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[Suerte]

I find it funny when people associate being gay with "lifestyle", it implies that those people should live their lives based around their sexuality. Being gay should only make up a fairly small part of a person, it shouldn't dictate how they live or act as a person (and I'll add from my experience those who do choose to revolve their lives around being gay, I really don't get on with and think they give the rest of us a bad name IMO).

 

[Suburban Cowboy]

homosexuality is never a choice

Spoiler

unless youre a woman

 

[xaosslug]

how does one "choose" to be gay, exactly? Because I know a few straight guys that might "jump in" if approached right.

 

[Aske]

The Kinsey scale was used a long time ago, and now with genes that back up homosexuality in twins as a genetic issue, the scale shouldn't be used at all. I've worked with hundreds of young adults, most of them "bisexual", and they're all exclusively homosexual now. It's just an easier way to accept themselves I guess.

Perhaps our culture creates a homosexual bias amongst vocal bisexuals, because those who can choose to ignore their homosexual tastes in favour of their heterosexual tastes often choose to be straight. I've also known bisexual women who feel excluded by both lesbian or straight subcultures, and who refuse to 'pick a side'.

If anything, I think the Kinsey scale is too simplistic. Yes, there is a genetic influence (such as the research indicating that a gene which plays a part in perceiving males as attractive can occasionally be passed on from mothers to their sons), but there is also a cultural influence.

At least one tribal society in Papua New Guinea relates to sexuality not as a gay/straight/bi issue, but as partner choice based on status. I forget the specifics, but the norm is for male 'elders' to choose both women of any age and young men who do not yet have elder status as sex partners. I forget if their culture accepts homosexual marriage partnerships, or if marriage is exclusively for male/female couples; but their sexuality is about relationships of status, not gender.

From what I've read on the subject, I believe that sexuality is influenced by both genetics and the psychological influences of environment and culture. A person can't choose who they're physically and emotionally attracted to, but they can express more or less of a desire to experiment with their inclinations - and are more or less culturally restrained from doing so. Perhaps sexual tastes have more in common with our other proclivities than we think. With the exception of male/female sexuality, human tastes are quite malleable - though note that this doesn't make them any less extreme. I've heard bisexuals describe a preference for straight or gay partners, but a 'fetish' for the same or opposite sex respectively. Perhaps there are degrees of sexuality, much like our other tastes and preferences. That doesn't mean that most of us are really a bit bisexual. Human tastes are profound and extreme, but they don't seem to be hard-wired in our brains that way.

Here's a thought experiment. You're in a pitch black room. An unknown hand masturbates you. It feels good, you get off. Was it a girl? A guy? Someone you would be repulsed by if you could see them? Someone you wouldn't be attracted to on sight, but could be powerfully aroused by once you knew him/her as a person? There isn't some magic sense that dictates whether or not you'll get off based on your sexual tastes if you don't have that information available to you. It was a guy. Does that make you gay? Or bi? Or course not, because there's much more to sexuality than whether or not a man, woman, cat, pig or cube-shaped robot is able to induce ejaculation.

In reality it seems sexuality is less about who/what we're attracted to, and more about who/what we're not attracted to. We know that perceptions of attractiveness are largely relative, and that ostensibly heterosexual men and women will engage in homosexual sex when they are deprived of contact with the opposite sex.

Sexual tastes aren't choices as Bible-thumpers understand the term; but perhaps there is choice in the manner in which we cultivate those tastes - how we nurture our innate straightness, gayness or bisexuality. And perhaps to identify oneself as gay, straight or bi in our culture arises from a need to stand up and be counted in the face of a sexually repressive mainstream.

 

[kitchenmotors]

I find it funny when people associate being gay with "lifestyle", it implies that those people should live their lives based around their sexuality. Being gay should only make up a fairly small part of a person, it shouldn't dictate how they live or act as a person (and I'll add from my experience those who do choose to revolve their lives around being gay, I really don't get on with and think they give the rest of us a bad name IMO).

Exactly. I generally don't like people who are like that as well. I have two roomies who are gay and very down to earth. One of them is also a gamer and the other is very into cars and the outdoors. My best friend, who is also gay, lives on the same street. Most of my circle of friends are gay and what you would call the average gay guy that's not really shown in the media, tv, or movies.

For a long time I didnt have any luck with guys because I'm a geek. I like Apple and gaming. But you learn in the gay community that it is very diverse and once you get past that initial shock of trying to live the stereotypical gay lifestyle you meet diverse people who are gay but don't revolve their life around it.