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[Foxyone]

It's not like he will know if you wack it or not.

ALSO, here is the ultimate test. Once you "finish" do you still want to be him or does mind drift to women or other things?

The wacking test is the best way to test your true feelings. Whatever you feel just after finishing are your true feelings not clouded by lust.

I say this all the time, all romantic decisions have answers after that.

I was never a proper liar; I can only dance around the truth until it must be revealed, but I won't make things up. As for the test, when free of any desires, I just want him.

You're not allowed to masturbate? In a long distance relationship?

Just to further clarify: this is only the case for when I'm currently staying with him.

You sound emotionally homosexual yet physically heterosexual. Have you ever been attracted to another guy besides your boyfriend. Heck are you physically attracted to him or just mentally?

I have not been attracted to any other guys. If I had to describe him, it would be handsome and adorable, so he's physically attractive to me in that sense. I'm not too attracted to seeing what guys have in their pants, but I can seem to be gay for him, to an extent.

 

[David Incorporated Esq.]

^^^How many other friends do you have that you share a personal bond with?

You sound emotionally homosexual yet physically heterosexual. Have you ever been attracted to another guy besides your boyfriend. Heck are you physically attracted to him or just mentally?

The concept of being emotionally homosexual is extraordinarily confusing to me. What does that even mean? Or being romantically interested in men but sexually attracted only to women? What?

 

[E92 M3]

I was never a proper liar; I can only dance around the truth until it must be revealed, but I won't make things up. As for the test, when free of any desires, I just want him.



Just to further clarify: this is only the case for when I'm currently staying with him.



I have not been attracted to any other guys. If I had to describe him, it would be handsome and adorable, so he's physically attractive to me in that sense. I'm not too attracted to seeing what guys have in their pants, but I can seem to be gay for him, to an extent.

So when you finish, you're happy to be with him?

 

[inki]

Do what you want and what feels natural as long as your not hurting anyone. Why worry about labels? Fuck them if they call you bi.. (see what I did there).

 

[Pai Pai Master]

The concept of being emotionally homosexual is extraordinarily confusing to me. What does that even mean? Or being romantically interested in men but sexually attracted only to women? What?

Romantic love and sexual attraction are two very different things. For many people they are mutual. But for some completely independent.

Just to further clarify: this is only the case for when I'm currently staying with him.

Ok. Was preparing the bailout.gif but that is more understandable.

 

[KmA]

Since a few people in this thread are using the terms "emotionally homosexual," I thought I might clear up some confusion and point out that this is actually a thing.

Generally, our romantic inclinations line up with our sexual orientation, kind of like how our gender identity usually matches up with our biological sex. This "emotional" attraction people are talking about is in a separate, although related, category from sexual attraction.

Emotional attraction (not platonic) is called your romantic orientation. This distinction is generally very important for people who are Asexual, since they don't feel sexual attraction, they still generally have a romantic inclination towards one or many genders. For those of us who identify as either homosexual or heterosexual, we use those terms interchangeably with the gender we could possibly fall in love with, not exclusively to whom we would have sexual attraction towards.

It's very possible for a person to describe their orientation as panromantic, heterosexual or homoromantic, bisexual etc. There really isn't a set number of combinations. These labels are just here to help you categorize your feelings but ultimately how your sexual and romantic orientation works is entirely dependent on you and your uniqueness. It's beyond these labels.

 

[David Incorporated Esq.]

^^^ How do you qualify an emotional attraction to a certain gender if personalities can be non gender specific? I don't mean to be offensive but my brain does not get this at all.

Romantic love and sexual attraction are two very different things. For many people they are mutual. But for some completely independent.

Yeah I can't imagine the two being separate. At all. In fact I've never even considered a romantic love not including some amount of sexual attraction. I mean I love my best friend dearly, and we've been there for each other in bad times for comfort, but that's because we care about each other (for the record, Matt, if you're reading, I have never wanted to do nasty things to your butt) as friends.

