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I think Im being a dick about something - girlfriend related
- Thread starter Booser
- Start date
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NullPointer
Member
god. damn.Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
LeMaximilian
Alligator F*ck House
If a mod could approve my Johnny Cage Plowing Your GF account...I'd really appreciate it.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
On whether she's cheating or not, go with your gut. Not the "but I love her" voice, the pure instinct in your core. It seems like your gut is telling you something is up. But it's pointless to confront her at this time, she's going to turn it around on you if you confront her...and you could be wrong so just see how it plays out.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I love you.Booser said:
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Luixfern said:
What's he really going to see at "the spot"? If they just go to coffee or lunch, that's pretty harmless (even if she's not all that up front about it) and isn't proof of anything.
OP, I would avoid stalking your gf. From the sounds of it, she hasn't cheated *yet*, which means that the situation is still salvageable. I like some of the advice posted above about fucking her so hard that she can't move... THEN have a chat with her about commitment and see how she acts. Women can be many things, but ungrateful of good dick is generally not one of them. Your heroic bedside manner may delay her breaking up with you for months, even years. If this guy is just getting out of a relationship, he's going to find it hard to compete trying to offer wining and dining vs. rough sex.
Or you could casually ask her to invite other dude and his gf along for a double date. If she's genuinely just friends with the guy she won't have any real trouble acquiescing. If he's more of a "facebook friend that I really shouldn't let my SO find out about because we used to flirt/date/bang" (and trust me, everyone who's sexually active has these - it's a byproduct of our social networking age), that's a bit stickier. Generally, you should only hang out with your flirt/date/bang-exes in mixed company so as to not give the wrong impression about your availability or likelihood of infidelity. If she only hangs with him solo, that's a pretty good indication that HIS girl doesn't know about your gf, and that means that you're really in trouble.
Particle Physicist
between a quark and a baryon
CrankyJay said:
Booser said:
YES! This is one of the major reasons why I come to GAF!!
radioheadrule83
Banned
Don't confront her without REALLY thinking it through. In fact, I'd say don't confront her.
Trust me, I can tell you exactly how that will play out.
You confront her about it, she has to take a gamble on what you know. If she thinks you don't have any evidence, she can act all indignant and outraged at any accusation, if you bring up that you snooped on her chat, she will claim its all innocent and and act all indignant and outraged at any accusation.
I will say this though -- sometimes a mans mind plays jealous tricks on himself, it creates a reality that never existed, it does more harm than good. And at other times, it gives him instincts. Good ones. As far as I'm concerned, paranoia and jealousy are a symptom of overthinking... but a man's gut - his instincts - are quick, they're subconscious, they're rarely wrong. You looked at that chat for a reason, and you found clues to behaviour that doesn't bode well.
I would say you have two choices. Put your heart at the mercy of trusting her... or flat out ditch her. Don't waver between and create a scene... for the sake of your own self-esteem and dignity, avoid that. If you have to, start looking for a plan B now... start chatting it up with other girls.
This part of Sho_Nuff82's advice is really spot on if you can arrange something like that. You need to give yourself a way of reading the situation better, making yourself better informed etc WITHOUT doing something wrong - like stalking her or overtly invading her privacy.
If you find you just really don't trust her, then you've got a big decision to make.
Trust me, I can tell you exactly how that will play out.
You confront her about it, she has to take a gamble on what you know. If she thinks you don't have any evidence, she can act all indignant and outraged at any accusation, if you bring up that you snooped on her chat, she will claim its all innocent and and act all indignant and outraged at any accusation.
I will say this though -- sometimes a mans mind plays jealous tricks on himself, it creates a reality that never existed, it does more harm than good. And at other times, it gives him instincts. Good ones. As far as I'm concerned, paranoia and jealousy are a symptom of overthinking... but a man's gut - his instincts - are quick, they're subconscious, they're rarely wrong. You looked at that chat for a reason, and you found clues to behaviour that doesn't bode well.
