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[constantstatic]

Well they're poor comparisons but I think his point is just that you don't chose who you're attracted to.

Society has an effect on who you are attracted to though. Saying I don't find fat girls attractive is no different than saying I don't find black people attractive or any other race. It still makes you sound like a racist or in ops case a dick.

I do understand ops frustration with people misrepresenting themselves. But anyone who says stuff like fat girl pose probably deserves to be single.

Op did you even think maybe you are trying to date girls above yourself and that's why you are single?

 

[dity]

It's not paranoia if they're out to get me. But seriously, what's your take on this?

No ferraris, no cash, no nice suits just the body equivalent to the female version of the issue.

Online dating by it's very nature is very shallow so representing your current "status" correctly seems pretty important. Online dating and initiating a dialogue with someone is based a lot on liking what you see. It's a whole different ballgame compared to meeting IRL where there are all those little nuances that are only possible within a face to face contact.

Oh you actually wanna conversate? Ok I'm opening this thread again.

When it comes to the abs/balding thing, I still don't think they were actively trying to deceive you. They're not out to get you or anything, they're certainly not hiding a body or two under the bed (I swear).

The first guy could always exercise again, and the other - well he could still look nice. Maybe it's a sensitive issue. It's just not lying to me, not unless they actually chose those images maliciously. And they probably didn't. The people that do are probably using fake images (as in, images not of them).

 

[Gonzalez]

We can make this work OP.

Wow, you've got very stoic eyes.

 

[Fliesen]

So even though I used to be obese before losing 100lbs and have actually dated big women before I'm fatphobic? Ah yes, of course.

they're not implying you are, but rather the coining of the term "fat girl pose", which is kinda true, wouldn't you think so?

The funny thing is it's not expected of just overweight people. It's expected of literally every person that does online dating.

it is? i don't do online dating. i thought, beyond maybe Tinder (and grindr), it's fine using "profile pictures" that maybe just show your face.

also, even with online dating, you end up physically meeting. It's not like you're forced to marry that person without seeing them in person, neither are you expected to pay anything, right?
If you end up not enjoying a date and don't feel an attraction and you feel that the person was wilfully not showing their true physical self, i'm the last person who'd be mad at you for not paying for their dinner.

 

[danowat]

Seriously for a minute.

I do get what the OP is saying about physical attraction, but there is a nasty streak running through it, that being that fat people are inherently dishonest, and that being fat automatically precludes you from being attractive.

It just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

 

[Arkos]

Holy shit Arkos. Why didn't you mention dat ass?

It's like groceries

 

[trillbo]

We can make this work OP.

Arkos, I...

 

[trixx]

Everyone my age has paired off, so I got a cat and I'm just going to bide my time for the inevitable wave of 40's divorces. Thinking about picking myself up some grown and autonomous step children as part of a package deal.

sounds like your being a bit too hard on yourself man. By the way cool avatar

 

[SuperBanana]

they're not implying you are, but rather the coining of the term "fat girl pose", which is kinda true, wouldn't you think so?

It's a pretty blunt description of it but dity is clearly saying it's fatphobic overall, not just the term OP used.

 

[Greddleok]

Op did you even think maybe you are trying to date girls above yourself and that's why you are single?

Jesus, I've been single for like 3 weeks. I think I'll have a crisis if I'm single for 3 years, until then I'll stick with girls I find attractive. It's never not worked out for me.

 

[NinjaMouse]

There's plenty of not-boring people in this thread to poach. It's basically an awesome person buffet in there:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1145717

 

[Lurgan1337]

I'm sure as hell single.
That said I don't even try to look for someone neither online nor in daily life.

It sucks but I suppose I cannot give anyone whenever they would want, so I feel a bit hollow, yet jostified being alone.

 

[dity]

It's a pretty blunt description of it but dity is clearly saying it's fatphobic overall, not just the term OP used.

I said that "Myspace angles" and "fat girl pose" were born out of shallowness and fatphobia, not what you think I "clearly" said. :/

 

[Unbounded]

it is? i don't do online dating. i thought, beyond maybe Tinder (and grindr), it's fine using "profile pictures" that maybe just show your face.