Having a romantic partner, to me, includes a closely knit friendship with a strong aspect of attraction.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

Yeah I can't imagine the two being separate. At all. In fact I've never even considered a romantic love not including some amount of sexual attraction. I mean I love my best friend dearly, and we've been there for each other in bad times for comfort, but that's because we care about each other (for the record, Matt, if you're reading, I have never wanted to do nasty things to your butt) as friends.

Having a romantic partner, to me, includes a closely knit friendship with a strong aspect of attraction.

It's totally understandable. But not everyone is wired that way.

 

[Foxyone]

So when you finish, you're happy to be with him?

Yeah.

 

[E92 M3]

Yeah.

Well that's a good sign.

 

[SomedayTheFire]

^^^ How do you qualify an emotional attraction to a certain gender if personalities can be non gender specific? I don't mean to be offensive but my brain does not get this at all.



Yeah I can't imagine the two being separate. At all. In fact I've never even considered a romantic love not including some amount of sexual attraction. I mean I love my best friend dearly, and we've been there for each other in bad times for comfort, but that's because we care about each other (for the record, Matt, if you're reading, I have never wanted to do nasty things to your butt) as friends.

Having a romantic partner, to me, includes a closely knit friendship with a strong aspect of attraction.

In the same way asexual people can fall in love and be romantically attached to others. Not everyone is hardwired in the same way, you and a lot of other people are lucky that your romantic and sexual attractions are linked. One of the reasons you don't understand it is because your brain is wired to think that the two are intrinsically linked, however to others, possibly including the OP, they are completely separate. Gender and sexuality studies are some of the most interesting things you could read. It's fascinating. I'm not on my normal computer now, but I would urge you to research into it. It's fun to read and can really open your eyes to how fluid sexuality and romance can be to others.

 

[Newline]

Yeah I can't imagine the two being separate. At all. In fact I've never even considered a romantic love not including some amount of sexual attraction. I mean I love my best friend dearly, and we've been there for each other in bad times for comfort, but that's because we care about each other (for the record, Matt, if you're reading, I have never wanted to do nasty things to your butt) as friends.

Having a romantic partner, to me, includes a closely knit friendship with a strong aspect of attraction.

You're kind of trivialising those in asexual relationships, suggesting they're just being best buds right? I suggest if you're interested on the subject to do some reading on homo/hetero romanticism and asexuality. It's all just a short google away.

 

[BamfMeat]

EDIT: Also, for the record, I know a lot of gay dudes who get off on straight and lesbian porn, for what it's worth. I'm not one of them, but it does happen.

I've talked about it before - I'm one of those gay dudes. Well not the lesbian porn, but the straight porn, definitely.

OP, it really sounds like what you guys have is a bromance. Hear me out - bromances tend to be where two guys are infatuated with each other but not necessarily want to have sex - they just really enjoy each others companionship and company. Think of it like your very very best friend when you were a kid and you guys said that girls were icky and that you'd never grow apart and be BFFs. And then you don't stay BFFs. It's that feeling.

And it's a real thing and if you guys feel like you're "in love" but you don't particularly feel sexually attracted to him, that's really what it sounds like to me. Have you ever felt like this for a guy before? (from the responses, I'd say no?)

I have personal examples that I've known of bromances with straight guys that I've known but I can't think of any that are "public" or ones that people knew about. The only thing I can really compare it to would be like, Romy and Michelle or Connie and Carla (from Connie and Carla).

The only thing to watch out for is, be careful where you lead him - you could end up hurting him far worse than you mean to, especially if he IS gay and you really are straight.

I was trying not to directly say it in the first post, but yes we do sexually do things, just not with the frequency that a normal gay couple would. I can kinda get into the act once we get to that point, but I just seem reluctant to initiate things most of the time.

There isn't a firm "You have sex this many times a day/week/month/year." Right now my husband and I are in a dry season because we're both working through some shit separately. We have sex maybe once a month. But that changes with time and our emotional states and can be a couple times a day at times. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't having sex as much as you think you should be.

 

[Prax]

Maybe you're just kind of asexual or low libido but interested in sex with women "intellectually"? >__> (I am kinda like that lol.. low libido and more intellectually interested in sex than actually doing any of it xD)
Was there ever a point you were intellectually sexually attracted/curious with men (and now that the mystery is gone, it's more of just a going-through-the-motions thing?)

