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How did you get your shit together?

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i3allistic said:
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This. I don't mean to be a recruiter, but my life was shambles before I became a US Marine. If your life is similarly messed up and you need a solid foundation, consider enlisting in the military, Peace Corps, whatever. Devote a few years of your life to one singular purpose.

Also, I'm now getting paid to go to college.
 
I feel like as soon as I leave my house, this is going to happen. I need to leave very soon, but I want to purchase a condo
 
I didn't. After a poor performance in college, everything came together.

I'm pretty lucky these days, which scares me.

EDIT: Not poor as in "didn't graduate." I did that at least. Plus I became obsessed with my career, so I studied it a lot. Also I have a decent brain.

...This could be easily misconstrued.
 
Joining the military right after high school. Essentially, it forced me to grow up. I was able to gain valuable training and skills for the rest of my life, it also made me financially stable. It allowed me to see the world and experience new things. Yes, there were times I wished I never had joined and I hated life. However, looking back on it now; it was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made. Now I’m about to have my bachelor's degree being completely debt free and I also have a job lined up, pretty much all thanks to the military. That being said, I would never want to make a career out of the military. I'm glad I got out and I can continue on with my life.
 
Medical issues that have a good change of shortening my lifespan and wanting to improve my overall self-image has helped in push me towards losing weight and exercising more. I look totally different than I use to a little over a year ago and have been living a much healthier life.

While still not there yet, I know I don't want to go back to my previous self, especially after looking at old pictures and realizing how much of a fat mess I was.
 
Stopped fucking around with friends who had no plans for life.

I took out loans to start university and surrounded myself with friends that had long term life goals.

Things fell into place pretty easily from then on out, but I'm also pretty good at networking so I'm sure that helped.
 
It's a work in progress.

I've just got a new job I'm pretty happy about, after almost a year of unemployment.

I've been taking my health fitness seriously and jogging regularly for the last year or so, and I want to start lifting now that I'll have the cash for a gym membership.

I've gotten back into what I love doing - acting, singing, performing. I was a small theatre show a few months ago and now I'm in a revue musical.

It's so easy to get complacent and settle for a 9-to-5 job you don't really like, and then get home and play video games, rinse and repeat.

That can't be the rest of my life. I won't let it happen.
 
I'm 27, married, have a 6 month old son, own my own business and my own home, and I still don't think I truly have my "shit" together.

I have anxiety and depression issues. I get lazy, I can pass blame. Sometimes I try to avoid responsibility for my actions, or act selfishly. I like to think I'm a good person despite having not gone out and selflessly done something for a stranger in close to a decade.

I've let my body start to go, and despite being aware of it I'm doing nothing to improve my diet or fitness routine. A lot of my past has started to haunt me in the past 5 years with resurfacing feelings and memories that have made me a bitter and sometimes angry person, and I spent years denying it while my friends noticed my worsening attitude.

But I do care about my family and friends. I try very hard to be a good husband and great father. I put a lot of effort into learning and self-education. I am passionate about my business and despite my shortcomings have always stepped up to provide for my family even though I don't "want to". If anything, I can say I love deeply and I am dependable.

I was out on my own in my first apartment at 18. I lived paycheck to paycheck until my mid-20's, spent my money foolishly and made no worthwhile investments. However, I've spent my whole adult life now surrounded by friends who didn't seek an education, still haven't found true careers, pissed away opportunities, and some of which still live with their parents.

I want to say by comparison I've had my shit together a long time, but some of my friends and family aren't exactly role models so maybe I've been delusional and set my bar too low. I'm always trying to do better, but it's hard to overcome personal hurdles.
 
Depends what you mean by "getting shit together". After two years of depression and almost three years of general misery I'm on the road to finishing my studies. But it'll be at least another two years, and I'm working on developing secondary skills like programming and communication that will round out my average skill set. But I don't do any of that because I particularly want to - the ship of wishes and wants has apparently sailed - but because I have no other obvious options and everything I used to want to do or achieve doesn't inspire or excite me anymore. So if getting a degree I don't care about any more and getting some kind of job, so I can stop being a burden on the people I know, qualifies as getting my shit together, then I suppose I am in the process of doing that.
 
Holy shit did the posts about wasting one's 20's hit home for me. I'm still 26 but I have this profound feeling that I haven't progressed in my life since 2009. I have this feeling like I haven't done anything with my life, not even had fun like other people my age. Holy fuck I gotta start doing something like right fucking now.
 
I don't have my shit together. But I'm functioning. I think the realization for me was that my early-to-mid 20s are not going to be a time to fulfill my dreams, so just take the best job I can find and pay off debt and try to build up some savings so that as I enter my 30s I'll have the ability to do what I truly want to do.

