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is it abnormal/unhealthy to go days without talking to your SO
- Thread starter fuzzyreactor
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HeisenbergLannister
Member
Yet I have an ex that gets mad if I go days without talking to her.
Females.
Females.
No. Not necessarily. What you should do is have a conversation with her about what both of you think is an appropriate amount of communication. This way you both can be satisfied with the amount of communication between the two of you and you both get to avoid any miscommunication.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Last relationship I was in, whenever we were apart we talked every day. Even if it was about nothing. Felt like something big was missing if we didn't.
TitusGroan
Banned
She might just be an independent woman OP. My last relationship, me and my ex used to go several days without texting or chatting. We were both fine with it. Personally, I get very annoyed when people keep asking me how my day was, when they already know full well that it was likely the same as every other day.
"Hi sweetie, how r u? x"
"Yep, fine, just fine. You?"
"I'm great sweetie. How's ur day?" :3"
"Same as every other day this week. Not much exciting happening at work. You done anything nice with your day?"
"Nope, work's so boring, same old same old
x"
To my mind, that's just a really inane and boring conversation to constantly have. It's the same reason I'll phone family members once every couple of weeks, to actually give them a bit of time for exciting stuff to happen, rather than constantly asking how each day is. Obviously if you're living with a partner, you're going to have daily contact anyway, so it's slightly different, but I don't see anything wrong with giving someone a bit of breathing room.
If you can't go more than a day without contacting your partner, then start feeling insecure and wondering whether your relationship is on the rocks... that kinda does sound a little needy. Some adults just like having a bit of space. Some don't like living in their partner's pockets all the time. So no, there is nothing abnormal about going days without talking to your SO. It's a perfectly healthy thing if you're both two independently minded adults.
"Hi sweetie, how r u? x"
"Yep, fine, just fine. You?"
"I'm great sweetie. How's ur day?" :3"
"Same as every other day this week. Not much exciting happening at work. You done anything nice with your day?"
"Nope, work's so boring, same old same old
x"To my mind, that's just a really inane and boring conversation to constantly have. It's the same reason I'll phone family members once every couple of weeks, to actually give them a bit of time for exciting stuff to happen, rather than constantly asking how each day is. Obviously if you're living with a partner, you're going to have daily contact anyway, so it's slightly different, but I don't see anything wrong with giving someone a bit of breathing room.
If you can't go more than a day without contacting your partner, then start feeling insecure and wondering whether your relationship is on the rocks... that kinda does sound a little needy. Some adults just like having a bit of space. Some don't like living in their partner's pockets all the time. So no, there is nothing abnormal about going days without talking to your SO. It's a perfectly healthy thing if you're both two independently minded adults.
Not a problem, but it depends on your relationship.
We had to live 1000 kilometers apart for an year and a half, and decided that for a healthy we shouldn't be on the phone each and every day. We ended up with 1-2 phone call a week. And now when on of us is abroad, it's frequent that we don't call/text for days. Doesn't mean anything regarding to our love.
clearacell
Member
Before smartphones there was this thing called "space" and "having separate lives" that made your conversations very interesting once you did have a chance to talk. If you're worried then yeah make it a point to talk, but it's not the end of the world.
eot
Banned
So quick to spit your judgement.
Everyone isn't the same, not all relationships are the same.
sixteen-bit
Member
sometimes u need a break
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
Well, the op didn't reply give is a lot of info. It's hard to say if this is a problem. Does she view it as a problem? Have they talked about it?
That's nice but do you believe her based on her actions? If you love someone you don't go 3 to 4 days without talking to them. If she owns a cell phone all she has to do is move her fingers across a screen and she has sent you a message. It requires no effort.
She is obviously pre-occupied with something else. Doesn't mean it's another man but you are not a priority in her life right now.
Not true. I've been married for 5 years and we do it all the time. Texting annoys us both, so we rarely do it. You can't jam love into a box of what you think it is, it's different for everyone. That's actually one of the reasons I love her, she doesn't constantly badger me. We both enjoy our time alone.
