friends. We are all friendly with each others wives and some of us have wives that have friends that we are friendly with, but none of us are calling these women up to chat as we know our spouses wouldn't appreciate it.

I'm not even the least bit jealous but I would find it very weird if my wife was having long conversations with another man or meeting another man for coffee/drinks without me. She has guy work friends but that friendship stays at work and doesn't happen off hours. If it did, her office would proabaly have a problem with it too..

And I couldn't have a friend who is a woman outside of work because I would just want to bone them even though I know I can't. Hell, I want to bone some of my friends wives.
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That's how I think of it.
 
bro1 said:
Just being honest.
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I mean, I guess if one would have an uncontrollable urge to "bone" any woman that he spent time with outside of a work environment, it's understandable that their spouse wouldn't want them hanging around with a woman.
 
bro1 said:
Just being honest. My one budy's wife does nothing but workout and has never had kids. unnggg....
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Not every man wants to bang your wife. Not every woman wants to bang you. People can harbor thoughts and not act upon them. Some of your guy friends may have thought about you sexually, and you wouldn't know. No one is forcing anyone to have sex. Limiting yourself to befriending only same-sexual orientation people is asinine. This does nothing but prevent you from potentially meeting great people, but you would never know because you can't hang out with people who have tits and vaginas.
 
If my female friends asked for sex, I wouldnt turn them down, but it's not as if thats all I see them for at all.
 
Beer Monkey said:
Torturing yourself is caused by self loathing. Sack up, be a man and ditch her as a friend. You'll thank me someday.
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I've made a thread about this on Neogaf once and I heard this shit all in that thread and when I tried it it just made my life hell for a week. No I'm not going to drop her as a friend, no I'm not going to try and get her into a drunk make out session, no I'm not going to try something when I already know the answer is no. Yes I am still friends with her, yes we greatly enjoy each others company, and yes I am making efforts to be with other women. Don't give me this "drop her as a friend" bullshit cause all it does is make everyone mad.
 
Amentallica said:
Not every man wants to bang your wife. Not every woman wants to bang you. People can harbor thoughts and not act upon them. Some of your guy friends may have thought about you sexually, and you wouldn't know. No one is forcing anyone to have sex. Limiting yourself to befriending only same-sexual orientation people is asinine. This does nothing but prevent you from potentially meeting great people, but you would never know because you can't hang out with people who have tits and vaginas.
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He's a married man.

What would his wife think of him befriending women--calling them, texting them, having coffee with them?

You spend time with your friends right?

I think men and women can be friends fine. But there's a reason is not as common as same sex friendships are.

I have a very close female friend, but I see her as a sister. We went to college together, I never had any sexual attraction. But things can get complicated in terms of boundaries as you get older and either of you get involved seriously romantically with other prospects.

It can work, but it doesn't work for a lot of people.
 
Most of my friends throughout my life have been guys. The two (separate) roommates I had in college were guys. I'm not interested in dating and it was never a problem. Traditional (mostly religious) culture in America often teaches that men and women can't be platonic friends. This is demonstrably wrong.
 
I hate this question. Of course people can be friends with people of the gender they're attracted to, or bi people wouldn't have friends at all :P
 
Your insane bro, I have a few girls that are just friends. I like Female friends they are typically nicer and nicer to look at. I don't screw them but if one is attractive and wants some I sure as hell will. Think of it like this, any girl you date you have to become friends with first IMO so why cant you be friends with them without the burning desire to screw them? I think the real question is can female friends be around as long as guy friends or does the friendship wear off? I don't think so.
 
entrement said:
He's a married man.

What would his wife think of him befriending women--calling them, texting them, having coffee with them?

You spend time with your friends right?

I think men and women can be friends fine. But there's a reason is not as common as same sex friendships are.

I have a very close female friend, but I see her as a sister. We went to college together, I never had any sexual attraction. But things can get complicated in terms of boundaries as you get older and either of you get involved seriously romantically with other prospects.

It can work, but it doesn't work for a lot of people.
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The reason it isn't as common is because heterosexuality is publically more *popular* and common. If homosexuality was the common orientation, I expect the situation you're describing to be reversed. I never said it was as common, but continuing to make it such a taboo isn't necessarily helping, either.

Edit: As the poster below me said, it very is important to be communicative with your significant other. It really comes down to how you handle the situation. Easing it in is the best, instead of randomly dropping the bomb that you're going out to dinner with a person he or she has never heard of.
 
It's very possible to be friends with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship, lol.

I am. And so is my wife. The key is communication w/ your spouse and to respect their comfort levels and to set boundaries with the friend and respect them.
 
Amentallica said:
The reason it isn't as common is because heterosexuality is publically more *popular* and common. If homosexuality was the common orientation, I expect the situation you're describing to be reversed. I never said it was as common, but continuing to make it such a taboo isn't necessarily helping, either.
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I don't think it's necessarily taboo either. Moreso, that there are many factors at play here. I'm just saying it's not a one size fits all thing.
 
I've recently had frustrations with attempting to make guy friends, and even decided to stop bothering for the meantime. Aside from one or two guys, and maybe two coworkers of mine, I really don't have any guy friends at all.

Despite all that I said, it definitely is do-able and I've seen a lot of genuine friendships from opposite sexes regardless of sexuality. Both people just have to be mature, and unfortunately there's not a lot of people in the world who are.

