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I keep getting invited to things but I don't feel like going. Anyone else?

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Ermac

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I have a solid group of friends and we hang out every weekend going to local bars/restaurants and the like. Every now and then I'll meet someone new through whatever means, and they'll invite me out to a bar or something (usually an hour away), and I never feel like going. Having to get into "meet new people mode" takes a tremendous amount of energy for me for whatever reason, and I don't feel like going. That and having to drive 45 minutes to a party or bar that could possibly be lame. I have mild depression so I'm pretty sure this factors in to it.

Anyone else feel this way?
 
Nope I love being social especially when hot drunk girls are involved.

Sooner or later you won't be invited to anything unless you suck it up princess.
 
You are blessed to have friends that want to involve you in doing exciting things and meeting new people. Compromise and force yourself to go to 50% of these things, or just stay for an hour and then if you aren't feeling it leave. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain considering the bar you are setting is as low as "I guess I will just say no".

Appreciate what you have so that you don't look back with regrets.
 
Yes, lately I just want to stay at home. Been asked to play boardgames with a group of people, go to a bar, play DnD, volunteer for an event. I just don't want to socialize atm. There's a couple of reasons for that, it just feels shitty feeling like this.
 
I got invited to a BBQ last year and told the fella I was suffering from rampant diarrhea. He's never invited me to anything since.
 
Ermac said:
I have mild depression so I'm pretty sure this factors in to it.
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Yep. I suffer from it too, so I can end up feeling really unenthusiastic about a social event on the day of it happening that I've been looking forward to for the rest of the week leading up to it. I can even end up feeling like that during events that I've organised or I'm hosting, so I'm sat there trying to have fun whilst my brain's wishing that everyone would leave my house and leave me alone.

It happens and you just have to realise that doing things even if you don't want to at the time is better for you, as you'll look back on them when your brain's being less of a dick and realise you do have good times after all. The worst thing is to get caught in "the slump" of avoiding 100% of social encounters.
 
I'm not getting invited much to things (I like to keep to myself) but when I do, all of my being screams "don't go, it's gonna suck!". It doesn't help that the times I do go it does end up sucking and wasting my time, so I'm just not into it at all. I just don't mix well with social creatures, it's all so awkward.

I know this is gonna sound pretentious and elitist, but I just feel like I'm from the outside looking in and kind of just laughing at all the weird shit people do that's considered normal (I know I'm the one that's probably considered "weird", but obviously I don't see it that way).
 
Was going to say "no, I love going out with friends," and then I realized you were talking about crazy bar stuff. You can hang out with friends and not go to bars, ya'know - you should invite them to your place to watch movies or play risk/cards and chill or something.
 
I like seeing friends sometimes, but I live far from most of them and gas isn't cheap. Also they do shit that starts in the evening and I work at night, so I miss most things as I'm sleeping. Not that I'd make it to everything if I worked in the day, but that's a huge factor.
 
I got invited to go to Otakon with a bunch of friends, but refused citing work and personal issues. And while I do have a ton of work and a bunch of person stuff that's slated to get worked through this weekend, I'm starting to wish I was going.

Cinderella syndrome and all.

Oh well.

teruterubozu said:
As my grandma used to say, just go - life is simply attending stuff and things happen.
Click to expand...

She wasn't wrong.
 
I'm pretty sketchy about going out since times are a bit tight at the moment. My friend invited me out somewhere rather far and I just bit the bullet since I hadn't gone out with him in ages. Ended up meeting up with a bunch of my old high school friends I hadn't seen in years. Was good times. Sometimes it pays to just say fuck it and head out.
 
Yeah, I do. I'm about to join a new team at work and I've already been told about two occasions where they're all going out but I just can't be arsed. Doesn't help that most of them are double or triple my age.

They're also apparently the team who have a reputation for being pissheads so I know that over the course of the next year I'm going to have to start balancing how often I go out with them so they don't think I'm a twat.
 
