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How do you tell a friend that never stops talking to shut up?

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I wish I had a friend like that to take some inspiration.

Maybe I'll work on a persona of mine. Describing my day in detail sounds like fun.
 
StalkerUKCG said:
Pull him to one side and tell him. He might not even realise.

I don't understand why things like this are problematic.
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Because some people can't stand to be rude. It's uncomfortable.

That, or the talking guy is really a dick and doesn't care about others. Hard to get a real read on the situation, but from the stories told so far, it just sounds like no one wants to interrupt or be seen as rude.
 
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared said:
Some people aren't as receptive to politeness like your friends apparently are.
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So you just let them get away with being a dick or passive aggressively dig at them?

Confront the situation head on politely if they have an issue with that then it's entirely on them. If you point out something which your friend group deems an issue and they don't accept it and it's a big enough reason to not ignore then maybe cutting ties with them is the only option.

Makonero said:
Because some people can't stand to be rude. It's uncomfortable.

That, or the talking guy is really a dick and doesn't care about others. Hard to get a real read on the situation, but from the stories told so far, it just sounds like no one wants to interrupt or be seen as rude.
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Politely broaching a topic of contention isn't rude. If it is then I don't know how people function day to day without fear of offence. If someone takes offence to being Politely given some advice about their social behaviour then so fucking what? Let them be offended nothing fucking happens other than that person having to come to terms with acting like a dick.
 
I usually edge my way to get up for a drink or go to the bathroom or start musing to myself about forgetting something. Usually these the other person takes as the natural end of the conversation. Granted this is mostly for parties so idk if it would work for one on one or especially 2 on 1 where your gf might be stuck with him

(for the cut his rambling short option)
 
In the past I've said to talkative types, "This all sounds pretty great, but give me the sportscenter version of this." It's not telling them to shut up, but telling them to hurry up.
 
StalkerUKCG said:
So you just let them get away with being a dick or passive aggressively dig at them?

Confront the situation head on politely if they have an issue with that then it's entirely on them. If you point out something which your friend group deems an issue and they don't accept it and it's a big enough reason to not ignore then maybe cutting ties with them is the only option.



Politely broaching a topic of contention isn't rude. If it is then I don't know how people function day to day without fear of offence. If someone takes offence to being Politely given some advice about their social behaviour then so fucking what? Let them be offended nothing fucking happens other than that person having to come to terms with acting like a dick.
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I grew up on the west (best) coast so I'm used to being able to interrupt and talk over people (and have them do the same to me). Conversations flow quickly. Now, I live in the midwest, and it's a different ballgame. People here do not interrupt you. Ever. I lose my train of thought so much more now and I have to rein myself in because no one ever chimes in or interrupts. It's just a regional thing I think.
 
StalkerUKCG said:
So you just let them get away with being a dick or passive aggressively dig at them?

Confront the situation head on politely if they have an issue with that then it's entirely on them. If you point out something which your friend group deems an issue and they don't accept it and it's a big enough reason to not ignore then maybe cutting ties with them is the only option.



Politely broaching a topic of contention isn't rude. If it is then I don't know how people function day to day without fear of offence. If someone takes offence to being Politely given some advice about their social behaviour then so fucking what? Let them be offended nothing fucking happens other than that person having to come to terms with acting like a dick.
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No you give them a fucking slap and see if that gives them the message.
 
It entirely depends upon both of your personalities, demeanors and the context of your relationship. What works for a naturally gregarious, outspoken and charming person may not work for you.

Ultimately if it's really obnoxious definitely bring it up. You can say whatever you want and generally be justified. But it could easily derail a mediocre friendship if the person is just way too sensitive. No one on a message board will really be able to advise you on this.
 
HuD73By.jpg
 
Honestly? I stop being friends with those people. I've dealt with it many times before, and basically talks-too-much is an uncureable problem. I've tried everything, from subtle to not so subtle social cues, to outright telling someone.

It doesn't make them bad people. It's just one of those personality traits that is very hard to break. Some people can handle it, I can't. We can all talk a blue streak on occasion, but people who do it every time is something I just can't handle.
 
I don't understand, is he JUST a roommate, or has he gotten to the point of being an actual friend.

If he is a friend all you need to do is just say,"Dude, Shut up." I talk a lot but if I begin to get annoying they just tell me to shut up and I stop talking.

He probably doesn't realize how much he talks. People like that (me) won't really notice. Or doesn't care. Hopefully it is the former since I don't know how to handle people who don't care.

If he is just a normal roommate to you, just say,"Hey is it alright if I talk to my girlfriend. That is an awesome story buy me and her were hoping for a quiet dinner." Or if say watching tv," Sorry, but can we talk later? Watching the show."

Make him aware that he talks a lot or that you don't want to listen. Not that your don't like him, but it is just too much for you to handle.
 
Flarin said:
Without being rude, what's a clever way to tell this friend to stop talking or somehow cut his ramblings short?
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Interrupt him with something like, "Mate, is this story going anywhere?"

