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[jns]

I'm saying I don't just want to tell him and wash my hands of the problem. I'll tell him but I'd also like to give some direct help too. Like babysitting, maybe buy her that Brooke Shields book someone mentioned. Any ideas like that I'm open to hear.

Having a newborn is a 24/7 job for the first few months. Buying this woman a book just isn't practical. You should be talking to the husband ASAP and offer him any support he needs. Having a first baby is a huge shock to the system for both parents and I'm sure he'd appreciate your offer to help.

Also, babysitting ins;t a practical idea either. the kid is being breastfed and will need a feed every few hours. I can promise you, mum and dad wont feel like jumping in the shower, getting dressed up to go out for an hour while their brand new baby is lying at home with you.

My advice is to not ask them what they want; its too fucking hard to think of what you want or need when there is a new baby around. Instead, Cook up some awesome food that can go in the fridge and be re-heated and just take it around. If you get there and you can see the floor needs a vacuum and it's possible to do it, then do it. These basic day to day things were 10 times the help than all the other crap people tried to do for us.

Remember: Food. Big comfort dishes like homemade lasagna or a slow-cooked curry or stew that can go in the fridge were god-sends and so were things like homemade pastries that could be eaten cold (or re-heated) - just remember, don;t take anything around that has to be eaten straight away or requires any kind of effort to cook.

one last piece of advice: judge carefully how long you spend with these people. Its awesome that you want to help, but constantly having guests over (who get to go home an have a good sleep) can be tiring all on it's own.

Good luck.

 

[neobiz]

Sounds like postpartum to me. My lady had it bad with the first kid. She took the kid and left me for 6 months, very difficult time.

I imagine she is completely over whelmed, it's a pretty big shift in life. Does she have family to lean on while she gets on her feet and into a routine? If not I would suggest stepping up and letting the couple get out of the house for dinner at least.

 

[andycapps]

Morons, both of you.

Explain. I wouldn't want a male friend butting in and telling my wife after we had our first child that she should or shouldn't be breastfeeding. It's none of their business. If they wanted to talk to me about their concerns, that's fine, and if it was something I hadn't considered and the OB wasn't aware of, I'd bring it up.

 

[dave is ok]

My wife hated pumping until I got her a bra that helped. See if she has one of those, or if she is holding the cups herself.

I can't help but laugh when I see the boxes for those things in Babies R Us or whatever. They look like H. R. Giger designed them

 

[Llyranor]

The breastfeeding thing is not a non-issue.

'Breastfeeding is difficult' --> 'maybe you should stop lol' is not really good advice from a random friend. She needs to see her doctor or a lactation consultant/nurse to see what's going on.

Look at it this way. All these months the idea of the baby has been building up, and now it's much more difficult than it was supposed to be. All these months the idea of wanting to breastfeeding the baby has been building up, only for it to be much more difficult than expected. So, now she feels like she's not having a proper bond with her kid. Some mothers can feel like bad mothers that can't even provide for her child because they can't breastfeed properly. Sure, for some women it's not a big deal to switch to the bottle, but to others it can be considered a failure. Especially with all the media (well, evidence, really) focusing on how breast is best and how it'll grant all these magical health benefits to the kid.

On the other hand, there's probably too much being done to malign formula. You can see this in some 'baby-friendly' health institutions where formula-using parents get the evil eye. Formula is still 'good enough' and will provide for all the baby's nutritional needs. Some moms just can't breastfeed - they can be too sick/tired, can't make enough milk despite natural products/medications, it hurts too much, health complications, etc. Or maybe they just don't want to (school, etc). This culture of treating them as terrible parents is not helping.

Is stopping breastfeeding going to solve her problems? Is it going to help with her bond with her child? Is it going to help her get her 'old life' back? I know you're just trying to help, but it's not just some simple solution, and really needs to be discussed with her health professional.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and I think I'd be pretty pissed off if someone tried telling me how to feed my child, but that's just me.

 

[Famassu]

I'm saying I don't just want to tell him and wash my hands of the problem. I'll tell him but I'd also like to give some direct help too. Like babysitting, maybe buy her that Brooke Shields book someone mentioned. Any ideas like that I'm open to hear.

Going to the husband and telling about it and then offering yourself to babysit maybe once or twice a week (maybe on a Friday or Saturday, at least) so that he and your friend can go have a night all to themselves (dinner, sleep, fuck, whatever) is probably one thing you could try right away. Or you could suggest that maybe they'd have one or more of the parents of the couple to help for a couple of weeks, if the couple doesn't hate having them around and have a guest room for it (or they don't need one if they live in the same city/town, just suggest they should be around everyday for a while so that the mother can get a breather every now and then during the day).

