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I'm in love with a married woman...

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What the hell? Are you so self-absorbed that you can't see beyond yourself in this situation? There's nothing to defend about you or herself. Your current presence in her life as a likely source of temptation is already cheating.

Everyone makes mistakes in their youth, yes. But that does not make them any more defendable or excusable. Just walk away.
 
I think there needs to be a song made using the t-pain app.

I'm in love with a married woman keeps reminding me about the stripper song.
 
I don't really have anything to say about the whole issue/rantfest in the OP, except to say that she doesn't sound like the brightest bulb for marrying this guy at 19, but yeah, people do make mistakes. I hope she gets her shit together.

What I am here to post about are all these posts about how it's "wrong" for a married woman to have male friends and hang out with them. I'm sorry, but that's absolutely ridiculous. As a married woman myself, if my husband had ever... no, I won't even go there. It's just stupid, and he isn't stupid, so he would have never (and has never) exhibited any paranoia or jealousy about me hanging out with my male friends--who make up about 80% of my social circle. C'mon, guys. If someone is going to cheat or screw around, they're gonna do it whether or not they're "allowed" to hang out with members of the opposite sex, so acting like a goon and laying all these ground rules tends to just make things worse.

But I've seen it so often from people, this kind of behavior, like when a woman gets married, she should no longer talk to anyone other than her husband or other women. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? And yet if you examine these attitudes, that's what it comes down to. It reminds me... I had a good friend for a while (we eventually fell out of touch) and his father would actually yell at him for hanging out with a married woman, like OMG HE MIGHT GET SOME SIN ON HIM or some shit. There was absolutely never anything between us--most of my guy friends are like a series of brothers, and that's how it was with him, too. But if my name came up at all, holy shit, it was like he'd just kicked someone's puppy.

I just do not understand it at all. I cannot imagine life without the freedom to go out to dinner with classmates (mostly dudes) after night classes or go over to my best friend's house (a dude AND and ex-boyfriend) to play Rock Band.

I guess my husband is just secure. He has no reason to be otherwise, and he knows it.

eta: In this situation? Sure, the girl is clearly conflicted. But that's because she's 19, y'all, seriously, and probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. That would be the same whether or not she was hanging out with dudes.
 
hey_monkey said:
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I don't think many of us are really saying that she shouldn't have male friends. I think most of us are troubled by the fact that he's allowing himself to be this kind of presence in her life -- one that the girl is obviously tempted to pursue.

Male friends, yes. But everyone should know their boundaries.
 
hey_monkey said:
I don't really have anything to say about the whole issue/rantfest in the OP, except to say that she doesn't sound like the brightest bulb for marrying this guy at 19, but yeah, people do make mistakes. I hope she gets her shit together.

What I am here to post about are all these posts about how it's "wrong" for a married woman to have male friends and hang out with them. I'm sorry, but that's absolutely ridiculous. As a married woman myself, if my husband had ever... no, I won't even go there. It's just stupid, and he isn't stupid, so he would have never (and has never) exhibited any paranoia or jealousy about me hanging out with my male friends--who make up about 80% of my social circle. C'mon, guys. If someone is going to cheat or screw around, they're gonna do it whether or not they're "allowed" to hang out with members of the opposite sex, so acting like a goon and laying all these ground rules tends to just make things worse.

But I've seen it so often from people, this kind of behavior, like when a woman gets married, she should no longer talk to anyone other than her husband or other women. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? And yet if you examine these attitudes, that's what it comes down to. It reminds me... I had a good friend for a while (we eventually fell out of touch) and his father would actually yell at him for hanging out with a married woman, like OMG HE MIGHT GET SOME SIN ON HIM or some shit. There was absolutely never anything between us--most of my guy friends are like a series of brothers, and that's how it was with him, too. But if my name came up at all, holy shit, it was like he'd just kicked someone's puppy.

I just do not understand it at all. I cannot imagine life without the freedom to go out to dinner with classmates (mostly dudes) after night classes or go over to my best friend's house (a dude AND and ex-boyfriend) to play Rock Band.