See how he reacts. You say he's a friend and room-mate so hopefully you can make a joke out of telling him about one of his unfortunate quirks and hopefully he'll make the effort to tone it down a bit.
 
Flarin said:
You've been good to me in the past GAF so I come to you with another conundrum!

I have a friend (who happens to be a roommate) who just loves to talk. If you ask him how his day was he'll proceed to describe it in detail for the next half an hour. Sometimes he'll just sit down and start talking without being asked. The other day me and my girlfriend cooked together and she asked him in passing how his Christmas vacation was. Instead of enjoying a nice meal together we had to listen to his entire trip in exhausting detail.

Without being rude, what's a clever way to tell this friend to stop talking or somehow cut his ramblings short?
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So many ways if you want him to without being rude .

One don't ask how's your day in the first place . If he starts tell him hey man gotta do something or need some time etc. If it's dinner table that's harder but just try and avoid dinners . If it's you and you gf you can always say man wanna spend some time alone with her etc.

Additionally im pretty decent at pretending to listen to ppl while not really paying attention . Try and pull off the periodic hum , uh huh , ah and then what lines . Will keep them going with almost zero effort on your part both parties are happy they get their need to talk you get to think about or do something else . Many a times they might just be venting doent really mean they want a response just someone to tell it to .

Finally if you can't do all that there is the shit up line ... But that should be a last resort and there are so many less confrontational ways especially with a roommate .
 
Just stare directly into his eyes without responding to anything he says. Either he'll be weirded out and stop talking to you, or he'll stare back longingly and slowly his lips will move towards yours. Once you guys start making out, he'll stop talking.
 
Ophelion said:
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More broadly, bring it up in between long-winded monologues. As a rambler myself, most of the time people that do this are not even aware they're dominating conversations in this way. A little self-awareness goes a long way.
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Glad you mentioned that many people just don't know that's what they're doing. I had a couple friends in college that were like this, would just go on and on endlessly.

So, my fiancee is a 'talk to think' personality and while she doesn't ramble like the people in college (sometimes especially when she's high, but not usually). I didn't get it for the longest time, but after incidentally taking a management course at work on personality types, the instructor led with that there can be two types of people... People who think to talk, and people who talk to think. Neither of them are inherently worse than the other, but theyr'e just different, and often times people from one group will feel the other are foreign or weird.. "Talk to think" people might think "think to talk" people are unfriendly or dense; "think to talk" people can consider "talk to think" people as blabbermouths or self-important.

My fiancee is a "talk to think" personality... She thinks through thoughts in her her head by speaking them to someone in a conversation. Now, obviously, it's not with everything, it's not like she says everything she thinks or lacks a filter, but especially when a conversation is heated she'll just say things that are very hurtful or harmful to someone else because her brain is sorting through them. That in turn causes the other person to reactive negatively and the whole conversation can spin out of control. It also happens just with any conversation... Someone can describe a bad situation (e.g., a friend losing a loved one) and she has to say "omg that's so terrible I can't believe if that happened to me what would I do losing someone so important?!" and for people who "think to talk" this can come off as sounding self-centered or over the top.. a sort of "why are you talking about yourself," but it's because those thoughts manifest themselves by talking through them. We all think them, but "think to talk" people just think them and reply with "oh, I'm very sorry to hear that," which can come off as uncaring to "talk to think" people.

Her older sister is much worse ,with absolutely no filter most of the time, so she ends up really hurting people's feelings and then being self-righteous about it. She'll make some calloused remark like "oh... I'm glad you cleaned..." sarcastically if she comes over your house and the laundry isn't put away and you'll say like "wtf...?" and then she'll get self-righteous about it because she really doesn't think there's anything wrong with thinking that (which there isn't) but most people just shouldn't say it.

What this long rambling post is all saying is that it's taken me a long time to really accept the "talk to think" mind set as something not scary or bothersome. But it frustrates me when other "think to talk-ers" aren't taking the time to accept personality differences. your pic reminded me of it

Me? I'm a "write to think" person.
 
I do a trick where I quickly insert a question directed at another person right in the middle of their ranting and look at that other person. This typically stops their long-winded spiel and gets someone else talking instead thus effectively cutting their storytelling off at the pass.
 
I am the friend in this instance. I will talk endlessly about anything at any and all times.

My advice? Join em! Life is too short to not discuss your day in every excruciating detail.

StalkerUKCG said:
The social ineptitude of GAF will never stop amazing me.

How about

"hey Bro, what was your day like, don't five me a 2 hours story just condense it"

"hey, sometimes you talk much more than required around my gf, mind cutting it down? " then provide an example.

Just be nice and make him understand you are not being a dick. Use your inside voice and kind words.

Additionally why is it a problem? So he talks a lot. You should just sit in silence. That would be really fun.
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Outside of my admittedly unhelpful response, I like this. When people try to rope me in, they know that I have the maturity and reason to understand if they're not giant butts about it. Generally though, I've surrounded myself with people who talk equally as much as I do or people who love watching shenanigans unfold as I tell my tales or interact with other social giants.
 
