Well if you have friends and people you already get along with, maybe just start there? Presumably you have shared interests, or at least mutual complaints about classes and stuff. Strike up, or more simply join in, on a conversation about something you have in common and don't talk about yourself or your own problems. It sounds like you worry alot about your own personal problems, and I don't know if you do this, but try to force yourself to not think about them or talk about them when you're interacting with your friends. Can't claim any expertise on this, but it might help you get experience in the ebb and flow of conversation.
And gyms are social places too. And provided you're not starving yourself, I don't see how you can regularly exercise and NOT build muscles or mass. ..
I think I've exhausted what I have in common, but typically, it's the shallowest of conversations with no intellectual depth, and it goes nowhere or never really comes back up. Most of it is spent joking around and being assholes, which is lots of fun, but doesn't exactly feed my brain.
I haven't regularly exercised for a long while. I started going to a gym here, but I was so self-conscious around all these giants I eventually got too scared to be there and left.
OP, would you consider your environment positive? do you have a job you enjoy with people who treat you as an equal and with respect? is your family supportive of your endeavors? do you have anyone you would consider a "true" friend?
i've met people who sound exactly like the person you described in your post, and almost everytime, they were drowning in an adverse environment that seemed to stifle their every move.
No. My family supports the work I love to do. But they are extreme fundies with stupid ideas that I literally can't discuss anything with. I have a few people I would consider true friends....about six or seven, but there are times some of them start to make me wonder, and I get into fights with them quite often or they clam up on me quite often. They've done so much for me, and stuck with me so strongly, though, I can't question their friendship.
But I am very stifled. Even though I can see my friends IRL, most of the time I only get to online because they live over an hour away. I live in a dead town of farmers, so I don't have anything in common with anyone immediately near me.
You should go into detail about some of these situations. Like, what exactly did you say/do to incite anger?
Well, it would take a book to list everything, but let's say that sometimes I can be an asshole, or just a complete idiot due to my shortcomings. And due to the fact that a lot of people judge you without getting to know you, or if they get to know you and you don't know how to act right or open up, it leads to a hell of a lot of people with continual bad opinions of you. I have people with bad opinions of me for things I don't even know I did, or know what I did. Constantly. It's all part of me not UNDERSTANDING what's wrong between me and other people. I don't KNOW why it happens, but it happens all the time. Sometimes I am an asshole, though, and then I deserve it, but the times I know what I'm doing wrong are much fewer.
I thought about actually keeping a record of all the times these things happen, but I was afraid that would be kind of.....weird?
I'm in a position where just being EXTROVERTED makes people have a low opinion of me, and I don't know why. It's a facet of human thought or opinion that I just DON'T GET.
I don't want to blame anyone or hate people, I want to understand why they think what they think or how I got where I am, and I continually draw a blank. A lot of this leads me to think I just don't understand people. And as it builds, I began to wonder if I was even a real person to begin with, if I can't understand what I'm doing wrong.
One thing I do that incites anger is that I continually call people on what I consider bullshit behavior, or fake behavior, or make fun of them for it, and because I'm pushing past their wall or because I state matter-of-factly what I think they're doing, they lose it. It's very possible I'm full of shit in these instances, but I don't do it unless I've thought it over very carefully.
