Well, to be fair, that is telling them not to do something that makes them uncomfortable.
And I did say at clubs, which should be common sense for a woman. Guy approaches you at club = he is into you.
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Had a fight in a club. Did I overreact?
- Thread starter Myoclonic Jerk
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Well, to be fair, that is telling them not to do something that makes them uncomfortable.
And I did say at clubs, which should be common sense for a woman. Guy approaches you at club = he is into you.
Exactly. See, when I go out with my guy and some random dude tried to hit on me I tell him that I am with someone and not interested. His wife was chatting away and smiling, though, so maybe OP should have let her decide if she wanted to talk to this random guy or tell him she was with someone instead of mocking him and instigating a fight.
George Claw M.D.
Member
Talking, and even flirting is no big deal. But, there's nothing wrong with not wanting other guys to touch your wife in an intimate way. And putting your hand on a woman's shoulder is an intimate gesture, despite people saying it's innocent. It creeps a lot of girls out. You can talk without getting all touchy-feely. And GAF, spare us the anecdotes about touching your girlfriends or your friends' wives/girlfriends. That's not the same thing as putting your hands on a complete stranger.
That said, I don't think the OP overreacted so much as he simply handled it poorly. If the OP's intention was to not provoke or embarrass the guy, then the OP could have done better than to grab the guy's hand, telling him "Talk but don't touch," and then dismissively shooing the guy away. That would piss off a lot of guys.
Also, you weren't put on stage because you were a hero. Everyone just wanted to see your gorgeous wife's milkshake up there, and that was a good fake reason to use. You got suckered into letting everyone in the club ogle your wife on stage, while you awkwardly danced away, feeling like a hero.
Lastly,
That said, I don't think the OP overreacted so much as he simply handled it poorly. If the OP's intention was to not provoke or embarrass the guy, then the OP could have done better than to grab the guy's hand, telling him "Talk but don't touch," and then dismissively shooing the guy away. That would piss off a lot of guys.
Also, you weren't put on stage because you were a hero. Everyone just wanted to see your gorgeous wife's milkshake up there, and that was a good fake reason to use. You got suckered into letting everyone in the club ogle your wife on stage, while you awkwardly danced away, feeling like a hero.
Lastly,
If this is so common with you and your wife, why have you two not already come to some understanding on how you both feel about it, and how each of you should handle it? Why must you fend off so many guys, when your wife could simply tell them she's married and not interested? Surely, a couple of experienced veterans such as yourselves would have a few proven tactics to diffuse those situations.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I agree with Kintari that CooTooLoo's wording made it sound like something else....
Anyways, one does have to wonder about the OP's wife smiling and sitting there with this guy, but it could have honestly been an innocent conversation.
That's the thing. We don't know what really happened here. What was the OP's wife and this guy talking about? Until we know that, we can only assume this guy was trying to pick up on her.
Anyways, one does have to wonder about the OP's wife smiling and sitting there with this guy, but it could have honestly been an innocent conversation.
That's the thing. We don't know what really happened here. What was the OP's wife and this guy talking about? Until we know that, we can only assume this guy was trying to pick up on her.
CountAntonius
Member
The guy had no way of knowing she was married especially if she was sitting there smiling with him. You put your hands on him that will always bring up problems.
WrenchNinja
Member
You should trust your wife to handle guys trying to flirt. And if not that, you should have made it clear that YOURE MARRIED to her. None of that getting in the way and smiling nonsense. Talk but dont touch? Acting like a little kid telling the guy to shoo shoo? Really dude?
Its good that you didnt fight, its not good that you caused a scene because you failed at basic communication.
Its good that you didnt fight, its not good that you caused a scene because you failed at basic communication.
radioheadrule83
Banned
This, unfortunately. He sounds like a complete dickface, but for all he knew she was fair game and you were potentially just some over protective friend or clinger... clubs are meat markets, people hitting on each other and flirting is the only thing that happens in them apart from dancing. Your wife was talking to him out of politness, and maybe because hey its a night out and you guys are bound to have met new people on nights out before... she's not just gonna let some letch creep on her while you're with her either, if he had - I think she probably would have helped you get rid of him and put him down in the process, but I can understand the whole male posturing thing to some extent I guess. I think you could have at least tried the same tack and talked to him to make it absolutely clear he wasn't welcome, if most guys heard "wife" I'm sure they'd back off -- but whatever, at least you didn't start a brawl.
Back in college I had a friend who had a similar incident where an argument was started after a guy 'bumped into/rubbed up' against his girl. Guy said why would I want to touch your ugly ass girl which prompted my friend to punch him and go after him. Well turns out other guy had a knife and stabbed my friend. He was lucky it didn't hit anything vital.