If that doesn't help and the depression seems to be continuing past the first few weeks, counselling is probably something they should do. Counselling/therapy would probably be wise ASAP as well, but they might not be open to the idea right away.

 

[Darklord]

This is striking me as so creepy that you're involving yourself even a tiny bit in another couple's breastfeeding/new baby care at all. Maybe just leave them alone and mind your own business. They presumably made the kid without your help and can handle this on their own.

There's a thick, dark line between concern for a friend's depression and getting all up in shit that doesn't concern you and judging from your posts, you left that line behind a long time ago.

It's creepy that I care about my best friends depression and life changing situation? The breastfeeding was a minor point that blew up in this thread. I'm not trying to suck at her tit myself there buddy.

 

[ronito]

I'm not so sure it's ppd. Either way, you wanna help her? Get her "the happiest baby on the block" do it now.

 

[nomster]

Pumping and eventually supplementing/switching to formula had a huge impact on my wife. My being able to assist with night feeding a helped my bond and have my wife rest, it helped her with depression immensely. Maybe it's not for everyone, but the breast milk only brigade really irks me.

That said, the point above about feeding being a parents only choice and out of bounds for others is probably correct. It's probably overstepping.

 

[SummitAve]

It sounds like OP wants to be apart of the family... Obviously she is going to have some level of depression when she's so physically exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed. It's only natural for there to be when experiencing those things, but relief will be not be found in you, but in time.

 

[Goodlife]

Screw off man. Keep this shit out of the thread.

Pumping and eventually supplementing/switching to formula had a huge impact on my wife. My being able to assist with night feeding a helped my bond and have my wife rest, it helped her with depression immensely. Maybe it's not for everyone, but the breast milk only brigade really irks me.

That said, the point above about feeding being a parents only choice and out of bounds for others is probably correct. It's probably overstepping.

Quick change

 

[joelseph]

It's creepy that I care about my best friends depression and life changing situation? The breastfeeding was a minor point that blew up in this thread. I'm not trying to suck at her tit myself there buddy.

It is creepy because it reads like you are only friends with the wife. Describe you relationship with the husband.

 

[IISANDERII]

Pitch the adoption idea to her, see what she says.

 

[mrkgoo]

Having a newborn is a 24/7 job for the first few months. Buying this woman a book just isn't practical. You should be talking to the husband ASAP and offer him any support he needs. Having a first baby is a huge shock to the system for both parents and I'm sure he'd appreciate your offer to help.

Also, babysitting ins;t a practical idea either. the kid is being breastfed and will need a feed every few hours. I can promise you, mum and dad wont feel like jumping in the shower, getting dressed up to go out for an hour while their brand new baby is lying at home with you.

My advice is to not ask them what they want; its too fucking hard to think of what you want or need when there is a new baby around. Instead, Cook up some awesome food that can go in the fridge and be re-heated and just take it around. If you get there and you can see the floor needs a vacuum and it's possible to do it, then do it. These basic day to day things were 10 times the help than all the other crap people tried to do for us.

Remember: Food. Big comfort dishes like homemade lasagna or a slow-cooked curry or stew that can go in the fridge were god-sends and so were things like homemade pastries that could be eaten cold (or re-heated) - just remember, don;t take anything around that has to be eaten straight away or requires any kind of effort to cook.

one last piece of advice: judge carefully how long you spend with these people. Its awesome that you want to help, but constantly having guests over (who get to go home an have a good sleep) can be tiring all on it's own.

Good luck.

All this!

Funny, our antenatal class teacher said the same thing about the vacuuming.

When we were newborn parents, we mostly just wanted respectful space from interference. We just wanted to be left to do things our way. We would only want help when we asked for it. I realise everyone behaves differently though.

It really depends on how deep these feelings are. Sometimes, part of parenting is figuring it out on your own. That's how you become a parent - we all become experts because we have to!

 

[nomster]

Quick change

You're right. I felt I needed to defend what I wrote. It was still inflammatory and i shouldn't have posted it.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

It's creepy that I care about my best friends depression and life changing situation? The breastfeeding was a minor point that blew up in this thread. I'm not trying to suck at her tit myself there buddy.

It's creepy that you seem to be usurping her husband and making it your job, yes, absolutely. She might be your best friend, but her husband is presumably her best friend, and if you feel like he isn't doing his job, it's him you should be talking to, but trying to shoehorn yourself into one of the most important times in their life seems like bad form.

