Doesn't everyone? It's so fun. I dream of the day where my friends and I are doing this and I can respond with "tapped."
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How important is sex?
- Thread starter Kinitari
- Start date
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Doesn't everyone? It's so fun. I dream of the day where my friends and I are doing this and I can respond with "tapped."
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Sex is entirely an instinctively powered drive.
Intellectually, there is very little about sex that I find fascinating, which can best be seen after you've had sex (though I guess that's mostly a dude related thing as a result of our refractory period, but women can have a similar "I've had enough, no more sex."-response).
When I'm horny, yes, sex is probably one of the most important things at my mind, but afterwards, I feel like I could go my entire life without ever having sex. Which kinda means that no, it probably isn't that important all considering. No, that afterglow you're enjoying after sex isn't really related to sex, it's just cuddling while on an endorphin high, and besides, cuddling after you're all covered in bodily juices and stuff isn't all that nice - I need a shower after I've had sex, so by the time I cuddle I'm enjoying the cuddle for what it is.
Especially if you take masturbation into account.
Intellectually, there is very little about sex that I find fascinating, which can best be seen after you've had sex (though I guess that's mostly a dude related thing as a result of our refractory period, but women can have a similar "I've had enough, no more sex."-response).
When I'm horny, yes, sex is probably one of the most important things at my mind, but afterwards, I feel like I could go my entire life without ever having sex. Which kinda means that no, it probably isn't that important all considering. No, that afterglow you're enjoying after sex isn't really related to sex, it's just cuddling while on an endorphin high, and besides, cuddling after you're all covered in bodily juices and stuff isn't all that nice - I need a shower after I've had sex, so by the time I cuddle I'm enjoying the cuddle for what it is.
Especially if you take masturbation into account.
I feel that you might need to work that one out a bit, then.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Incredibly. To me, at least. Any relationship where sexual compatibility is an issue NEEDS to be worked on. The idea of being in a stereotypical "It's your birthday" once in a blue moon sex marriage kills me.
If that were true, we'd all just masturbate all the time... I mean, if we had other choices.
If that were true, we'd all just masturbate all the time... I mean, if we had other choices.
Devolution
Member
Your posts make it sound like you just slug through your relationship and you both manage to just "put up with each other."
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Dude, you're on GAF, you know plenty of people have taken that path.
Most people don't get with people just for the sake of sex though, that's what I'm getting at. We get into relationships for comfort, for physical closeness, etc, etc. The sex bit is just a positive, a cherry on the top, a nice way of sating your erotic needs.
But masturbation will take care of your boner, that is a fact.
Na how it works is you get "Its your birthday" blowjobs, once your married your women has zero incentive to suck your dick. You should get able to get all the sex you want but by the power of god do I rarely get a blowjob.
terrisus
Member
Well, "stuff" in the sense of things like her having to deal with my cancer, my stroke, various issues associated with both of those, our massive debt, our lousy living situation, etc.
Basically, pretty much nothing in our lives has gone the way that we planned, and it's been very difficult to make it through.
PhantomZone
Member
This, it's not to be taken lightly, it's one of the most important things you give to someone in a relationship.
Devolution
Member
Well there's that but you make it sound like sex is a chore you endure because of your wife and you're only it in for the possible children. I mean fine if you're okay with that but it just comes off like you're just depressed, I dunno.
I think there are a lot of different aspects to the questions you're raising in the OP Kinitari.
I think ideally everybody should be able to say: "Hey, I think you're attractive. Do you think I'm attractive too? Yeah? Cool, wanna have sex?" Sex should just be something that is fun/pleasurable to people. But there is just soooo much stuff attached to it.
First you have religions attaching all sorts of taboos to it. "Don't have sex, it's something to be ashamed of." Why? Should you be ashamed of feeling hungry and eating? Should you feel ashamed of having to take a shit (well, yeah, sometimes). It's a completely natural urge, so it doesn't make sense that He who created us should draw such an abitrary line on what things we can and cannot freely do. And I think suppressing something so essential to humankind can lead to all sorts of twisted things. I personally can't imagine living lie without something so harmless. Yet it's not anymore.