I guess my husband is just secure. He has no reason to be otherwise, and he knows it.

eta: In this situation? Sure, the girl is clearly conflicted. But that's because she's 19, y'all, seriously, and probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. That would be the same whether or not she was hanging out with dudes.
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good post.. it seems the general consensus of dudes here are in serious relationships and generally regard women as incapable of making rational decisions on their own. either that or theyre just paranoid when they relate it to their own situation (wife possibly "emotionally cheating")

sometimes people don't end up with the right person the first time around.
 
Max@GC said:
I like this part since it all comes down to safety imo. Too many women rather take a man that stands for safety (status symbols, money etc.) than a man who really loves them.
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A lot of women are like this, except I have NO problem with women whatsoever, and am with one I am completely crazy about.

In the meantime I have no money, seriously, I have nothing to offer her but my love. With her, that is just enough.

When you find a REAL romance, a girl worth being with, she wont care about what you don't have because she will love you for who you are.

On that note, I agree with you that WAY too many women care too much about that, maybe its just genetics where they need to find the best specimen of men... I don't know for sure all I know is that the best relationships you could ever have do not involve you offering anything but yourself.

You can't carry on a facade forever, money isn't eternal, but if you truly love someone and can always love them then that is what can carry a relationship.

Perhaps if people cared more about these things and not, as you put it, the status/money/etc. then there would be MUCH fewer divorces in the modern world.

Edit:

M.J. Doja said:
good post.. it seems the general consensus of dudes here are in serious relationships and generally regard women as incapable of making rational decisions on their own. either that or theyre just paranoid when they relate it to their own situation (wife possibly "emotionally cheating")

sometimes people don't end up with the right person the first time around.
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It seems to be that a LOT of guys don't believe women are capable of making their own choices. I have NOTHING but faith that my girl would make the right choices, especially after the living hell we have had to go through recently.

She is a smart, independent woman and I wouldn't for one second doubt her word, if she truly didn't want me she would and could cheat on me but she has been faithful to me just as I have to her.

People have severe intimacy and trust issues if they think that a girl + a guy = INSTANT CHEATING OMFG
 
Karma_Will_Find_A_Way.png

I'm sorry, but karma's a bitch.
 
besada said:
Here's the other side, OP.

I met a girl who had a boyfriend. Then he asked her to marry him, and she had a fiancee.

This did not deter me. She's now my wife. We've been together for fifteen wonderful years. Sometimes it ends in disaster, sometimes it doesn't. Do whatever you want to do, but be honest with her.
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That's awesome. The people saying "if she's bored of him after 3 months then she'll get bored of you!!!" could be right, but humans are much, much more complicated than that.
 
SRG01 said:
I don't think many of us are really saying that she shouldn't have male friends. I think most of us are troubled by the fact that he's allowing himself to be this kind of presence in her life -- one that the girl is obviously tempted to pursue.

Male friends, yes. But everyone should know their boundaries.
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I'm referring to the posts that have said "what is a married woman doing at a guy's house anyway" like it's some sort of crime. What should she be doing instead--knitting? Sitting at home with her mouth open just in case her husband gets the urge to stick his dick in it?

Yes, I'm being hyperbolic with my reaction, but it bugs the hell out of me. People say things like this and think they're being reasonable, but no statement like that can hold up to any sort of logic in an equal society, and I'm pretty bothered that people actually feel that way. Saying that it's "odd" for a married woman to be hanging out at a guy's house is a horrifying generalization that doesn't much apply to the OP.
 
Wait, so her marriage is a total trainwreck, from what you've described (taking ring away and singing songs about fucking other women? WTF) and YET she wants to "put more effort into it.

Bail out.
 
lsslave said:
No, I am saying that his emotions cant be controlled, he needs to realize that.

I said that it wouldn't work out, but that he cant control it. He needs to be honest with her, honest with himself, and figure out if it is really worth all this heartache inside.

The husband deserves his piece too but he cant force her to love him either, at the same time the girl married this guy and the OP might be misreading things for himself.

Everyone just has negative comments, I wanted to reassure him that being emotional is a good thing, just fucking hurts. A bit of honesty, a bit of moving on in time, thats all it will be.
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You can't control your emotions, but you can control your actions.