I would say you have two choices. Put your heart at the mercy of trusting her... or flat out ditch her. Don't waver between and create a scene... for the sake of your own self-esteem and dignity, avoid that. If you have to, start looking for a plan B now... start chatting it up with other girls.
Sho_Nuff82 said:
This part of Sho_Nuff82's advice is really spot on if you can arrange something like that. You need to give yourself a way of reading the situation better, making yourself better informed etc WITHOUT doing something wrong - like stalking her or overtly invading her privacy.
If you find you just really don't trust her, then you've got a big decision to make.
I hope this just isn't a case of the GF inviting a guy to go Christmas shopping with her because she has no idea what to get her current boyfriend. :lol
Or maybe the guy is breaking up with his gf and just needs someone to lean on. OPs girlfriend didn't want to worry him unnecessarily by saying she was going to go hang out with the guy even though he is newly single (although it sounds like Booser would have been okay with it all if she had just told the truth).
Or maybe the guy is breaking up with his gf and just needs someone to lean on. OPs girlfriend didn't want to worry him unnecessarily by saying she was going to go hang out with the guy even though he is newly single (although it sounds like Booser would have been okay with it all if she had just told the truth).
SapientWolf
Trucker Sexologist
:lolBooser said:
Ah yes. This is a red flag.
MustacheBandit_
Member
The fuck is this shit?
Break up with her. That's got cheater written all over it. Our 'usual place?' Are you kidding me?
Break up with her. That's got cheater written all over it. Our 'usual place?' Are you kidding me?
Immortal_Daemon said:
I thought it would be awesome if maybe he said "one of your friends told me" (which is completely untrue), which would throw her off of the FB scent. It would totally backfire though if she never did tell one of her friends. :lol
But it would still be awesome and overwhelming and completely confusing to her how he could have found out. I would never reveal my source.
Luscious LeftFoot
Member
In all likelihood she probably isn't cheating on you, but it sounds like she's certainly interested in testing the waters.
You should have been upfront about what you saw when you first talked to her, that would have at least put some doubt in her mind over what she's considering. Now you have to resort to spying and subterfuge. Meanwhile she's free to consider the pro/cons of new dick... which is not to your advantage.
You should have been upfront about what you saw when you first talked to her, that would have at least put some doubt in her mind over what she's considering. Now you have to resort to spying and subterfuge. Meanwhile she's free to consider the pro/cons of new dick... which is not to your advantage.
black_vegeta
Member
LeMaximilian said:
Ahh, the SF boys are up in hurr.
To the OP, just bring it up with her directly.
the_log_ride
Member
LeMaximilian said:
To the OP, I hope this plays out, and you're able to settling things quickly, whether you two stay together or not.
black_vegeta said:Ahh, the SF boys are up in hurr.
To the OP, just bring it up with her directly.
But of course!
Flags for me:
I'd hate to say she's cheating because I don't know her... but she's obviously hiding something. Don't be afraid of confronting her about it. If she gets defensive and upset, then you caught her. If she comes right out with the truth about just meeting up with him and you trust her word, then all is good. Just be cordial about it as in "what did you end up doing today?" as opposed to interrogation mode of "i know what you did..."
- This guy tried to get with her once (or more) before and she's blowing virtual kisses at him?
- Brand new pin code.
- All the sudden not telling you of her plans with said guy.
I'd hate to say she's cheating because I don't know her... but she's obviously hiding something. Don't be afraid of confronting her about it. If she gets defensive and upset, then you caught her. If she comes right out with the truth about just meeting up with him and you trust her word, then all is good. Just be cordial about it as in "what did you end up doing today?" as opposed to interrogation mode of "i know what you did..."
Nard Bagman
Member
I'm a jealous person, so this would raise multiple flags and I would have confronted her in the beginning and she would hate me a little more for it. Over the years things like this would keep happening and the hate would boil until she actually did cheat on me and I blew my head off.