So moral of the story is... being a white knight is great and all but what good does it do you if you leaves your 2 yr old kid without a father? Is it really worth provoking a drunk violent person even if you are "in the right"?
So moral of the story is... being a white knight is great and all but what good does it do you if you leaves your 2 yr old kid without a father? Is it really worth provoking a drunk violent person even if you are "in the right"?
Acid House
Banned
Yeah right.
I've been at clubs where some douchebag straight up grabbed my girl's ass, dug right into that motherfucker, right in front of me.
Now look, he didn't know she was my girl, but that is straight gross, disrespectful, and out of line regardless of her status.
Even if I'm not there, it doesn't make it cool to be a gross grabby douche.
I knocked him out btw.
I've been at clubs where some douchebag straight up grabbed my girl's ass, dug right into that motherfucker, right in front of me.
Now look, he didn't know she was my girl, but that is straight gross, disrespectful, and out of line regardless of her status.
Even if I'm not there, it doesn't make it cool to be a gross grabby douche.
I knocked him out btw.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
I've grinded hardcore with some guys and, again, nothing else happened because I didn't want it to happen and I just wanted to dance.
Why don't you let her talk and dance with whoever she wants to, and just get there if she's clearly being annoyed and the other person doesn't get the clue? Overprotectiveness is one of the most undesirable traits.
BruceLeeRoy
Banned
Suck here it is 2 a.m and I dared dream this would be Docpans present for me.
I can't constantly be around her to prevent her from interacting with other males so why should I worry about it at all? I don't. I have been with her for nearly two years and I trust her completely in these kinds of situations. Now we don't go to clubs or anything like that but she tells me funny stories about particularly strange guys that hit on her in public and I take it as nothing more than a compliment because all it tells me is that I've got a great girlfriend.
This should be a thousand times more true if it's your wife.
Ssssssccch, ssssschhh.... hush.... You're making sense. Stop it. It's scary.
You don't want people flirting with your wife, and you obviously can't handle it when it happens, Jerk, but you bring her to the one place where it's actually more appropriate to hit on women than not hitting on them and pretend that it's somehow should be a safe haven for you and your wife because "you just like to dance"?
Ok, so you want to be out and you just want to dance. You need to realise that with that comes attention. You can't pretend it shouldn't happen, because it will, so you need to stop that arrogant shit of shooing and being an idiot.
Ok, so you want to be out and you just want to dance. You need to realise that with that comes attention. You can't pretend it shouldn't happen, because it will, so you need to stop that arrogant shit of shooing and being an idiot.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
That is an extreme case, and you/she would be justified in being pissed off. For all we know from the OP his wife could have been having a stimulating conversation about the NHL playoffs, pilates, or floor tiling. A shoulder touch while leaning in to talk =/= a grope in all circumstances.
CommonSense
Banned
Dude Abides
Banned
OP has a child an still goes to clubs. OP thinks taunting people who are being restrained is badass. I feel sorry for that kid.
Sanky Panky
Banned
theignoramus
Member
RoninChaos
Banned
(Yesterday, 02:26 PM)
hahaha.
Banned
(Yesterday, 02:26 PM)
hahaha.
Acid House
Banned
Acid House
Banned
She didn't want to talk to him, we were just walking through.
"I just wanted to dance, so I grinded hardcore with some guys" - classy girls here. The 21st century is looking up!
Even if the guy tried to chat her up, and touched her shoulder, we should be able to believe that the wife could tell him to piss off herself without any intervention from anyone else.
It's not about being naive, it's about trust in ones partner really.
But yeah, this discussion is only going in circles, isn't it?
(Not a dig at you specifically Sanky, but this thread in general.)
What the fuck......?
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
It's a completely differen matter from what the OP is saying, then.
And do you have any particular problem with the way I act in clubs?
CommonSense
Banned
LOL....the irony is delicious.
CommonSense
Banned
Well don't grind on him he may punch you. He's badass ya know.
While having a BF?
Nothing personal but I would've left you at the club.
It may be a regional thing though, in Italy dancing at a club with a "taken" girl is kind of pissing on someone else's territory. The only thing you can expect is a Jersey Shore-y fight (and then with the GF obviously).
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
It's okay, because I'd never date someone who would think of someone else as "territory". Different strokes for different folks.
All I'm saying is that me, going single, and usually looking to get laid, can talk and dance with someone in a very physical manner, and still not go beyond that, I find ridiculous the notion that a woman who went there with his husband needs protection the moment someone touches her shoulder because she's a poor little wounded animal and men are ravenous predators.
