Support NeoGAF

[Zep]

Her parents are a bunch of fucking racists. She's a weakling in that she can't stand up for herself.

You can't be serious with that statement.

 

[Ichirou]

You can't be serious with that statement.

Uh...everything he says indicates that the girls parents are a bunch of racists.

 

[stormer]

I don't blame her at all, like some of the replies. It is incredibly hard to be in that situation.. and all this bullshit about "she doesn't really love you if she picked her parents" is ridiculous. The amount of faith she would have to have to go with you, and go against everything she was ever told, and pretty much everyone that has provided for her, is unimaginable. Maybe when you are settled in and have a job etc and some financial security go back there. Until then, follow her wishes. Quite frankly she is telling you "you aren't worth the trouble right now", accept it.

 

[Do The Mario]

You can't be serious with that statement.

She does wear Von Dutch!

 

[Ichirou]

I don't blame her at all, like some of the replies. It is incredibly hard to be in that situation.. and all this bullshit about "she doesn't really love you if she picked her parents" is ridiculous. The amount of faith she would have to have to go with you, and go against everything she was ever told, and pretty much everyone that has provided for her, is unimaginable. Maybe when you are settled in and have a job etc and some financial security go back there. Until then, follow her wishes. Quite frankly she is telling you "you aren't worth the trouble right now", accept it.

And if anyone knows about how Indians think, it would be this guy...

 

[Raxel]

.

 

[Idoru]

Watch this with her if you haven't already

 

[soundwave05]

As hard as it seems, a lot of you guys just don't understand how fiercely traditional punjabi parents can be. Punjab is sorta like the "texas" of India in that people are deeply religious. Historically that single state has the power to take down a whole government due to its political influence. I'm a punjabi, it's in our blood to be crazy insane! haha

First generation immigrants who move to the west, and I think this is true for all Indian families everywhere, hold on to their values and upbringing because they left everything else behind. All they have is their identity, and seeing their children not keeping that identity is seen as disgraceful. The children of immigrants don't think that way, so it won't be an issue in the future. I'm not so sure it's for the best though...

Yes.

There's also the thing where guys are allowed to have their "wild" period ... if you're an Indian guy and you go to clubs or whatever and hook up with white/asian/latin etc. girls it's not as much of a big deal. It's just a "boys will be boys" type thing, with the caveat that you eventually settle down with a nice Indian girl in the long run.

For girls though ... this is definitely not the same thing. There's way more pressure on Indian women/girls to be proper all the time.

 

[pollo]

GAF: CULURE LOL WHATS THAT?

Let her be man. Some things transcend ephemeral notions such as love. Fish. Sea. Millions. Trust me, let her be you'll find someone else. You're also going to college, where pussy flows like water.

ITS NOT WORTH IT *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP*

 

[whiteACID]

You're better off without her



and you're nostrils will thank you for this.

 

[Doom_Bringer]

looks her parents are planning an arranged marriage or something, you are doomed. Forget about her..

 

[JPRaup]

I have a friend who was once in the exact same situation you're in now. Needless to say, it ended the same way. As a couple the entire cultural thing proved to be too much of a strain on their relationship, it's a shame too because I felt they generally really, really liked eachother (as much as two high schoolers can, really). Makes for great comedy now.

Anyways he's dating another Indian girl currently, and I'd certainly hope her parents don't have a problem with it, they're both in their mid twenties. He loves teh Punjabs.

I dont think my strict christian parents would like it if I came home with another indian:lol

Some of you guys mean well but just don't get it......there is NO point in even attempting to deal with the parents.....at all...

I agree, at least not until after college

There's also the thing where guys are allowed to have their "wild" period ... if you're an Indian guy and you go to clubs or whatever and hook up with white/asian/latin etc. girls it's not as much of a big deal. It's just a "boys will be boys" type thing, with the caveat that you eventually settle down with a nice Indian girl in the long run.

For girls though ... this is definitely not the same thing. There's way more pressure on Indian women/girls to be proper all the time.

I know, I dont understand this at all, of her indian guy friends are playas and they hook up with all different kinds of chicks, its crazy


She called me and wants me to meet her and talk, I dont know If I should, I think its best to just stay friends until prom, then slowly break it off until I get to college, which will be a whole different experience

 

[Ichirou]

She called me and wants me to meet her and talk, I dont know If I should, I think its best to just stay friends until prom, then slowly break it off until I get to college, which will be a whole different experience

Take your chance. FHUTA. Do it for NeoGAF. For Boogie. For PhoenixDark. For FlameofCallandor.