I feel like if you're happy with him, then you're happy with him.
You could talk to him a bit about your curiosity with women, but I think that would tend to make any person insecure in a relationship, and if you want to keep this going with him, since you really love him and all, it might be best just to deal with it and enjoy your relationship for what it's worth. And if you split up down the road, then you can figure the rest out.

 

[Astral Dog]

omg thats romantic!

normally its the other way around, you sound BI, that clearly has a preference to women, i think a long distance relationship like that is too much trouble, so you should consider try dating girls, its going to be difficult at first but you are going to feel better.

 

[Zukuu]

That too is about right. I can sort of make do by doing some stuff expected of a gay boyfriend, but definitely not as frequently as someone "more gay". Aside from "going through the motions", I feel bad to admit that fantasy drives me through some of the experiences; fantasizing about something else while doing stuff with him. I cannot help but feel that if I was with a girl, there wouldn't be any fantasizing while doing stuff.

There will always be at some point. It's perfectly normal. Doesn't even need to be another person, could just be a different setting or a different situation.

edit:
Not allowed to fap? WTF. Fapping is love. Fapping is life. Fapping is the nature of all life. If my GF would tell me I'm not allowed to fap, I'd bail. Fapping and Sex are different things. I can't live without either. I often fap after I had sex, because it's just that different.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Bromance redefined

 

[David Incorporated Esq.]

In the same way asexual people can fall in love and be romantically attached to others. Not everyone is hardwired in the same way, you and a lot of other people are lucky that your romantic and sexual attractions are linked. One of the reasons you don't understand it is because your brain is wired to think that the two are intrinsically linked, however to others, possibly including the OP, they are completely separate. Gender and sexuality studies are some of the most interesting things you could read. It's fascinating. I'm not on my normal computer now, but I would urge you to research into it. It's fun to read and can really open your eyes to how fluid sexuality and romance can be to others.

You're kind of trivialising those in asexual relationships, suggesting they're just being best buds right? I suggest if you're interested on the subject to do some reading on homo/hetero romanticism and asexuality. It's all just a short google away.

I don't mean to trivialize it, I just can't grasp the concept of it at all. Much in the same way that I can understand homosexuality, but transgenderism is a mystery to me. I haven't been terribly interested in this in the past, just one of those "I don't get it, but more power to you" sort of things. A little google-fu on the subject couldn't hurt, though.

Edit: Yeah.... I don't get it. Like, you would enjoy light physical activities like cuddling, holding hands, etc. along with an emotional bond in a homosexual relationship but only feel sexual attraction in a heterosexual relationship? That is so confusing to me. But, like you all said, the two are so entwined in my brain that I really can't separate them.

 

[CloudyTuba]

Sounds like you're bi.

You might also love him in a nonsexual manner. That could cause intimacy problems in the long run, for sure.

He could possibly be bi with a leaning toward women but still with enough of an allowance for men. Like, 70% women 30% men, and its just by chance that his first relationship hit within that 30%. It's not a switch you flip with only three settings, women, men, or 50/50. People are different. And he might find one gender more physically attractive and another gender more emotionally attractive.

If it's his first relationship and yet he finds himself overwhelmingly attracted to women while physically just being sort of okay with a man, this might be the case and he just doesnt know it yet because of his inexperience.

OP I'm not going to tell you what to do with your current relationship but I'll say that if ever you find yourself single, definitely give ladies a solid shot and see how you feel about it.

Yup you're definitely straight.

I feel bad for finding this as funny as I did haha

 

[chronic_archaic]

He could possibly be bi with a leaning toward women but still with enough of an allowance for men. Like, 70% women 30% men, and its just by chance that his first relationship hit within that 30%. It's not a switch you flip with only three settings, women, men, or 50/50. People are different. And he might find one gender more physically attractive and another gender more emotionally attractive.

If it's his first relationship and yet he finds himself overwhelmingly attracted to women while physically just being sort of okay with a man, this might be the case and he just doesnt know it yet because of his inexperience.

