brianjones
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fuck friends
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I'm afraid I'm losing my Best friend. How should I hand this?
- Thread starter liquidspeed
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Sho_Nuff82
Member
Is there a particular reason that he and his new friends don't invite you around? Is he working a new job? Going to a new school? Hanging with the friends of a new girl?
None of these things can be helped. If you guys are really good friends you may eventually bridge your social circles, or you may just remain friends with individual circles (and naturally, hang out less). If he doesn't give a shit, you'll just have to let him go.
None of these things can be helped. If you guys are really good friends you may eventually bridge your social circles, or you may just remain friends with individual circles (and naturally, hang out less). If he doesn't give a shit, you'll just have to let him go.
Combichristoffersen
Combovers don't work when there is no hair
liquidspeed said:
..that would just make it sound like you're trying to tell him you're secretly in love with him or something. Just let things go naturally, if he's out, well, it sucks, but that's just how life is.
Servbot #42
Unconfirmed Member
Well at least if you lose him you will always have neogaf to be your friend ... :lol
friends are overrated anyway
Snowman Prophet of Doom
Member
Real friendship just... happens. There's nothing that you can do to influence it or to keep it alive if it's not there anymore. I feel kind of distant from my best friend right now because we have had opposing schedules all summer, but when we get together, it's just like it's always been (and having talked about this with him, I know that he agrees with me). On the other hand, there are plenty of people that I never see anymore and who I just feel awkward around when I do see them, and though it makes me sad because I know how good of a time we used to have together, I also sense that it's better to just let things burn than to try and force something that couldn't sustain itself naturally.
So basically: if you guys are meant to stay friends, you'll stay friends and overcome this situation. If you're not meant to stay friends, you'll continue to drift apart, and the mark of maturity is understanding and acceptance of that inescapable fact of life.
So basically: if you guys are meant to stay friends, you'll stay friends and overcome this situation. If you're not meant to stay friends, you'll continue to drift apart, and the mark of maturity is understanding and acceptance of that inescapable fact of life.
liquidspeed said:
Don't worry about it. You can talk about it with him - but don't try to be clingy to him; just because you're drifting apart doesn't mean you want to burn the bridges just yet (and he probably doesn't want to). You may think of him as a brother, but, remember - even your brother's got to move out and make a life for himself. Some of the best friends I've made are those that I still keep in contact with long after we've gone our separate ways and I'm sure that you'll make new friends along the way. And if not, well... you should try to make new friends.
VGChampion
Member
Man, some people are tough here. Losing best friends isn't something only teenagers go through. I felt like I was growing away from my best friend for awhile and while we don't really see each other much anymore as we've both moved to different cities, as long as you keep in touch and keep a cool head, you should get through whatever is happening. He may have found some new friends and that's just preoccupied him for awhile. Give it some time and you'll probably feel better.
Remember, brother's may not talk to each other everyday but that bond is still there. You say he's like a brother, well, this shouldn't come inbetween you two as long as you don't over react.
Remember, brother's may not talk to each other everyday but that bond is still there. You say he's like a brother, well, this shouldn't come inbetween you two as long as you don't over react.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOncsnYp7Ic
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Honestly just talk to him. But realize that sometimes people grow apart. Be prepared to cut your losses because if he doesn't care, there's nothing you can do.
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Honestly just talk to him. But realize that sometimes people grow apart. Be prepared to cut your losses because if he doesn't care, there's nothing you can do.
weekend_warrior
Banned
liquidspeed said:
Dude, wtf is this shit? Just ask why you're not hanging out as much.
RiccochetJ
Gold Member
liquidspeed said:
Yea, you definitely sound like you're younger from how it sounds like this might be his first girlfriend etc. This is a part of growing up unfortunately. This might sound unfathomable to you right now but you will get used to it and very likely you will do the same thing yourself to a friend. The bright side? True friends never stop being friends.
Just recently one of my best friends came to visit and it was like we were never apart. We just continued on like there was never the gap. We hadn't seen each other in 3 years and very sporadically spoke to each other (about once every 4 months).
However, you can talk to your friend but it doesn't have to be serious! Just make a mention how you haven't seen him in a while. No big deal.