Sometimes people think it's OK. It really isn't. If they never have a full body pic that's always a massive red flag.

also, even with online dating, you end up physically meeting. It's not like you're forced to marry that person without seeing them in person, neither are you expected to pay anything, right?
If you end up not enjoying a date and don't feel an attraction and you feel that the person was willfully not showing their true physical self, i'm the last person who'd be mad at you for not paying for their dinner.

It's still a tremendous waste of time on someone who has been continually lying to you.

Consider the time it takes for most folks to actually get a date while online dating. To learn that someone was deceiving you the entire time is enough to irritate even the most collected person.

 

[hollomat]

I've never actually thought about that. It sounds awkward as fuck, but at least there'd be less pressure than going on a dating site.


As you've mentioned, going through online dating can be very tough and draining and I'm sure they probably have a few female friends who are going through the exact thing .

 

[dralla]

As someone who does a lot of online dating, prepare yourself for a lot of fake/disingenuous pictures. Unfortunately it's part of the process and there isn't much you can do about it. You could always ask to exchange Instagram names before hand and see if they have 'real' pictures. My general rule is to meet up as quickly as possible so you don't waste any time, get to see if there's any in person attraction.

 

[Harmen]

As i see 25-35ish people around me divorce or move out after living together all the time, yes.

Hell, there are even commercials every now and then about services for these situations, so it is not uncommon. About 1/3 of the marriages here (Netherlands) end in a divorce. That is one out of the three married couples you know and in my opinion quite a lot.

Finding a person that does not have a relationship history (burden) is very unlikely though, but that shouldn't matter in the end. As long as they are not desperate, as that tends to influence perception. Forcing relationships that do not work for the sake of not being alone and/or having children is something that happens too.

 

[Fliesen]

Sometimes people think it's OK. It really isn't. If they never have a full body pic that's always a massive red flag.



It's still a tremendous waste of time on someone who has been continually lying to you.

Consider the time it takes for most folks to actually get a date while online dating. To learn that someone was deceiving you the entire time is enough to irritate even the most collected person.

i'd like to be careful with the word "lying" and "deceiving". If you ask them "might i ask, would you describe yourself as a skinny / fit person?" and they tell you they are, then they're lying.
If you're assuming "unless they disclose that they are fat, you're free to assume they're skinny" i think the fault's on your side, really.

Considering lack of a full body shot a red flag is fair game.
Saying anyone who doesn't disclose their body proportions is being "wilfully deceptive" is simply a bit too much, imho.

also, how is it a waste of time, specifically?
* do you go 'exclusive' without having ever met, therefore not contacting other online-daters anymore?
* does having a conversation with a person (unbeknownst that they are overweight) seriously have no value to you? and does writing a few IMs here and there really take up so much of your precious time? Let's not get carried away here, really. How much of your time is really wasted on a person you end up not feeling attracted to.

 

[SuperBanana]

I said that "Myspace angles" and "fat girl pose" were born out of shallowness and fatphobia, not what you think I "clearly" said. :/

Ok then I retract what I said if you meant that.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Hang tough OP, the first round of divorces will kick in soon and then you'll be swimming in tail and, unlike them, you won't have the crippling millstone of a divorce round your neck.

I speak from experience.

Tail with kids that is....

 

[Unbounded]

i'd like to be careful with the word "lying" and "deceiving". If you ask them "might i ask, would you describe yourself as a skinny / fit person?" and they tell you they are, then they're lying.

I think you seem to forget this massive taboo around asking a person's weight that makes this an impossible question to ask without cutting everything off right then and there.

 

[constantstatic]

Jesus, I've been single for like 3 weeks. I think I'll have a crisis if I'm single for 3 years, until then I'll stick with girls I find attractive. It's never not worked out for me.

Sounds like this thread was pointless then and it's really all about how fat girls are unattractive. Just your wording makes you sound like an asshole tbh. If you just read the words you posted you can see why heavier girls may not post a picture showing how big they are.

I have had this happen to me as well. I met this dude who looked super cute in photos and I like chubby dudes anyways. But when we met at the movie theater he was way bigger than the photos suggested. I was kind of annoyed but to just leave or dip out on them is not a nice thing to do. He ended up being a really nice dude and we became friends.

I just think you could me nicer about your preferences and treat people like human beings. I don't think these girls are out to be deceitful but after every guy turns you down cuz the media has taught young men that fat is unattractive can you really blame them?