It leads to stuff like slut shaming and bro-like chest thumping. Society has, in parts grown in ways that there's all sorts of stuff attached to expressing your sexuality. If you're a woman and have sex with a lot of guys you're supposedly a slut. If you're a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls you're supposedly great. Why is that? Where did this fucked up role pattern come from?
I have no idea where this came from, but I think the way we see sex as evil and bad came from men trying to suppress women, and their sexuality first, and then sex in general. Now it has become an indicator of status, and a way to control people. Mostly for young people though.
It's strange though, as I'm typing this I'm thinking about being in a polygamous relationship and I'm thinking: "No, heeeell no."
I think ideally everybody should be able to say: "Hey, I think you're attractive. Do you think I'm attractive too? Yeah? Cool, wanna have sex?" Sex should just be something that is fun/pleasurable to people. But there is just soooo much stuff attached to it.
First you have religions attaching all sorts of taboos to it. "Don't have sex, it's something to be ashamed of." Why? Should you be ashamed of feeling hungry and eating? Should you feel ashamed of having to take a shit (well, yeah, sometimes). It's a completely natural urge, so it doesn't make sense that He who created us should draw such an abitrary line on what things we can and cannot freely do. And I think suppressing something so essential to humankind can lead to all sorts of twisted things. I personally can't imagine living lie without something so harmless. Yet it's not anymore.
It leads to stuff like slut shaming and bro-like chest thumping. Society has, in parts grown in ways that there's all sorts of stuff attached to expressing your sexuality. If you're a woman and have sex with a lot of guys you're supposedly a slut. If you're a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls you're supposedly great. Why is that? Where did this fucked up role pattern come from?
I have no idea where this came from, but I think the way we see sex as evil and bad came from men trying to suppress women, and their sexuality first, and then sex in general. Now it has become an indicator of status, and a way to control people. Mostly for young people though.
It's strange though, as I'm typing this I'm thinking about being in a polygamous relationship and I'm thinking: "No, heeeell no."
Synth_floyd
Banned
No, she has no interest in sex, like at all.
The reason why I don't think I could go through with it is, even with her permission, I would still feel like I was cheating on her.
Another thing is that when I have sex, I like it to have meaning behind it. Sure, I could just go to the local club and have a fling, but I'd much rather have sex with someone I care about. I feel its better that way.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Sounds oddly familiar lol I guess you give plenty of oral?
Yeah on a purely physical level of you've shot your load. But for me there's a much deeper sort of need that needs satiating.
Vicetrailia
Banned
Masturbation isn't good enough, and will test you mentally. Eventually you'll get pissed off that you're still masturbating, when what you actually want is something else the entire time. It's just a bandaid, a little fix.
terrisus
Member
Well, I mean, she wants children too. But, for me that - and her being happy - are really the only things in it for me. While for her she enjoys the act itself significantly more.
And, it probably goes without saying that I have issues with depression as well.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
But is it the sex that satisfy that need, or the non-sexual intimacy surrounding it?
That's the tricky thing, seperating sex from the other physical ways you can express your feelings and deepen a bond with someone. Not saying that you can't also do it through sex, sure.
I'm not an expert, but couldn't that be related more to being alone than not having any sex?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Especially if you have friends who are constantly getting laid.
CaptainSlow
Member
I commend the people in this thread about waiting until marriage before they have sex, as a Christian myself, I couldn't wait. The first time I had sex was my sophomore year in high school with my now wife and we did it hundreds of times before we got married and still do it a lot.
WARNING: Religious rant below...
