Captain Tuttle
Member
I had kids, those little people are motivating
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How did you get your shit together?
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Scorpion Soldier
Member
First post nails it for me.
I've thought about this too. Honestly though doing that could be pretty isolating which I'm not sure I could handle.
I'm just at the beginning of this process, and I can second it. I've never felt more focused, and that spills over into other parts of my life besides work.
I don't really believe in huge personal change. The trick is to figure out how to get you being you to work for ya.
If you're lazy and procrastinate, I don't think you'll ever snap out of it and suddenly become a person who prepares and works well in advance. You need to just find your strengths and play to them. If preparedness isn't your thing, surely something else is.
As an art director I'm hugely dependent on good producers to keep schedules and keep shit in order while I focus on creative work. When I was in school I thought it was a huge problem how scatterbrained I was, but now I realize it's an asset. I just need to be sure I surround myself with a support system that keeps me organized.
Oh, also: totally this one. Dropping out of traditional university and going to art school for graphic design and going all in was the best decision I ever made.
If you're lazy and procrastinate, I don't think you'll ever snap out of it and suddenly become a person who prepares and works well in advance. You need to just find your strengths and play to them. If preparedness isn't your thing, surely something else is.
As an art director I'm hugely dependent on good producers to keep schedules and keep shit in order while I focus on creative work. When I was in school I thought it was a huge problem how scatterbrained I was, but now I realize it's an asset. I just need to be sure I surround myself with a support system that keeps me organized.
Oh, also: totally this one. Dropping out of traditional university and going to art school for graphic design and going all in was the best decision I ever made.
freethoughtbubble
Member
Great post. This right here, minus the zero debt, unfortunately.
Congrats! I'm still working on it.
i3allistic
Member
U
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First: be sure that you really want to get your shit together. Don't waste your own time flirting with it if you already know that you're not going to do it. For me personally, it was: I was done and bored with partying, hanging out with friends, and just wasting days at a time. There was person I wanted to be and things I wanted to accomplish in life and I was tired of letting time just fly by. It's like changing diets vs. changing lifestyles. There is no quick-fix diet for getting your shit together. It's a lifestyle change in your most basic aspects of life.
Second: "getting your shit together" does not equal you in a suit, nice car, with a house, wife, and kids. Getting your shit together means cleaning up all of the literal and figurative crap in your life and giving yourself a rock-solid foundation to work on so you can do everything possible to help yourself accomplish whatever it is that you want to accomplish.
These are the steps I took in the past 10 months:
Together, all of these minor practices have drastically changed my life. For the first time ever I actually feel like I have a handle on my life and I am incredibly prepared to meet the challenges in life that I want to meet.
Second: "getting your shit together" does not equal you in a suit, nice car, with a house, wife, and kids. Getting your shit together means cleaning up all of the literal and figurative crap in your life and giving yourself a rock-solid foundation to work on so you can do everything possible to help yourself accomplish whatever it is that you want to accomplish.
These are the steps I took in the past 10 months:
- I started keeping a physical calendar/planner and writing down appointments, due dates, to-do's, and even passwords. Stop carrying around all this information in your brain. It takes up fuel, time, and space, and also creates stress from trying to remember it all. Get it out of your brain. For the first time since I was a kid I am going to sleep at night relatively carefree without the stress of wondering if I will remember all these things that I have to remember. (Writing registers more deeply with the brain than typing it in an electronic calendar. The calendar on your phone is better than nothing but a physical planner is best).
- I bought a journal to write down thoughts that wouldn't go away. This isn't to document my life but instead to "brain dump" obsessive and useless thoughts that were taking up space and time.
- I made a list of attributes for "the person I want to be in life" and "the person I don't want to be in life". This helps you to outline, and form your future self. Personal and internal goals to work towards. It's important to know who you are AND who you are not. For example, I tried really hard for a really long time to be the bachelor/one-night-stand guy. It wasn't until I started laying out the truths on paper that I really don't want that and it's probably why I failed so miserably at it (self-sabotage). I truly don't care THAT much about money and I really have almost no true desire for a mansion. I setup baseless goals for myself for a long time (and always used to wonder why I never worked towards them).