I wonder, does it count as a genuine friendship when one person who's had feelings for the other accepts "friendzone" status and doesn't bother to make advances? I kinda feel like I know the answer this even in case by case situations but I'm curious what people think.
 
Kisaya said:
I've recently had frustrations with attempting to make guy friends, and even decided to stop bothering for the meantime. Aside from one or two guys, and maybe two coworkers of mine, I really don't have any guy friends at all.

Despite all that I said, it definitely is do-able and I've seen a lot of genuine friendships from opposite sexes regardless of sexuality. Both people just have to be mature, and unfortunately there's not a lot of people in the world who are.

I wonder, does it count as a genuine friendship when one person who's had feelings for the other accepts "friendzone" status and doesn't bother to make advances? I kinda feel like I know the answer this even in case by case situations but I'm curious what people think.
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What were the frustrations? Flakiness?
 
Kisaya said:
I've recently had frustrations with attempting to make guy friends, and even decided to stop bothering for the meantime. Aside from one or two guys, and maybe two coworkers of mine, I really don't have any guy friends at all.

Despite all that I said, it definitely is do-able and I've seen a lot of genuine friendships from opposite sexes regardless of sexuality. Both people just have to be mature, and unfortunately there's not a lot of people in the world who are.

I wonder, does it count as a genuine friendship when one person who's had feelings for the other accepts "friendzone" status and doesn't bother to make advances? I kinda feel like I know the answer this even in case by case situations but I'm curious what people think.
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It really isn't about "maturity" and I really wish that argument would end, just like how it isn't as black and white like boy + girl = sex.
It's about individual attraction and how well one can deal with it, for all parties involved.
It's very easy to have genuine friendships between opposite sexes when they simply aren't sexually or romantically attracted to each other, because then they are just people with similar interests.

It's the attraction part that can cause problems.
 
Kisaya said:
I wonder, does it count as a genuine friendship when one person who's had feelings for the other accepts "friendzone" status and doesn't bother to make advances? I kinda feel like I know the answer this even in case by case situations but I'm curious what people think.
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I've been "friendzoned" by many girls but only one has actually remained a good friend, whereas all the others tended to never actually speak to me again after a few weeks or months. It helped that this one girl acted the most maturely, and with honesty in rejecting me out of all other girls that have.
 
I've yet to have a really close female friend outside of family/co-workers that did not go through some form of drama. Right now the close female friend I have confessed feelings for me months ago and I had to struggle through it to maintain a friendship.

Even now it's not perfect, as she will still drop subtle hints of attraction and act flirtatious from time to time.

The last relationship I was in, I was cheated on after 3 years of what I thought was a strong relationship. I knew the guy who was her friend. It has made me somewhat jaded towards the concept of being friends with the sex you are sexually attracted to. Is it impossible? Of course not. I'm just not very fond or trusting of the concept anymore.
 
If my male friends asked me for sex, I'd refuse tbh, the most I'd give them is a blowjob but penetration is off limits.
 
entrement said:
What were the frustrations? Flakiness?
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Just hanging out with guys who knew full well I wasn't interested/in a relationship and still tried to take advantage of me.

Reizo Ryuu said:
It really isn't about "maturity" and I really wish that argument would end, just like how it isn't as black and white like boy + girl = sex.
It's about individual attraction and how well one can deal with it, for all parties involved.
It's very easy to have genuine friendships between opposite sexes when they simply aren't sexually or romantically attracted to each other, because then they are just people with similar interests.

It's the attraction part that can cause problems.
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You're right, attraction does play a huge part in it. But when someone you find attractive tells you they're not interested, and you have a hard time choosing whether to be their friend or not bother, then it has a whole lot to do with maturity.
 
this is fucking dumb.

have plenty of guy friends. most of us in committed relationships. this is like some uber virgin mentality that i cant believe still persists today. go outside?
 
Thatonemoor said:
I've made a thread about this on Neogaf once and I heard this shit all in that thread and when I tried it it just made my life hell for a week. No I'm not going to drop her as a friend, no I'm not going to try and get her into a drunk make out session, no I'm not going to try something when I already know the answer is no. Yes I am still friends with her, yes we greatly enjoy each others company, and yes I am making efforts to be with other women. Don't give me this "drop her as a friend" bullshit cause all it does is make everyone mad.
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Well of course when a woman loses her crush-ridden orbiter that gives her all her validation she is going to get a case of the feels. It hurts to lose your emotional tampon.
 
Kisaya said:
Just hanging out with guys who knew full well I wasn't interested/in a relationship and still tried to take advantage of me.



You're right, attraction does play a huge part in it. But when someone you find attractive tells you they're not interested, and you have a hard time choosing whether to be their friend or not bother, then it has a whole lot to do with maturity.
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Ah so they probably liked you and they weren't being honest with themselves.
 
v2EriWS.jpg


Yes, you can be friends with the opposite sex.
 
Thatonemoor said:
I've got plenty of female friends and my current best friend is female... but I can't lie I want to be with her a lot. She isn't interested in me though so eh what can you do.
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Uhm, I would start making new friends maybe? Like youre basically in her friend zone and yet you keep lusting after her? Sounds really awkward
 
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