OP I'm not going to tell you what to do with your current relationship but I'll say that if ever you find yourself single, definitely give ladies a solid shot and see how you feel about it.



I feel bad for finding this as funny as I did haha

It's this. Not sure I've ever ran into any legit bi person who is straight 50/50. You will always have a skew towards one or the other, even if you like both.

 

[d9b]

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. This is the OP's first relationship and it's with a man who exclusively dated women before the OP, but who now hates women, and who is attempting to control the OP's sexuality completely, by forbidding masturbation?

Maybe he's just concerned about OP's eyesight... He doesn't want him to go blind.
It's possible... Right?

 

[Foxyone]

Maybe you're just kind of asexual or low libido but interested in sex with women "intellectually"? >__> (I am kinda like that lol.. low libido and more intellectually interested in sex than actually doing any of it xD)
Was there ever a point you were intellectually sexually attracted/curious with men (and now that the mystery is gone, it's more of just a going-through-the-motions thing?)

I think a lot of my interests have always been intellectual / fantasy based. Just looking at my relationship one might think I seem asexual, but give me freedom on the internet and I will go crazy. I think I gained the unrealistic expectation that I was kinda gay because there was a time where I did adult-themed online roleplay (messages only) with guys.

 

[TheChillyAcademic]

This might also stem, at least partly, with what your role is, sexually speaking.

 

[E92 M3]

I think a lot of my interests have always been intellectual / fantasy based. Just looking at my relationship one might think I seem asexual, but give me freedom on the internet and I will go crazy. I think I gained the unrealistic expectation that I was kinda gay because there was a time where I did adult-themed online roleplay (messages only) with guys.

Just go on a date with girl - simple.

 

[Foxyone]

This might also stem, at least partly, with what your role is, sexually speaking.

What do you mean?

Just go on a date with girl - simple.

Not really an option when in a committed relationship.

 

[E92 M3]

What do you mean?



Not really an option when in a committed relationship.

Tell him the truth, a relationship isn't prison.

 

[Prax]

I think a lot of my interests have always been intellectual / fantasy based. Just looking at my relationship one might think I seem asexual, but give me freedom on the internet and I will go crazy. I think I gained the unrealistic expectation that I was kinda gay because there was a time where I did adult-themed online roleplay (messages only) with guys.

Well, I think that if you're happy with him then just stick with him until if/when your relationship reaches its natural end? Hopefully it won't be due to lack of sex or your or his insecurity about this topic.
Then afterwards if you become single again, you can experiment more with women and see if you're actually able to live up to your own fantasies on that end.
It could turn out you just like fantasizing more than doing, which is also fine. lol But I personally wouldn't give up a great thing just to experiment.

 

[Opto]

Love's weird and an infinite rainbow of combinations.

 

[TheChillyAcademic]

What do you mean?

Being gay myself and having survived a long distance relationship (though most certainly under difference circumstances) I found that identifying and embracing your sexual identity is key to your overall satisfaction.

Goes beyond just calling yourself a top or a bottom. If you really do love him and the largest hang up you have right now is attraction, you have to explore those motivations. What and why do you find women attractive? Is the idea of having sex with a woman attractive or is taking the role of the "man" just as inticing? As others have said you may very well be bisexual but that doesn't explain everything does it? In the heat of the moment with this man, do your thoughts always turn to women?

No doubt it's a complicated situation lol

 

[Zalasta]

In the long run, can a relationship lacking a good chunk of the sexual aspect be fine?

Yes, if both parties are asexual. It is not unheard of that people can be in a loving relationship without the sexual intimacy. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case for you since you obviously still crave sex, just not with your partner. And honestly if you have never been attracted to another guy, it's probably safe to say that you're not gay. Since this is your first relationship, I think you really owe it to yourself to date girls and see what come of it. As for your boyfriend, sometimes loving someone means you should let them go to live their lives. It doesn't sound like what you guys have is healthy either, so it's better to address the problem sooner rather than later.