Even offering a suggestion on her breastfeeding. Yikes. The mind boggles.

 

[andycapps]

It's creepy that I care about my best friends depression and life changing situation? The breastfeeding was a minor point that blew up in this thread. I'm not trying to suck at her tit myself there buddy.

I'm just thinking back to what I would have enjoyed 8 years ago when we had our first, and I'm thinking an ideal night in those first few weeks would have been dinner and a movie. I don't know what your money information is right now, but giving them a gift certificate to cover a movie for them and a gift certificate for a restaurant they like along with you babysitting would be a great gesture.

Being a new parent can be overwhelming. Around 10% of fathers get postpartum depression as well. I know it hit me for a few days, though I don't know if I'd have given it a name like that. I know that I had an overwhelming feeling the first week or so of responsibility, dread, lack of sleep, etc. So yeah, I guess it was that in a way, but getting out of the house helped a lot.

 

[Darklord]

It's creepy that you seem to be usurping her husband and making it your job, yes, absolutely. She might be your best friend, but her husband is presumably her best friend, and if you feel like he isn't doing his job, it's him you should be talking to, but trying to shoehorn yourself into one of the most important times in their life seems like bad form.

Even offering a suggestion on her breastfeeding. Yikes. The mind boggles.

Ok next time she comes to be telling me she's been crying and upset I'll tell her to take her problems somewhere else. God, I hope your friends never go to you for help. I don't give a shit about the baby, I give a shit about her mental health.

 

[Famassu]

This is striking me as so creepy that you're involving yourself even a tiny bit in another couple's breastfeeding/new baby care at all. Maybe just leave them alone and mind your own business. They presumably made the kid without your help and can handle this on their own.

There's a thick, dark line between concern for a friend's depression and getting all up in shit that doesn't concern you and judging from your posts, you left that line behind a long time ago.

This is the stupidest "advice"/post I've read in a long while. Of course you should be concerned about an important friend's depression and try to help. This idiotic "don't meddle in other people's business" way of thinking some people like you have is just plain dumb. You can participate in your friends' lives and try to help them when they seem to be in trouble. You sound like a horrible friend.

 

[SummitAve]

Ok next time she comes to be telling me she's been crying and upset I'll tell her to take her problems somewhere else. God, I hope your friends never go to you for help. I don't give a shit about the baby, I give a shit about her mental health.

Maybe she just wanted to vent.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Ok next time she comes to be telling me she's been crying and upset I'll tell her to take her problems somewhere else. God, I hope your friends never go to you for help. I don't give a shit about the baby, I give a shit about her mental health.

That's kind of you, but to do it in a way that makes it seem like you think you're better suited to this than her husband is where the whole thing falls apart for me. That's just my two cents, you can pass right by my posts if you want. I never once said to ignore her.

This is the stupidest "advice"/post I've read in a long while. Of course you should be concerned about an important friend's depression and try to help. This idiotic "don't meddle in other people's business" way of thinking some people like you have is just plain dumb. You can participate in your friends' lives and try to help them when they seem to be in trouble. You sound like a horrible friend.

Where did he say he shouldn't be concerned? I suggested to lean more on the husband and try to help him help her than to have an "I know better than he does" policy so that he can both help his friend, and help her husband.

 

[Darklord]

Maybe she just wanted to vent.

Maybe but that doesn't mean I can't ask for some advice on the matter and give something back. I'm not asking for breastfeeding techniques or how to raise a baby, I was asking for advice on dealing with depression after pregnancy.

 

[lastflowers]

don't worry about the haters OP. You're doing well by your friend. I have no advice to give, though.

 

[mrkgoo]

This is the stupidest "advice"/post I've read in a long while. Of course you should be concerned about an important friend's depression and try to help. This idiotic "don't meddle in other people's business" way of thinking some people like you have is just plain dumb. You can participate in your friends' lives and try to help them when they seem to be in trouble. You sound like a horrible friend.

Are you a parent?

When we were parents of a newborn, all the advice and offered help from non-parents actually seemed so ... For lack of a better word... Worthless.

It felt like they didn't really 'get it', and were just being polite. We get it, they want to be nice and helpful, but often it wasn't. We never wanted anyone to 'babysit', because a newborn doesn't just need someone to watch them while they quietly sleep.

Everything is simply a new experience and a challenge.

And as much as we wanted freedom and a 'breather', the best thing anyone else could do wasn't to offer advice or help with the baby - it was to do other stuff, like chores or errands.

