• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

I had to say goodbye to my son.

Status
Not open for further replies.
As a father this breaks my heart.

Your pain is justified, he was your son.

Just remember the good times, you changed that boy's life for the better even if he doesn't remember.

Good luck OP, get some help if you need it.
 
As others have said, go to the media. Even if it can't fix your case, it might help prevent this from happening again in the future.
 
This same thing happened to my sister's foster children and I can say, at least for me, it was heartbreaking. They were twins and were somehow allowed to go back with their drug addict parents. I think I may have been able to handle them being taken away if I knew they were somewhere safe, but it hits far too often that they're in a dangerous environment and it still guts me. They weren't my kids, so I imagine it can only be worse for you, but I still absolutely loved them.

Sorry to hear about your situation, but hopefully you have a good support system around you to help you through it.
 
Ol No Bones said:
I lost my son but he did not pass away. He was brought to us at 11 months old and placed. My wife and I were afraid that the trauma of being removed from his Bio parents would have him terrified when he arrived at our home a couple hours after removal. To our surprise all he did was laugh and smile. After almost exclusively laying by himself in a closet the first year of his life people holding and speaking to him brought him so much joy. He was so sweet. He didn't cry for weeks. It wasn't because he was so happy but because severely neglected children learn that when they cry nobody comes. They just save their voices. He couldn't crawl, the back of his head was flat and bald from laying in a crib in a dark closet but he was perfect. The first month consisted of learning to eat solid food, crawl, learn signs to communicate. He was so intelligent. It didn't take him long to say his first word, dada. It took him a while to walk but when he started to walk, he started to run. There was no stopping him. He grew so fast. When you care for a child in the role of father and mother they inevitably become your child. You can't help it. People say guard your heart but you can't. This child needs your everything you can give them. They need to learn to trust even if they have every reason in the world to distrust up to that point. When you open up your hearts and your home for a precious little child you begin to dream for them. You wonder what they will do, who they will become even though there is nagging reality that you may never be in their future.

The case was almost over, rights were gonna be terminated, my son was going to officially be my son but the dream faded in an instant. After 18 months, 4 different CPS case workers and several court dates a judge decided to change her mind on a dime about the future of my precious boy. After court we were dumbstruck. This wasn't supposed to happen after so much time. This judges decision was devoid of all logic and reason. We called attorneys and various case supervisors but nothing we said mattered. A judge ruled and we had absolutely no rights in the matter. I cried more that week than every time I had cried prior to this combined.

They took him a week later. A stranger put my terrified crying son in the back of her car and told us, "thanks for the care." Thanks for the care? After all this, thanks for the care...

My son trusted me with a complete trust. He looked at me and my wife and knew he was loved and cared for with no reservations. I wonder if he felt abandoned that day. I know he must have hurt and I want to comfort him but I can't. He is gone. I don't think I can properly express how much this has hurt. I don't even feel like I'm allowed to hurt so deeply. We knew what we signed up for when we became foster parents. But that doesn't change my pain. I lost my boy.

He likely won't even remember my wife and I when he grows, but I will remember the incredible joy he brought me. We will live with the emptiness that came with his departure but I will try to remember joy which I can't even explain. I will try and remember the little boy looking up and smiling goofily at me as he sat in my lap and made sounds on the piano the first time. I will remember the look he had as he ran into my arms when I returned home from work. The joy I brought him was only outdone by the joy he brought me. I dream that one day maybe I could find him and let him know how important he was to us but in reality it's not gonna happen. I will try not to remember the image of him scared leaving everything he knows in a strangers car. I will remember the sweet things.

Sorry if this is a weird post but I need to let some of this out somehow I think.
Click to expand...

You want your son back? Contact your local media outlet, now! Get this everywhere. Twitter, facebook, everywhere!

disgusting system we're in.
 
I don't think going to the media is going to help. The system is set up to make fully terminating a biological parent's rights extremely difficult and drawn out, for better or worse.
 
God damn op. Heartbroken. That's the worst nightmare ever.

Can you explain a bit more about your story, I get the feeling there were details missing. Like who put him in the closet for a year? That's just horrible. How old is your son now, and how long did you take care of him? Who took him away, was it the biological parents or relatives of the parents?