 

[Newline]

I don't mean to trivialize it, I just can't grasp the concept of it at all. Much in the same way that I can understand homosexuality, but transgenderism is a mystery to me. I haven't been terribly interested in this in the past, just one of those "I don't get it, but more power to you" sort of things. A little google-fu on the subject couldn't hurt, though.

Edit: Yeah.... I don't get it. Like, you would enjoy light physical activities like cuddling, holding hands, etc. along with an emotional bond in a homosexual relationship but only feel sexual attraction in a heterosexual relationship? That is so confusing to me. But, like you all said, the two are so entwined in my brain that I really can't separate them.

Say you're a homoromantic guy. You could enjoy more than light physical activities with another guy, you could even enjoy full blown intercourse with him. But wouldn't necessarily get as sexually turned on during intercourse or as excited about sex as you would with a woman. You would be a raging sex addict in a relationship with a girl but you won't necessary get into that relationship as you don't want to spend your life with a woman, they don't fit into your idea of a great romantic life. Thats homoromanticism.

 

[sooperkool]

Op, I know you younger guys/girls are less caught up on "labels" for things and thats great. You are a "you" and your love for your boyfriend is exactly what it is and no more. It is a wonderful and unique thing that you to share. So enjoy it as it is and don't worry so much on defining it. just love him how you love him for the time that you to do so.

just my 0.02

 

[Interframe]

I'd say I'm kind of sexually fluid like OP. I've only ever had sexual relations with another guy, and everytime we did sexual activities together I wouldn't really fantasize about having sex with a women (even though I'd say I'm slightly more sexually attracted to women, but find plenty of guys hot). Although sometimes having sex with this guy felt like a chore, but I'd imagine sometimes sex is just like that for a lot people, other times it was amazing and really intimate and highly enjoyable. I ended falling in love with this guy (even though he didn't have the same feelings for me) and would fantasize about being in a relationship with him and being publicly intimate and stuff. But despite that i know I'm still sexually attracted to women but the idea of gender roles and having to be the "man" by default kind of turns me off to the idea of a heterosexual relationship even though obviously you don't have to follow these gender roles in a heterosexual relationship, but it's still kind of a default. Even the idea of the guy having to initiate things in the hetro world turns me off to it.

Anyways, sexuality is a weird thing, for some people it can be pretty straight forward and simple and then you have people like me and the OP where it's incredibly complex and can be confusing

 

[MrRudiMentary]

Wait are you coming out of the closet as straight?

 

[David Incorporated Esq.]

Say you're a homoromantic guy. You could enjoy more than light physical activities with another guy, you could even enjoy full blown intercourse with him. But wouldn't necessarily get as sexually turned on during intercourse or as excited about sex as you would with a woman. You would be a raging sex addict in a relationship with a girl but you won't necessary get into that relationship as you don't want to spend your life with a woman, they don't fit into your idea of a great romantic life. Thats homoromanticism.

What does gender have to do with relationships on a personal level? That's the part that confuses me. "Oh sorry, I only enjoy emotional relationships with men." What? Well maybe I can approach it like this: I'm more comfortable being vulnerable and opening up completely with women (well, those I'm in a relationship with), but I can't help but feel that that's only because of the physical intimacy and tacit vulnerability that comes along with a sexual relationship.

...But despite that i know I'm still sexually attracted to women but the idea of gender roles and having to be the "man" by default kind of turns me off to the idea of a heterosexual relationship even though obviously you don't have to follow these gender roles in a heterosexual relationship, but it's still kind of a default. Even the idea of the guy having to initiate things in the hetro world turns me off to it.

See this is where I get thrown off. Is there an aspect to homoromanticism that is due to a confusion, misunderstanding or disapproval of traditional gender roles? Men and women don't have to act a certain way in heterosexual or homosexual relationships, and to avoid one or the other because of a preconceived notion of how you're expected to behave is strange.

 

[Switch Back 9]

You're not allowed to masturbate? In a long distance relationship?

And people thought my masturbation thread wasn't shocking enough, well, there you go.