MarkMclovin
Member
When me and my GF were 4 or 5 months into a relationship, you can guarantee the texting was off the chain. Like literally all day with some sexting in there too. A year and a half later it has calmed down a little only because her working hours have increased but shit, if that stopped for a few days, I'd be thinking something is up and her attention is going somewhere else.
even on days when I don't see my SO, we still text a little bit.
we both have boring jobs, i guess.
i don't think it is that strange or unnatural to go a day or two. before owning smart phones, i remember going on trips for work/vacation and not talking to SOs for extended period of times. not a big deal.
we both have boring jobs, i guess.
i don't think it is that strange or unnatural to go a day or two. before owning smart phones, i remember going on trips for work/vacation and not talking to SOs for extended period of times. not a big deal.
Messofanego
Banned
TitusGroan, how's your day been?
SquiddyCracker
Banned
If you see each other every day or live together, most likely (unless you communicate non-verbally, rawr.)
Otherwise, probably not.
Otherwise, probably not.
TitusGroan
Banned
This is absolute bunkum. You can love someone, and still be independent enough to not need to be in constant contact with them day in, day out. In fact, I can think of no greater method of falling out of love with someone than constantly having to go through the same rigmarole of having to be in contact with them every single day finding out how their day was. You can only ask "How's your day?" so many times and get the same answer back before your partner starts losing a bit of mystery and allure.
I'd much rather give it a day or two without talking to a partner, then when I chat with them find out something really interesting that happened to them, rather than go through a daily itinerary of their mundane shit. I don't mind hearing about boring shit from someone I love, but there's nothing to be gained from hearing the same thing day after day. Gets boring.
Eh, you sound a bit too certain, there,
Well it is my opinion so yea I'm certain of it. The OP is probably learning for himself that he feels the same way since the lack of contact from her bothers him enough that he needed to make a thread about it.
bakerbakes
Member
My ex won't even go three or four days without contact of some sort, which is an entirely different form of unhealthy.
It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round (no, actually that's just gravity and other space things) but I'm leaning toward the idea that something is off there.
It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round (no, actually that's just gravity and other space things) but I'm leaning toward the idea that something is off there.
I think it depends on what the trend in your relationship was up to this point, if you were only talking every few days to begin with, then it sounds okay. If you were talking daily at the beginning but now only talk every few days then something seems amiss.
Even when I was in Japan for work (we live in Toronto, so 12hr time difference), my wife and I talked at least once per day + texts in between. We talk during the day about what's going on at work and stuff so that's our norm.
Even when I was in Japan for work (we live in Toronto, so 12hr time difference), my wife and I talked at least once per day + texts in between. We talk during the day about what's going on at work and stuff so that's our norm.
turnbuckle
Member
I don't think that's needy. Just another type of normal; everyone's different, every relationship dynamic is different.
Hell, for me in some relationships I could go several days without saying much of anything (if anything). It felt normal.
The relationship I'm in now I think I'd have to be kidnapped, trapped in Kentucky, or stuck in a coma to go several days without talking to her.
Mammoth Jones
Member
I talked to my girl (now wife) every day since we've been dating. That's normal, not needy, lol.
Only time we didn't speak for a day is when she went out of country to visit fam.
You dun fucked up, OP...
Only time we didn't speak for a day is when she went out of country to visit fam.
You dun fucked up, OP...
Not talking for 3 or 4 days isn't avoiding being needy, it's avoiding the other person all together. Not even a text or anything OP? I used to go long not actually seeing my girl when we didn't live together, but we at least dropped a dumb text or call to pass the time every so often.
3 or 4 days then either both people must be extraordinarily busy or simply very distant, which isn't unhealthy I guess so long as both parties are okay with it.
3 or 4 days then either both people must be extraordinarily busy or simply very distant, which isn't unhealthy I guess so long as both parties are okay with it.