Hope there's some way you can get him back, I bet the relatives will prob think it's too much at some point. There's always hope. Don't give up.
 
I am so sorry, dude. I hope you can take some solace in knowing you helped him to grow and know joy. I wish there were a way to get him back.
 
That's crazy op. I can't even imagine how you feel.

DarkJediKnight said:
You want your son back? Contact your local media outlet, now! Get this everywhere. Twitter, facebook, everywhere!

disgusting system we're in.
Click to expand...

This is a great idea, and I think this is the route you should take op.
 
The world is a much better place with people like you and your wife in it, OP. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
 
Good on you for opening your heart to that boy when nobody else would. World needs more of this.

I'm very sorry for the loss you have experienced. There's no justice in it
 
DarkJediKnight said:
You want your son back? Contact your local media outlet, now! Get this everywhere. Twitter, facebook, everywhere!

disgusting system we're in.
Click to expand...
I really appreciate this sentiment but the media knows full well how flawed this system can be. I just gotta say that this isn't terribly uncommon in the system. Foster parents don't have rights, biological parents have rights. The bar is much higher to be a foster home than it is for parents to be reunified with their children. CPS is primarily motivated toward reunification when possible and some judges are incredibly bio family centric in their rulings. Sometimes bio families actually do reform themselves and that's a wonderful story but too often kids are put back in dangerous environments.

Also, I have to be consistent and point out that not all foster homes are great either. I have met people that have no business taking in kids and bad stories happen in foster homes too. There are a lot of issues overall.
 
Contacting the media isn't going to do shit, friends. The system pretty much always prefers children being with their biological parents, and it sounds like CPS did an incompetent job of accurately describing the situation to the judge and that the judge made a boneheaded decision based on the info he did have.
 
It would probably be tough going to the media since many will be using the most heart wrenching moment of your life for monetary gain but when the ends are so positive it could be worth it. All the elements are here for them to gobble it up and, although you're sacrificing privacy, you may be saving your boy.
 
So sorry for you both, you are two decent human beings and your compassion and love is inspiring.

I hope time brings some small sliver of comfort to you both, a genuinely heart breaking story, my heart goes out to you all.
 
Randam said:
is he back with his real parents?
Click to expand...

No, the boy was just taken away from his real parents to probably go back to being abused by monster(s).

What the hell is wrong with that judge.

I'm sorry Ol No Bones, this is one of the worst things I can even imagine ever happening to anybody, both for you, your wife and especially the child...
 
PeskyToaster said:
It would probably be tough going to the media since many will be using the most heart wrenching moment of your life for monetary gain but when the ends are so positive it could be worth it. All the elements are here for them to gobble it up and, although you're sacrificing privacy, you may be saving your boy.
Click to expand...
Guys, this is really not helping. Look at some of the posts about this being a common occurrence. The system greatly favors biological parents. Whether or not that is right or wrong is another discussion, but the media knows about these kinds of things and can't have much effect.
 
If the bio parents got their shit together, it's their child. And no matter how much it hurts, that's what you signed up for as a foster parent.
 
hokahey said:
If the bio parents got their shit together, it's their child. And no matter how much it hurts, that's what you signed up for as a foster parent.
Click to expand...

There is no ability to redeem yourself when you have abused and neglected a child from birth.

Locked in cupboard in the dark, left alone and neglected? There is no "getting your shit together" after that. I hope the boy grows to have a good life and those that harmed him receive what they deserve.
 
hokahey said:
If the bio parents got their shit together, it's their child. And no matter how much it hurts, that's what you signed up for as a foster parent.
Click to expand...

If only... Also he was my child for more of his life than they and I didn't expose him to meth or leave him in a closet. If what you said was true I would feel much better about this even though it would still hurt. I didn't write this post to demean the bio parents because I hope to God that they are the best parents in the world now, but I have reasons to believe otherwise. Don't lecture me in things I know better than you can understand. I just wanted to talk about my sweet little boy and how much I miss him.
 
OP, you and your wife did something amazing for that child, that very few people in the world are strong enough to experience, but is so needed in the world. Even if he doesn't remember who you are, because of his youth, the experience you gave him during this formative period of his life will stick with him forever.
 
I had a similar situation. We got a boy on initial detainment. Ended us staying with us for three months. Then he was returned to his mother. It was a tough time handing the kid back. It took us about two years until we took another kid.