Since it's obvious that she's cheating on you the solution is to murder her and chop her up into bits which you hide in a pillow. After that, you start dating men to throw off the police. You may think that the cops won't buy it but when they barge into your flat and see your boyish anus being stretched out by a swollen, erect penis, you moaning in pleasure with each thrust timed perfectly with his hand caressing your inflated member, gasping as you get penetrated deeper and deeper with each stroke, they'll know that you clearly weren't the murderer until they connect some other random dots like fingerprints on the cell phone or retina scans from facebook or whatnot.
Yeah. Even if she's not cheating, or wanting to cheat at all, she'd still be leading the guy on. I wouldn't wait till Friday, just ask what's up. It's not like you've been snooping through her stuff, looking up mails and convos from weeks before, there's no problem in confronting her about this.KingOfKong said:
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Just spend some time with her the night before, have a movie night and watch Closer or something.
Ignis Fatuus
Banned
This made my night.No6 said:
radioheadrule83
Banned
People leaping all over the 'usual place' line have to consider that maybe she just goes to lunch with this guy now and then... for all we know, this guy is just her friend-zoned bitch.
I'm telling you man, straight up confrontation = trouble (for reasons outlined in my previous post). Trust your instincts and if you continue to distrust her, its already over. But it could well be nothing. You need to play this by ear and be smart.
I'm telling you man, straight up confrontation = trouble (for reasons outlined in my previous post). Trust your instincts and if you continue to distrust her, its already over. But it could well be nothing. You need to play this by ear and be smart.
spindashing
Banned
I would have brought it up right after I saw the facebook. At this point in my life, I really do not want to waste my time worried/thinking over possible bad things like these; I would have just gotten it over with. I do not know your girlfriend at all so I cannot honestly judge her character. I guess you'll/we'll see later. Good luck, OP.
Yeah, but then she would've just said that she had a lunch appointment with that dude instead of lying about it and half-assedly saying he should go out with his friends.radioheadrule83 said:
Confrontation will likely be trouble yeah, but there's no way to find out any more info other than some extensive scheme.
radioheadrule83
Banned
matt404au said:
She might take the view that
a) he shouldn't have read it (he can reply that he couldn't help it, it was right there on the screen but...)
b) its perfectly innocent and she shouldn't have to explain herself
and
c) she thought he had more trust in her than to suggest she might be doing anything underhand....
Whether she's up to something or it is indeed innocent -- implying you're suspicious or worried about something because you read a private conversation they had is going to make them take an aggressively defensive, indignant and 'outraged' position in any argument.
It's best to play this as cool as possible.
edit: I say that because the evidence is, at best, circumstantial. The idea of learning more about this dude and maybe orchestrating some way of seeing the way they act together was a good one. I think ultimately OP has to trust or not trust for now. Trust is all about leaving yourself vulnerable. You have to let go of the ego-based urge to be informed about all her dealings with people... because if she DOESN'T cheat and kill the relationship, possessiveness or obsessiveness will.
lunarworks
Member
From experience: Goddamn right she is.Cloudy said:
The more a girl accuses you of cheating the more likely she is to cheat.
This post is never funny, always predictable and is just insensitive dickhead trolling that you can only find on the internet.modernkicks said:
I disagreeStumpokapow said:
Just be sure to start off meek with that. If you roll in guns blazing and it somehow ends with her revealing that he was helping with your Christmas present or if they called the lunch off you are gonna look like a tool:lolBooser said:
Future PhaZe
Member
You pretty much have to confront her about it.
Don't start off with the fact that you saw the IM box though. Just flat out ask her if she has feelings for someone else or something...don't give away the IM box until you have to.
Then just tell her you really care about her and came upon the IM by mistake, and that you know that it was an invasion of space but it is what it is...
I'm sure you've shown no behavior in the past that's been pestering, jealous, etc, so this minor issue should be irrelevant next to the overall health of the relationship.
Don't start off with the fact that you saw the IM box though. Just flat out ask her if she has feelings for someone else or something...don't give away the IM box until you have to.
Then just tell her you really care about her and came upon the IM by mistake, and that you know that it was an invasion of space but it is what it is...
I'm sure you've shown no behavior in the past that's been pestering, jealous, etc, so this minor issue should be irrelevant next to the overall health of the relationship.
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