But even then, we always felt like our baby was OUR responsibility (weird, huh?) and that we had to do this, to get through it, to figure it out for ourselves.

 

[joelseph]

This is the stupidest "advice"/post I've read in a long while. Of course you should be concerned about an important friend's depression and try to help. This idiotic "don't meddle in other people's business" way of thinking some people like you have is just plain dumb. You can participate in your friends' lives and try to help them when they seem to be in trouble. You sound like a horrible friend.

If you are 'best friends' with the opposite sex it is only polite to incorporate their partner into the same status or higher. Especially if you are single. It's a strange dynamic and it's best to error on the side of caution. There is absolutely no excuse not to go to the Husband in a 'best' friend type response to this situation. Writing the husband off as "clueless" is a huge red flag.

 

[Hari Seldon]

Regarding breast feeding, I dunno if you are in the US, but my wife went to a breast feeding clinic thing and with like one session they helped her tremendously. Perhaps recommend one in the area.

 

[SRG01]

I'm not so sure it's ppd. Either way, you wanna help her? Get her "the happiest baby on the block" do it now.

Oh god, how did I forget this one. YES get her this right now

 

[Simon Belmont]

Don't do this.
Just don't.

Speaking as a new parent, you can go fuck yourself with a big rubber dick. People like you putting undue pressure on new Mom's that make them feel like failures if their kid's don't latch should be beaten with something soft enough to not do damage but hard enough to make a point.

Having a kid is hard enough without this kind of judgemental bullshit.

 

[mrkgoo]

If you are 'best friends' with the opposite sex it is only polite to incorporate their partner into the same status or higher. Especially if you are single. It's a strange dynamic and it's best to error on the side of caution. There is absolutely no excuse not to go to the Husband in a 'best' friend type response to this situation. Writing the husband off as "clueless" is a huge red flag.

I'm curious to know who us claiming the husband as 'clueless'. The wife? The OP?

And what signs there are. But still, interesting places this thread is going...

 

[Llyranor]

I'm curious to know who us claiming the husband as 'clueless'. The wife? The OP?

And what signs there are. But still, interesting places this thread is going...

I'll tell the husband but this guy...this guy, fucking clueless. I feel like I need to have some backup advice too. She is my best friend after all. Are there any sites good for women to chat about this stuff?

.

 

[joelseph]

I don't know what to do though and her husband is kind of oblivious to this shit from what I've seen. I notice it more and I can tell. What can I do to help her? I'd prefer not just telling her to go on meds, she probably wouldn't unless she absolutely has too anyway.

Sorry, OP said oblivious.

Thanks Llyranor, I knew I wasn't making it up!

 

[mrkgoo]

Speaking as a new parent, you can go fuck yourself with a big rubber dick. People like you putting undue pressure on new Mom's that make them feel like failures if their kid's don't latch should be beaten with something soft enough to not do damage but hard enough to make a point.

Having a kid is hard enough without this kind of judgemental bullshit.

To be fair, you're reading his comment from a particular assumption that he's meaning breast feeding is the only solution.

Judging from subsequent posts, it seems he more meant that he should support the decision if the mother. Encourage her, as opposed to discourage. Like not a comment on breast vs bottle, but a mother support thing.

I dunno. It's hard to read people based on short comments b

 

[mrkgoo]

.

Well, he could be relaying impressions from the wife, or reading them from her.

Would be a dangerous assumption to do that though.

Like I said, how clueless is the husband really? Like many have mentioned he's got to know about it. Maybe an outward face, maybe denial, maybe not. Maybe he's all too aware of it.

 

[Llyranor]

Well, he could be relaying impressions from the wife, or reading them from her.

Would be a dangerous assumption to do that though.

Like I said, how clueless is the husband really? Like many have mentioned he's got to know about it. Maybe an outward face, maybe denial, maybe not. Maybe he's all too aware of it.

Well, if it IS coming from her, and she's confiding to him 'in tears', then that's an even bigger red flag and they might need professional health to work through it.

 

[jns]

Ok next time she comes to be telling me she's been crying and upset I'll tell her to take her problems somewhere else. God, I hope your friends never go to you for help. I don't give a shit about the baby, I give a shit about her mental health.

Wow, dude .....

Your posts are reading like you are approaching this situation as the 'protective bestie - come cry on my shoulder' as opposed to 'what can I do to make sure this new family gets the help they need'

Word of advice: be very careful about overstepping any boundaries right now and remember, it's not just the wife who will be setting them, but her husband as well.