My mother is like this.

I think it must be a form of autism, where the person doesn't understand social cues that tell him to stfu.
 
DontBeThatGuy said:
Brevity is the soul of wit, my friend. Also, silence is underrated.
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Yeah, totally. But while vocalizing every stupid thought I've ever had in my existence may not be wit, it sure is damn fun for me! I'd rather enjoy myself than be smart and bored :P

But if you enjoy silence that's okay! We would probably not have perfect chemistry if we would sit across each other at a table with food then hahahahaha
 
Kurdel said:
My mother is like this.

I think it must be a form of autism, where the person doesn't understand social cues that tell him to stfu.
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I don't about that, but I knew a person with the same issue. He couldn't read social cues regarding attention and just kept talking.
 
When he's in another room, have a loud conversation with your girlfriend about how you hate it when people talk too much. After that, never look him in the eyes ever again.
 
Why are you people being aggressive? Just tell him nicely that he talks too much sometimes. Maybe he doesn't know that and he thinks you enjoy how he explain the questions in details. Don't be rude.
 
You jokingly say things like, "Alright dude I didn't ask for your life story" or "Wrap. It. Up." while pointing to your wrist. Jokingly, but you do it often enough that he'll probably start taking the hint.
 
Kurdel said:
My mother is like this.

I think it must be a form of autism, where the person doesn't understand social cues that tell him to stfu.
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My mom tells stories that don't have any point to them, but I'm 99% sure she's just making conversation. I don't know what it is. Maybe conversations change when we're older. Maybe we become interested in different things.

As for OP's friend, I have no clue what his problem is. I usually say things that try and slow down the conversation's momentum.

Person: "HEY THIS THING HAPPENED THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT"
Me: "Wow!"
Person: "AND HERE IS SOME MORE CONTEXT!"
Me: "That sure is surprising."
Person: "HAVE SOME MORE STUFF"
Me: "Well, it is what it is."

I'm certain I come off as an ass 9 times out of 10, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
 
I used to have a friend like that. What made it worse was that he would also interrupt people all the time so he could spew from his mouth.
 
The Albatross said:
Glad you mentioned that many people just don't know that's what they're doing. I had a couple friends in college that were like this, would just go on and on endlessly.

So, my fiancee is a 'talk to think' personality and while she doesn't ramble like the people in college (sometimes especially when she's high, but not usually). I didn't get it for the longest time, but after incidentally taking a management course at work on personality types, the instructor led with that there can be two types of people... People who think to talk, and people who talk to think. Neither of them are inherently worse than the other, but theyr'e just different, and often times people from one group will feel the other are foreign or weird.. "Talk to think" people might think "think to talk" people are unfriendly or dense; "think to talk" people can consider "talk to think" people as blabbermouths or self-important.

My fiancee is a "talk to think" personality... She thinks through thoughts in her her head by speaking them to someone in a conversation. Now, obviously, it's not with everything, it's not like she says everything she thinks or lacks a filter, but especially when a conversation is heated she'll just say things that are very hurtful or harmful to someone else because her brain is sorting through them. That in turn causes the other person to reactive negatively and the whole conversation can spin out of control. It also happens just with any conversation... Someone can describe a bad situation (e.g., a friend losing a loved one) and she has to say "omg that's so terrible I can't believe if that happened to me what would I do losing someone so important?!" and for people who "think to talk" this can come off as sounding self-centered or over the top.. a sort of "why are you talking about yourself," but it's because those thoughts manifest themselves by talking through them. We all think them, but "think to talk" people just think them and reply with "oh, I'm very sorry to hear that," which can come off as uncaring to "talk to think" people.

Her older sister is much worse ,with absolutely no filter most of the time, so she ends up really hurting people's feelings and then being self-righteous about it. She'll make some calloused remark like "oh... I'm glad you cleaned..." sarcastically if she comes over your house and the laundry isn't put away and you'll say like "wtf...?" and then she'll get self-righteous about it because she really doesn't think there's anything wrong with thinking that (which there isn't) but most people just shouldn't say it.

What this long rambling post is all saying is that it's taken me a long time to really accept the "talk to think" mind set as something not scary or bothersome. But it frustrates me when other "think to talk-ers" aren't taking the time to accept personality differences. your pic reminded me of it

Me? I'm a "write to think" person.
Click to expand...
I like this. Talk to thinkers are fucking annoying, but at least now I know why.

Generally I don't mind people who ramble on that much. I'm not anti-social but I'm quite happy to let others drive the conversation and chip in when I feel like I have something useful to contribute.
 
It's way worse when it's the friend of a friend. When it's a friend, you can just tell them to shut up, otherwise, you're forced to have to deal with that crap.
I always have to wonder how some people can talk so much, and not say anything that is imo worth listening to.
 
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