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[Korosenai]

Social construct but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Kthulhu]

It's absolutely achievable and beneficial. What isn't beneficial is all these people putting pressure on people to get married when they shouldn't. It seems like our generation is slowly moving away from that and getting married/having kids later in life.

I blame anti-sex religious beliefs.

 

[kottila]

I'll concede that monogamy serves a benefit for a short period of time during the mating period and perhaps even through infancy of the offspring, but one single mate for life has no real purpose.

if you leave the mother of your child after infancy to be with a new woman and your ex finds a new man, would you trust that the new man would take care of your son?

 

[BearPawB]

Talking about open relationships on gaf will leave you feeling like everyone is in one.

But yes, people can be in happy monogamous relationships by choice.

 

[Skellig Gra]

I blame anti-sex religious beliefs.

That's obviously a huge part of the problem.

 

[Violet_0]

a social construct that seems to work fine for a lot of people?
a lot of boring people

 

[NoblesseOblige]

Monogamy is a monthly publication that I pretend to subscribe to when in reality I just steal my neighbor's copy.

 

[Lego Boss]

Talking about open relationships on gaf will leave you feeling like everyone is in one.

But yes, people can be in happy monogamous relationships by choice.

And that everyone is faithful and has never even thought about cheating on their partners.

 

[Straight Edge]

Monogamy typically isnt one mate for life. It's one mate at a time. Almost everyone means "serial monogamy".

 

[Fallout-NL]

a social construct that seems to work fine for a lot of people?
a lot of boring people

That's uncalled for.

 

[Moosichu]

The Human experience is social constructs. And it is one that exists because it works. Why does it being a social construct not make it real?

However, other kinds of relationships also work for different people.

https://youtu.be/uH_rIT0juiM

This is interesting video on monogamy.

 

[Violet_0]

That's uncalled for.

still better than nogame-y

 

[Etrian Oddity]

What do you mean by "real"? It's not a naturally occurring event. Of course it's a social construct. .

There are many birds that mate for life, of course it's a naturally occurring event.

 

[Ultima_5]

these threads on gaf are always so embarassing. just a bunch of young men (who probably have barely had sex) bitching about how some people choose to live their lives.

 

[Moosichu]

I'll concede that monogamy serves a benefit for a short period of time during the mating period and perhaps even through infancy of the offspring, but one single mate for life has no real purpose.

Monogamy in human sense now colloquially means one mate at a time though, not one mate for life.

Also, infancy in humans is a long time, and back when lives in general were shorter it was at least beneficial to keep up the illusion of monogamy for long times.

(But there were also evolutionary pressures to both want to cheat but to feel betrayed by being cheated on.)

 

[Dryk]

And that everyone is faithful and has never even thought about cheating on their partners.

I'm not going to pretend like I've never thought about it, to GAF or my partners. But if I agree to sexual exclusivity then I'm damn well going to stick to that.

Since humans stayed in groups, the entire community would take care of the infants.

That's how bonobos do it

 

[Moosichu]

What do you mean by "real"? It's not a naturally occurring event. Of course it's a social construct. I wouldn't even try to get in an "open-relationship" because that shits not for me, but if you and your partner are fine with it, not my problem.

But social constructs naturally come about, so where does that definition begin and end?

 

[Aiii]

if you leave the mother of your child after infancy to be with a new woman and your ex finds a new man, would you trust that the new man would take care of your son?

Since humans stayed in groups, the entire community would take care of the infants.

 

[manueldelalas]

Social construct. I reckon marriage was initially invented in patriarchal societies to control women.

I think individuals can be monogamous as per their personalities and life philosophies but I don't think we are hard wired for it or anything.

What a load of bullshit. If anything, marriage was invented to control men not fleeing when the woman was pregnant.

If children weren't involved, this kind of relationship would not need to be regulated, as most types of relationships aren't.

Also, it's not in patriarcal societies, it was invented in every society.

 

[Triteon]

What a load of bullshit. If anything, marriage was invented to control men not fleeing when the woman was pregnant.

If children weren't involved, this kind of relationship would not need to be regulated, as most types of relationships aren't.