It just reminds me of all the gay dating apps saying no fats, no fems, I'm only into white guys ect.

 

[Koriandrr]

Seriously for a minute.

I do get what the OP is saying about physical attraction, but there is a nasty streak running through it, that being that fat people are inherently dishonest, and that being fat automatically precludes you from being attractive.

It just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

there seems to be a trend.


Also, I have loads of female friends and I don't know of a single one who wouldn't edit their photos before uploading them online. It's just the kind of age we live in. Social media and things like instagram and tinder have set the standards so impossibly high, if you don't look like a model on your photo, you'd never be considered hot. And guess what, models don't look like that IRL either. I've learned that you cannot possibly judge someone on their looks based on their instagram or dating website profile. Especially with women. You just can't. Go for that date or find a video. I also find it a bit absurd how you say it's a waste of time. This is your god damn personal life, not your job. This isn't a meeting about that project you had a meeting about last week. This. Is. Your. Life. Nothing is wasted time, just chill.

 

[daveo42]

Jesus, I've been single for like 3 weeks. I think I'll have a crisis if I'm single for 3 years, until then I'll stick with girls I find attractive. It's never not worked out for me.

I've been single for about six maybe? It sucks, but you'll survive man.

Edit: I kind of agree that if you're looking to get into a serious relationship, you shouldn't try to hide anything about yourself physically. The problem with online dating in any fashion means you either do to meet up with someone or just skip over them if you don't find them attractive the handful of pics they do have. It's very shallow, but that's almost a golden rule when it comes to online dating.

 

[Fliesen]

I think you seem to forget this massive taboo around asking a person's weight that makes this an impossible question to ask without cutting everything off right then and there.

well, if you're expecting them to disclose their fatness, how is it bad to disclose your superficiality / lack of attraction to overweight people.

If the person goes bananas after you asking them such a basic question, isn't that a valuable red flag, anyways?

 

[hollomat]

If the person goes bananas after you asking them such a basic question, isn't that a valuable red flag, anyways?[/QUOTE]

Its a valuable red flag, but for them not you. I can't think of anyone who would want to spend more time with someone who asked them "if they would describe themselves as a skinny or fat person".

 

[Haixeth]

I'm single since the day I was born, and i'm 30 =p

 

[Fine Ham Abounds]

Really?! You think standing someone up is a better thing to do? Come on!

I thought the implication was that you'd continue going out with these women even though you weren't interested in them.

I'm just saying telling someone right off the bat that its not working for you means being an honest dick for 5 minutes instead of a lying dick for weeks.

Maybe I completely misinterpreted you.

 

[Fliesen]

Its a valuable red flag, but for them not you. I can't think of anyone who would want to spend more time with someone who asked them "if they would describe themselves as a skinny or fat person".

yeah, neither would i.

neither would i ask.

neither do i villainize them as being "deceptive" for not offering a full body shot.

You guys want to have your cake and eat it. You don't want to look superficial (i.e. you don't want to have to ask, that's a taboo!) but you want your superficial needs to be satisfied by everyone serving you their physical attributes on a silver platter. I'm not sure that's how it works.

I thought the implication was that you'd continue going out with these women even though you weren't interested in them.

I'm just saying telling someone right off the bat that its not working for you means being an honest dick for 5 minutes instead of a lying dick for weeks.

Maybe I completely misinterpreted you.

i think you're on the same page
and i think nobody would disagree with you.

telling someone after the date "i don't think this is working out, it didn't click for me neither personally, nor physically, sorry to say" isn't frowned upon. Putting the blame on them for "deceitfully" luring you into having the date to begin with because they "lied" by omission of their physical proportions, is something that some people in here don't agree with

 

[Glendemonium]

I recently broke up with my partner, after a few years, and I've been trying to get back into dating.
However, it turns out that literally everyone I speak to is in a relationship, or married. TV has lied to me. There aren't a bunch of single twenty-thirty somethings. They're all content in relationships.

I've had to resort to online dating, my god, it's awful. It took me 3 dates to figure out the "fat girl pose." Seriously people, post honest images, you're just wasting everyone's time if you don't.

Depends on where you live, in larger metropolitan areas, there will be a higher percentage of single people... though chances are they're holding out for a unicorn.

