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Is Drinking or "toasting" at funerals, a common practice?

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Smellycat

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I don't drink, and I haven't been to a lot of funerals. So, I need a little help in understanding this practice. Do people really drink at funerals or in "honor" of their loved ones? It seems very insulting to me. Death and funerals are pretty powerful and sacred, and they should be treated with respect, not tainted by drinking.

So, for people who have attended funerals, is it a common sight to see someone drinking? And do people really drink when their loved ones die in their "honor"?
 
Yeah.

When my dad goes, he wants my brother and I to get sloshed and remember him fondly.

Drinking heavily at a funeral happens a lot in England. We tend to celebrate that persons life.
 
Smellycat said:
I don't drink, and I haven't been to a lot of funerals. So, I need a little help in understanding this practice. Do people really drink at funerals or in "honor" of their loved ones? It seems very insulting to me. Death and funerals are pretty powerful and sacred, and they should be treated with respect, not tainted by drinking.

So, for people who have attended funerals, is it a common sight to see someone drinking? And do people really drink when their loved ones die in their "honor"?
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Some people treat a funeral as a celebration of the person's life. So it's not surprising to see alcohol involved.
 
It's a sign of celebrating their life and I think in a lot of ways, it's better than being morbid and quiet during someone's funeral.

If I die (I don't plan on it), I told my friend that he's obligated to throw a massive Fiesta in lieu of a funeral.
 
I'm of the opinion that funerals / wakes should be a celebration of their life and thus drinking is acceptable.
 
Cyan said:
Are you thinking of wakes?
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i would imagine he does, but the mental picture of someone slamming back a beer at the actual burial ceremony is hilarious. and terribly disrespectful.


but also funny.
 
Funerals don't have to be somber affairs, aside from the burial itself. I think I'd rather people have fun at my funeral, share stories from the past, laugh, shit like that.
 
weekend_warrior said:
Alcohol is appropriate in any social setting.
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Shit, it should be mandatory.
 
My uncle passed away last week and we held multiple wakes and a funeral for him last weekend. The services were incredibly sad (passed at 50 from an unexpected heart attack), so we wanted to honor him in some way. He was a big scotch drinker, so my family toasted him with some Johnny Walker Double Black. It was a nice gesture, I'm sure he would've liked us to honor him in that way.
 
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funerals. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
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Your funerals sound boring. I don't think I'd want to go to yours.
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funerals. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...

That's what makes funerals sad for you?
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...
You're crazy. You have no clue how much stress the death of a loved one can put on you until you've experienced it first hand. Nothing helps ease the pain more than having a drink with your loved ones.
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funerals. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...

People don't really drink at the actual burial(or cremation etc.) , but afterwards there is usually a gathering of people where the deceased is remembered (with alcohol & party food).
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...

Do you also wish your family to be burried with you?
 
Yes.

When my grandmother passed, my family and I all had red wine filled to the brim with ice in honor of her. We told stories, caught up with cousins and second cousins, and others.

We toasted the memory at all my grandparents' funerals, and had fond remembrances.

Its terrible that we lose them, but I know they would all have rather us celebrate their lives then mourn their deaths.
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...
ITT: the OP learns the valuable lesson that other cultures do things differently.
 
backflip10019 said:
You're crazy. You have no clue how much stress the death of a loved one can put on you until you've experienced it first hand. Nothing helps ease the pain more than having a drink with your loved ones.
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It's not just even the stress.

When that KHL team died in the plane crash, my roommate and I took a shot of vodka to toast them in respect.

For most people, it's a sign of respect.
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...

Well that's just you, not everyone are the same.
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...
You're being disrespectful insulting the people who honor someone in their way and saying they tainted it. Don't push your opinions on others.
 
Cyan said:
Are you thinking of wakes?
Click to expand...

This.

Many cultures view death as a time to celebrate the living and the life of the dead. So they toast, spill a little of the drink for the dead, then drink themselves. In Europe we had big celebrations with food and alcohol, in the US I found its not the same, much more somber.
 