- I made a giant list of short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals. This is a big deal because you get to see, in a top-down aerial view, all the goals you've accumulated throughout the years all together for the first time. It's a good perspective to see on paper the person you've always wanted to be and how far you actually are from being that person.
- I've always had ADHD but only in the past year did I diagnosed by a professional for it. I'm prescribed Adderall and take it several days a week. Adderall is not a magic pill. It will not transform your life. IF you have ADHD then it is a tool to help you. A hammer doesn't magically build you a house, but it is a tool to help you build a house.
- I use post-it notes on my computer monitor to remind me, yet again, of the short-term things I need to do. I am very forgetful and I need many, many reminders. Once I start slipping it all snowballs very quickly and then I get overwhelmed. I need to stay on top of my responsibilities.
- I turned off all notifications on my computer and phone besides calls, texts, and alarms. The 5 micro-questions you subconsciously ask yourself every time you get a menial notification adds up to a big-time brain energy vampire. Save that energy for stuff that matters. (Setup specific email times throughout the day if you have to access email for work)
- I got my finances in order. I set up electronic payments for all my bills so I don't have to worry about due dates, websites & passwords, and balances. I checked all my credit reports. I set up a monthly budget.
- I gathered all my documents, separated and sorted them, bought bankers boxes and folders, and filed everything away. I bought a desk bin for all new documents I receive and once a month I go sort it all and file it away. Everything is now in one easy-to-find location. You may never need to access these documents but even saving 1% stress by having the peace of mind knowing that your documents aren't spread out over several locations is worth it.
- I started going to sleep earlier. I am most productive during the day and staying up after midnight is just a waste. Learn to prioritize your time and be as efficient as possible
- I stopped ranking and comparing things, people, and places. Stop separating and ranking, it is NOT a good place to be in. Stop thinking (even subconsciously) that you're better than people or that they are better than you.
- Baby steps. If a project, task, or goal seems too daunting then break it up into as many bite sized bullet point to-do's as possible. A large ship that changes its direction by just 2 degrees will be in a very different place over a long period of time.
Together, all of these minor practices have drastically changed my life. For the first time ever I actually feel like I have a handle on my life and I am incredibly prepared to meet the challenges in life that I want to meet.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Turned my hobby into a job. Just kept grinding at it. Next job a little bit more money, next one a little bit more money. Eventually enough to move out. Eventually met my wife.
Rest is history.
Rest is history.
I got my shit together when I fell into the human services job field. I had worked shitty jobs and done various things over the prior decade to sabotage myself. Stealing, drugs, other stupid shit. Every time I'd work a job for a year or so, I'd hate it.
Seven years later, I went from being a public program eligibility worker to a SNAP program and policy analyst. I make three times more than I ever did, have no college degree (in the same position as two MPA, two lawyers, and two bachelor degree people) and absolutely love my job.
Pretty unique circumstances so probably not much help, OP. A job you love can make a huge difference in your quality of life.
Seven years later, I went from being a public program eligibility worker to a SNAP program and policy analyst. I make three times more than I ever did, have no college degree (in the same position as two MPA, two lawyers, and two bachelor degree people) and absolutely love my job.
Pretty unique circumstances so probably not much help, OP. A job you love can make a huge difference in your quality of life.
cpp_is_king
Member
Was a loser in high school and first 2 years of college. Got nothing but Cs and Ds, even got an F in one course. Turns out I didn't like my major. Changed my major to something I was passionate about and graduated with a 3.9 GPA. Rest of my life has been pretty smooth sailing since then.
I've always been the type of person that when I set my mind to something I get it done no matter what though. If I make a promise to myself, that shit is getting done no matter the cost.
I've always been the type of person that when I set my mind to something I get it done no matter what though. If I make a promise to myself, that shit is getting done no matter the cost.
Soapbox Killer
Grand Nagus
HS dropout and No GED
Lost 3 jobs in 18 months.
Joined the Navy Saw the world and came back to the states a man.
That didn't fix everything but not complaining and having just enough patience to find the moment works hella good.
Also read: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" & "The Tao of Pooh"
Lost 3 jobs in 18 months.
Joined the Navy Saw the world and came back to the states a man.