Anywhere else, yeah, I share your pain. Online dating is pretty disasterous because most people on there aren't honest. Fell for the "fat girl angle" more times than I can count. Sometimes they post older photos of themselves too when they were at their peak, so watch out for those.

If you really want to find someone without the hassle of online dating, you gotta get out and find places where people mingle. Volunteer work, a decent night club for late 20-30 somethings, social events, park, be as visible as possible. It's a lot of work but it takes the anonymity away from online dating.

 

[Koriandrr]

gym

No.





Agree with everything else you said, but no. Don't EVER go to the gym to pick up chicks. Don't.

 

[Shredderi]

Oh you actually wanna conversate? Ok I'm opening this thread again.

When it comes to the abs/balding thing, I still don't think they were actively trying to deceive you. They're not out to get you or anything, they're certainly not hiding a body or two under the bed (I swear).

The first guy could always exercise again, and the other - well he could still look nice. Maybe it's a sensitive issue. It's just not lying to me, not unless they actually chose those images maliciously. And they probably didn't. The people that do are probably using fake images (as in, images not of them).

Alright, so now I know where you stand, as in you're not a hypocrite. Jury is still out on the body hiding thing. Now that I really know where you stand in the face of these hypotheticals I can also respect your opinion. We're propably just going to have to agree to disagree on many things about this but I do agree that there isn't any malicious intents involved. I do not think that any girl or guy is behind their screen going "muhahaha you walked straight into my trap!". They're not ill intent but they're also not ignorant. They know that a full picture of their present selves wouldn't garner as much interest so they use a "fat girl pose" picture. They're hoping that they'll get a date face to face during which they could put to work those nuances that I talked about before. I can appreciate that. I get where they're coming from. I can also understand the other side and in the context of online dating I'm gonna have to side more with that side. In that starting phase in online dating we're all kind of like "products" and we choose the ones that we like based on the description and what we see and when the "product" is not as advertised we get a little miffed. That must sound horribly shallow, but I think online dating is by it's very nature.

 

[Dali]

And here I thought you only meant that you're disappointed that they would lie to you about their appearance. I can understand being pissy about someone having photos that really don't represent who they are in person, but completely ignoring a girl because she's fat is plain rude. People like you are the reason they do that in the first place, so they get the chance to actually meet the person and show their personality, because most of the times they wouldn't even get the chance.

Why is it rude? If a girl is fat it's impossible for ne to be physically attracted to them. It's a waste of both peoples time to pretend otherwise and lead the other person on.

 

[Fliesen]

Alright, so now I know where you stand, as in you're not a hypocrite. Jury is still out on the body hiding thing. Now that I really know where you stand in the face of these hypotheticals I can also respect your opinion. We're propably just going to have to agree to disagree on many things about this but I do agree that there isn't any malicious intents involved. I do not think that any girl or guy is behind their screen going "muhahaha you walked straight into my trap!". They're not ill intent but they're also not ignorant. They know that a full picture of their present selves wouldn't garner as much interest so they use a "fat girl pose" picture. They're hoping that they'll get a date face to face during which they could put to work those nuances that I talked about before. I can appreciate that. I get where they're coming from. I can also understand the other side and in the context of online dating I'm gonna have to side more with that side. In that starting phase in online dating we're all kind of like "products" and we choose the ones that we like based on the description and what we see and when the "product" is not as advertised we get a little miffed. That must sound horribly shallow, but I think online dating is by it's very nature.

i think that varies by platform and user. (and gender ...?)

i don't think it has to be / is by its very nature

Why is it rude? If a girl is fat it's impossible for ne to be physically attracted to them. It's a waste of both peoples time to pretend otherwise and lead the other person on.

i do think that considering a person with too much body weight "not even worth having a conversation with" or "not even worth my time" can be seen as somewhat rude.
You're literally implying that nothing the person might be saying to you in a conversation might have any merit / value to make the investment of your time worthwhile, if they're fat. :/

 

[Greddleok]

I thought the implication was that you'd continue going out with these women even though you weren't interested in them.

I'm just saying telling someone right off the bat that its not working for you means being an honest dick for 5 minutes instead of a lying dick for weeks.

Maybe I completely misinterpreted you.