I hope your friend comes through ok.

 

[mrkgoo]

Double post

 

[Coconut]

Explain. I wouldn't want a male friend butting in and telling my wife after we had our first child that she should or shouldn't be breastfeeding. It's none of their business. If they wanted to talk to me about their concerns, that's fine, and if it was something I hadn't considered and the OB wasn't aware of, I'd bring it up.

He's friends with the wife not the husband. And you are both taking a shitty leap of assumption by implying he has romantic interests instead of just wanting to help a friend in need.

 

[Simon Belmont]

To be fair, you're reading his comment from a particular assumption that he's meaning breast feeding is the only solution.

Judging from subsequent posts, it seems he more meant that he should support the decision if the mother. Encourage her, as opposed to discourage. Like not a comment on breast vs bottle, but a mother support thing.

I dunno. It's hard to read people based on short comments b

If that's the case then I retract the rubber dick part, but supporting somebody means more than just blindly encouraging their decisions. Making sure she knows, or at least trying to let her know that it's okay to formula or bottle feed a baby is something that new mothers need to hear, but never do.

 

[joelseph]

He's friends with the wife.

Which is the issue. Friendships grow to include both partners. His concern should be for the family and be handled through the husband.

 

[mrkgoo]

If that's the case then I retract the rubber dick part, but supporting somebody means more than just blindly encouraging their decisions. Making sure she knows, or at least trying to let her know that it's okay to formula or bottle feed a baby is something that new mothers need to hear, but never do.

From what I gather, he has been there and was offering advice to stuck with it from their own experience, they only need that little bit of encouragement and it was worth it.

But yeah, short comments aren't a good idea if you don't want to be misread.

Out antenatal teacher was very good and told us that we would be confronted with a huge push for breast feeding, but that formula was a ok.

When we left the hospital (and had already started supplementing), we asked if we could at least have some of their premade formula to take home so we didn't have to rush out, we were denied by the hospital midwives on the basis that they couldn't because of the image that they would be supporting formula.

It was crap, because I had to go urgently hunting for formula after dumping my wife and home for the first time, about knowing where to go and finding that most places don't even stock that brand etc etc.

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

1. Expand upon why you think the husband is clueless

2. Nothing wrong with helping a friend in need. Especially if they're depressed and have come to you

3. Parts of GAF dont like the whole male/female friend thing hence the aggro

4. Pass it by the husband. Hes in the best position to help her

5. Offer to do house chores or something if u have the time and the husband doesn't

6. Send her the way of a mothers group or someone to talk to

7. It will most definitely be fine. Sometimes a bond doesn't form until the unique characteristics start to come through from the baby

8. Dont get too wrapped up in the long-term. Offer support now but in the long term its their job.

 

[Hilbert]

Well, he could be relaying impressions from the wife, or reading them from her.

Would be a dangerous assumption to do that though.

Like I said, how clueless is the husband really? Like many have mentioned he's got to know about it. Maybe an outward face, maybe denial, maybe not. Maybe he's all too aware of it.

When my wife was going through a really hard time, I never talked about it to any of my friends, and I actively tried to appear happy. I spoke with my boss, because my work was suffering badly. But I never mentioned it to my friends, and I tried to look like everything was normal.

But at home, my wife would cry every night, she would get furious at me for no reason, and constantly told me I didn't understand what she was going through. She told me I didn't care about her, that I thought she was crazy and a terrible mom. If she told her friends about me, based on how she seemed to think about me, I would seem cold, uncaring, and like I didn't understand anything. It is not easy when you come home to someone that seems completely different, that seems to hate everything around them, and hurls insults at you every chance they get. I certainly hope no one judged me as oblivious, when every day at work or at home, was filled with me trying my best to help her get through it. After work I would do anything I could to make her live easier, and she did eventually get better, we saw some counselors. It wasn't easy, and it could have ended our marriage, but we got through it.

Finally last Christmastime I met one of my friends for lunch, and I finally talked about it. I didn't mention how really bad it was, but just talking about it helped me feel a little better.

My point it, it can be bad, really bad, and I as the husband, really didn't feel comfortable letting my friends know how bad it really was. Or that it was even happening at all.

 

[Llyranor]

If that's the case then I retract the rubber dick part, but supporting somebody means more than just blindly encouraging their decisions. Making sure she knows, or at least trying to let her know that it's okay to formula or bottle feed a baby is something that new mothers need to hear, but never do.

Not sure she needs to hear that from a random parentless friend, though.