 

[JPRaup]

Take your chance. FHUTA. Do it for NeoGAF. For Boogie. For PhoenixDark. For FlameofCallandor.

sorry im not a faggot

 

[Ichirou]

WTF did that come from. O_O

 

[Slurpy2k20]

You work for HOURS standing right beside her?!

Fuck that sucks. This, people, is why you dont date co-workers. One of you is going to have to quit/switch jobs/shifts. I can tell you right now, I doubt this friends thing is going to work. Most people aren't emotionally mature enough to make it work, and they couldnt even if they tried.

 

[aoi tsuki]

WTF did that come from. O_O

The other forum. :/

 

[JPRaup]

You work for HOURS standing right beside her?!

Fuck that sucks. This, people, is why you dont date co-workers. One of you is going to have to quit/switch jobs/shifts. I can tell you right now, I doubt this friends thing is going to work. Most people aren't emotionally mature enough to make it work, and they couldnt even if they tried.

ya, Its only for two months though, then Im off to college, and we only work together about 1 day a week, or 2, and while she is there, there are a ton of other people to talk to, I dont think it will be that bad


and aoi, correct

 

[Ichirou]

The other forum. :/

Yeah, the reaction was not what I was expecting. I assumed his response would be emo ("OMG how can you say that, I love this girl, it's not about FHUTA"), annoyed ("enough joke posts, I'm trying to get serious advice"), or even amused ("lawl, I will try it"). I never expected homophobic. :/

 

[Ahriman]

JPRaup,

sorry to hear that. I would join the "forget her" camp--making intercultural relationships work in a situation like yours is next to impossible. A lot of people in this thread who give you the BS about "if she loved you, she would confront her parents" etc. are probably Americans from liberal families and just don't get it.

As for being friends... as someone said, remain acquaintances, but not friends. Think about it like this: seeing each other often would hurt her, since it sounds like she does care about you deeply. I got the impression that you don't want to hurt your ex. The less you see her, the faster both of you will be able to admit that the relationship is over and the pain will ease.

It's good that you are leaving for college. Time heals.

 

[cubicle47b]

she really wants to be friends, but I see her as more of a friend, and I really hate seeing her cause it hurts too much, what should I do GAF? Should I just leave her completely alone, or should I stay friends?

You need a lot of time and space to deal with this. During this time you can't try to be friends with her because it'll hurt too much and you'll wonder again and again if you can somehow make things work. Just truly end it and move on. She has friends that can take care of her. I hope you have the same. Let her know this and don't be an asshole and try to hurt her because of what she's doing or try to manipulate her to get what you want. She honestly sounds like a great girl who just doesn't have it in her ATM to stand up to her parents.

In time, when you're completely over her, you can try to be friends with her if you still want to be (not likely). You need a lot of time, though. I went out with a girl for 2 1/2 years and after the breakup we tried to remain friends. That was a complete disaster and in retrospect was probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had. However, when I came back from my co-op we became fairly good friends again and could hang out, talk, and watch movies without any real awkwardness.

 

[Outcast2004]

one thing I have to ask is this;

WHY ARE YOU DATING A CO-WORKER!?!

NEVER shit where you eat! Besides, work relationships NEVER work.

 

[aoi tsuki]

one thing I have to ask is this;

WHY ARE YOU DATING A CO-WORKER!?!

NEVER shit where you eat! Besides, work relationships NEVER work.

i'm battling this inner conflict myself. Must... stay... strong.

 

[Guileless]

I went to a residential magnet school with a high proportion of South Asians, both Indian and Pakistani. Even though it was comparitively easy for people to hide this kind of thing since people were living away from home, similar drama happened regularly. Based on my experience, in almost all circumstances, continuing the relationship is not worth the bad feelings, suspicion, and general unease it will cause.

Also, you're going to college. The amount of fun you have will be inversely related to how far away your out of town girlfriend lives from campus. That's also based on experience, and it's true regardless of the ethnicity of the girlfriend in question.

 

[FlameOfCallandor]

Uh...everything he says indicates that the girls parents are a bunch of racists.

But GAF told me only white people are racist.

 

[Slurpy2k20]

Her parents are a bunch of fucking racists. She's a weakling in that she can't stand up for herself. Her friends are assholes.

They should move back to India if they aren't willing to accept that multiculturalism is part and parcel of being an AMERICAN.



....She is hot, though, so I hope you did have sex with her at least.

Its not that simple, and you can't say, without standing in her shoes, that she is a weakling. She may very well have a choice between between her entire family, and the guy- if she choses the guy they may very well disown her. Yes, thats still how it is in some families and some cultures, and no Im not saying its right, but it may be a reality for her.

Her mistake was probably giving the guy hope, while knowing in the back of her mind this would happen and she wouldnt be able to go through with it.