Also, don't be jealous of the new friends he's making. Jealousy leads nowhere.
GillianSeed79
Member
Not to be cynical, but did you ever consider he was using you or got more out of the friendship than you did and now has other friends that can provide those things.
Also, when you get older it gets harder and harder to stay in touch. I had a best friend who l literally lived with in college grow apart. He graduated a year before I did and by the time I got out of school he had a new circle of friends. We still hung out, but then I moved 30 minutes away and we grew apart. I haven't seen him since he moved to Pittsburg.
Also, when you get older it gets harder and harder to stay in touch. I had a best friend who l literally lived with in college grow apart. He graduated a year before I did and by the time I got out of school he had a new circle of friends. We still hung out, but then I moved 30 minutes away and we grew apart. I haven't seen him since he moved to Pittsburg.
liquidspeed
Member
If I do end up talking with him about it, I would make it abundantly clear that I'm happy that he has some new friends,etc; but point out that getting new friends doesn't mean he has to become apathetic about our friendship.
Ignis Fatuus
Banned
That feeling of apathy isn't something he can control. Don't try to push him into just going through the motions. You will wish you hadn't.liquidspeed said:
Baki
Member
There is only ONE solution.
Murder suicide.
That way, no-one can have him.
I'm totally sympathetic. I prefer to spend my days in my boxers arguing over the internet.
Fuck real people and real friends. I'm too busy analysing quarterly reports.
wtf! I don't even...
This sense of entitlement, is a bit I dunno...Possessive?
EDIT: Basically, just ask why you guys don't hang out as much.
Murder suicide.
That way, no-one can have him.
I'm going to be honest with you. If he's feeling apathetic, becoming more clingy and demanding is just going to push him away from you. Trust me, there is NOTHING more annoying than being pestered when you don't want to be pestered.
Fatalah said:
I'm totally sympathetic. I prefer to spend my days in my boxers arguing over the internet.
Fuck real people and real friends. I'm too busy analysing quarterly reports.
liquidspeed said:
wtf! I don't even...
This sense of entitlement, is a bit I dunno...Possessive?
EDIT: Basically, just ask why you guys don't hang out as much.
brianjones
Member
Fatalah said:
yep.. I'm the same way, but without the wonder.
i think i have a problem with commitment or something. i don't like putting effort into friendships.
Dead Prince
Banned
are you saying your relationship will die soon? /slice ham.DMeisterJ said:
Discotheque
Banned
Same thing happened to me mate, during the last year of high school.
However, just before graduation I made the effort to get closer again with mah best friend and then we became even better friends because of it. That was in 2008.
We had some good times before and after that. He drowned in a river last week though. It's still fucking depressing me.
However, just before graduation I made the effort to get closer again with mah best friend and then we became even better friends because of it. That was in 2008.
We had some good times before and after that. He drowned in a river last week though. It's still fucking depressing me.
Dead Prince
Banned
stupid Y. it was meant to say OUR relationship ;(DMeisterJ said:
i don't want to sound like i care :lol
TheQueen'sOwn
insert blank space here
liquidspeed said:
I'm creeped out just thinking about you asking him that.
Unless you two regularly discuss your feelings with each other, don't do this.
DaBargainHunta
Member
Liquid, talk to your friend, let him know how you feel. At this point, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain because you're already imagining and feeling the worst case scenario.
Trust me: Do not listen to the GAF "consensus" on this. 90% of GAF are teenage shut-ins with no social life or social skills.
Trust me: Do not listen to the GAF "consensus" on this. 90% of GAF are teenage shut-ins with no social life or social skills.
Ignis Fatuus
Banned
Yeah and being unable to let go of one friendship is the act of social alphas right?DaBargainHunta said:
There is every chance of making things worse and more awkward. Ignore that at your peril. If you must talk to him, do not try to guilt trip him or coerce him into acting like things are the way they used to be.
RebornYeti
Member
I'm kinda going through the same thing, but it's only been happening recently. His girlfriend is back from College for the Summer, so he could just be trying to spend as much time with her as possible, but sometimes I get the feeling he'd just rather hang out with his other peeps. I really don't know at this point, and it bothers me.