That didn't fix everything but not complaining and having just enough patience to find the moment works hella good.
Also read: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" & "The Tao of Pooh"
CheDominik
Member
I hated my job as a lawyer and my marriage was going nowhere. I left my now ex-wife(I still think she's awesome, but we just couldn't make it work together) and started to go back to college to become a teacher at age 31.
Going to the gym helped teach me a routine for my day. Which then evolved to also include studying.
Doing both made me realize that much of life is actually easy, it is just about showing up consistently and putting in some effort. You can learn anything as long as you try.
It is amazing to see where you land in life 14 years later still following that structure.
Where would you be if you could dedicated 30min-1hour to something nearly 4-5 days a week for the next 20 years of your life?
Doing both made me realize that much of life is actually easy, it is just about showing up consistently and putting in some effort. You can learn anything as long as you try.
It is amazing to see where you land in life 14 years later still following that structure.
Where would you be if you could dedicated 30min-1hour to something nearly 4-5 days a week for the next 20 years of your life?
Epsilon-delta
Banned
The second I stopped posting on GAF...err, huh, yeah.
But seriously, having my daughter at 19. Realized shit got real pretty quick and had to do something about it.
I joined the Navy and went greenside with the Marines as an FMF corpsman. Did two deployments in Iraq (lucky to be alive), got out of the military and then used the GI Bill.
Graduated with a 4.0 in my major and the rest is history.
But seriously, having my daughter at 19. Realized shit got real pretty quick and had to do something about it.
I joined the Navy and went greenside with the Marines as an FMF corpsman. Did two deployments in Iraq (lucky to be alive), got out of the military and then used the GI Bill.
Graduated with a 4.0 in my major and the rest is history.
A friend of my parents that is high up at Dell burst my bubble in my early 20's when my dad told him how I have expensive tastes. He told me I was too lazy and I would never get anywhere to afford the things I want.
It's like my brain was rewired to set my
sights on a career that instant to ensure he wasn't right. I got very competitive in college pretty much immediately, got a great job after graduation, found something I'm good at and keep getting better to get the things I want.
Took a lot of time though and I'm still figuring things out. Set your sights on where you want to be, things you want, by certain ages and then figure out what it takes to get there.
It's like my brain was rewired to set my
sights on a career that instant to ensure he wasn't right. I got very competitive in college pretty much immediately, got a great job after graduation, found something I'm good at and keep getting better to get the things I want.
Took a lot of time though and I'm still figuring things out. Set your sights on where you want to be, things you want, by certain ages and then figure out what it takes to get there.
My 'shit' is putting pressure on myself to get my shit together. These expectations stem from unhealthy dynamics and beliefs I've internalised from the past -- that I need to do x otherwise I'll suffer. Soooo I'm trying to refute the idea that I have 'shit' that needs to be gotten together and go with the flow. My life is a mix of both healthy and unhealthy choices, and I'm pretty much happy with just being able to pay my rent every month, not putting myself in too much danger, and cultivating a couple of good relationships (friendships/significant others/whatever).
While I won't say I have my shit together now (life is always a work in progress and I don't believe there will ever be a point where you can say I've learned it all), there were a few factors that led me to being a more decisive person than I had been a few months ago:
-realizing it's ok and probably very important to fail. Failing sucks but it's really the only way you can learn something that will stick with you. Knowing something in theory is very different than knowing something through experience.
-realizing my own self worth. I think this is something a lot of people have trouble with. Separating your value from persistent illusions (usually monetary gain, or popularity or whatever) was a very pivotal moment for me.
-lastly, I had a moment of clarity from finishing a recent project. I had realized that I had let myself get side tracked from my goals in life because I was too scared to pursue them myself (which ended up with me pursuing them by myself anyway). I also realized that I had been chasing a dream that wasn't really mine and I had been suffering because of it. I looked around and saw a lot of people I knew have success in a field where I knew I could tear it up and here I was struggling because of my lack of focus and direction.
There's a ton of other stuff but really to sum it up, once I realized who I was as a person and what I wanted in life (that thing you would probably do without money), I set myself on a path where I could chip away at that dream a little each day to turn it into a reality.