'I want to breastfeed but it's hard' --> 'you should stop lol' can be as harmful as 'I stopped BFing for X reason' --> 'what are you doing???? you need to keep doing it!' when coming from people butting in their baby's feeding habits.

 

[Simon Belmont]

Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about the bonding thing. I remember when my boy was born the first few weeks were really just more terrifying than anything. I didn't really feel like I bonded with him until he was 2-3 weeks old.

Offering help with housework is probably the best thing you can do. Babysitting is hard, because nobody wants to leave their 10 day old baby with somebody.

Not sure she needs to hear that from a random parentless friend, though.

'I want to breastfeed but it's hard' --> 'you should stop lol' can be as harmful as 'I stopped BFing for X reason' --> 'what are you doing???? you need to keep doing it!' when coming from people butting in their baby's feeding habits.

I think you mean childless, but if she's coming to him with her problems she's probably willing to listen. Good advice is good advice, regardless of who gives it.

 

[Marty Chinn]

It's creepy that I care about my best friends depression and life changing situation? The breastfeeding was a minor point that blew up in this thread. I'm not trying to suck at her tit myself there buddy.

Ignore him. Postpartum depression is very real and very serious that in many cases is often blown off or overlooked. It's no joke and the one clue that tipped me off that you should be at least concerned was when she said she wish she had her old life back. That can be a warning sign.

 

[Coconut]

In guess Ming he's aware of that.

His response is saying otherwise.

I'm leaving this thread because the advice is getting insane with the go straight to the husband thing. OP I hope you can allow your friend to vent to you and be supportive and POLITE and NON-CONFRONTATIONAL way and offer help and from there if she can't take the help or recognize she is depressed, go to her husband and potentially other family members.

 

[mrkgoo]

When my wife was going through a really hard time, I never talked about it to any of my friends, and I actively tried to appear happy. I spoke with my boss, because my work was suffering badly. But I never mentioned it to my friends, and I tried to look like everything was normal.

But at home, my wife would cry every night, she would get furious at me for no reason, and constantly told me I didn't understand what she was going through. She told me I didn't care about her, that I thought she was crazy and a terrible mom. If she told her friends about me, based on how she seemed to think about me, I would seem cold, uncaring, and like I didn't understand anything. It is not easy when you come home to someone that seems completely different, that seems to hate everything around them, and hurls insults at you every chance they get. I certainly hope no one judged me as oblivious, when every day at work or at home, was filled with me trying my best to help her get through it. After work I would do anything I could to make her live easier, and she did eventually get better, we saw some counselors. It wasn't easy, and it could have ended our marriage, but we got through it.

Finally last Christmastime I met one of my friends for lunch, and I finally talked about it. I didn't mention how really bad it was, but just talking about it helped me feel a little better.

My point it, it can be bad, really bad, and I as the husband, really didn't feel comfortable letting my friends know how bad it really was. Or that it was even happening at all.

Yeah I hear you. That's why I say that hearing about stuff like this is entirely different from living it.

It's so so tough when you're in the thick of it. A support group really does help, but it has to be support from the right people.

 

[Darklord]

1. Expand upon why you think the husband is clueless

2. Nothing wrong with helping a friend in need. Especially if they're depressed and have come to you

The main reason he's clueless is they've had problems before and a lot of times he seems totally blind or a "leave it and let itself sort it out" attitude. Depression doesn't just sort it out so if I tell him and he does nothing I want to be able to help.

Explain. I wouldn't want a male friend butting in and telling my wife after we had our first child that she should or shouldn't be breastfeeding. It's none of their business. If they wanted to talk to me about their concerns, that's fine, and if it was something I hadn't considered and the OB wasn't aware of, I'd bring it up.

Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean my status as a best friend changes. If I was female it would be ok? Ridiculous. I never said anyone should or shouldn't be. She said she was scared of being judged if she went to formula. I said it was no ones business but hers and said if she needs to then do it.

 

[Goodlife]

Speaking as a new parent, you can go fuck yourself with a big rubber dick. People like you putting undue pressure on new Mom's that make them feel like failures if their kid's don't latch should be beaten with something soft enough to not do damage but hard enough to make a point.

Having a kid is hard enough without this kind of judgemental bullshit.

How big are we talking here?

 

[shakin_haitian]

I never suggested anything. I recommended if it was too hard then to try bottle. I told her it's her choice and not to feel pressured.

Regardless of whatever you meant, when you said this, you called her body a failure and her ability to be a mother a failure.