I think you did. I turned up, had a few drinks, chatted for an hour or two, then we went out separate ways. It wasn't leading them on, I made it very clear at the end that it wasn't going anywhere, but standing someone up is a scummy thing to do (as is stringing someone along for weeks).

If you really want to find someone without the hassle of online dating, you gotta get out and find places where people mingle. Volunteer work, a decent night club for late 20-30 somethings, gym, park, be as visible as possible. It's a lot of work but it takes the anonymity away from online dating.

Volunteering, night clubs and gyms are out of the question. I don't have time for what is essentially another job (for free), I dislike night clubs and I go to the gym to work, not socialise. That's the thing, usually I draw on my pool of friends and friends' friends for dating. For the first time, that's dried up as they all seem to be in relationships.

 

[dity]

Alright, so now I know where you stand, as in you're not a hypocrite. Jury is still out on the body hiding thing. Now that I really know where you stand in the face of these hypotheticals I can also respect your opinion. We're propably just going to have to agree to disagree on many things about this but I do agree that there isn't any malicious intents involved. I do not think that any girl or guy is behind their screen going "muhahaha you walked straight into my trap!". They're not ill intent but they're also not ignorant. They know that a full picture of their present selves wouldn't garner as much interest so they use a "fat girl pose" picture. They're hoping that they'll get a date face to face during which they could put to work those nuances that I talked about before. I can appreciate that. I get where they're coming from. I can also understand the other side and in the context of online dating I'm gonna have to side more with that side. In that starting phase in online dating we're all kind of like "products" and we choose the ones that we like based on the description and what we see and when the "product" is not as advertised we get a little miffed. That must sound horribly shallow, but I think online dating is by it's very nature.

Yeah, let's just agree to disagree on some things. I'm just glad I never did online dating - it doesn't sound joyous.

 

[Glendemonium]

No.





Agree with everything else you said, but no. Don't EVER go to the gym to pick up chicks. Don't.

Really? I've known people that started dating from there (for obvious reasons). Did you have a bad experience there?

Hang tough OP, the first round of divorces will kick in soon and then you'll be swimming in tail and, unlike them, you won't have the crippling millstone of a divorce round your neck.

I speak from experience.

This also, it's already happened to me. People I knew from way back in HS and early 20s are looking at me differently now than they did before. Should I be afraid? Probably, haha.

 

[Servbot24]

Seriously for a minute.

I do get what the OP is saying about physical attraction, but there is a nasty streak running through it, that being that fat people are inherently dishonest, and that being fat automatically precludes you from being attractive.

It just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

If you tell someone, "i'm skinny", but you're not skinny, that's dishonest. I realize skinny is a somewhat relative term, but it does have meaning in the public consciousness. No one is saying all fat people do this - there are plenty of fat people who put "curvy" or "a little extra" in their profiles and that's great.

Also, he's not saying that fat people can't be attractive. He's saying fat people aren't attractive to him. The idea that everyone should be sexy to him or else he's a bigot is ludicrous.

I don't find fat people attractive either. I would most likely never date a fat person. If I see a fat person online, I'm not going to bother messaging them, or if they seem like a cool person I'll be up front about only being interested in friendship. To actually be sexually attracted to someone, I am interested not only in the shape of an athletic body, but the diligence and lifestyle that I associate to people who have athletic bodies. Fat people can be diligent too, but it's simply less likely to stand out.

I apologize about repeatedly throwing "fat people" out there, I realize that looks shitty, just don't know how else to phrase it.

 

[Unbounded]

i think that varies by platform and user. (and gender ...?)

Lol.

If your implication is that women are less superficial when it comes to online dating, that's incorrect.

 

[Easystride]

26 and single. Made a brief attempt at online dating, and hated it as a guy. Kind've on a hiatus now if that makes sense. Online dating was ridiculously time consuming, and if the first date was anything other than coffee, it was expensive.

 

[Fine Ham Abounds]

I think you did. I turned up, had a few drinks, chatted for an hour or two, then we went out separate ways. It wasn't leading them on, I made it very clear at the end that it wasn't going anywhere, but standing someone up is a scummy thing to do (as is stringing someone along for weeks).

Yeah, don't mind me then.

 

[GreySquirrel]

Really? I've known people that started dating from there (for obvious reasons). Did you have a bad experience there?