Also, it's not in patriarcal societies, it was invented in every society.

No it wasnt invented in every society.

 

[JonnyDBrit]

What a load of bullshit. If anything, marriage was invented to control men not fleeing when the woman was pregnant.

If children weren't involved, this kind of relationship would not need to be regulated, as most types of relationships aren't.

Also, it's not in patriarcal societies, it was invented in every society.

In certain cases it actually was, though as a deterrence against rape of all things. The idea was that a soldier would think twice during any looting and pillaging because if someone got pregnant, the law required he marry the mother and raise the child he brought into the world. Since babies cost money even then, anyone who didn't want to have more mouths to feed would control themselves.

 

[BstnRich]

What if I told you it was both a social construct AND a natural occurring...thing.

 

[LegendofJoe]

People are incredibly diverse. Monogamy may seem pointless to some, but to others it's genuinely preferable. They are many reasons to prefer monogamy, just as there are many reasons to prefer polyamory. It's foolish to make assumptions about people based on their relationship preferences.

 

[Boney]

The amount of mental gymnastics to rationalize that people are just pretending to want monogamous relations is some 13 year old edge lord rational

 

[Pai Pai Master]

It is a social construct that many people can find as their desirable or necessary lifestyle. Nothing wrong with it.

You can say it was a method designed to control women and sure, that could have been true back then but in modern society it is obviously a choice between two willing parties.

It's not for everyone of course, and people are not naturally inclined towards polyamory either. Everyone's different and has different needs.

 

[Zakalwe]

Love and jealousy are here to remind us that we want to be with only one person..

No they're not.

 

[Htown]

The amount of mental gymnastics to rationalize that people are just pretending to want monogamous relations is some 13 year old edge lord rational

That and it always feels like somebody's looking for an excuse for why they aren't a bad person for cheating. "It's not really my fault, monogamy is just a social construct that isn't natural!"

 

[Dai Kaiju]

Its animal instinct for some species, including humans, to be adverse to their mate being with anyone else. Its only natural that humans would make monogamy a "thing". However, its also animal instinct to want to be with as many mates as possible which is why people cheat.

 

[shintoki]

A social construct that is real. Why?

Kids, that's why. We aren't lions that take care of their own or Vin Diseal. Give a chance and a lot of people would boot the first chance they get.

 

[gaiages]

Yeah, it's a social construct, but that doesn't make it 'not real' or a bad thing or whatever.

All it really comes down to nowadays is what type of relationship you want. You want monogamy? Okay. You want polygamy/polyamory? As long as your partners want it too, okay.

 

[Kthulhu]

It is a social construct that many people can find as their desirable or necessary lifestyle. Nothing wrong with it.

You can say it was a method designed to control women and sure, that could have been true back then but in modern society it is obviously a choice between two willing parties.

It's not for everyone of course, and people are not naturally inclined towards polyamory either. Everyone's different and has different needs.

Most marriages historically were for political and financial purposes. Getting married for romantic purposes is a fairly recent trend.

 

[MisterShine]

There are studies showing that monogamy is beneficial from an evolutionary stand point in some conditions, and that this behavior might well be learned in non-optimal environments.

So yes, monogamy is a social construct but it is one of an enormous number we developed through evolution to survive. It's also a perfectly valid strategy for ensuring successful offspring so don't feel bad =P

 

[AllGamer]

Social construct. Of course, monogamy is not a bad thing, and it's achievable but then both partners have to commit to it, obviously. I myself prefer my "relationships" to be open.

 

[Air]

I don't think monogamy is a social construct. Marriage, sure. But I think many people are more naturally inclined to be with one person at a time.

 

[Maximo]

a social construct that seems to work fine for a lot of people?
a lot of boring people

Lol piss off with comments like that, shit is bad as slut or manwhore shamming.

 

[entremet]

Human Pair bonding is very real. Monogamy is hard to prove in terms of inborn behaviors.

 

[Derwind]

Monogamy is definitely a social construct. We've demonized other polyamorous societies as barbaric.

Abrahamic religions enforced the social construct upon those societies with formalized marraige and stamped out any dissent with one word ("adultery").