 

[djtiesto]

Sorry to hear about you breaking up with her...

Well right now you should be focused on making preparations for college, not really worrying about trying to find a g/f in the meanwhile. Plan where you want to dorm, what stuff you will need, what classes you might be interested in, your finances, if you're gonna take a car (Freshmen are allowed cars and if you are dorming at North Campus its almost essential to either have a car or become good friends with someone who does). Seriously, between graduating from HS, orientation, and starting college, you're gonna be kept very busy.

UB is a big school with lots of stuff to do - there are clubs (my close friend founded the Smash Bros Club, which won the best new SA club award the year it was founded), concerts on campus, movie showings in the union, comedians, etc... and so its really easy to meet new people. And if you're into it, Buffalo/Niagara Falls has a pretty active bar scene. Even the shyest, most introverted kids I knew fresh year ended up having a close circle of friends and even girlfriends by the end of the day.

Only thing is... with the women... not sure how the situation is now but when I went there it seemed 90% of all the girls had a boyfriend And then when I found one, the relationship never survived the summer breaks - since I live 7 hours away from Buffalo (of course you have it easier in this regard, many of the people at the school are from Buffalo/Rochester/Syracuse).

 

[djkimothy]

Man, just read this. Sorry about your loss, I remember you posting the picts on the other thread. I was so proud of you man and you sounded happy. Even my gf thought you got a good girl. But in the back of my mind I thought something like this wouldl creep up. I've had similar setbacks so I feel for you man. But I thought you were in the clear.

Being friends with an SO after a 10 month relationship is hard so I'll leave that up to you. My best advice is to move on with your life, be friends but not close friends, probably just friends at work. If yolu're too close then it'll get awkward when one of you find another SO.

Hang in there man!

Here's a couple of links to cheer you up.

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1147508636/Tripping_Cat
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1140692669/Talking_Cats

 

[demon]

So if you stayed with her, you would have had to deal with a long-distance relationship, both of you in college, and the fact that her parents would see you as the devil if they knew you guys were dating? Sounds like a real winner of a relationship.

 

[pixelfish]

sorry im not a faggot

But you are a huge asshole for using the word faggot.

Girl is better off without you.

 

[JPRaup]

Sorry to hear about you breaking up with her...

Well right now you should be focused on making preparations for college, not really worrying about trying to find a g/f in the meanwhile. Plan where you want to dorm, what stuff you will need, what classes you might be interested in, your finances, if you're gonna take a car (Freshmen are allowed cars and if you are dorming at North Campus its almost essential to either have a car or become good friends with someone who does). Seriously, between graduating from HS, orientation, and starting college, you're gonna be kept very busy.

UB is a big school with lots of stuff to do - there are clubs (my close friend founded the Smash Bros Club, which won the best new SA club award the year it was founded), concerts on campus, movie showings in the union, comedians, etc... and so its really easy to meet new people. And if you're into it, Buffalo/Niagara Falls has a pretty active bar scene. Even the shyest, most introverted kids I knew fresh year ended up having a close circle of friends and even girlfriends by the end of the day.

Only thing is... with the women... not sure how the situation is now but when I went there it seemed 90% of all the girls had a boyfriend And then when I found one, the relationship never survived the summer breaks - since I live 7 hours away from Buffalo (of course you have it easier in this regard, many of the people at the school are from Buffalo/Rochester/Syracuse).

no car , but ill make friends, and that SSBM club sounds cool, I was searching the clubs, but I couldnt find it, Im going to probably join the Soccer Club and some others, sounds cool though


well I hung out with her today, and it went ok, until the end, Its just so hard, and I kinda made her mad at some stuff I said, the relationship will defitenely not continue, and Im kinda happy, even though I love her to death the stress is overwhelming

 

[bionic77]

I would probably choose my parents over a relationship too considering they sacrificed everything to give me a better life.

Maybe I am just weird.

Luckily my parents liked my wife so I never had to deal with this kind of drama.

 

[Dice]

Go watch "The New World" and picture yourself as John Smith. You'll feel better knowing that one day as a broken woman she'll fall in love with another guy who is like you except less rugged and more suave, then after having a kid she'll catch a disease from his filthy western people and die young.

I mean, ummm... at least your people didn't war with each other.

 

[Doth Togo]

i dated an indian girl. a rajput hindi chick who thought she was god's gift to man. in the end, there was too much drama.

at least i fhuta every night.

 

[miyuru]

I know where you're at right now. I'm not going to say much, except that, if it does end, in a couple months, you'll feel liberated and free and everything.

And once you find someone else, you'll come to the realization that things really did work out for the best.