P.S. You(specifically) really shouldn't be giving advice on this, as you're in the same spot as the OP.
 
nastynate409 said:
Also, I'm not trying to break her marriage up. I told her this, "If you're happy with him, then I am fine with it. However, if you decide you are not happy and don't see yourself being happy in the future, you know where I am." I also told her, I have no clue if I could make her happy, and I doubt I would be everything she wants in someone, but I would try.
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If you really mean this, then keep your distance and wait. It'll be up to her to decide who she wants and you shouldn't influence that decision otherwise you'll be guilty of homewrecking. I'm not saying you shouldn't be friends but being too close will put you at fault a lot more if her marriage falls apart. You already let her know how you feel so sit, wait, and be the occasional friend.

That said, you're only 21 and there's a lot more room to grow and a lot more women out there. I'd say just look other women instead of persuing her. She is special to you (going by the OP) so continue being her friend but look for love elsewhere.
 
Machado said:
fuck...I feel very bad'cause I'm going through a somewhat similar situation, this has literally made me cry


Dear god I feel bad and worst of all I cannot talk about this to anybody...so I tell a couple of strangers on GAF which actually makes it more pathetic

back on your topic: fight for her I may be the only one saying this but then again I've been suffering about this situation for over 6 years...
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You're being irrational. You've been suffering for 6 years and you're telling someone to do the same? Fuck man, take a step back and realize it's not worth it. It took me two years, but fuck.....just don't.
 
nastynate409 said:
It's like one of those horrible cheesy Lifetime movies come true. I really didn't know this crap happened in real life, lol. Almost a modern day Romeo and Juliet.
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They both ended up dead, dude.

Get all that fictional romance stuff out of your head, man. You are not doomed lovers both united and divided by fate. You're a dude with a friend who is a married woman, and you are attracted to her. Don't let it go any further than that. Establish some firm boundaries and shit.

Just... Look, all the bailout.gif posts and whatever may seem like a joke, but I am telling you for your own mental and emotional well-being, do not do this shit to yourself. Back the fuck off. I'm not saying you can't be friends, but you need to spend a little less time with her and distance yourself from the situation a bit. You're getting too close, too involved, and it's going to seriously fuck. you. up. if you're not careful.
 
FWIW, I don't think you have any moral duty to their relationship. You only live once, so pursue your happiness (just be aware of the risks). To that end: Ignore her idle talk and move on. If she wanted to be with you, she would be.
 
glistenm said:
You can't control your emotions, but you can control your actions.

P.S. You(specifically) really shouldn't be giving advice on this, as you're in the same spot as the OP.
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Ah yes, but I have managed to work things out, I just used GAF to rant, I knew what I needed to do (give her space) and now our relationship is growing tighter than it was before. If its possible she loves me more than she did before, which is a great start.

My question / dilemma was just the wondering if a break could work because a few days into it things got to be really REALLY hard on me.
 
lsslave said:
Ah yes, but I have managed to work things out, I just used GAF to rant, I knew what I needed to do (give her space) and now our relationship is growing tighter than it was before. If its possible she loves me more than she did before, which is a great start.

My question / dilemma was just the wondering if a break could work because a few days into it things got to be really REALLY hard on me.
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You can't really say your situation "worked" unless your both on your death bead at 75 yrs old.
 
I know how you feel man i just got back from my kids' baseball game and my wife is all liek "i'm bored blah blah blah" and i'm like "the cure is whiskaaaay!" but she's not into i.t
she just runs off to some douchebag friends house. even left her weddn ring here so i took it and immagonna be passiv agresssive like alweys and start singing about fucken other girls when she gets backk and then wen i sober up i might kick her friend's femmy Ass with my kid's baseballs bat.
 
Shouta said:
If you really mean this, then keep your distance and wait. It'll be up to her to decide who she wants and you shouldn't influence that decision otherwise you'll be guilty of homewrecking. I'm not saying you shouldn't be friends but being too close will put you at fault a lot more if her marriage falls apart. You already let her know how you feel so sit, wait, and be the occasional friend.

That said, you're only 21 and there's a lot more room to grow and a lot more women out there. I'd say just look other women instead of persuing her. She is special to you (going by the OP) so continue being her friend but look for love elsewhere.
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Smart response.

I'd say take a little from everyone's experience. Given some of the anger in here there's probably a few that have been in her husbands shoes. Take every experience in this thread, and learn from each, but don't be scared to make your own mistakes, or let her make hers. That's not a monkey approval to "hit it" but to let you know that nothing in life is clear cut, and some marriages just don't work.

The key is to not be a reason their marriage doesn't work.
 