Mesoian said:
I got invited to go to Otakon with a bunch of friends, but refused citing work and personal issues. And while I do have a ton of work and a bunch of person stuff that's slated to get worked through this weekend, I'm starting to wish I was going.
Click to expand...
oh snap I forgot it was this weekend. Just my luck that my job decided to shift everyone's schedule to 6:30-5 on Friday & Saturday...
 
If it was close I'd say you might as well go, but yeah dude an hour to 45 min is a bit much if you're not really feeling it. I'm the same way.
 
I love hanging out with my friends, though I do appreciate a down night here and there. This weekend is the first weekend in over two months where I do not have a committed event that lasts an evening or two. I am excited for that.
 
I also make excuses to not go out sometimes. But social interaction is draining, and I have to recharge by being alone (family not counting here). Though I am introverted in that respect. Very social and what not, but at the end of the day I don't like being around people.

Mesoian said:
I got invited to go to Otakon with a bunch of friends, but refused citing work and personal issues. And while I do have a ton of work and a bunch of person stuff that's slated to get worked through this weekend, I'm starting to wish I was going.

Cinderella syndrome and all.

Oh well.



She wasn't wrong.
Click to expand...

I'll be there lol
 
Jackben said:
You are blessed to have friends that want to involve you in doing exciting things and meeting new people. Compromise and force yourself to go to 50% of these things, or just stay for an hour and then if you aren't feeling it leave. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain considering the bar you are setting is as low as "I guess I will just say no".

Appreciate what you have so that you don't look back with regrets.
Click to expand...

This.

I have had the opposite problem all my life. Never been invited out anywhere - now I find myself staring at 4 walls, alone and unhappy. Wish I'd had the opportunities to meet people that you have.

I've always wondered what it is about a person that makes others want to spend their free time with them. Most people grow up having guy or girl mates to hang out with.
 
The hardest part about doing anything new is convincing yourself to leave the house and do it. But whenever I do manage to get over that hump, it usually pays off. Just gotta grit your teeth and go for it.
 
Yeah. I felt that same way when my friends just did the bar/partying scene. Then I started meeting folks whose idea of meeting up is at a torture museum, or a stanley kubrick event, or just random lower-key-less-effort but interesting activities. Meet cool people, go to cool places. People like you, usually know people like you. Meaning they wont guilt you if you don't text back immediately, or call you out for flaking, etc. 31 though, reporting in.
 
When you get into a pattern of sitting at hone, mustering the energy to go out and have fun sounds like the worst thing. But once you force yourself to get up and just fucking go out, you'll be glad you did.

Edit: looks like we're all saying the same thing.
 
commedieu said:
Yeah. I felt that same way when my friends just did the bar/partying scene. Then I started meeting folks whose idea of meeting up is at a torture museum, or a stanley kubrick event, or just random lower-key-less-effort but interesting activities. Meet cool people, go to cool places. People like you, usually know people like you. Meaning they wont guilt you if you don't text back immediately, or call you out for flaking, etc. 31 though, reporting in.
Click to expand...

Yeah, great post. I know the type of people that invited me out tomorrow, and I know it's gonna be a drunk fest. But for whatever reason I still feel guilty about not going / like a loser. Even though I have a close circle of friends.
 
So, I am actually on the other side. I'm living in a new city and try to invite people out to shit, but it's really hard to get them out. I think they probably are in your position. I know a lot of it has to do with location. No one wants to travel more than 30 minutes for anything, in my experience.
 
Yea, I can relate. I've got friends asking me out for outings, but I just don't feel motivated to hang out and go through all that small-talk thinger these days. I like going out with very close friends only, cuz the communication / connection is wildly different in that context, I think... idk

:x
 
YesNOnoNOYes said:
Yea, I can relate. I've got friends asking me out for outings, but I just don't feel motivated to hang out and go through all that small-talk thinger these days. I like going out with very close friends only, cuz the communication / connection is wildly different in that context, I think... idk

:x
Click to expand...

No I def agree with you .. when I go to parties with new people I have to put on my "Meeting People" persona, which is totally different compared to when I'm with my close friends and I can discuss whatever the hell's on my mind no matter how weird / offensive it is.
 