-realizing it's ok and probably very important to fail. Failing sucks but it's really the only way you can learn something that will stick with you. Knowing something in theory is very different than knowing something through experience.
-realizing my own self worth. I think this is something a lot of people have trouble with. Separating your value from persistent illusions (usually monetary gain, or popularity or whatever) was a very pivotal moment for me.
-lastly, I had a moment of clarity from finishing a recent project. I had realized that I had let myself get side tracked from my goals in life because I was too scared to pursue them myself (which ended up with me pursuing them by myself anyway). I also realized that I had been chasing a dream that wasn't really mine and I had been suffering because of it. I looked around and saw a lot of people I knew have success in a field where I knew I could tear it up and here I was struggling because of my lack of focus and direction.
There's a ton of other stuff but really to sum it up, once I realized who I was as a person and what I wanted in life (that thing you would probably do without money), I set myself on a path where I could chip away at that dream a little each day to turn it into a reality.
valkillmore
Member
If we talking real, everything is sorted but I still overeat/binge eat. Can't believe I wrote that openly but it's a real problem. Family knows but, you know how that goes, it's not talked about a lot. Just not really talked about.
But I want to be over it. Any advice is welcome.
But I want to be over it. Any advice is welcome.
cramoss
Member
AuthenticM
Member
I went to law school after six years of not knowing what to do with my life. My friend encouraged me.
Best decision I have made in my life.
Best decision I have made in my life.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I don't understand that whole thing anymore. When I was a teen (around 15 or 17) I started smoking a lot of weed, put things in my body I shouldn't have, was on meds for ADHD and etc. I even got arrested and the charges were dropped.
Fast forward to today. So.. I believed in that whole thing about "following your dreams". Sure, it works, but it's only for a limited time if you ask me. I went to school, payed my family money, bought a few things for them, and I did whatever they needed.
In school, I was going for game design then made the mistake of going into healthcare. All this time I'm learning some interesting things about science and all that jazz. I get to nursing school and fail the clinical twice in the second semester. I pass the pharmacology, the pathophysiology, etc, but I completely fail the clinical for expressions on my face and just overall strict criticisms (almost like they were nazi's).
I fail, completely down on my luck, I have wasted 6 years or more trying for this better life. I turn 30 and it's like a living nightmare come true. The friends I had are more like enemies. I had better enemies than I had friends.
I have felt like an adult since I was ever approached by a police officer or forced away because I couldn't pay for something. I make my billing dates and everything.
You're never going to please this Universal Adult mindset. I don't have kids, but I sure know how to care for them. I feel that you can hit that "shit together" moment and still be worse off than you were before.
I tried for something that all the perfect little angels and their tired and true stories of seeing better days wanted. It put me in a worse position than I was.
I could care less about grades because I'm out of school. I never really did. Then I meet a group of people who are married and that's all they're about. They haven't felt failure and I felt that multiple times. Their idea of failure felt like the first time you fail and your parents are looking at you right back in your face. You know they'll say something. I've failed without a person supporting me. Heck, I've been in worse positions in terms of relationships while some people just keep fighting for the same person to forgive them or something.
I've failed close to death, close to homeless, and then whatever. The only thing I have after trying this "A-typical plan" is basically the grave. The only thing I ever learned was "get it going before you die". Honestly, if you're not marrying your high school sweet heart or you're married then it really doesn't matter.
The man or woman lying out on the street tonight could have tried, but they could also do better tomorrow. Once you're older no one really cares how you got there. All they care about is how they're going to interact with you or if you're going to get in their way. I wasted so much money driving out to clinicals in small towns that felt like my casket. I wasted a lot of resources following instructors who make a decent salary, but I'll never have anything more to do with any of them for as long as I live.
All the graduating students hang out with one another or enjoy catching up. I try every day to forget about it all because it's really a waste of time. You have to realize which path you want to take and enjoy it. Don't take stupid criticisms to heart or you'll fall even harder, maybe even mentally.
I would love getting more pointers. Hell, I'd even move out of state. I just want what I want. Nothing else I've learned in life taught me any different, except caring for people, that's kinda obvious when you learn it the first couple times. I'm also too kind of a person. I do more than your average nice guy does at times, so it really gets weird when I meet people that have this "B-Type" personality".