 

[Interframe]

What does gender have to do with relationships on a personal level? That's the part that confuses me. "Oh sorry, I only enjoy emotional relationships with men." What? Well maybe I can approach it like this: I'm more comfortable being vulnerable and opening up completely with women (well, those I'm in a relationship with), but I can't help but feel that that's only because of the physical intimacy and tacit vulnerability that comes along with a sexual relationship.



See this is where I get thrown off. Is there an aspect to homoromanticism that is due to a confusion, misunderstanding or disapproval of traditional gender roles? Men and women don't have to act a certain way in heterosexual or homosexual relationships, and to avoid one or the other because of a preconceived notion of how you're expected to behave is strange.

I don't think it has anything to do with sexual attraction but rather personality I guess. In reality it wouldn't bother me much so long as the person, either male or female, wasn't so obsessed with fitting into roles that society places on people. For, male or female, as long as that person has a great, almost infectious, personality, and is enjoyable to be around and lifts people around them, then things like sexual attraction will come along anyways, at least this was the case for me personally, nothing else mattered, couldn't care less about what genitals were in there pants, I still got sexual aroused anyways.

 

[Anjelus_]

I don't know if I should feel bad for finding this thread hilarious? It really seems like you're coming out of the closet as straight, which is just amazing irony.

 

[WaffleTaco]

I don't think it has anything to do with sexual attraction but rather personality I guess. In reality it wouldn't bother me much so long as the person, either male or female, wasn't so obsessed with fitting into roles that society places on people. For, male or female, as long as that person has a great, almost infectious, personality, and is enjoyable to be around and lifts people around them, then things like sexual attraction will come along anyways, at least this was the case for me personally, nothing else mattered, couldn't care less about what genitals were in there pants, I still got sexual aroused anyways.

So you are attracted to personality and don't care what gender they are?

 

[Foxyone]

I guess I may indeed be coming out as straight : / (without worrying about a whole other can of worms)

 

[E92 M3]

I guess I may indeed be coming out as straight : / (without worrying about a whole other can of worms)

Who did you tell you're gay?

 

[Interframe]

So you are attracted to personality and don't care what gender they are?

Pretty much, I think that's pansexuality, sexual or romantic attraction to people regardless of gender.

 

[dream]

In the meantime, I think you should tell him that you masturbated today, and then watch his heart slowly break.

 

[Foxyone]

Who did you tell you're gay?

Tbh, not really anyone. It was just assumed when I was in a relationship with a guy. Kinda funny because my mom had said she always figured I was gay when she found out about him.

 

[CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls]

Tbh, not really anyone. It was just assumed when I was in a relationship with a guy. Kinda funny because my mom had said she always figured I was gay when she found out about him.

...That's kinda how these things go, haha.

 

[E92 M3]

Tbh, not really anyone. It was just assumed when I was in a relationship with a guy. Kinda funny because my mom had said she always figured I was gay when she found out about him.

Some relationships are kept hidden. I don't make assumptions.

 

[Blackstarhat]

Cograts your bi.

 

[TheChillyAcademic]

If you are indeed coming out straight, it's something you'll need to address with your man as soon as possible lol

 

[Serick]

It honestly sounds like you might just be turned on by the idea/fantasy of straight sex and you're not really any more attracted to females than you are males. What happens if you have sex with a girl (it won't be like porn...) which kills the mystery and then you're back at square one without your man?

I haven't really looked into it much but is it possible this is just one of the many versions of being "asexual"? The very idea that you seem more interested in the romantic aspects of a relationship than sex in general seems to support this.

Edit: The no masturbation thing has to go though... I've been together with my Husband for nearly 9 years, see him every day and we still spank it on our own.

Edit Edit: To further confuse things, while I do identify as gay, I have had sex with women and am turned on by the idea of putting my penis inside a vagina but really have no other sexual attraction or desire to be with a woman. Sorry, not trying to objectify women here!

 

[……forgetit]

After reading I think you're straight, you just fell for a dude. Human sexuality is weird that way.

This may sound odd, but if you're young I suggest trying to find yourself. No point in being tied down in a long distance relationship if you're just 25, especially when you have interest in the opposite sex.

Also I gotta ask, can you get off from gay porn? This is important.