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[Laieon]

I think this thread makes it easy to tell who's from the South and who isn't.


I say it quite a bit, as does just about anyone else I'm around.

 

[phillipgessert]

I use it pretty freely for everyone except children. It doesn't feel subservient to me, it just feels more formal. But I'm not too fussed about whether I accidentally seemed subservient to a stranger who just dropped a pen or something anyway.

 

[kamakazi5]

Ever since I was young I hated using either. I typically speak very cordially to people I don't know, especially if older. It's easy to be respectful without saying sir or ma'am.

 

[NekoFever]

I'm very polite to people but I prefer to speak to them as equals. Haven't used sir or madam since I had a retail job.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

I'm very polite to people but I prefer to speak to them as equals. Haven't used sir or madam since I had a retail job.

Wut?

I always used it when I am speaking to a stranger, if not I speak to them by their name. Can you explain what you mean by "equals"? Cos I am not following but would like to know what you mean.

 

[isual]

I use it a lot since I'm a five star general

As for opening doors for someone, if there's another available door, I always open it on my own.

Isual always opens his own doors.

 

[esterk]

Only say it if an older gentleman walks into work. Otherwise, nope.

 

[FyreWulff]

I'm very polite to people but I prefer to speak to them as equals. Haven't used sir or madam since I had a retail job.

I'd like to know why sir and ma'am are not treating other people as equals.

 

[Pankratous]

Wut?

I always used it when I am speaking to a stranger, if not I speak to them by their name. Can you explain what you mean by "equals"? Cos I am not following but would like to know what you mean.

It's quite simple. The word sir implies they are of a higher social class than you.

Americans don't really understand this because you don't divide yourself into classes.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

It's quite simple. The word sir implies they are of a higher social class than you.

Americans don't really understand this because you don't divide yourself into classes.

Ah, that makes sense. Also, I use sir or ma'am mostly for someone I think is older than me too. It's an age thing for me.

 

[NekoFever]

Wut?

I always used it when I am speaking to a stranger, if not I speak to them by their name. Can you explain what you mean by "equals"? Cos I am not following but would like to know what you mean.

I just associate it with subservience or hierarchy. I'd use it if I was in a job where I was serving someone but not in everyday life. Maybe to an older person but it's not something I've used recently unless you count formal correspondence e.g. Dear Sir...

If I was speaking to someone whose name I didn't know, I just wouldn't use any form of address: "Hi, how are you?" instead of "How are you, sir?"

I should add, further to the above comment, I'm British and so more used to actual social hierarchy.

 

[kehs]

the lack of using the word sir identifies someone of lower class


did everyone skip their etiquette classes at prep or something

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

I just associate it with subservience or hierarchy. I'd use it if I was in a job where I was serving someone but not in everyday life. Maybe to an older person but it's not something I've used recently unless you count formal correspondence e.g. Dear Sir...

If I was speaking to someone whose name I didn't know, I just wouldn't use any form of address: "Hi, how are you?" instead of "How are you, sir?"

I should add, further to the above comment, I'm British and so more used to actual social hierarchy.

Ahh yeah in that context it makes sense.

the lack of using the word sir identifies someone of lower class


did everyone skip their etiquette classes at prep or something

Lmao, American public school where we were getting high and skipping class.

 

[daviyoung]

the lack of using the word sir identifies someone of lower class

lower class use sir to address upper class, actually

upper class are the ones that don't have to use it

 

[esterk]

the lack of using the word sir identifies someone of lower class


did everyone skip their etiquette classes at prep or something

I don't think this is necessarily true, as you make it seem unless you use sir you automatically are disrespecting the person. I for one don't find it disrespectful if someone doesn't call me it, and I doubt others do as well.

 

[tarheel91]

I don't think this is necessarily true, as you make it seem unless you use sir you automatically are disrespecting the person. I for one don't find it disrespectful if someone doesn't call me it, and I doubt others do as well.

It's totally dependent on social norms. In the south, because using sir or madam is customary, not using it to address a stranger is seen as disrespectful. It implies you think they're not worthy of the (standard) title despite you not knowing anything about them.

Elsewhere, because using sir or madam is not customary, using it to address a stranger is seen as strange/ (sometimes) offensive. It's a deviation from the expected social interaction and relationship of two strangers.

