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I think Im being a dick about something - girlfriend related
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Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Jobiensis said:
I've seen a 35 year old man drunk confess his love to one of our female friends. The girl ended up rejecting him and he got pissed, saying a bunch of mean shit to her. Then when she deleted his facebook and phone number, he kept texting her saying how sorry he was and trying to come up with these romantic lines about he loves her and she always makes him happy when he sees her, blah, blah, blah.
It's quite sad for a 35 year old to act like that. :lol
A few years back I remember reading about this guy who would show up solo to local clubs, go up to random girls pretending like he was their boyfriend/very close friend, and then call them sluts when they told him to fuck off.Jason's Ultimatum said:
I don't know why, but I found it hilarious.
CrankyJay said:
26. Single and looking. I socialize with these girls one on one and with groups. If they're taken, their boyfriends typically don't mind.
The number one reason why I tend to befriend women? Mainly because I see them as people first and dating/sex second. Second reason? Sex is great, but I'm not looking to put it in any woman I meet. I have standards. Third? I can't date anyone I cannot be friends with.
(Plus, it also helps that I'm a dancer, so I get to see a lot of things from the opposite gender's point of view, as well as my own... but being a dancer is actually bad for meeting people to date.)
The one thing that women appreciate about me is that I'm perfectly honest about my intentions. If I want to be friends, they know it. If I want to date them, they'll know it too.
fizzelopeguss
Banned
Sounds like he's making a crack at her at the very least. If it's making you uncomfortable she should pick up on it and back off without you even saying anything.
layzie1989
Member
Anyone else think he was wrong for looking through her fb in the first place? Just wondering.
I agree completely with KingOfKong. Everyone has their panties in a bunch over stupid shit that he's not even positing. Wtf does misogyny or being a douchebag have anything to do with anything? Let me present you with two different situations:
1) A girl takes the bus to school every day. Every once in a while, she sees a guy from her physics class on the bus too. Sometimes, they talk about exams/assignments they had to do. Sometimes they make fun of the prof. Eventually, they add each other on facebook, and every once in a while, they talk about physics/professors/etc.
2) A girl takes the bus to school every day. One day, a guy she's never seen before sits down beside her and starts a random conversation. Before they say bye to each other, he asks for her number/email/facebook.
Without even bothering to dissect the minute details of the conversation, you have to have the social intelligence of a newt to not understand that the second guy is sexually aggressive and obviously interested. The way a guy's mind works though, the guy in the first scenario is probably interested too.
The reasoning behind what KingOfKing is saying is not just respect. Although I agree that respect plays a huge role in it, it has a lot to do with the possibility of developing romantic feelings. I'm someone who trusted a little too much in the past. I've been cheated on, because I used to think like a lot of ignorant and hopeful GAF members saying: "just trust her dude." Cheating happens. It happens all the time. It can happen with a friend. A random at a club/party. It could be one of YOUR friends (happened to me in high school
). Trust can be incredibly misguided. People with flirty personalities are people that tend to find themselves in situations where cheating is a possibility quite often. OPs girlfriend is clearly a flirty person. His mistrust shouldn't even stem from the fact that she's lying by omission (although in my books, that's a pretty big fucking deal), it should stem from his knowledge of the way his girlfriend is. She is flirty and impulsive. Terrible combination. But even if a girl doesn't have an inherently flirty personally, if she is constantly putting herself in situations where romance may develop with someone other than her boyfriend, the boyfriend has a right to be jealous.
Also, to the girl who was saying that she thinks her guy friends are hot but doesn't want to have sex with them: You are an idiot. Finding someone sexually attractive DOES mean that you want to have sex with them. That's exactly what being attracted to someone is. You think your boyfriend is cool because he doesn't care, but in actuality, he's a dumbass. That's not trust. That's just foolish ignorance. No matter how much you love your partner, if you keep putting yourself in situations where temptations arise, you are a terrible girlfriend. You could be the most faithful girl in the world, in theory, and still end up cheating on your boyfriend given the right circumstances are in place. And guess what? By constantly going out with men other than your boyfriend who you find very attractive is one of the circumstances. Add alcohol and maybe some dancing into the mix, and it's not a question of if, but a question of when. Go clubbing with attractive guys, have a little bit too much to drink, and guess what? A penis is inside you. And it's not your boyfriend's. Before my current relationship, I was that penis. I've helped quite a few girls cheat on their boyfriend's (I only found out afterwords). It fucking sucked to find out -- but I honestly wasn't surprised. A girl that goes to a party without her boyfriend, makes friends with a bunch of random guys and gets shitfaced is someone that has an incredibly high chance of cheating.