Thunder Monkey said:
Smart response.

I'd say take a little from everyone's experience. Given some of the anger in here there's probably a few that have been in her husbands shoes. Take every experience in this thread, and learn from each, but don't be scared to make your own mistakes, or let her make hers. That's not a monkey approval to "hit it" but to let you know that nothing in life is clear cut, and some marriages just don't work.

The key is to not be a reason their marriage doesn't work.
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I think it's safe to say this woman's behavior is probably a good indicator of why the marriage isn't working. The OP is bound for nothing but drama and heartache if he allows himself to become more attached or act upon that attachment. But to clarify, I don't see the OP as the problem here...It's the ditzy chick he's after.
 
ryutaro's mama said:
You are not Superman.

You will not "save" her.

This will not end well.

If she is sending you signals like that, she is prolly confused about her life and will drag you into her chaos.

Leave.
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QFMFT.

You're not going to save her from this marriage.

If someone gets married, is bored 3 months later and constantly fighting with the spouse, then I have to question the judgement of someone that walks into what is supposed to be a life long commitment and is in this state of mind after 3 months.

You want no part of this. Physically or emotionally. Distance yourself now.
 
take it from me man. I wont get into details but i have had relations with a married woman. Hence, this woman is quite basically a whore really, but its best you do move on. It's only a matter of time before the relationship leads to an intimate one. Once you go that route things will never be the same. You will feel ashamed of yourself. If it ever get's out, then you will always have that on you.

If you gotta be there, then keep it simple, and not too often. Phone conversations, or email, more rather than physical communication. Truth is man, she's married, and your involvement will make things more complicated for you and her. If she decides to get out of her marriage, then I think it would be ok to get back in her circle.
 
lsslave said:
OP -> A lot of naysayers will look down but to be honest with you, part of loving is getting hurt, and taking risks.

Too many people are realistic and not emotional, let me assure you (as an emotional person) that as much as you can get hurt it kicks ass in the end when you take the blind risks and go all out :)

Even if it doesn't work (which it PROBABLY wont, I will not deny that) you cant just change the type of person you are because you are emotional
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Going by previous posts I'll say you are living in some fantasy world. Take those rose tinted glasses off
 
nastynate409 said:
It's like one of those horrible cheesy Lifetime movies come true. I really didn't know this crap happened in real life, lol. Almost a modern day Romeo and Juliet.

It all started last year when I met a girl. I asked her out and she had a boyfriend. Cool, we still became friends anyways. During this time she helped me when I was in dire need of being helped, and I owe her a ton. So she cannot be one of those people who I just take out of my phone and cut ties with. Plus we work together, so we are in each others lives. And we're good friends on top of it all. We text constantly, goof off, do things together, and hang out at my place.

She's only been married for about 3 months now. They tend to argue and she constantly complains about being bored. She is determined to put more effort into marriage though, and I respect that a ton.

Now, I know you're thinking. Stop being a bitch and move on. She's not into you, you're in the friendzone. All hope is gone, blah blah blah. I even thought that. Then she told me she liked me and could see herself being with me, but she must put more effort into her marriage before she quits.

I really thought this crap only happened in movies.

Oh and I have no clue why I posted this. All of my friends are on vacation, my parents are on vacation, and I'm just sitting here all by myself and needed to talk to someone.
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I will not read beyond this post for fear of becoming too pissed to post.

The correct answer is:

Get your own woman you sad ass muckafucka.
 
Take a look at how she's behaving in her current situation, and keep that in mind as how she'll be with you if she divorces her husband.
 
hokahey said:
I will not read beyond this post for fear of becoming too pissed to post.

The correct answer is:

Get your own woman you sad ass muckafucka.
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Sounds like someone unknowingly shared a vagina for a while!
 
glistenm said:
Sounds like someone unknowingly shared a vagina for a while!
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Yes. It was your mothers. Just sayin'. Get your own woman. Nothing more pathetic than someone lusting after a married woman.
 
hokahey said:
Yes. It was your mothers. Just sayin'. Get your own woman. Nothing more pathetic than someone lusting after a married woman.
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I agree.

On both counts. Her va jay jay is fantastic.
 
hey_monkey said:
I'm referring to the posts that have said "what is a married woman doing at a guy's house anyway" like it's some sort of crime. What should she be doing instead--knitting? Sitting at home with her mouth open just in case her husband gets the urge to stick his dick in it?

