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i just ate raw chicken for no particular reason

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1 of 3 things is going to happen

1) You'll end up in the hospital and will have to update us via MobileGAF

2) You'll be spending your days off on the toilet, and will have to update us via MobileGAF

3) You'll wake up tomorrow, hopefully sober and not remember making this thread
 
it was basically something like this

tumblr_l4jbqcpsLY1qc073co1_400.gif
 
I once ate a bite of pre-cooked bacon without it being heated up (I thought it was already cooked again) and I worried for days about my health. I think this would literally worry me to death.
 
Top-tier bad decision right there.

One tiny slice of raw chicken mixed in with an order of fried rice once gave me horrible diarrhea for a week. I didn't swallow it, i merely ate rice that had been in close proximity to it before noticing it was still raw. May wanna consider inducing vomiting now as damage control......
 
you have tapeworms
Nah, he's good, OP might have them though.

Someone link that horrifying tapeworm story from a few weeks ago. OP, that's you a few weeks from now.
 
Raw chicken itself won't hurt you, it's the potential bacteria that needs to be killed off with proper cooking so even if it's a bit undercooked if the Salmonella is in the meat it'll still be alive and you're in trouble.

Look forward OP to potential severe diarrhoea, abdominal cramps, nausea, vomiting, headaches, chills, fatigue and fever. If there's blood in your stool or vomit go to the doctors immediately. If nothing has happened after four days you're probably in the clear.

Oh and don't eat under cooked poultry again, that's of course if you get the chance to eat it again...........
 
What's wrong with you?
You remind me of a screwy kid in middle school who drank a cup of dirty pond water we were supposed to look at under a microscope.

This isn't normal. Don't think that this is normal.
 
Next time you use the toilet, it's going to be like someone turned on a faucet inside your colon.

You'll try to pinch it off and catch your breath, but there's no stopping the flow, you're just going to have to wait it out.

It will literally feel like someone is pouring a pitcher of hot water through your ass hole from the inside

You might have to puke while you're on the toilet, in which case I hope you have a tub with a wide drain because you don't want to be puking into a bowl of shit water

I'm speaking from personal experience here
 
is that the one where the tapeworms eat chunks of your brain?

The mother who secretly fed her daughter tapeworms so she would lose weight.

Everyone, at some point in their lives, will wake up next to a toilet full of shit and a bathtub full of vomit.

If you haven't, you've had a pointless life.
 
Next time you use the toilet, it's going to be like someone turned on a faucet inside your colon.

You'll try to pinch it off and catch your breath, but there's no stopping the flow, you're just going to have to wait it out.

It will literally feel like someone is pouring a pitcher of hot water through your ass hole from the inside

You might have to puke while you're on the toilet, in which case I hope you have a tub with a wide drain because you don't want to be puking into a bowl of shit water

I'm speaking from personal experience here

Ummmmmmmm

Thank you for the insight

I think
 
Next time you use the toilet, it's going to be like someone turned on a faucet inside your colon.

You'll try to pinch it off and catch your breath, but there's no stopping the flow, you're just going to have to wait it out.

It will literally feel like someone is pouring a pitcher of hot water through your ass hole from the inside

You might have to puke while you're on the toilet, in which case I hope you have a tub with a wide drain because you don't want to be puking into a bowl of shit water

I'm speaking from personal experience here

My sides.
 
Next time you use the toilet, it's going to be like someone turned on a faucet inside your colon.

You'll try to pinch it off, but there's no stopping the flow, you're just going to have to wait it out.

It will literally feel like someone is pouring a pitcher of hot water through your ass hole from the inside

You might have to puke while you're on the toilet, in which case I hope you have a tub with a wide drain because you don't want to be puking into a bowl of shit water

I'm speaking from personal experience here

I've had that dilemma before. The expression of its coming out both ends isn't just an expression. I had a bad chicken panini from Panerai to thank for that lovely night.
 
Is this for real? If it is you better get accustomed to your new porcelain throne for the next couple of days cause that's where you'll be staying.

You know what, screw that, go see a doctor. Eating that much can't be good.

EDIT: I can't spell.
 
Next time you use the toilet, it's going to be like someone turned on a faucet inside your colon.

You'll try to pinch it off and catch your breath, but there's no stopping the flow, you're just going to have to wait it out.

It will literally feel like someone is pouring a pitcher of hot water through your ass hole from the inside

You might have to puke while you're on the toilet, in which case I hope you have a tub with a wide drain because you don't want to be puking into a bowl of shit water

I'm speaking from personal experience here
I think vaseline makes a sprayable product for this situation.
 
I've had that dilemma before. The expression of its coming out both ends isn't just an expression. I had a bad chicken panini from Panerai to thank for that lovely night.

mine was from moldy mac & cheese

after puking and shitting my brains out all day I was exhausted and somehow managed to eat a bowl of soup and crawl into bed without soiling my pants.

I woke up at like 3am soaking wet and realized I puked in my sleep all over my mattress. I felt another one coming up and just let it happen. At this point, I felt the damage was done and I had nothing to lose. I sprayed vomit all over my floor, put a blanket on top of the puke stain on my mattress, and slept at the foot of the bed for the rest of the night.

I couldn't be 50 feet from my bathroom for the next 3 or 4 days
 
I remember accidently eating a bit of raw chicken in Gran Caneria once. The day after we were out on a pedlow and it just got hit with lower belly pain. Was fucking intense. The 10 minutes it took to paddle back to the shore, and fast walk it back to my hotel was literally the worst 10 minutes ever. I don't think I have ever sweat so much either and it was already a hot day.

Good luck in having 10 times worse than this OP.
 
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