Ultimately, it comes down to what's expected. People assume you deviate from the norm for a reason. In the south, people think you're doing so to disrespect them. In the north, it can be either other (disrespect or to give undue respect).

Edit: I know guys who oversee hundreds to thousands of employees and they use sir and ma'am with everyone short of small children including employees, friends, relatives, waiters, retail employees, etc.

 

[Complistic]

It slips out sometimes. I'll do it to people I respect or people I don't. it just seems more polite to me regardless.

 

[esterk]

It's totally dependent on social norms. In the south, because using sir or madam is customary, not using it to address a stranger is seen as disrespectful. It implies you think they're not worthy of the (standard) title despite you not knowing anything about them.

Elsewhere, because using sir or madam is not customary, using it to address a stranger is seen as strange/ (sometimes) offensive. It's a deviation from the expected social interaction and relationship of two strangers.

Ultimately, it comes down to what's expected. People assume you deviate from the norm for a reason. In the south, people think you're doing so to disrespect them. In the north, it can be either other (disrespect or to give undue respect).

Agreed, it's going to vary from person to person though I do think it's something that people are caring less about in the modern age. For example, I live in the south (GA to be exact) and have never had anyone become annoyed that I didn't address them with sir or madam or ma'am.

 

[phillipgessert]

I don't know that anyone but the hypersensitive (or highly old-fashioned) would be ANNOYED in the south if you skipped sir / ma'am. But leaving it off just feels wrong in my mouth, it seems really curt.

 

[teruterubozu]

Long time ago I once saw a server get super-offended when someone called her "ma'am" - she chewed him out for being sexist. I guess I never used it since then.

 

[esterk]

Long time ago I once saw a server get super-offended when someone called her "ma'am" - she chewed him out for being sexist. I guess I never used it since then.

Lolwut

I don't know that anyone but the hypersensitive (or highly old-fashioned) would be ANNOYED in the south if you skipped sir / ma'am. But leaving it off just feels wrong in my mouth, it seems really curt.

Yeah to me it doesn't feel that way, feels more natural to leave it off unless it's in a more formal setting or in helping an older customer.

 

[Mighty Chin]

I'm Canadian so pretty much all the time.

 

[3Sixty]

I use Sir alot.

Usually if someone hands me something.

"Thank you Sir"

 

[satori]

I always do. And I am from California.

 

[Trey]

It's quite simple. The word sir implies they are of a higher social class than you.

Nope.

 

[User 100115]

Was Miss or Sir when I was younger.

Now I call everyone Hon

 

[Archer]

often

 

[TUSR]

Ma'am I tip my fedora to you

 

[esterk]

Was Miss or Sir when I was younger.

Now I call everyone Hon

I hear that soooo much more than sir or ma'am here.

 

[Pankratous]

Nope.

Yep. The only situation I can imagine the words sir or ma'am (or more like madam in the UK, if not 'Miss') is a personal cleaner talking to a rich / upper class person in their home.
Even then, it would only be if the rich person was a deliberate snob.

Otherwise it's just completely out of place, with the obvious exception being waiters who are trying to get a tip.

 

[MIMIC]

While we're on the subject of random references to people, I was called "chief" for the first time in my life the other day. It felt so weird, lol

I was at a Winn-Dixie and the cashier asked me if I had a discount card. I said no, and he asked if I wanted him to use the "store" discount option (or whatever it was). I said, "Sure....thanks." And he was like, "No problem chief."

I spat in his face. lol Nah, but I though it was kinda funny.

 

[WhereAreMahDragonz]

I do if I'm working. Normally, I don't.

 

[theJohann]

It's quite simple. The word sir implies they are of a higher social class than you.

Even if this were still true and relevant to today's society, I personally would refer to any stranger as "sir" or "ma'am" even if they were of a lower social class than I. That would mean rejecting the entire notion of giving additional respect towards people based on some arbitrary factors, because you apply the terms to everybody. I will continue to address people in "sir" or "ma'am" because it encourages equal respect either way, as long as it is appropriate.

I am polite and courteous to everyone. That's not the same thing as respect.

Perhaps I haven't given it enough thought, but my current view on this is that you only offer courtesy to those whom you respect enough to give it to. You could argue that we are only following the societal norms of interaction, and that we choose not to follow them when we perceive a lack of repercussions. That's a fair point.