Yes, I'm being hyperbolic with my reaction, but it bugs the hell out of me. People say things like this and think they're being reasonable, but no statement like that can hold up to any sort of logic in an equal society, and I'm pretty bothered that people actually feel that way. Saying that it's "odd" for a married woman to be hanging out at a guy's house is a horrifying generalization that doesn't much apply to the OP.
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You don't think it's odd for a married woman to be hanging out with men her husband have never met? At their house? Well fuck me, I've been doing it wrong all this time!
 
hey_monkey said:
I'm referring to the posts that have said "what is a married woman doing at a guy's house anyway" like it's some sort of crime. What should she be doing instead--knitting? Sitting at home with her mouth open just in case her husband gets the urge to stick his dick in it?

Yes, I'm being hyperbolic with my reaction, but it bugs the hell out of me. People say things like this and think they're being reasonable, but no statement like that can hold up to any sort of logic in an equal society, and I'm pretty bothered that people actually feel that way. Saying that it's "odd" for a married woman to be hanging out at a guy's house is a horrifying generalization that doesn't much apply to the OP.
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I agree but at the same time, there are a lot of wives who take similar positions regarding their husbands.
 
hokahey said:
Yes. It was your mothers. Just sayin'. Get your own woman. Nothing more pathetic than someone lusting after a married woman.
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I stayed up till 3 talking to another girl last night. I am trying to get my own woman. I don't particularly like this situation, but I can't force myself to leave it. Next best thing is to find someone to occupy the time and hope my feelings for my friend subside. I'm sure they will once I find someone that I really enjoy being with and I'm actually with.
 
nastynate409 said:
I stayed up till 3 talking to another girl last night. I am trying to get my own woman. I don't particularly like this situation, but I can't force myself to leave it. Next best thing is to find someone to occupy the time and hope my feelings for my friend subside. I'm sure they will once I find someone that I really enjoy being with and I'm actually with.
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Well then good for you. But the married girl is trouble. No married woman worth her salt is spending time with another man complaining about her husband. If she wants out she should get out and then start cozying up to other dudes. This goes for men too. What she's doing is wrong and a betrayal of her husband. Not a major one, but I bet he'd be none to happy. Put yourself in his shoes. After all, you might be wearing them if this keeps up, and then you're wondering how the hell you got there.
 
hokahey said:
Well then good for you. But the married girl is trouble. No married woman worth her salt is spending time with another man complaining about her husband. If she wants out she should get out and then start cozying up to other dudes. This goes for men too. What she's doing is wrong and a betrayal of her husband. Not a major one, but I bet he'd be none to happy. Put yourself in his shoes. After all, you might be wearing them if this keeps up, and then you're wondering how the hell you got there.
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Goes through my head all the time, but I just say, "That could happen.... It could also not happen." I can't predict the future, and neither can anyone else.

We don't exactly "cozy" up to each other. Perhaps I have been misleading. We basically do things that friends do. We don't snuggle up next to each other and discuss being together. We had this conversation one time, and that is all that was said about it. It's not a daily thing that she talks to me about her husband and whatnot. It's happened only a handful of times. Most of our talk is mindless banter about music, movies, work, school, and tattoos.

Sadly, we live in a rural area. There is no just hanging out in town doing fun stuff. People around here just basically hang out at each other houses and watch movies or play games.
 
soundahfekz said:
You don't think it's odd for a married woman to be hanging out with men her husband have never met? At their house? Well fuck me, I've been doing it wrong all this time!
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Actually husband only recently met some of the people I've been hanging out with over the past couple of years, including a couple of guys whose houses I've hung out at, so no, I really can't say I think it's odd! We have a toddler, so we rarely go out together. We do our hanging out together at home. When he goes to hang out with friends, I stay home, too. I'm not stressing over what he might be doing. I trust him.

The Experiment said:
I agree but at the same time, there are a lot of wives who take similar positions regarding their husbands.
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And that's equally ridiculous, I think. I'm not saying it's wrong because it's a woman expected to not hang out with male friends (though that's what's been mentioned in the threat, so that's why I jumped in); I'm saying it's pretty wrong of someone to expect a person to sever opposite sex ties and form no new ones because they're married.
 
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