Is it okay for a girl to have have guy friends while in a relationship? Of course! Is it okay for a girl to put herself in situations where she might be tempted to cheat ("date" scenarios, 1 on 1 private hang outs, bar/club hopping without the boyfriend, etc.) while she has a boyfriend? In my opinion, abso-fucking-lutely not.
1) A girl takes the bus to school every day. Every once in a while, she sees a guy from her physics class on the bus too. Sometimes, they talk about exams/assignments they had to do. Sometimes they make fun of the prof. Eventually, they add each other on facebook, and every once in a while, they talk about physics/professors/etc.
2) A girl takes the bus to school every day. One day, a guy she's never seen before sits down beside her and starts a random conversation. Before they say bye to each other, he asks for her number/email/facebook.
Without even bothering to dissect the minute details of the conversation, you have to have the social intelligence of a newt to not understand that the second guy is sexually aggressive and obviously interested. The way a guy's mind works though, the guy in the first scenario is probably interested too.
The reasoning behind what KingOfKing is saying is not just respect. Although I agree that respect plays a huge role in it, it has a lot to do with the possibility of developing romantic feelings. I'm someone who trusted a little too much in the past. I've been cheated on, because I used to think like a lot of ignorant and hopeful GAF members saying: "just trust her dude." Cheating happens. It happens all the time. It can happen with a friend. A random at a club/party. It could be one of YOUR friends (happened to me in high school
). Trust can be incredibly misguided. People with flirty personalities are people that tend to find themselves in situations where cheating is a possibility quite often. OPs girlfriend is clearly a flirty person. His mistrust shouldn't even stem from the fact that she's lying by omission (although in my books, that's a pretty big fucking deal), it should stem from his knowledge of the way his girlfriend is. She is flirty and impulsive. Terrible combination. But even if a girl doesn't have an inherently flirty personally, if she is constantly putting herself in situations where romance may develop with someone other than her boyfriend, the boyfriend has a right to be jealous.Also, to the girl who was saying that she thinks her guy friends are hot but doesn't want to have sex with them: You are an idiot. Finding someone sexually attractive DOES mean that you want to have sex with them. That's exactly what being attracted to someone is. You think your boyfriend is cool because he doesn't care, but in actuality, he's a dumbass. That's not trust. That's just foolish ignorance. No matter how much you love your partner, if you keep putting yourself in situations where temptations arise, you are a terrible girlfriend. You could be the most faithful girl in the world, in theory, and still end up cheating on your boyfriend given the right circumstances are in place. And guess what? By constantly going out with men other than your boyfriend who you find very attractive is one of the circumstances. Add alcohol and maybe some dancing into the mix, and it's not a question of if, but a question of when. Go clubbing with attractive guys, have a little bit too much to drink, and guess what? A penis is inside you. And it's not your boyfriend's. Before my current relationship, I was that penis. I've helped quite a few girls cheat on their boyfriend's (I only found out afterwords). It fucking sucked to find out -- but I honestly wasn't surprised. A girl that goes to a party without her boyfriend, makes friends with a bunch of random guys and gets shitfaced is someone that has an incredibly high chance of cheating.
Is it okay for a girl to have have guy friends while in a relationship? Of course! Is it okay for a girl to put herself in situations where she might be tempted to cheat ("date" scenarios, 1 on 1 private hang outs, bar/club hopping without the boyfriend, etc.) while she has a boyfriend? In my opinion, abso-fucking-lutely not.
betweenthewheels
Member
ProudClod said:
It CAN mean that, doesn't make it true for everyone.