 

[Acorn]

Never unless I'm paid to do it.

 

[Incitemaybe]

Never around here, if you do say it most people will react with a laugh and ask you to relax and call then by thier name.


I would even add that it's borderline offensive and respect is being more familiar as opposed to calling someone sir/ma'am which comes off sarcastic and distancing.

 

[styl3s]

I just think of it as everyone being worthy of respect unless they prove otherwise, which doesn't seem radical or subordinate to me.

You are right to think everyone is worthy of respect unless proved otherwise.

It's what a sane human being thinks and it's baffling some people outright refuse to show respect towards anyone unless proven like they are on some pre-school playground of bullshit. You must prove your worth to me you peasant!

 

[thecouncil]

When I worked in customer service older women used to thank me for calling them "miss" instead of "ma'am". They would giggle saying that "miss" made them feel younger or something.

 

[Carl]

Never. I call men "mate" and women "love".

i work in a village shop. No one minds being called mate or love. Could be 15 or 85, they still get called mate and love by me! Or if they're a regular customer it's Mr __ or Mrs __

Also a Brit. Sounds like it comes with the territory.

 

[Lonely1]

Never. Maybe I should when visiting the USA? I do speak ustedeo here at my place.

 

[styl3s]

Never around here, if you do say it most people will react with a laugh and ask you to relax and call then by thier name.


I would even add that it's borderline offensive and respect is being more familiar as opposed to calling someone sir/ma'am which comes off sarcastic and distancing.

So if i came to your town and some random guy i have never met before keeps the door open and i say "thank you sir" he would laugh in my face and tell me to call him by his first name even though i don't know him?

 

[daviyoung]

So if i came to your town and some random guy i have never met before keeps the door open and i say "thank you sir" he would laugh in my face and tell me to call him by his first name even though i don't know him?

if you come to the UK and say that, you'd be met with more laughs in your face, and looks of "weirdo" than you would with appreciative nods that say "this fellow really respects me"

 

[FTF]

I never say it, and a lot of time I actually find it somewhat sarcastic when it's said to me. If I send an e-mail to someone at work asking them to do something or update me, etc. and they send back a yes sir for some reason I read that as not always sincere. (most of the time it probably is sincere it just looks off to me)

Plus the whole saying sir to a higher authority ala the army, etc. I don't like as I don't like the feeling of ranks and all in the work place or "real" world, etc.

 

[NinjaFridge]

lower class use sir to address upper class, actually

upper class are the ones that don't have to use it

 

[davepoobond]

When I don't know who they are and I'm trying to get their attention ill say it. Otherwise I stay away from using it unless I'm trying to be sarcastic

 

[anarckitty]

I was out with a couple guys to a bar/resturant, just having a good time, and while I was talking to waitresses and bartenders, a friend noted something that I hadn't noticed in a while.

I always called everyone that works in the place "sir" or "ma'am" even if they were CLEARLY younger than me, sometimes even by five-six years minimum.

It's something I've never thought about and just do subconsciously, as I was raised in the south where every adult was "sir" or "ma'am" and now I do it even to teenagers at fast food joints. I couldn't stop even if I wanted, cause it just feels fucking weird as hell to me.

Anyone else like this?

Yes, Sir. I refuse to stop. It's just good manners to have.

 

[thecouncil]

if you come to the UK and say that, you'd be met with more laughs in your face, and looks of "weirdo" than you would with appreciative nods that say "this fellow really respects me"

Well, calling someone "sir" doesn't necessarily come with the tip of the hat and a bow. I have a hard time imagining mocking laughter and strange looks or even appreciative nods at such a throwaway addressing, but maybe that's how it works over there.

I call strangers any number of things though: buddy, man, guy, chief, lady, miss, ma'am. Whatever the hell comes to mind in the instant.

 

[kehs]

how do you guys feel about elo guvner

 

[Walshicus]

Yes, Sir. I refuse to stop. It's just good manners to have.

Seems more like a weird authority fetish to me. But hey, I'm English and we've seen the Atlantic divide on this one.

 

[Acorn]

Still the easiest way to explain our class system to a foreigner.

 

[megarockexe]

I always try to avoid using any word that directly addresses a stranger or someone else. Even if I know their name, I still rarely use it.
I think I've never called anyone "sir" and definitely never "ma'am".