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[FloatOn]

Growing up in the baptist church I've heard this quite often in my younger years. Now that I'm older and wiser I've come to the conclusion that it's basically just the church doing what they do, that is to say, use fear to control the congregation.

Ignoring the religious aspect of this conversation can we have an actual discussion on the logic behind this line of thinking?

Obviously, most of us don't adhere to this and yet, playing devil's advocate here (ha!) I think there may be some benefits to holding off on sex for prolonged periods of time.

Personally, I have expierenced this:

- A superficial sense of intimacy when having sex within the first month of dating. Things got rather dull conversationally once the thrill of sex wasn't such a big deal within that relationship. Which isn't necessarily the fault of sex, we more than likely were just not right for each other but the physical attraction did cloud that fact I felt.

- I'm currently dating someone who is perhaps a bit conservative with regards to sex (there may be some baggage there) and being recently divorced myself I'm not in a huge rush to get seriously involved. That said, I truly feel like this is an incredibly healthy relationship as we have spent more time than I probably would have before getting to know each other.

I'm not exactly sure where my current relationship might go but it is certainly endearing and healthy feeling to not be physically involved so quickly.

Where do you stand on the idea of holding off on sex within a relationship for a particular amount of time gaf?

 

[tbm24]

No sex is the only Con that matters.

 

[rude]

Sex is an important part of a relationship. You shouldn't fuck immediately, but long before any thoughts about marriage come up.

 

[Wreav]

The only bit of logic behind the reasoning is less out of wedlock babies, which isn't always such a bad thing.

What IS terrible is the fact that you can't find out your sexual compatibility with your future spouse.

 

[John Kowalski]

pro: sharing wizardhood with your loved one is great

 

[red731]

First post.

When I am dating someone, I want to have sex because sexual compatibility matters.

ed: Wreav, we compatible.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

The main con for me is that I can't decide to marry someone if I haven't had sex with them. Sexuality is hugely important to my relationships and basically if we haven't fucked then I don't know you well enough to commit for the rest of my life.

 

[Coolwhip]

You're not doing something fun and healthy for mysterious reasons. That's the con.

Pros: none.

 

[SliceSabre]

Even though I was raised in an extremely religious that preached this a lot, but it was amusing when I became a teenager the discussion was moreso this: "You should wait till marraige...buuuuuutt use a condom if you choose not to."

Personally I thought the notion of waiting till I was married was the dumbest crap I'd ever heard and the idea of waiting never crossed my mind.

 

[Pankratous]

There are no pros to saving sex for marriage. You're missing out on a completely normal, healthy and exhilarating experience for next to no reason.

 

[Strictly]

What's life without regrets?

 

[Crisco]

All cons, no pros. Are there pros to not test driving a car before you buy it? Especially one that's used .......

 

[Übermatik]

Cons cons cons

Sex and intimacy are a big part of a relationship, on the whole, and I think discovering you and your partner's sexual relationship is too important to ignore before marriage.

 

[Arjen]

"I want to wait with sex until we're married"

Ok, good luck with that, see ya.

Can't think of a reason why this would have pro's
What if the sex is bad, then you're freaking married and stuck with having bad sex, No thanks.

 

[Krauser Kat]

You need to live with each other for at least 6 months and have sex before marriage.
You will have no one but yourself to blame when you get married and find out your love who you thought this person was and not who they actually are.

 

[deadlateralus]

No genital STD sharing until marriage. Hooray!

There's an episode of Louie that goes well with this thread. He meets a religious woman on a televised debate. They talk and she explains why she is waiting until marriage to have sex, heavily romanticizing it. Louie takes what she said and spanks to it in the bathroom. End of the episode.

The build up of not being able to fuck your SO until marriage would cause a man to explode the second one of his penis molecules touches one of her vagina molecules.

 

[Cato the Censor]

Sex is a normal, healthy part of human life. Waiting to have it just overvalues it and stops you from developing physical intimacy.

It protects you from STDs and premarital pregnancy like not driving a car until your first race protects you from accidents.

I am not even going into the usual talk about staying "pure" - as if sex somehow throws dirt on your personality or something.

 

[FloatOn]

let's say then it's not exactly saving yourself for marriage because obviously that's crazy talk.

what is the longest you have held out on having sex in a serious relationship? Was it more advantageous than having sex immediately?

 

[Cromat]

PROS:




...



Saving money on contraception?

 

[Sai-kun]

There are exactly zero pros and more than zero cons to waiting

Lmao

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

I don't think sex is that important in a relationship, so it can definitely wait.

 

[Deleted member 752119]

Cons cons cons

Sex and intimacy are a big part of a relationship, on the whole, and I think discovering you and your partner's sexual relationship is too important to ignore before marriage.

Yep. But I guess some people are less sexual and just want someone to share life with. So it just depends on the person.

Sex is a huge part of a relationship to me. I don't want kids, don't need another person's income to live well etc. So sex is a huge part of why I need a relationship at all.

 

[Derwind]

The first time I had sex I really sucked at it... no not that kind of suck... well mostly not that kind. But I was terrible, I know that, the participating party knew that and it was a good learning experience but not sonething I personally would want to learn after I'm married...


Got to set a good impression and all..

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Sex is an important part of a relationship. You shouldn't fuck immediately, but long before any thoughts about marriage come up.

Basically this. If you get married and find the bedroom chemistry sucks it can affect your relationship overall.

 

[soepje]

 

[red731]

I don't think sex is that important in a relationship, so it can definitely wait.