Christians get too worked up in ranking sins and it makes us look foolish and stuck in the stone age. I'm Lutheran so I have different beliefs than Catholics and whatever, but a sin is a sin, if it's saying "Jesus Christ!" when you stub your toe or if you have sex before marriage. You're not perfect so just shut the fuck up, pray and ask for forgiveness. Spouting "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" or "I'M BETTER THAN YOU" because someone is gay or fucks people is idiotic, makes you and I look stupid, and it contrary to your beliefs anyways.
Whew, sorry, just had to get that off my chest... please resume the sex chat. To the person above who ranks everyone "would do" and "would not do" I do the same except it's more "I'd put it in her butt" or "I'd not put it in her butt."
Also, masturbation is fun, but not nearly as fun as sex. I read people on the internet going "my wife doesn't ever want to have sex" and always think I dodged a major bullet. I don't know if I could live on just jacking off after having sex once in my life. I NEED MOAR!
WARNING: Religious rant below...
Christians get too worked up in ranking sins and it makes us look foolish and stuck in the stone age. I'm Lutheran so I have different beliefs than Catholics and whatever, but a sin is a sin, if it's saying "Jesus Christ!" when you stub your toe or if you have sex before marriage. You're not perfect so just shut the fuck up, pray and ask for forgiveness. Spouting "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" or "I'M BETTER THAN YOU" because someone is gay or fucks people is idiotic, makes you and I look stupid, and it contrary to your beliefs anyways.
Whew, sorry, just had to get that off my chest... please resume the sex chat. To the person above who ranks everyone "would do" and "would not do" I do the same except it's more "I'd put it in her butt" or "I'd not put it in her butt."
Also, masturbation is fun, but not nearly as fun as sex. I read people on the internet going "my wife doesn't ever want to have sex" and always think I dodged a major bullet. I don't know if I could live on just jacking off after having sex once in my life. I NEED MOAR!
Vicetrailia
Banned
Yes, its related to being alone.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
It's not just religion, it's cultural values and what society deems "appropriate". Some girls are terrified to be promiscuous, or even adventurous or flirtatious within their own damn relationship because they're afraid what they're doing is "slutty".
Trust me, it doesn't.
As someone who has a high sex drive with no sex, masturbation one of my only outlets for sexual release.
It gets old, really quick.
Its familiar because its the truth, i'm giving far more then i'm receiving. But that marriage you do all you can and one day you hope she will return the favor when your having a bad day. Its funny because I heard this same thing from elders before me but I didn't believe them, I didn't believe lol.
CaptainSlow
Member
True, but I guess because I've gone to Christian schools my whole life I've seen the "you're a horrible person for having sex before getting married, it's unbiblical" crap so much that it irritates the shit out of me.
Conciliator
Banned
On a personal level, all that matters is how you feel. I often feel like sex is less important to me than the average person.
On an historical level....probably really really important.
On an historical level....probably really really important.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Heh I quickly learnt that was bullshit when the most uppity religious girl at our high school lost her virginity at 13.
Well, fuck. Dammit, if I didn't enjoy cunnilingus I'd make some sort of childish, petty stand.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
What? Afterwards I'm reminded why I want to have as much sex as possible before I die and that I could never go the rest of my entire life without it.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Point taken, people are different.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Only in the morning for me.
Fixed that
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Hatty
Member
hgarrett54
Banned
figadapaura
Member
More important than your life.
It's not actually that big a deal for me.
It's not actually that big a deal for me.
Oh, it is.
Cow Mengde
Banned
We need to start a program to get all Gaffers laid by the end of the year. The "No Gaffer Left Behind" program.
hgarrett54
Banned
Give me a decade and I might make it
Lol this sounds fun.
sooperkool
Member
This is a byproduct of youth. It WILL cease to happen or happen very infrequently after a point.
crazy monkey
Banned
for me it is not very important at all other then reproductive thing.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Liar.
Hence what the little blue pill was developed for.
crazy monkey
Banned
you are me. although i have accepted it and moved on. everything else is just too good.
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