LiveFromKyoto
Member
Takuan said:
Can we replace the "Believe" in the logo with this?
rainking187
Member
Immortal_Daemon said:
Well, she left herself logged in. I mean the password is there for a reason, but if you don't want the other person to read it/don't trust them you probably should log out before you leave. Not condoning it, just saying.
matt360
Member
Immortal_Daemon said:
You're missing the point. It's not about self-control once you find yourself in the presence of attractive people of the opposite sex, it is constantly putting yourself in those positions. What I mentioned a few posts back about "high risk situations" rings true here. If you avoid these types of meetings then chances of infidelity decrease exponentially. There's a time and a place to hang out with attractive friends of the opposite sex. Date-type settings are not those times.
rainking187 said:
That's a good thought really. Cause you would expect the first time somebody cheats or whatever that they would be supercareful. People grow lax overtime, same with everything I guess. Porn mode/history etc. Maybe not surprise birthdays I guess, cause that builds up overtime, so the closer you get the more secretive they would be...
Anyways, to be so carefree about it; means either it ain't nothing to important, or they're grown idle and care free over time.
Immortal_Daemon said:
I didn't say that every single time people of the opposite sex go drinking together sex is going to happen. However, putting yourself in those types of situations while you are in a relationship is a complete disregard for your partner. Just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean that you're not walking a very thin line every time you go out with a friend of the opposite sex to drink without your SO present. It's not impossible to control yourself under the influence, but it is sure as hell harder to. Throw in a deep sexual tension and the excitement of a new experience (someone other than the SO), temptation is sometimes too much. In my experience, and in the experience of pretty much every single one of my friends that cheated/was cheated on, cheating is rarely premeditated -- at least not completely consciously. It just happens. And it happens because someone in a serious relationship puts themselves in situations they should not be in when they have a significant other to think about. New-age-hippie-breaking-relationship-standards-of-the-50s aside, entering a serious relationship is a social contract. Unless it is explicitly stated that both partners are okay with the possibility of their SO hooking up with someone else, there is absolutely no justification for putting yourself in situations where it's likely to happen. A serious relationship usually means exclusivity. Going out drinking with members of the opposite sex you find attractive is playing with fire.
Various Artists
Banned
Here is a truth bomb for you. Your girl is probably up to no good. Ive been there it sucks. You are young move on. It doesnt really seem like you care any ways. You seem more indifferent than confident.
Staccat0 said:
If you are the type of person who can go to a very social event with laughs, cheers and everybody drinking and can consistently, without fail, limit yourself to a single beer -- this doesn't apply to you. Unfortunately, I don't know a single person like that. Even people that rarely drink sometimes find themselves in situations where they've drunk a little too much. Be it the atmosphere, the meal (or lack of) before drinking, how much sleep they got etc. If you are a social and empathetic human being, the possibility of crossing the line from "buzzed" to "drunk" is always looming on the horizon if you go for drinks. I don't quite binge, but I am a twenty-something in college - as is most of GAF. You have to be incredibly, stubbornly willfully blind to deny that the mix of alcohol and attractive members of the opposite sex can, and sometimes does, end in sexual relations.
shanshan310
Member
oh Prodicalflame and Devolution.. You guys are giving women a bad name =/ All this "stop being so mysogonistic!" feminist stuff kind of embarrasses me. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH THEM.
Letting you're partner know what you are up to seems like a common curtesy to me. Its not about, you know, female rights! or I can do what I want and he doesn't care! Its just nice to keep them in the picture in case it makes them uncomfortable.
I mean, if its short term and you don't see each other then I guess its not as important, but as someone in a 3 year relationship I spend most of my spare time with my partner. To just suddenly be secretive and go out with a friend of the opposite sex alone (especially if we haven't been introduced) would be weird and out of character for both of us. I would probably be at least a little confused. Its not that I don't trust him, or that he doesn't trust me. I might be wrong but I kind of sense this undertone of "My relationship is better than yours because I don't have to tell him what I'm up to because we TRUST each other". Anyway... I sort of forget my point but it really bugged me :lol
EDIT:
I really think that guys and girls can definitly be just friends but I guess in another way I probably like to keep myself ignorant. Most of my friends are guys (They are all friends with my SO though too) but thinking that all of them feel something for me makes me feel kind of uncomfortable with the friendships... I would prefer just believing we see each other as just that, if you know what I mean,
Letting you're partner know what you are up to seems like a common curtesy to me. Its not about, you know, female rights! or I can do what I want and he doesn't care! Its just nice to keep them in the picture in case it makes them uncomfortable.