Fast forward to today. So.. I believed in that whole thing about "following your dreams". Sure, it works, but it's only for a limited time if you ask me. I went to school, payed my family money, bought a few things for them, and I did whatever they needed.
In school, I was going for game design then made the mistake of going into healthcare. All this time I'm learning some interesting things about science and all that jazz. I get to nursing school and fail the clinical twice in the second semester. I pass the pharmacology, the pathophysiology, etc, but I completely fail the clinical for expressions on my face and just overall strict criticisms (almost like they were nazi's).
I fail, completely down on my luck, I have wasted 6 years or more trying for this better life. I turn 30 and it's like a living nightmare come true. The friends I had are more like enemies. I had better enemies than I had friends.
I have felt like an adult since I was ever approached by a police officer or forced away because I couldn't pay for something. I make my billing dates and everything.
You're never going to please this Universal Adult mindset. I don't have kids, but I sure know how to care for them. I feel that you can hit that "shit together" moment and still be worse off than you were before.
I tried for something that all the perfect little angels and their tired and true stories of seeing better days wanted. It put me in a worse position than I was.
I could care less about grades because I'm out of school. I never really did. Then I meet a group of people who are married and that's all they're about. They haven't felt failure and I felt that multiple times. Their idea of failure felt like the first time you fail and your parents are looking at you right back in your face. You know they'll say something. I've failed without a person supporting me. Heck, I've been in worse positions in terms of relationships while some people just keep fighting for the same person to forgive them or something.
I've failed close to death, close to homeless, and then whatever. The only thing I have after trying this "A-typical plan" is basically the grave. The only thing I ever learned was "get it going before you die". Honestly, if you're not marrying your high school sweet heart or you're married then it really doesn't matter.
The man or woman lying out on the street tonight could have tried, but they could also do better tomorrow. Once you're older no one really cares how you got there. All they care about is how they're going to interact with you or if you're going to get in their way. I wasted so much money driving out to clinicals in small towns that felt like my casket. I wasted a lot of resources following instructors who make a decent salary, but I'll never have anything more to do with any of them for as long as I live.
All the graduating students hang out with one another or enjoy catching up. I try every day to forget about it all because it's really a waste of time. You have to realize which path you want to take and enjoy it. Don't take stupid criticisms to heart or you'll fall even harder, maybe even mentally.
I would love getting more pointers. Hell, I'd even move out of state. I just want what I want. Nothing else I've learned in life taught me any different, except caring for people, that's kinda obvious when you learn it the first couple times. I'm also too kind of a person. I do more than your average nice guy does at times, so it really gets weird when I meet people that have this "B-Type" personality".
John Kowalski
Banned
I sold all my amiibos.
Freedom once more.
Freedom once more.
ZackieChan
Member
Me too. Now my life is better than ever. I'm happy, I'm self-employed, I'll never fully pay off my student loans (but I don't care), and I get to travel the world while working. It's awesome. I'm even starting to make good money now.
I wouldn't recommend law school to anyone, as it's expensive as fuck, but for me it's working out well.
Rex Griswold
Member
Moving out on my own really helped me financially get it together.
Being stuck in retail for 7 years has really gotten my shit together education wise.
And recently, being betrayed by a now ex and former best friend has expedited the process. I learned never to get completely comfortable.
Being stuck in retail for 7 years has really gotten my shit together education wise.
And recently, being betrayed by a now ex and former best friend has expedited the process. I learned never to get completely comfortable.
mambadragon
Banned
By all appearances I have it together. Someday I actaully will.
boiled goose
good with gravy
It was always together tbh.
This. I'm currently getting there but once I realized I need to chase my dream, everything just happened to fall into place. Its crazy.
Nearing 27, took me until recently to get a degree and a job that I thought I really wanted. Just now I realize I actually hate it. I'm considering going for a second degree but I'm scared to death of making the wrong choice again. How should I decide what's the right thing to do? :/
0ptimusPayne
Member
Graduated from college, and finally found a way to move out of Michigan. Been here(FL) a few months now, and I have an internship starting monday downtown. Feels good to progress, but I'm not quite there yet. Also Deactivated my social media, and Ill just stick with Gaf for the time being. Need to focus, and hopefully come out of this with a career!