Also, be nice to people and they'll be nice to you (professionally, personally, etc). I've gotten to the point I am sheerly through people I know. It's weird.
 
I felt like I have always been in a pipeline of academic success. I grew up in a very modest household raised by my grandmother and I never had the newest sneakers/games/clothes, but my grandmother made damn sure I had what I needed. Still I had a lot of anger and confusion regarding the hand I was dealt in life. In high school I decided that my academic success would be vindictive because I was jealous what my peers had (inner city youth so a good chunk of us were from poverty) and I was upset that there could be some happy child born into resources and wealth that I have never known.

Fast forward I'm a top tier university and during the summer after my Sophomore year I got accepted into an external fellowship that pushes students through corporate America pipeline. I really buckled down and my anger and confusion turned into passion and confidence because this third party believed in my abilities and planned to equip me with the toolsets to be successful professionally.

After that a lot of good stuff followed. I'm only 22 but I know how to form good habits and I try to prioritize the right things in my life.

Everyone loves an underdog story but I had to let go of those negative emotions that motivated me and adapt to become a positive person.
 
This is a weird answer. But play competitive games. Doesn't matter which. Chess, scramble, street fighter, tennis, jujitsu.

It helps develop a killer instinct if you take them semi seriously and focus on getting better.

It shows you that almost all obstacles can overcome by studying, practicing, and applying what you learned.

It helps you take losses well.

It teaches you patience to embrace plateaus.

It teaches you the power of consistency.

Those habits can be used directly elsewhere. Losing weight, becoming more attractive to desired mate, progressing in your career.
 
Sesha said:
Depends what you mean by "getting shit together". After two years of depression and almost three years of general misery I'm on the road to finishing my studies. But it'll be at least another two years, and I'm working on developing secondary skills like programming and communication that will round out my average skill set. But I don't do any of that because I particularly want to - the ship of wishes and wants has apparently sailed - but because I have no other obvious options and everything I used to want to do or achieve doesn't inspire or excite me anymore. So if getting a degree I don't care about any more and getting some kind of job, so I can stop being a burden on the people I know, qualifies as getting my shit together, then I suppose I am in the process of doing that.
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im sorry Sesha, that sounds awful.
 
Finding something I enjoy that I can get work in. Finding a new job. Getting myself a girlfriend who I feel extremely lucky to have. And I'm still not there yet.
 
Realizing that at a very, very young age I was taught that the consequences for saying no to someone touching you would always be worse than letting someone touch you.
 
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Since I'm still in college and doing pretty well there I can't really say my shit's not together, at least, for where I'm at in life.

But I could probably be doing more than just getting good grades and trying to learn, I could probably be putting more effort into trying to get an internship or something. That said, it's not like I'm really doing that bad.

Right?

But seriously, I'm probably not going to get my shit "together" until I'm out of college and really able to seriously go into job hunting.
 
It happened very recently, to be honest. I went back to school to get a second degree and pursue a career as a software developer because I enjoy programming and I'm good at it. I started a job as a software developer and started to get quite depressed as I realized that I didn't enjoy it any more than I did my previous job (teaching). Well, after about a year and a half everything just kinda clicked. I realized that my job wasn't my life -- that I worked to live and not vice versa. I'm not sure if this is a common trait among millennials, but I was searching for some kind of fulfillment in work that simply wasn't there to be found. Also after my outlook changed and I actually stopped caring so much, my work productivity shot through the roof.
 
Started running at least once daily.

This was my keystone habit that snowballed into getting my shit together.

To be able to run everyday you have to have your life in good order.
With regular sleep and exercise you think better. Your schedule has to be optimized, you have no time to lose. Your confidence raises. Your start doing all these things you said you would do one day. Everything is mutually influencing everything else in your life. Once you get the ball rolling it only gets better.

Exercise is probably the most common keystone habit with good reasons.
 
I became an uncle. I didn't want to miss out on her life nor be the bad example. I lost 150 lbs, got in shape and started taking my professional life seriously. Things snowballed from there to the point I'm now married with a kid and my motivation to keep things going in this direction is even stronger.
 