I mean, if its short term and you don't see each other then I guess its not as important, but as someone in a 3 year relationship I spend most of my spare time with my partner. To just suddenly be secretive and go out with a friend of the opposite sex alone (especially if we haven't been introduced) would be weird and out of character for both of us. I would probably be at least a little confused. Its not that I don't trust him, or that he doesn't trust me. I might be wrong but I kind of sense this undertone of "My relationship is better than yours because I don't have to tell him what I'm up to because we TRUST each other". Anyway... I sort of forget my point but it really bugged me :lol
EDIT:
I really think that guys and girls can definitly be just friends but I guess in another way I probably like to keep myself ignorant. Most of my friends are guys (They are all friends with my SO though too) but thinking that all of them feel something for me makes me feel kind of uncomfortable with the friendships... I would prefer just believing we see each other as just that, if you know what I mean,
Well then what's the problem with what people were saying here? It sounds to me that you even share the viewpoint, if there were some surprising, or questionable things going on you would be just as concerned, am I right? It's obvious that the point where someone has a doubt would differ between persons and relationships.ProdicalFlame said:
I'm just saying that having that doubt, and doing something with it, shouldn't be that big of a deal. Trust needs to be earned over a long time in my opinion.
It's not relevant to the discussion, I was just curious.
shanshan310 said:
This. This is all it really is. A bit of (not so?) common courtesy for someone you love and spend the majority of your time with. Just a simple thing to put a mind at ease. Your partner may not care in the end, or so you think. But the little things add up to great things. The little, simple things.
Also, on the subject of opposite/same sex friendships and what not? We're just animals guys. We can't ignore are basic animal instincts and biochemistry. We actively seek out attractive mates to fuck on a primal level (one we don't even realize anymore). whatever happens after meeting potential mates depends on a host of other factors (crazy people, incompatible, demotion to friendzone, both in a relationship, one in relationship, blah blah). However, on the basic, fundamental level of the act of seeking out someone, you're looking to fuck.
msv said:
As far as the OP goes, its sounds like the reason his gf has these men coming and going is because she meets them, she's into them, she wants the attention, wants to flirt, be told she's hot, maybe get some dirty txts but as soon as they push her to drop the OP, she bails. She's obviously comfortably bored. He sounds like a schmuck for letting it go on as long as he has. HE has reason to be skeptical.
shanshan310 said:
Had you actually read any of our posts and maybe weren't trying to win points on gaf, you'd probably feel the same way. We never said we wouldn't let our partners know what we were up to, we just said we didn't HAVE to, as implied and stated by half the guys in this thread. It is not our responsibility, so much as it is a common courtesy. I don't tell my bf every single impertinent detail of my day to day life. Maybe that makes me a bad gf but I don't really want to hear all the impertinent details of his either. If I was out and met up with dudebroguy and we had lunch, I wouldn't be calling or txting my bf for permission before I sat down to eat. I would let him know later though.
Neither of us were trying to imply that our relationships were better than anyones, all we're saying is that we do things differently than almost everyone in here and we're happy with how they work for us. Thanks for trying to throw us under the bus though. I can speak for Devolution here when I say we both really appreciate it and we apologize deeply for causing you any sort of embarrassment.
Lamel
Banned
Whenever I read this type of girl-age thread on GAF, it seriously dampens my mood...just putting it out there, all of you who are in happy relationships and are reading this thread, don't let it get to you and just continue on with the person you are with. GAF is the last place you want to get advice on this matter tbh. Jeez...
raziel said:
pulled these numbers out of my ass
1% of all people will not cheat no matter what
10-20% will only cheat if they hate their relationship and see somebody as their "ideal" mate
The rest are fair game
here's a chart to show how likely somebody is of cheating. Character and Self-Esteem are the 2 main indicators for both sexes. For women I would say low self-esteem is the biggest indicator for cheating, Character being 2nd. High Self-Esteem men attract more women, and get laid more, therefore character is probably the most important indictator for them
Males:
high self-esteem - Low character Most Likely to cheat (many options, no moral judgement to hold him back)
low self-esteem - High character Least Likely to cheat (limited options, denies temptation every blue moon)
Females:
Low Self Esteem - Low Character Most Likely to Cheat ( Doesn't love herself so she seeks out other men to fill complete. Doesn't care about hurting other people)
High Self-Esteem - High Character Least Likely to Cheat ( Doesn't need the world to tell her how worthy she is, knows cheating would eat her up inside.)
