I've long had some trouble getting to know new people. Some here and there, but not many. But this year, I've become friends with several new people simply because I started cycling, and went with a group on an organized bike trip. We've met up many times after the trip. Find something you like to do that involves other people, and you might get new friends easier than you think.
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I have trouble making friends
- Thread starter Timeaisis
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Chezzymann
Member
I've had this problem for a while. Only had one or two close friends my whole life. Counselors don't help either. Kinda worried because I'm 19 and still don't really have anything resembling a social life.
IISANDERII
Member
What about parties, does your wife ever go to those?
If you do make it to one, do not stay beside your wife the entire time, or even half the time. Basically, the amount of time you stand beside your wife is inversely proportional to your ambitiousness to make friends.
gutter_trash
Banned
When your friends get married while you are not.....
When your friends get kids while you did not.....
When old friend become career oriented workaholics....
Adulthood sucks
When your friends get kids while you did not.....
When old friend become career oriented workaholics....
Adulthood sucks
Maybe take up a sport (or join a gym or something)? Basically, some type of hobby/activity outside of work. I've made a couple of friends playing tennis 3 days a week.
But don't give up. Your not gonna click with everyone immediately so just stay optimistic.
EDIT: Also at work/school, there are still plenty of untapped friendships there
I'm in law school and I didn't really get to know a NOW good friend of mine until our 2nd year. We were in the same classes, but were never near each other.What I've noticed is that starting from early-20s friendship gets replaced with networking opportunities. I am 25 and outside of rare occasions the people I talk to most and enjoy spending time with are much older than I am, and are in solid and established careers. Those in my age group are more interested in getting themselves set up than they are establishing or maintaining friendships. I am sometimes physically repulsed when I meet someone new and try making an attempt at friendly conversation only to be reciprocated with manufactured schmooze.
I'm in the same position, except I'm 29!
Didn't make a single friend during my five years in university.
flaxknuckles
Member
I've found that most of my strife with not having real friendships was just due to my mom and others putting pressure on me to act like them and not be a "weirdo". I am perfectly fine having no friends for now. It's something I'll probably have to change though if I ever start dating (dat empty groom fam/friends seats at wedding fear) (dat shade thrown from wife's friends when I'm always hanging around them making cupcakes).
It's like this guy is me in my life. It's fucking awful.
I feel you, OP.
I moved away from my close knit group of friends in Boston. Not to mention all of those random relationships you develop over time with acquaintances you see around campus frequently, and may even bump into occasionally at the same nightlife hot spots. Social life is so easy in college.
Maybe now that I'm finally settling into an apartment in San Diego will I start meeting some people.
I moved away from my close knit group of friends in Boston. Not to mention all of those random relationships you develop over time with acquaintances you see around campus frequently, and may even bump into occasionally at the same nightlife hot spots. Social life is so easy in college.
Maybe now that I'm finally settling into an apartment in San Diego will I start meeting some people.
This. I was the ADHD geek in my family, and at home my siblings and my dad mocked my interests and offensively dismissed anything I talked about. I ended up being programmed to think that no one wanted anything to do with me. You can't make friends if you assume that you'll just annoy anyone you try to make friends with.
Sixfortyfive
He who pursues two rabbits gets two rabbits.
Find a social hobby.
Even video games can be social hobbies. Most of my current circle of friends I've made since I moved 3 years ago (I'm 29) have been through fighting game events.
Even video games can be social hobbies. Most of my current circle of friends I've made since I moved 3 years ago (I'm 29) have been through fighting game events.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
I'm crazy because i'm the guy that scares friends away, and i'm pretty successful at that too, i'm not proud of it, i know there's something wrong with me. But it is what it is...
waxer
Member
Friends are relationships. Follow standard relationship advice in all the date etc threads on gaf and you will make heaps of friends. Also act mature in your emotions. On one hand you can choose who you want to be friends with but on the other you need to realise your interests dont have to be the same to get along. Dont not try just because past relationships didnt work as you cant judge the next person and hold them accountable for actions of someone else.
Communication empathy understanding and actually putting yourself out there etc.
Kind of like how every mum that posts schoolyard bullshit article on facebook about not understanding why friends with babies cancel etc but now understand. How self centred do you have to be not to realise that people have priorities in their life that may not involve you. That we all change interests or priorities and that that doesnt mean they like you less just that there is a shift in lifestyle.
Hobbies and doing stuff in public is a good start. Do it with your wife and make sure you are not using her as a crutch. Be bold and make conversation with club members etc.