Acid House
Banned
If you're grinding on guys when you're in a relationship, well, yeah.
And to the one who's talking about me getting my girl "stolen", you're the type of pissant who pulls dumb shit like in the OP, where an obviously taken woman becomes your target for no other reason than to try and "steal her".
Gimme a frigging break and have some class, there's like 3.5 billion women on this planet, many of which are not spoken for. Step off my shit.
Yeah I used tha precise word, "territory", because of my poor skillz in writing down my thoughts in another language.
And I totally understand you, I really don't understand what the wife was doing. If I was him, I would've waited some more, as said before. As long as she doesn't get upset or something I'll let her do what she wants. If she crosses the "line", then she'll be the one in fault, not the guy (even if he could mind his own business and stay away).
But if his wife didn't tell him he was wrong for sending him away he did what she wanted to I guess.
And about dancing and then going home with nothing I've done it too.
Especially if she doesn't want to.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
I didn't say I was. And if I was, what? Dancing is just dancing, the one who decides if it goes anywhere beyond that is his wife. If he feels uncomfortable what he has to do is tell her, and she'll decide if letting someone touch her shoulder is really such a big deal. Touching a shoulder, or even grinding (which is why I said what I said) doesn't mean they'll be banging the moment the husband stops looking.
And no, some dude glancing at you while you talk to someone else doesn't turn the woman you're talking to into "obviously taken".
I don't know. Getting escorted back. Finest champagne in the house. Thrown on stage for all to shine their admiration on too. Protect more wounded animals!
SolidusDave
Member
In general you should simply go by the reactions of your gf/wife. If she's just enjoying the talk and getting some attention, then why go all overprotective on her?
I mean, some couples actually flirt casually, though of course they need to know the limit of their partner (the mentioned "grinding" would be a bit much to watch for most I would guess).
Girls/women can mention their bf/husband if it's getting too much... (I say that even though if it's mentioned to me then this is my inner reaction ;P )
For most guys trying to hit on a girl, that is usually a big hint that they are wasting their time&energy(&money).
Only if the (usually drunk) guy gets grabby, your wife gets uncomfortable to handle the situation alone or even tries to "flee" to you, then you can intervene (= kthxbye).
I think the OP might have provoked the whole situation, but at least handled it quite well by not starting an actual fight / let the bouncers handle it, going by this description.
If everything fails, I'm personally ok with knocking the guy the fuck out, but still wait until the guy actually attacks you (or even her) before you do anything violent.
I'm also always hold back by the thought that random-angry-drunk-guy could carry a knife or wants to seek revenge later or has a lot of buddies around etc. etc.
There are few scenarios in which a fight is worth such risks for you and your SO (and basically depends on the location/types of people you are dealing with).
I mean, some couples actually flirt casually, though of course they need to know the limit of their partner (the mentioned "grinding" would be a bit much to watch for most I would guess).
Girls/women can mention their bf/husband if it's getting too much... (I say that even though if it's mentioned to me then this is my inner reaction ;P )
For most guys trying to hit on a girl, that is usually a big hint that they are wasting their time&energy(&money).
Only if the (usually drunk) guy gets grabby, your wife gets uncomfortable to handle the situation alone or even tries to "flee" to you, then you can intervene (= kthxbye).
I think the OP might have provoked the whole situation, but at least handled it quite well by not starting an actual fight / let the bouncers handle it, going by this description.
If everything fails, I'm personally ok with knocking the guy the fuck out, but still wait until the guy actually attacks you (or even her) before you do anything violent.
I'm also always hold back by the thought that random-angry-drunk-guy could carry a knife or wants to seek revenge later or has a lot of buddies around etc. etc.
There are few scenarios in which a fight is worth such risks for you and your SO (and basically depends on the location/types of people you are dealing with).
Acid House
Banned
Anyhow, I'm done with this subject.
I will continue to be a man, not target taken girls, and be vigilant in the face of creepers and those who might mean harm to myself and my loved ones.
Y'all can grind on strange dicks, sit in the corner while your girls gets pilled, and otherwise justify your self-demasculation since after all, being a man in 2012 isn't "cool" unless it's on a tv show.
I will continue to be a man, not target taken girls, and be vigilant in the face of creepers and those who might mean harm to myself and my loved ones.
Y'all can grind on strange dicks, sit in the corner while your girls gets pilled, and otherwise justify your self-demasculation since after all, being a man in 2012 isn't "cool" unless it's on a tv show.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
If being a man involves telling us who we can talk to and getting aggresive over the littlest shit, then yeah, I'm glad that concept is staying in the Paleolithic.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
You so manly, bro. You hardkore dont take no shit.