I'm gonna wait until his girl goes back to College to talk to him about it. Just straight up tell him what's bothering me. I think you should do the same.
I'm gonna wait until his girl goes back to College to talk to him about it. Just straight up tell him what's bothering me. I think you should do the same.
Dead Prince
Banned
but wouldn't that make you sound a bit jealous at least on the GF parts.-Yeti said:
DaBargainHunta
Member
He should at least talk to his friend first, to find out if he really does need to "let go." Right now, he has no idea what's going on. Once he has the proper information, then he can make an educated decision and "let go" if need be. Won't be easy, but at least then he'll have the facts.Ignis Fatuus said:
Edit: Response to your edit.
Then it wasn't a true friendship to begin with, or at least it's no longer one, so it's better for the OP to "let go" in that case.
I'm not saying the OP should employ "guilt trip" tactics. He just needs to talk to his friend, find out what the fuck is going on. Hardly unreasonable.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
I lost my 'best friend like a brother' when I came out.
It's a tough thing.
You'll always miss them, but you just have to eventually move on. Give it time.
It's a tough thing.
You'll always miss them, but you just have to eventually move on. Give it time.
layzie1989
Member
just hang out, and when you're having fun just casually be like "Dude, what happened to us? We never hang out anymore"
boom, conversation started
boom, conversation started
DaBargainHunta
Member
This is great advice.layzie1989 said:
RebornYeti
Member
DMPrince said:
In a way, yeah, but I really don't need a girl right now. I need to get my life straightened out and shit. But you know it's nice to have a friend you can just talk to about anything. When you don't have that, it kinda sucks. Maybe I'm just being a girl right now though. :lol
toastyToast
Member
Just call him and do the usual stuff. Acting needy or scorned will only make you appear different to him despite you alleging that he is the one that changed. Act natural and maybe it'll rekindle your relationship.
I don't see my friends for several month stretches at a time and we do meet up it's just like old times. Two months isn't that long man.
I don't see my friends for several month stretches at a time and we do meet up it's just like old times. Two months isn't that long man.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
nah, I don't think anyone who's actually been in a similar situation would call you out on that. it's a genuinely depressing thing.-Yeti said:
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
:lolgoldlion054 said:
best post in the thread except the real one about people getting older/changing and it being life
brianjones said:
Commitment? When I hang with my best friends once a week (mostly) we just play some pool, have some beer and weed and talk about this and that...basically just smooth hanging around. I don´t know what this has to do with effort or commitment. I mean this is not a relationship where you have to entertain a girl all the time so she doesn´t get bored - that´s what I would call commitment and effort.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Amazingly, a friend of mine sent me a text saying I've been ignoring him not 5 minutes ago. :/
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
to be fair, this can easily be countered with 'I don't know what you're talking about, stop being weird'Shaka said:
He's probably just growing up quickly and doesn't realize exactly what he's doing or how all of his actions are affecting his close family/friends.
In all honesty, though, he sounds just like me when I got really into doing heroin. At first, I would do it and do all the things I normally did. Then I weeded out all my friends who were also into dope, and then we all started hanging out together exclusively, because we knew we could all do our thing and have no judgements from others. Then, eventually, I just hung out alone and did dope and sat on the Internet while nodding out. Good times.
Talk to your friend ASAP. if he gets incredibly defensive really fast, he's hiding something and it likely would be drugs. The sooner you talk to him, the better. Don't mention drugs to him, either, because if he IS doing drugs he'll shut you out.
In all honesty, though, he sounds just like me when I got really into doing heroin. At first, I would do it and do all the things I normally did. Then I weeded out all my friends who were also into dope, and then we all started hanging out together exclusively, because we knew we could all do our thing and have no judgements from others. Then, eventually, I just hung out alone and did dope and sat on the Internet while nodding out. Good times.
Talk to your friend ASAP. if he gets incredibly defensive really fast, he's hiding something and it likely would be drugs. The sooner you talk to him, the better. Don't mention drugs to him, either, because if he IS doing drugs he'll shut you out.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I get apathetic about friendships all the time. I don't have the best tolerance for them.
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