On the plus side we have two daughters now. The system does occasionally work.

Try to look on the positive side, you have had a huge impact in the development of the boys life(the early years are the most important). You and wife should feel very proud.
 
I first want to say I'm sorry OP for you and your wife, what you did had a huge impact on your sons development, regardless if he remembers or not (and he will)

Now I'm unfamiliar with the foster system besides just a few things but

if the parents are unable to provide a safe environment for your son he would be placed back into the foster system right? Would you then be able to get him back and prove that his bio parents are unable to do their job? Or at least be first on the list again if he was placed back into foster care? I know foster children are consistently going back and fourth but it seems that you were a great fit, would CPS be able to notify you if he was placed back for any reason?
 
I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this, but is there any way you can sort of even check in on the well-being of this child?

Your story is heartbreaking. I think if I were in your place I'd definitely at the very least consider going to the media.
 
It's awful, but the system is trash. Going through a custody battle with my ex-wife was the most stressful shit of my life, and I quickly learned I didn't have a pot to piss in as the father, and everything was stacked in favor of the mother no matter how shitty they are. I can't even imagine how little of a fuck they give for foster parents compared to biological parents. The kid was neglected from birth, as someone said, you don't deserve your kid anymore when you lock them in a god damn closet, jesus.
 
Ol No Bones said:
If only... Also he was my child for more of his life than they and I didn't expose him to meth or leave him in a closet. If what you said was true I would feel much better about this even though it would still hurt. I didn't write this post to demean the bio parents because I hope to God that they are the best parents in the world now, but I have reasons to believe otherwise. Don't lecture me in things I know better than you can understand. I just wanted to talk about my sweet little boy and how much I miss him.
Click to expand...
You've done a great thing. I'm sorry it's caused you so much heartache. More than anything, I hope your son has a loving home now that has changed from a few years (?) ago. Either way, you've given him love and care gee wouldn't have otherwise received, and that will have a permanent impact, even if he doesn't have clear memories of it.

My best friend was fostered away from drug addict parents in a house that fostered many children. Eventually he and his bio siblings were adopted into that family, who treated all of the kids with love like their own, even when there were a dozen of them. For those of them that didn't get adopted, they had time at a wonderful foster home. That's what you provided. Every happy moment in a child's life is worth so much. It was brave of you and your wife to do what you did.
 
OP, I know you're hesitant to give details, but is there anything you can tell us in a general manner about the rehabilitation process the biological parents went through? Like, did they complete rehab or a home inspection? I completely understand if you don't want to give details, but I wish I knew more, to help comfort you better.
 
Jesus, there have been some fucking feel threads in 2016 on NeoGAF.

What a horrific story, the way you described it I can feel your pain. I'm so sorry to hear this, OP, no parent should have to go through this, no son should either.
 
OP, you are a saint for bringing some form of joy and life into that child and I offer my sincerest condolences that you don't get to continue to do so.

Life isn't fair, but times like these make me hate just how unfair it can be.
 
PeskyToaster said:
It would probably be tough going to the media since many will be using the most heart wrenching moment of your life for monetary gain but when the ends are so positive it could be worth it. All the elements are here for them to gobble it up and, although you're sacrificing privacy, you may be saving your boy.
Click to expand...
Involving the media will not get him the boy back and it will not lead to him being removed from his biological parents. You cannot fight for rights you don't have and never had in the first place.
It wouldn't help the boy either, his biological parents need support (and probably a bit of oversight), publically humiliating and villifying them will achieve nothing, worst case scenario is they crack under the pressure and the boy suffers from it.


The OPs story is heartbreaking but a decision has been made and it is what it is, it can't be fought by him.
 
Sorry to hear this OP.

There seems to be too many issues & bad decisions arising from constant changes in state legal workers.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

I never drink alone, defeated my son at last
11
383
poppabk replied
Had to put down my dog today
33
1K
Beretta replied
I wish I had someone to talk and relate to. I need friends.
2
81
2K
DeVeAn replied
Has anyone ever had to deal with this?
9
444
Dr.Guru of Peru replied
When I was a kid parents only had to worry about drugs..
7
424
NeoIkaruGAF replied
Top Bottom