Well, the thing was, at the time, I knew things weren't "right". I got kicked out of the college I was in for poor attendance, and bad grades. I had a dead end retail job, my folks were gonna kick me out of the house (lived in same town as college so was cheaper to live at home). I got low, real low. Was super depressed. So basically, I hit rock bottom. So after talking to my friends and family, and taking a good look at myself in the mirror, I was like dude, you have to turn this around. So about a half a year later, I went to a new school in a different town, made a ton of new friends and graduated. Nowadays, I'm in a career I love and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
 
Stopped listening to my parents about deciding my college education and doing what I thought was best for myself. Once I did that, I more or less aced most of my classes. I've got my career jumpstarted and while I've still got plenty of room to go, I'm started to do well for myself
 
rashbeep said:
I've thought about this too. Honestly though doing that could be pretty isolating which I'm not sure I could handle.
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I'm 22 and I would probably start studying in another city. I think thats an environment were I meet new people very quickly.

Thing is that right now I live very comfortably at home, don't have to pay anything and I'm studying(dead end) in the city where I grew up. I also have a pretty decent job(decent for someone who is studying)
I have a little money saved, but moving to another city would mean I have to pay rent and stuff and this would quickly eat my savings up.
Obviously the smartest thing to do would be if I just finished my degree here, but I really don't see me doing that.
 
I'm one of those sad fuckers that did not think for myself and just went by the advise my mother gave, to a large extent at least. She always wanted me to study medicine but I hated the thought of dealing with sick people, some people are cut out for seeing kids with cancer, people dying in front of you etc but I was not one of them. I was depressed as fuck in the short experience I had in hospital. One of my sisters is a Doctor and good luck to her, she's saving lives and loves the job. I had no option but to go for a science degree so chickened out and applied to dentistry, a very well paid job with little drama involved.

So job wise my life has been in check for some time but shit it's a boring life. The money is great though, which is the reason I work after all so keep myself busy in other ways. Also I can listen to Capital FM while I knock teeth out of people which is always great. :D
 
Life together for me is usually preceded by controlling my vices and focusing energy into productive areas of life, such as work and continuing education.
 
The moment I got a job I hated I realised I needed to push myself. When you wake up in the morning and dread going to work because of boredom, you need to do something about it.
 
You can only get dick-smacked by reality checks so much until you finally turn it around. When you're in a sink or swim type situation, it's on you to choose on which one you're ok to accept. It was the moment I took control, got rid of the bad people in my life, asked myself what the fuck I wanted, set short/long term goals, and full steam ahead.

Now I have a Wife and Daughter, a great place to leave, a great teaching job, and nobody goes without.
 
Pretty satisfied with how it is actually. I have a few good friends, a decent well-paid job and I now do much more sport than before. I don't see how chasing a career would truly benefit me but I'm also one of these guys who like a frugal life.
 
Wasn't a single moment but lots of them, some of the big stuff:
1) Nobody outside your friends and family care about you. That's about 6.5 billion+ (if not more people). The group that does care about you probably won't be giving you a job so you better make yourself good at something because while money doesn't buy happiness, it makes living and getting to do what you want a lot easier. See #2.

2) Your life is short, I didn't want to waste it doing stuff that didn't bring me happiness. I think a lot of people don't look at this critically and really try to remove superfluous things in their life.

3) I didn't want to grow up and be like my uncles (i'm a man so I just compare to them but the same could be said for some of my aunts). They're old, broken down old men. They haven't taken care of their bodies. Now they're not horribly fat/obese but they ache, every single day. They're out of shape. I don't want to be like that so I work out ~4 times a week. My thought is that if I never get out of shape I don't have to worry about it when I'm an old man.

I think these are the main three things that define me now.

edit:
Trying to move to the next stage. In the process of buying a house. Want to find a girl and start a family.
 
entremet said:
This is a weird answer. But play competitive games. Doesn't matter which. Chess, scramble, street fighter, tennis, jujitsu.

It helps develop a killer instinct if you take them semi seriously and focus on getting better.

It shows you that almost all obstacles can overcome by studying, practicing, and applying what you learned.

It helps you take losses well.

It teaches you patience to embrace plateaus.

It teaches you the power of consistency.

Those habits can be used directly elsewhere. Losing weight, becoming more attractive to desired mate, progressing in your career.
Click to expand...

I'm always telling people about this about Street Fighter. You learn a lot about life playing that seriously, for real. Focus, concentration, learning, execution, consistency, satisfaction, preservation.
 
Greddleok said:
The moment I got a job I hated I realised I needed to push myself. When you wake up in the morning and dread going to work because of boredom, you need to do something about it.
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Yep, this. I always find that if I'm at a job that I don't like I leave it trusting myself I'll find something else. It happened 10 years ago when I hated, hated my co-workers and my manager. I was there 9 months and had enough. I gave my two weeks without having a fall back (during the xmas holiday), and after I left I found another job within a week that I love! Been there every since.

Oh, I took less money. Happiness in your work is everything...
 
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