I went rafting with a friend. The guides are super helpful with information. Tell you about local clubs when meetups are etc. Go to an event like suggested by them.
For example as its really this easy. I started brewing spirits beer and wine. Look on internet and see there is local club. You can then either ring or turn up etc They act super inviting to new member and all want to get to know you.30 seconds in google and one meetup and I have a big circle of potential friends eager to discover compatability.
The thing is you dont even need to search for friends. Stuff like joining a club is just a natural progression of a hobby and things flow as naturally as they used to at school work etc
Communication empathy understanding and actually putting yourself out there etc.
Kind of like how every mum that posts schoolyard bullshit article on facebook about not understanding why friends with babies cancel etc but now understand. How self centred do you have to be not to realise that people have priorities in their life that may not involve you. That we all change interests or priorities and that that doesnt mean they like you less just that there is a shift in lifestyle.
Hobbies and doing stuff in public is a good start. Do it with your wife and make sure you are not using her as a crutch. Be bold and make conversation with club members etc.
I went rafting with a friend. The guides are super helpful with information. Tell you about local clubs when meetups are etc. Go to an event like suggested by them.
For example as its really this easy. I started brewing spirits beer and wine. Look on internet and see there is local club. You can then either ring or turn up etc They act super inviting to new member and all want to get to know you.30 seconds in google and one meetup and I have a big circle of potential friends eager to discover compatability.
The thing is you dont even need to search for friends. Stuff like joining a club is just a natural progression of a hobby and things flow as naturally as they used to at school work etc
Zen_Arcade
Banned
It really depends on what your hobbies are. I don't go out of my way to make friends and I've just made them naturally from going to concerts, comic book shops, baseball games and other stuff I was going to go to any way.
I know all about that stuff. It was hell for me and normal people aren't going to understand. I also don't have any friends.
I remember, when it was really bad for me, one time I sat next to a girl in class and like 1 minute later she changed seats. I thought about it for weeks.
Now my anxiety is like 25% of what it was. It's still there but I'm not in hell anymore. It flares up sometimes but I'm used to it. I really hope you get better, brother.
I don't know if I'm being clingy sometimes. I usually keep to myself but there are weekends when I'm all "alright let's do stuff together!" but my newest friend is always busy - he's got a gf and i don't at the moment.
... I guess I should just get out there, start dating and shit.
... I guess I should just get out there, start dating and shit.
Same boat here. I am sociable at work, I reckon people laugh when I make jokes or funny comments and I am pretty sure people find me likable. However, I'm unable to move beyond being a colleague, cannot build an off workplace relationship and when I switch jobs it's like I moved to a different country: nearly all contact is lost, even while I've lived in the same city all of my life.
I believe something is fundamentally broken with me.
I believe something is fundamentally broken with me.
I have the same problem as you TC, but in a university setting. I feel really sad about this sometimes and it also affects me mentally. I just don't trust people that much anymore since a couple of people in the past made me lose their trust and in people generally.I really do want to make friends, but at the same time I don't have the courage to do it.If I get lucky I may become friends with one or two people per semester and I may also drive people away, but this is rare.At least I still have time to actually build a social life in university and that is what I'm trying to work on since I kinda recognized what went wrong.
BurnOutBrighter
Banned
It was easy making friends in school and college because you all got together regularly and shared a common purpose. It all happened automatically and easily.
That stops once you leave school, so you have to make your own place to go regularly to share with people who have a common purpose. I joined a barbershop chorus. My brother joined a dancing group and a book club.
If you're interested in anything at all, there are people who are interested in the same thing and would love to have more people to talk to about it. Get out there and find them!
IMO work is not a great place to make friends further than casual acquaintances. I'm friends with some coworkers but it never really goes past Friday afternoon drinks. I already spend 8 hours sitting next to the same people every day, and at the end of it I just want to be alone or talk to someone else.
That stops once you leave school, so you have to make your own place to go regularly to share with people who have a common purpose. I joined a barbershop chorus. My brother joined a dancing group and a book club.
If you're interested in anything at all, there are people who are interested in the same thing and would love to have more people to talk to about it. Get out there and find them!
IMO work is not a great place to make friends further than casual acquaintances. I'm friends with some coworkers but it never really goes past Friday afternoon drinks. I already spend 8 hours sitting next to the same people every day, and at the end of it I just want to be alone or talk to someone else.
I kinda had a social life in high school and to an extent junior high and had a lot of friends even though I suffered internally from problems I had in the past which prevented me from making more friends or opening up a bit more to some of friends until later in high school.
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