Is this your first gf btw? First serious gf at least?

 

[Azih]

The amount of pain she was going through proves that man, you were close to trumping the family factor and trust me man, family is EXTREMELY important in her situation. Clean break is the best move here, you've got the right idea.

Also Fatghost has no idea what he's talking about.

 

[pinkatrophe]

Some of the responses in here are just ridiculous and show how ethnocentric some Americans can be. The ideology that love between couples comes before all things doesn't hold true to every single culture in the world and it shouldn't even tried to be applied in the same way. His ex-girlfriend is obviously coming from a different culture than most people posting in this thread do and to even try to state that unless their beliefs conform to your own is just ignorant as fuck. The girl obviously had to choose between her lover and her family and chose her family and now people are calling her weak for that? For choosing the people who raised her and will continue to support her over a boyfriend of just 10 months? I'm not saying that the bond that was held between the OP and his girlfriend wasn't strong, but I doubt it could even compare to the ties that most people have to their own immediately family, let alone their extended family in addition to that. If your own goal is to espouse your own ehtnocentricism and state how wrong another culture is for believing what they do, then don't even bother posting, y'know?

To the OP: I'm sorry to hear this. The whole situation sounds really rough and I can't even pretend to act like I can relate to what you're going through since I haven't been in a relationship that strong before. I just hope that some closure comes out as a result of all of this.

 

[FlameOfCallandor]

Some of the responses in here are just ridiculous and show how ethnocentric some Americans can be. The ideology that love between couples comes before all things doesn't hold true to every single culture in the world and it shouldn't even tried to be applied in the same way. His ex-girlfriend is obviously coming from a different culture than most people posting in this thread do and to even try to state that unless their beliefs conform to your own is just ignorant as fuck. The girl obviously had to choose between her lover and her family and chose her family and now people are calling her weak for that? For choosing the people who raised her and will continue to support her over a boyfriend of just 10 months? I'm not saying that the bond that was held between the OP and his girlfriend wasn't strong, but I doubt it could even compare to the ties that most people have to their own immediately family, let alone their extended family in addition to that. If your own goal is to espouse your own ehtnocentricism and state how wrong another culture is for believing what they do, then don't even bother posting, y'know?

To the OP: I'm sorry to hear this. The whole situation sounds really rough and I can't even pretend to act like I can relate to what you're going through since I haven't been in a relationship that strong before. I just hope that some closure comes out as a result of all of this.

Maybe they are trying to stick up for a GAF brother. Bros before Hoes?

Spoiler

Who am I kidding GAFFERS doesnt give a fuck about each other

 

[pinkatrophe]

Maybe they are trying to stick up for a GAF brother. Bros before Hoes?

Spoiler

Who am I kidding GAFFERS doesnt give a fuck about each other

Sticking up for a fellow GAFer doesn't have to include prejudiced comments towards another culture's beliefs or hierarchy of priorities, though.

I hope the OP moves on and finds someone else that's even better (because there are always better girls out there) but shit, I'm not gonna dog on the girl because she chose her family over a boyfriend. Some of the posters in here act like their girlfriends of 1 year are their entire life, sacrificing family and anything else just for a girl that they probably won't even end up marrying.

 

[FlameOfCallandor]

I dont see any prejiduce comments. GAF is saying, "Her Parents are old fashioned. She needs to be strong etc..."


Seeing as how they are living in america I think it is fair to asses the situation from a western amercian point of view. Where we believe marriage for love is important.

 

[JPRaup]

I know where you're at right now. I'm not going to say much, except that, if it does end, in a couple months, you'll feel liberated and free and everything.

And once you find someone else, you'll come to the realization that things really did work out for the best.

Is this your first gf btw? First serious gf at least?

Well we arent getting back to gether, to much stress for her, even after we ended it, she doesnt want to go through the pain again, she said she has already cried too much to go through it again, and yes my 1st serious gf, shes perfect, except for parents, I would give anything if her parents were accepting

 

[Dice]

As hard as it seems, a lot of you guys just don't understand how fiercely traditional punjabi parents can be. Punjab is sorta like the "texas" of India in that people are deeply religious. Historically that single state has the power to take down a whole government due to its political influence. I'm a punjabi, it's in our blood to be crazy insane! haha

First generation immigrants who move to the west, and I think this is true for all Indian families everywhere, hold on to their values and upbringing because they left everything else behind. All they have is their identity, and seeing their children not keeping that identity is seen as disgraceful. The children of immigrants don't think that way, so it won't be an issue in the future. I'm not so sure it's for the best though...