1% of all people will not cheat no matter what
10-20% will only cheat if they hate their relationship and see somebody as their "ideal" mate
The rest are fair game
here's a chart to show how likely somebody is of cheating. Character and Self-Esteem are the 2 main indicators for both sexes. For women I would say low self-esteem is the biggest indicator for cheating, Character being 2nd. High Self-Esteem men attract more women, and get laid more, therefore character is probably the most important indictator for them
Males:
high self-esteem - Low character Most Likely to cheat (many options, no moral judgement to hold him back)
low self-esteem - High character Least Likely to cheat (limited options, denies temptation every blue moon)
Females:
Low Self Esteem - Low Character Most Likely to Cheat ( Doesn't love herself so she seeks out other men to fill complete. Doesn't care about hurting other people)
High Self-Esteem - High Character Least Likely to Cheat ( Doesn't need the world to tell her how worthy she is, knows cheating would eat her up inside.)
Darth Kupi
Banned
POWERSPHERE said:
Poetry. Just poetry.
Theres some hilariously mean shit in this thread. Just wanted to say that. :lol
You would be insecure and jealous too if your boyfriend was going out for dinners alone with a girl that you knew found him attractive. Especially if he was trying to avoid telling you about it by suggesting you hang out with your friends on the day he is going to dinner with her.Devolution said:
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Yep.Dan Yo said:
Devolution, you're not really saying you don't date insecure jealous idiots. What you're really saying is you're trustworthy and so is your significant other and neither of you put the other in a position to be jealous. Congratulations, that's really nice, but you have the issue and root of the problem backwards. Most of the world isn't that lucky.
In your entire life, you're either going to find zero or one person that you truly trust and will love until you die who trusts and loves you back, and that's if you're lucky. Let's not pretend that just because you've found that person already that we all haven't had strings of terrible relationships or situations.
No offense, but it's possible that you are not an attractive girl and the guys legitimately like hanging out with you because you're into "guy" things (like video games). I know some guys who don't mind it when their girls go out alone with a guy because they know that their girl is unattractive and they don't have much to worry about. I could see myself never flirting with, and being legitimate buddies with an unattractive girl.Devolution said:
The S-Word
Member
My main man Pie. You nailed it like always. Only on NeoGAF is your girlfriend sneaking off to see their ex without telling you / making an excuse around you knowing NOT reason to have a suspicion. If that's the case then what's reason to ever have suspicion? No reason ever? Is that not super-tolerant enough for neogaf?Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
And here's something nobody ever talks about...but us guys with ex-girlfriends know.. most of the time when you leave a relationship and the communication isn't completely fucking blistered.. you have a can-still-hit-it card for a long long time where the girl has been comfortable having sex with you before, you're always a possible sex partner for her in the right situation. She won't have to overcome any type of personal hurdle that we usually face having sex with a person for the first time. People with baby-mamas also have this card in the deck.
POWERSPHERE
Member
Word, son.Okin said:
There's just too much going on in this thread
If you didn't ask her why she didn't tell you sooner, you're an idiot.
She told you after the fact, that's reason enough to be disappointed.
Staying with this girl and keeping it going is a mistake, and you probably know it. She's just being too sneaky, and if it was a platonic buddy, she'd have no reason to be.
Edit: Hell, even if this is days later, tell her you're disappointed with her not telling you in the first place... and leave it at that (if you're nuts enough to keep the broad). Sheesh
Booser said:
If you didn't ask her why she didn't tell you sooner, you're an idiot.
She told you after the fact, that's reason enough to be disappointed.
Staying with this girl and keeping it going is a mistake, and you probably know it. She's just being too sneaky, and if it was a platonic buddy, she'd have no reason to be.
Edit: Hell, even if this is days later, tell her you're disappointed with her not telling you in the first place... and leave it at that (if you're nuts enough to keep the broad). Sheesh
JasoNsider
Member
JoeBoy101 said:
I side with this 100%, though I would mean it in the nicest way possible - ie, it's really an emotionally involving situation so obviously even you don't know what to think at any given time. However, if you step back for a moment you will see the above quoted is bang-on. All in or walk, because in this game there's no middle-ground.
AlphaSnake
...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
So has OP abandoned this thread?
Sure seems like it.
Sure seems like it.
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