Indrid Cold1
Member
Lol, didn't you see what happened to the other Internet hard man (beside yourself) who threw insulting comments at everybody else in this thread?
Byakuya769
Member
A stranger grabbed her ass. He has to ask his significant other if she liked it first before knocking the jackass out for sexually assaulting his gf?
I agree with this, however.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
I'm talking about the example in the OP which is completely different from what Internet Tough Guy 2's talking about.
In a club it's completely normal to do some physical contact and it's harmless unless both parties don't want it to be. Doing what the OP did for someone dancing with his wife, much less touching her shoulder, is completely exaggerated and uncalled for since the wife was fine.
But yeah, that's completely the same as someone random grabbing her ass without her consent.
And for the last time, the grinding example is just to show how someone who goes to a bar single, looking to get laid, and gets very physical, STILL doesn't mean anything will happen, therefore it's stupid paranoia that the wife, who went there with his husband, and was just talking to someone with something as ridiculous as a shoulder touch, will bang the random stranger unless the husband does something as manly and heroic and awesome as the OP's epic story.
Byakuya769
Member
Why respond to the second guy's example then?
Seems like GAF has habit of getting into black-white extremes on these sorts of issues. Anyone who comes to the discussion is immediately pinned into the farthest extremes of whichever camp you disagree with most.
In club situations I've seen enough women get called "bitch," "whore," or "cunt" for refusing to dance, so I don't think it's necessarily "OMG, overprotective" if a guy steps in and keeps it from escalating to that point.
Now, as I said in my first post, the OP clearly just stopped his wife from having a good time and added fuel to the situation.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Mostly because he was the most recent response agreeing with the OP, and because I assumed he was talking about an example similar to the OP's, and rather than picturing some guy just going and groping his girlfriend's ass, I just imagined two people dancing and the dude touching her ass.
I don't see it quite as black or white. It's two guys already who get overtly defensive the moment someone says that maybe punching someone else isn't the best course of action, and you're gonna tell me either improved their position as the thread went on? I completely understand someone not wanting their wife to dance with someone else. But maybe what one should do is just telling the wife before going to the club and see what she says? You know, what a lot (most) people here have suggested? Which is the most normal thing?
I don't know what kind of clubs you go to where that's considered commonplace, but I'd suggest going to others. If the wife even seemed uncomfortable and the dude stayed you'd have a point, but from OP's story that's not what happened here.
Byakuya769
Member
Perfect example. I explicitly agreed with much of what you said, and only have drawn minimal fact specific exceptions. Yet you're portraying me as if I'm arguing for punching people for dancing with your wife.
Ok.
G-A-F.
Ok.
G-A-F.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
What? No. If I come off as aggresive or something it's due to English not being my native language, I just worry I'm not expressing myself correctly and that's why I tend to re-state my stance.
I agree that Acrid House, in his original post, was not in the wrong.
Yeah pretty much everyone defending in some way the OP has gone mad after reading some trollful posts. Not hitting everyone who approaches yur girl isn't a proof you're a "sissy", it's just that your girl has the right to do anything she wants. Obviously if they end up doing something you don't like it
-was her fault for agreeing
-is your turn to pick a girl who is better for you
But I'm for controlling from the distance if you went somewhere together.
I might have written this three times now
Acid House
Banned
I'm not an Internet tough guy, but I ain't bitchmade either. If people were respectful of others there would be no issues, like I said there are plenty of fish out there for all of us.
In the OPs example, when I said "obviously taken" it's because she was wearing a ring, not because the OP glared him off.
Don't even pretend like cheating, in and out of marriage, is no longer taboo. It's almost accepted as a given, so creeps think they can do whatever they want to whomever they want, whenever they want.
I'm not gonna fight someone for merely approaching my girl but to suggest its not disrespectful to do so is a cop out. I'm not worried about my girl getting stolen, I'm worried about someone I don't know doing her harm.
If this creep wants to chat about baseball with OP's wife or whatever y'all suggested he was interested in (yeah right) then he should expect the blowback, it's a respect issue.
In the OPs example, when I said "obviously taken" it's because she was wearing a ring, not because the OP glared him off.
Don't even pretend like cheating, in and out of marriage, is no longer taboo. It's almost accepted as a given, so creeps think they can do whatever they want to whomever they want, whenever they want.
I'm not gonna fight someone for merely approaching my girl but to suggest its not disrespectful to do so is a cop out. I'm not worried about my girl getting stolen, I'm worried about someone I don't know doing her harm.
If this creep wants to chat about baseball with OP's wife or whatever y'all suggested he was interested in (yeah right) then he should expect the blowback, it's a respect issue.
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