Nomadic Sparks
Banned
5 1/2 years at a Sheltered Industries + 3 years of unemployment = COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT
I have a service coordinator because of my autism and she recommend a school called LifeOps. It's a school that teaches autistic adults life skills and other such things.
Never I have ever found a group of people who genuinely thought I was worth a good goddamn until I got to Life Ops. I'm practically their star student at that school.
I'm such hot shit with that school, the teachers and administrators took me to UMSTL in Ferguson to listen to Temple Gradin. (I've read some of her books.) I just thought she was just gonna be a baby boomer and whine about kids are terrible and I generally thought I was going to lost interest. What a horrible assumption to fucking make about a person.
Listening to Temple Gradin just talking about what she had go through just to fucking prove herself worthy of being in with the farmers, god fucking damn she had eat a gigantic buffet line of shit just to get in. She was saying shit about the education system's treatment of autistic kids was fucking mind blowing because it was shit I had never said but always believed.
Google for Temple Grandin because that night was genuinely fucking amazing and she is a great public speaker, holy shit.
In short, Temple Gradin proved to people that being diagnosed with autism was not a fucking death sentence that people once thought it was. THANK GOD
Late last year, I joined Job Ops and I got hired by Boomer's Bar and Grill as a morning janitor. There's been unpleasant things to clean in the past, but just cleaning up a bar with just the owner there doing his check book balancing. Something very wonderful about that silence of that place in the morning, working through shit in my head and following directions and getting fucking minimum wage (Which I never got at Sheltered Industries) is what always helps get up in the morning. It's a 2.5 hour job and I love that my co workers have adopted me as their own.
There are two perks to that job: 1) Free soda (which I try to avoid) 2) 15% off my own meal man. Another perk is I can drink (but i have to pay full price for it.),
Lovely people all my co workers.
The new thing I'm getting help with is looking for my own apartment (I do have HUD because of the impoverishness.) but I really don't want to be in this house when the elections come around. It's already intolerable now. Don't want to be in the house and have to hear Fox News every morning.
(Sorry for incoherence)
I have a service coordinator because of my autism and she recommend a school called LifeOps. It's a school that teaches autistic adults life skills and other such things.
Never I have ever found a group of people who genuinely thought I was worth a good goddamn until I got to Life Ops. I'm practically their star student at that school.
I'm such hot shit with that school, the teachers and administrators took me to UMSTL in Ferguson to listen to Temple Gradin. (I've read some of her books.) I just thought she was just gonna be a baby boomer and whine about kids are terrible and I generally thought I was going to lost interest. What a horrible assumption to fucking make about a person.
Listening to Temple Gradin just talking about what she had go through just to fucking prove herself worthy of being in with the farmers, god fucking damn she had eat a gigantic buffet line of shit just to get in. She was saying shit about the education system's treatment of autistic kids was fucking mind blowing because it was shit I had never said but always believed.
Google for Temple Grandin because that night was genuinely fucking amazing and she is a great public speaker, holy shit.
In short, Temple Gradin proved to people that being diagnosed with autism was not a fucking death sentence that people once thought it was. THANK GOD
Late last year, I joined Job Ops and I got hired by Boomer's Bar and Grill as a morning janitor. There's been unpleasant things to clean in the past, but just cleaning up a bar with just the owner there doing his check book balancing. Something very wonderful about that silence of that place in the morning, working through shit in my head and following directions and getting fucking minimum wage (Which I never got at Sheltered Industries) is what always helps get up in the morning. It's a 2.5 hour job and I love that my co workers have adopted me as their own.
There are two perks to that job: 1) Free soda (which I try to avoid) 2) 15% off my own meal man. Another perk is I can drink (but i have to pay full price for it.),
Lovely people all my co workers.
The new thing I'm getting help with is looking for my own apartment (I do have HUD because of the impoverishness.) but I really don't want to be in this house when the elections come around. It's already intolerable now. Don't want to be in the house and have to hear Fox News every morning.
(Sorry for incoherence)
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