This crap is what's destroying the modern world and america in particular, and everyone is a part of it. It's like sorry, you aren't bringing your country to america to stay in your own little group and not associating with anyone outside of it, you are becoming american and accepting new values of equality and freedom. Likewise, "traditional americans" like those that can be found in texas have the wrong attitude in receiving (or rather NOT receiving) new cultures.

Freedom and equality isn't just about your chance to make money, damnit. It's about knowing we're all human and have the same inherent value and we can embrace each other the same as our own. These are all silent issues and everyone keeps to themselves until this kind of crap happens, but it'll come out in different and more hurtful ways as well if we don't get over it. It even happens sub-culturally with special interest groups that find their only interaction through the internet. That grows and suddenly the people physically around you are of no significance and you just don't know how to handle anyone with different history and interests than your own.

 

[909er]

Some of the responses in here are just ridiculous and show how ethnocentric some Americans can be. The ideology that love between couples comes before all things doesn't hold true to every single culture in the world and it shouldn't even tried to be applied in the same way.

I understand the situation, I've had my own drama with an Indian girl. But I take offense to this. Like it or not, this IS America. There is a prevailing culture. And I'm sure some will mockingly say otherwise, but America is largely not about this kind of rascism. Yeah, not every culture conforms to the way America thinks. But guess what, when in Rome. If you choose to come to America, conform to the society or leave. We don't have to put up with the world's drama in our backyard.

I'm still pissed that the whole reason I couldn't date the girl was because I wasn't Indian, and I would even have to the RIGHT kind of Indian. From a super Americanized girl. I say fuck rascist Indian parents in America. They ruin many young American's love lives.

 

[pinkatrophe]

I understand the situation, I've had my own drama with an Indian girl. But I take offense to this. Like it or not, this IS America. There is a prevailing culture. And I'm sure some will mockingly say otherwise, but America is largely not about this kind of rascism. Yeah, not every culture conforms to the way America thinks. But guess what, when in Rome. If you choose to come to America, conform to the society or leave. We don't have to put up with the world's drama in our backyard.

I'm still pissed that the whole reason I couldn't date the girl was because I wasn't Indian, and I would even have to the RIGHT kind of Indian. From a super Americanized girl. I say fuck rascist Indian parents in America. They ruin many young American's love lives.

Wait...what? How is the dilemma that the OP facing with his girlfriend affecting YOUR life? Now that their family is in America they have to forfeit all their cultural beliefs and customs and assimilate the American metanarratives that we've been taught since children? I hope you're not serious.

What's going on in this topic has no bearing on anyone else's life and therefore no one has to conform to any sort of cultural standards. It would be like saying that if you move to India you'd be obligated to date within your race. That's just silly.

 

[Ichirou]

Sticking up for a fellow GAFer doesn't have to include prejudiced comments towards another culture's beliefs or hierarchy of priorities, though.

I hope the OP moves on and finds someone else that's even better (because there are always better girls out there) but shit, I'm not gonna dog on the girl because she chose her family over a boyfriend. Some of the posters in here act like their girlfriends of 1 year are their entire life, sacrificing family and anything else just for a girl that they probably won't even end up marrying.

If a culture contains INGRAINED RACISM, you can be damn sure I'm going to mention it, and condemn it. Y'know what? It's not about ethnocentrism. Those people moved to America, they better start adapting.

I live in Japan. Lot of ingrained racism here, the problem is that instead of looking at it as racism many Japanese try to excuse it as just being their own culture and refuse to look at the prejudices and exclusions foreigners sometimes face. Y'think that makes it excusable?

As to the OP, the guy is an asshole for using the word "faggot" as pixelfish said, so I'm now glad the girl broke up with him.

 

[Bowen_B]

Well Just a update: It has been 5 days since we broke up, she wants to be close friends, while that is too hard for me, Im going to a huge college next year, UB, she is going to stay in Rochester (1 hr away). I know I could find a million girls at UB, but she is extremely special to me, I just dont know what to do

I'm from the UK so I know everything about Indians, she was just ashamed of you is all.
The whole thing about dishonouring her whole family by going out with you is bullshit unless you're a real deadbeat or she percieves you to be so.

 

[davepoobond]

so, what's the FHUTA score?

 

[Ichirou]

so, what's the FHUTA score?

Y'mean how many times it was said, or how many times it was done? From the way this guy talks it sounds like he never got past second base with this girl.

 

[davepoobond]

Y'mean how many times it was said, or how many times it was done? From the way this guy talks it sounds like he never got past second base with this girl.

why not both? :lol

 

[RevenantKioku]

Y'mean how many times it was said, or how many times it was done? From the way this guy talks it sounds like he never got past second base with this girl.

:lol My you're angry.