Secret Fawful said:
I hope so. The people where I live annoy me.

As far as I'm concerned, intelligence is the be all end all of existence, not getting drunk and going to parties.
Click to expand...
I just wish "going out" meant something different than binge drinking and preying on drunk girls to most people. When my friends used to ask me to go out drinking on weekends, I'd decline. I asked them of they wanted to go hiking once, and I got stares like "why the fuck would I want to do that?"
 
Mesoian said:
I got invited to go to Otakon with a bunch of friends, but refused citing work and personal issues. And while I do have a ton of work and a bunch of person stuff that's slated to get worked through this weekend, I'm starting to wish I was going.

Cinderella syndrome and all.

Oh well.



She wasn't wrong.
Click to expand...

You should have gone. I am going :P
 
BPoole said:
I just wish "going out" meant something different than binge drinking and preying on drunk girls to most people. When my friends used to ask me to go out drinking on weekends, I'd decline. I asked them of they wanted to go hiking once, and I got stares like "why the fuck would I want to do that?"
Click to expand...

Hiking is great for you and lots of fun. Better than hanging out with a bunch of -generalizations about party-goers incoming- roided up jerk jocks who only care about their next brewski and what happened at the big game and gettin the puss braaaaaaah.
 
I can relate though OP. I never really feel like going to anything I plan out for some reason. I can be excited about it a few days prior but when the day comes I don't want to leave the house. It has cost me a few friends though, after a bit they just stop asking.
 
Secret Fawful said:
Hiking is great for you and lots of fun. Better than hanging out with a bunch of -generalizations about party-goers incoming- roided up jerk jocks who only care about their next brewski and what happened at the big game and gettin the puss braaaaaaah.
Click to expand...

Yep, there are some good trails not too far from where I live, but nobody ever wants to go. I used to go with my dad and brother as a kid but my brother lives in another state now and my dad is too old. Seems like nobody I come across does anything that doesn't involve drinking anymore.
 
Ermac said:
No I def agree with you .. when I go to parties with new people I have to put on my "Meeting People" persona, which is totally different compared to when I'm with my close friends and I can discuss whatever the hell's on my mind no matter how weird / offensive it is.
Click to expand...

Yes, that 'meeting people' face is sooooooooo draining.... And kind of pissing myself off inwardly. All that nonsense anxiety of trying to be liked / liking white noise chatter x__x;;;

Tiring.
 
I'm married, so I always do hope for an invitation with my coworkers to some fun outing. Because otherwise, they'd think I rather want to spend time with my husband all the time. :(

I'd love to go out if possible.
 
Meeting people is just too mentally tiring. Having to talk, ask questions, think about what they're saying, looking interested, keeping up with the conversation, it's too much for my brain. It's rare that i feel like actually putting some effort into meeting someone new. I'd rather we keep being strangers.

Plus sometimes i just get that zelda itch, you know? That dungeon ain't gonna solve itself.
 
Ermac said:
I have a solid group of friends and we hang out every weekend going to local bars/restaurants and the like. Every now and then I'll meet someone new through whatever means, and they'll invite me out to a bar or something (usually an hour away), and I never feel like going. Having to get into "meet new people mode" takes a tremendous amount of energy for me for whatever reason, and I don't feel like going. That and having to drive 45 minutes to a party or bar that could possibly be lame. I have mild depression so I'm pretty sure this factors in to it.

Anyone else feel this way?
Click to expand...

I'm similar in that I hang out with my friends a lot and then I'll need a weekend to recharge. I just need some days alone or just chilled in my apartment, where I'll work out, cook, read, watch some movies or play some video games. As they're my friends they understand that it's not them, that's it's just something that I need. Make sure you're friends know this about you.
 
I feel drained if I go out too often. I feel best when I initiate contact on a night that I feel like going out. If I am asked I feel less inclined to go. Sounds selfish, but I have moments where I feel like I won't be drained if I go out.
 
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