Smellycat said:
I don't drink, and I haven't been to a lot of funerals. So, I need a little help in understanding this practice. Do people really drink at funerals or in "honor" of their loved ones? It seems very insulting to me. Death and funerals are pretty powerful and sacred, and they should be treated with respect, not tainted by drinking.

So, for people who have attended funerals, is it a common sight to see someone drinking? And do people really drink when their loved ones die in their "honor"?
Click to expand...

A funeral can be a lot of things. To some it's a celebration of the person and their life. So like any party there is drinking, but since the guest of honour can't make it you have to make up their share. Seriously though, having a few drinks, reminiscing about good times and generally strengthening bonds should be exactly what funerals are for. They contain the word FUN for a
reason.

This actually seems to be less about disrespect and more about you thinking you're better than others because you don't drink.
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...

Excuse to drink? As opposed to my usual excuse: its the weekend?

Or the excuse we had the rest of the weekend? That I am with family that I love and we are having a BBQ and beer goes well with it?
 
Smellycat said:
Wow, so it is pretty common. I would never want someone to do that at my funeral. It is so disrespectful. To me, it just seems like another excuse for people to drink. It is sad that even funerals have come to this!
Click to expand...
I've had a year absolutely earmarked by funerals. I've been to far more of them than I'd ever anticipated having to go to in one year, including, most recently, the funeral of my grandfather last month, who I loved dearly. They were all different.

Now, let me tell you what strikes me as disrespectful: a guy who goes to a funeral and tells someone that their genuine grief is disrespectful. In fact, I cannot think of a single thing that would have pissed me off more than to hear that the way I was acting at a funeral was disrespectful.

Between two of the wakes preceeding my grandfather's funeral, my extended family and myself all drank and had a good meal, largely because of how ridiculously hard of a time we were having with things and because such an environment was usually one where my grandfather could be seen. If you want to call that disrespectful, that's fine, but I really absolutely mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that you should go fuck yourself. You are on one hell of a dumbass crusade here.
 
I remember when my grandma died and my family got mad at me because I didn't take a shot of rum at the cremation.
 
It would depend quite a bit on the age of the person and circumstances of the person's death. If the person was old and the death was of natural causes, drink up. If that person was also Irish, well then, hope you don't have to go into work the next morning.
 
DeathNote said:
You're being disrespectful insulting the people who honor someone in their way and saying they tainted it. Don't push your opinions on others.
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This. In my family, Funerals are a time of celebration as we do not mourn the loss of life but celebrate the live they had.
 
Clutch outlined it pretty well on their album Pure Rock Fury.

"Drink to the dead, all you still alive. We shall join them in good time."
 
At funerals I have been to, I have not seen it myself, however, I would not see a problem with it. Generally people toast in honor of something, and they are celebrating a great life lived. It doesn't have to be all gloom and doom.
 
You do know the definition of a toast is to drink in someone's honor right?

It's not like you do it to get completely trashed. It's one drink. Though, depending on the situation, getting completely trashed is a possibility.
 
My mom said that when my dad dies she doesn't want drinking at the wake. My reply "try and stop me" drinking at wakes is the only good thing about people dying.
 
InsertNameHere said:
You do know the definition of a toast is to drink in someone's honor right?

It's not like you do it to get completely trashed.
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They are not having wine. They are doing body shots off the corpse.
 
Well, just to be clear, I don't see people bringing coolers of beer into the church if that's what is being pictured. However, drinking is pretty common for the post-ceremony gatherings. Meaning, once the service is over and the burial (if applicable) is performed, people will usually gather somewhere nearby and having a meal and drinks.
 
When my grandma died (Irish) she wanted everyone to have a few drinks for her. Not in the actual church/cemetery, but we all got together and had food/drinks.
 
I don't know..it just seems weird to me that people would do that. I mean sure, it is good to celebrate people's lives but why does everything have to involve alcohol?

Whatever, to each his own.
 
ConfusingJazz said:
We know, but its something my grandma did, and we loved her for it, so we did it for her. I also forgot to mention it was Franzia.
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Oh ok, I'd shut up and the same in that situation.
 
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