Personally I think people should decide how they live and who the build relationships with, so long as everyone involved is consenting.

 

[Tubobutts]

It's whatever makes you feel better about the way you want to live your life.

 

[Venfayth]

I know a couple who started polygamous (among a small group of people) and then became monogamous.

While I think monogamy in general is a social construct as much as anything else is, I think that for some people they may actually simply just prefer it.

 

[Teggy]

So here's a question - is jealousy and emotional pain on being cheated on something that comes naturally or a conditioned response based on social constructs (serious question, I don't know the answer).

 

[Derwind]

So here's a question - is jealousy and emotional pain on being cheated on something that comes naturally or a conditioned response based on social constructs (serious question, I don't know the answer).

Being upset because someone betrayed your trust is real.

If you signed up for a relationship with the understanding it would be monogamous and your partner decided to cheat on you, then you have every right to be upset.

 

[Teggy]

Being upset because someone betrayed your trust is real.

If you signed up for a relationship with the understanding it would be monogamous and your partner decided to cheat on you, then you have every right to be upset.

Hm, ok - so a followup would be, is the reaction of most people to not want to share a sexual partner with other people learned or inborn? (For example, meet new boy/girl, person wants to sleep with you but says they want to sleep with other people, most people would not be on board).

 

[JonnyDBrit]

So here's a question - is jealousy and emotional pain on being cheated on something that comes naturally or a conditioned response based on social constructs (serious question, I don't know the answer).

To a degree, both.

Jealousy and agony over betrayal are very basic, very real emotions. Even without all the social context of marriage and monogamous relations, stuff would hurt for many. Society however provides additional context which can exacerbate those reactions; the ideas of love at first sight and someone being 'the one' for example build up that expectation of lifelong loyalty, so of course it hurts all the more to find them undermined.

 

[WhateverItTakes]

Lol piss off with comments like that, shit is bad as slut or manwhore shamming.

I dunno about as bad, but it's incredibly frustrating when people act superior that aspects of their life are none-traditional and simply conclude the world just isn't as woke as they are. I can be a bit insecure so needling comments that seek to demean my worldview irritate the hell outta me. Something I'm working on.

That same insecurity is why I figure monogamy is probably my thing. I think it's pretty cool when people manage to open things up with little friction though!

 

[Seirith]

Well, I can say personally I have never cheated and I have been with my husband for almost 19 years now ( I am 33, he is 37). I am 100% sure he has never cheated on me either. We are happy being with only each other, I have no desire to be with anyone else.

In my personal opinion, open relationships are just so you can cheat on each other with "permission". Fine, if you want to do it, doesn't hurt me any but totally not my thing and I would never be ok with it.

 

[Seirith]

So here's a question - is jealousy and emotional pain on being cheated on something that comes naturally or a conditioned response based on social constructs (serious question, I don't know the answer).

To me it is natural because I entered into the relationship knowing it would only be me and him. If he broke that, I would be very hurt and I know he would be very hurt if I broke that. I would feel as if I put my trust in him and he broke that and I would no longer be able to trust him.

 

[onken]

It's something I personally aim for.

 

[Shmuppers]

I don't think it is a social construct, as many other animals seem to do it too. I dunno tho

I know very, very few people that are actually ok with open relationships. And they usually have issues

 

[Sephzilla]

Monogamy has been found to exist out in the wild with other species, so I have a hard time saying monogamy is a social construct.

 

[Daria]

Social construct. I reckon marriage was initially invented in patriarchal societies to control women.

I think individuals can be monogamous as per their personalities and life philosophies but I don't think we are hard wired for it or anything.

I believe marriage came to be partially due to a patriarchal system but also stemming from the theory of functionalism. One man and one woman can live sepearstely perfectly fine, but if they come together (monogamously we're assuming), they work together to build something greater with ease.

marriage is meant to fully support one another, homosexual or heterosexual, but most of society still views them as a patriarchal system. This can be seen in brighter light when you look at certain religions and how women do not take the husbands last name. these women are still their own individual and not someone who becomes under him.