Nothing wrong with meeting someone at a gym. But going to a gym with the intent to meet women is a big no no. Like, they shouldn't feel like people are checking them out when they are just there to work out. Same for the other way around really.

 

[Flying Toaster]

Ill go out with you, OP.


A/s/l?

I have learned two things in this thread...

1. Escape Goat is still one of my favorite posters of all time
2. Fat Girl Pose.

I didn't even know that was a thing. To answer the OP I am recently divorced and I can sympathize with your issue. It seems like the options are bar trolling or online dating. Both are not very great options.

 

[constantstatic]

I would love to see some of the photos of you guys who don't find fat girls attractive. I'm willing to bet none of you are perfect 10s either.

 

[Vhalyar]

Saying I don't find fat girls attractive is no different than saying I don't find black people attractive or any other race. It still makes you sound like a racist or in ops case a dick.

Err what? What?

 

[Goldenroad]

I feel like I have more single friends than friends in relationships, but maybe it's just that "grass is always greener" mentality.

 

[Shredderi]

i think that varies by platform and user. (and gender ...?)

i don't think it has to be / is by its very nature

Just my generalized view based on seeing many friends doing the whole online dating routine.

Yeah, let's just agree to disagree on some things. I'm just glad I never did online dating - it doesn't sound joyous.

Never done it myself either. It would not go well for me as an overweight, short guy. The short part alone would filter me out for a lot of women if studies done on the matter are of any indication.

I want to take this chance to actually address the actual question in the OP: I'm 26 and I see a lot of single guys and girls around me. Sure there are beginning to be more and more couples in my circles but not overwhelmingly so. Not yet at least.

 

[danowat]

If you tell someone, "i'm skinny", but you're not skinny, that's dishonest. I realize skinny is a somewhat relative term, but it does have meaning in the public consciousness. No one is saying all fat people do this - there are plenty of fat people who put "curvy" or "a little extra" in their profiles and that's great.

Also, he's not saying that fat people can't be attractive. He's saying fat people aren't attractive to him. The idea that everyone should be sexy to him or else he's a bigot is ludicrous.

I don't find fat people attractive either. I would most likely never date a fat person. If I see a fat person online, I'm not going to bother messaging them, or if they seem like a cool person I'll be up front about only being interested in friendship. To actually be sexually attracted to someone, I am interested not only in the shape of an athletic body, but the diligence and lifestyle that I associate to people who have athletic bodies. Fat people can be diligent too, but it's simply less likely to stand out.

I apologize about repeatedly throwing "fat people" out there, I realize that looks shitty, just don't know how else to phrase it.

Yeah, I get that, but weight is a fluid state, the person is the person regardless of where their weight is at, at any given time, their personality is the same regardless of how big they are currently, I get that physical attraction is predominantly important, but I can't help that think discounting someone on them being overweight is ultimately shallow, maybe it's because I am an old git, and have been round the block more times than I care to remember that I realise that there is more, much more, to someone than how much they weight at a given time.

There is this stigma attached to being overweight, and this is one of the reasons why people can be dishonest about disclosing their appearance, because they think they will be automatically tossed to the side because the they don't fit the pigeon hole of what is deemed attractive.

 

[Servbot24]

Nothing wrong with meeting someone at a gym. But going to a gym with the intent to meet women is a big no no. Like, they shouldn't feel like people are checking them out when they are just there to work out. Same for the other way around really.

I would love to meet people at the gym, but I never reach out to people because I don't want to be that weird guy hitting on chicks. If I say anything to a girl there, I assume they're going to assume I'm hitting on them. I dunno, just seems like an awkward place to meet people.

I would love to see some of the photos of you guys who don't find fat girls attractive. I'm willing to bet none of you are perfect 10s either.

That's irrelevant.

 

[Jito]

Fat defense force in full effect in here, still hard for people to grasp "no fat chicks".

So you don't think not finding fat people atractive is due to how society defines beauty? We are basically conditioned to find fat unnactracive. Magazines even photo shop thin models to make them thinner. It's a very similar situation as people who say they don't find a specific race attractive. It's still comes down to being racist or in this case fat phobic.

Prime example, not finding fat people attractive is equivalent to racism.

Also people, weight doesn't change drastically that quickly, if peoples weight changes from thin/average to fat in less time it takes to take new photos, they should head to a doctor.