Well. I could get rude with gifs here, but I am more interested why you think that is?
This is an interesting opinion, since intimacy is pretty important in healthy relationship.

Asexuality?

 

[Vitten]

I can only think of cons... Having a good sex life is very important for any relationship and if you and your partner don't experiment before marriage there's a good chance you end up marrying someone with whom you are unable to have a satisfying sexlife because of diferent needs /urges. Very hard to sustain such a marriage...

 

[Caboose]

Cons: No sex.

Pros: ?????????

 

[Dicer]

Zero Pro's...

Sex is healthy and you should know if you are compatible before making such a life altering change, waiting is an outdated and rather silly notion...

 

[Prophet Steve]

Of anyone who is saying no cons at all I am wondering whether they have read the OP and what they think of the "thrill of sex" at the start of a relationship.

I don't think it is too uncommon to find out that a relationship turns out to not work out aside from the sex. Now whether you consider that much of a con is a different case.

Obviously it is a different matter for marriage. But waiting at a start of a relationship could have its pros.

 

[Bjomesphat]

That's why god invented anal.

 

[Baron_Calamity]

If a person feels they aren't mature enough to deal with the side effects of sex (pregnancy scares, STDs, emotional drama) then waiting is probably a good idea for that person. Some people have a really low sex drive or are asexual and thats ok as well.

 

[FloatOn]

Of anyone who is saying no cons at all I am wondering whether they have read the OP and what they think of the "thrill of sex" at the start of a relationship.

I don't think it is too uncommon to find out that a relationship turns out to not work out aside from the sex. Now whether you consider that much of a con is a different case.

Obviously it is a different matter for marriage. But waiting at a start of a relationship could have its pros.

I appreciate you reading the entire post rather than just the thread title.

Bolded is what I'm currently experiencing and it is probably the first time I have waited for more than a few weeks within dating someone to have sex. It's surprisingly not as terrible as what some of you might think.

 

[cubicle47b]

Well. I could get rude with gifs here, but I am more interested why you think that is?
This is an interesting opinion, since intimacy is pretty important in healthy relationship.

Asexuality?

Intimacy is important, but intimacy isn't limited to sex. I'd put sex as pretty low in importance to me in a relationship at this point. Seeing eye to eye on fiances and children outrank it by a mile.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

Well. I could get rude with gifs here, but I am more interested why you think that is?
This is an interesting opinion, since intimacy is pretty important in healthy relationship.

Asexuality?

Nah. I just think intimacy is more than a half hour of humping. Bad sex is not a dealbreaker to me.

 

[HylianTom]

Hmm..

When I was closeted, this was a very convenient excuse in high school.

A definite pro in a heavily Catholic environment.

 

[cubicle47b]

If a person feels they aren't mature enough to deal with the side effects of sex (pregnancy scares, STDs, emotional drama) then waiting is probably a good idea for that person. Some people have a really low sex drive or are asexual and thats ok as well.

Definitely. You also (often) have to deal with sneaking around as a teenager.

 

[Jackpot]

It's silly to "save yourself" for your wedding night.

Think of your favourite food, imagine if you arbitrarily withheld it from yourself until marriage. Yes, that first time you eat it would be special, but then compare it to the years and years you've been denying it to yourself. Trade-off isn't even close.

 

[Always-honest]

Sorry, can't think of a PRO. And i'm actually trying, seriously.
Just be safe and have fun.

 

[meltingparappa]

That thirst for sexual gratification is a pretty shitty and mutually dehumanizing reason to commit to a monogamous relationship that theoretically lasts the rest of your life.

Be in love, have sex, feel out what the rest of your life with someone might be like, get married or not, have more sex, live your life.

Like you said - church is gunna church. Baptist church even more so. The idea that consensual sex between two adults can be viewed in a 'immoral' light is abhorrent.

 

[stonesak]

Plenty of married men who saw their sex life dry up after marriage disagree. As for pro/cons, does it matter? Do what you want.

 

[fanboi]

You shouldn't buy the pig in the sack

 

[HardRojo]

I can only think of cons. Think of it this way, you'll be with this woman for life (at least that's what's expected when people marry), if she'd bad in the bed that means you are cursed and will have bad sex all your life. Think about it man, it's a tough decision.

 

[888]

I waited. Worked out fine.

 

[Einbroch]

My fiance wanted to save, so we're saving it.

It's not a big deal, we do plenty of other things to get each other off. Do I wish it was different? Sure, but, again, it's not that big a deal.

 

[TacticalFox88]

Not having sex before marriage is really fucking crazy to me.

You're basically rolling the dice and HOPING you're sexually compatible before making a commitment.

Fuck that noise.

 

[Valhelm]

If sex is something that's very important to you, there's nothing wrong with waiting. A lot of people are willing to sacrifice some compatibility for their own sexual purity.

Successfully waiting until your wedding night probably gives you a huge sense of accomplishment, too.

 

[Camwi]

I don't think sex is that important in a relationship, so it can definitely wait.

Every relationship therapist out there would tell you that you're 100% wrong. Sexual compatibility is VERY important to a healthy relationship.

 

[Dany]

Not having sex before marriage is really fucking crazy to me.

You're basically rolling the dice and HOPING you're sexually compatible before making a commitment.

Fuck that noise.

YEAH

 

[kiguel182]

Sex is part of a serious relationship. Putting such a big deal on it and "waiting" for it is just dumb in my opinion.

It's good and healthy to do it. More so than waiting it out.