Future PhaZe
Member
she contemplating that quit op
Seems a bit strange. I talk to my g/f everyday (granted we live together but I talked to her everyday when I didn't live with her). One of us would freak out if we didn't talk to the other person in some way. Its not hard to send someone a text and see what's up. If you two aren't even willing to do that, well that's doesn't sound good in terms of having a healthy relationship.
evilromero
Member
Yes. If you're spending that much time apart, she's got another guy. I mean, it takes no time at all to start up another relationship.
Ya, my girl did that to me. She'd say something like "I need space. Don't call me this weekend." It turned out she was seeing someone on the side. It went on for months before I caught on.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
Just want to update. I talked to her about it and she continued to do it so I broke up with her. I love her but I can't take that shit, I hope I made the right choice
fuzzyreactor
Banned
God I'm so depressed
Mammoth Jones
Member
You made the right call.
That's ok mate. Relax. Take a few days. Play some games, draw, go for a bike ride. Just decompress. In time you'll realize you're better off in a relationship where someone treats you the way you need to be treated.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
Thanks for the kind words. Honestly I have never been so in love. It's going to take awhile to recover
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
I agree that not talking to them 3-4 days at a time doesn't mean you don't love them, but it's also not about "constant contact...day in, day out."
Thing is, if you're in a serious relationship with that person you SHOULD be able to find things to talk about at least once a day. I mean, you can text just about some shit you see during your day or vent about a shitty coworker or discuss a news story or just send a sappy/romantic comment or joke; that's what I've always done and my ex-gfs have done and my fiancee now does. If you struggle to do at least one of those (or the many more available options) or you don't feel like it, that probably doesn't bode well for the relationship.
Messofanego
Banned
I hope you find a more considerate person to fall in love with.
turnbuckle
Member
Right call. If you're in a relationship and not getting what you feel you need out of it (not "want", we can't expect to get everything from our SOs) and your SO doesn't appear to care all you can do is "deal with it" or move on. There's a such thing as being too needy, but going days? That's ridiculous.
Normal feeling; but at least you don't have the weight of an unfulfilled relationship dragging you down. Back to the drawing board, man. Best of luck to you.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
she actually said I was being needy. Even though I haven't had a real conversation with her in WeekRight call. If you're in a relationship and not getting what you feel you need out of it (not "want", we can't expect to get everything from our SOs) and your SO doesn't appear to care all you can do is "deal with it" or move on. There's a such thing as being too needy, but going days? That's ridiculous.
Normal feeling; but at least you don't have the weight of an unfulfilled relationship dragging you down. Back to the drawing board, man. Best of luck to you.
turnbuckle
Member
Yeah, you definitely made the right call. I don't know you or her but on the surface it looks like either:
- She's just a very hands off person who likes having someone she can go to when she wants companionship on her terms.
- She's normal but doesn't have the heart / is too cowardly to end things with you.
- You're the "other" guy. I've been in that spot before; the girl was telling me she loved me and was passionate when we were physically together, but kept things at a "only when she makes the plans to hang out" kind of schedule. Took me months to find out she was dating other guys.
- Something completely different. People are weird, man. Doesn't do us much good trying to figure out why; just move on. It stings, but it's really all you can do. Don't let it get in your head thinking there's something wrong with you needing more contact with a significant other. Just roll the dice again and hope you find someone who's needs line up a bit more with your own.
Lord Thrappleper The 49th
Member
Me and my partner live together, but she works days and I work nights, when she wakes up to go to work, I'm fast asleep. When she gets home I've already gone to work, when I get home she's gone to sleep. Sometimes we can go a couple of days without saying much, I just make sure that the days where we do spend together are worth it.
It's not something you like, but you let it be that way? What if she feels the same? You're gonna sit on each side of the situation, not saying anything? If she doesn't feel like talking to you, don't you want to know why? I say this often over in the dating thread, but the thing that's important here is:
COMMUNICATION
terrisus
Member
She said you were being "needy" for wondering why you hadn't talked to her in days, when she hadn't said anything previously about going for days without talking (that is, it's not like she said she was going to be busy or something, she just randomly didn't talk to you for days)?
Yeah, to heck with that - that's not something you can go for any period of time dealing with.
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