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Jez has never been happier to be an Xbox schill

I know. He's been absolutely delighted with our reaction to Asha and Asha herself.

I'm not so sure Asha is delighted with Jez, but that's another story.
 
I mean, for competition's sake, I would like for Xbox to get its act together and fuck up Sony a little bit so they are motivated to actually put some effort into Playstation.
 
"Xbox is kinda in a golden age"
Happy Eddie Murphy GIF by Laff
 
J Required said:
I think we had 16 "Jez" threads on gaf in a week. I'm starting to think that we are part of the problem promoting his useless ass.
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A while ago I posted that Jez threads should be banned and that people should stop giving the fat cunt attention. I had a bunch of people with shitty replies, so clearly Jez has a lot of fans on here.
 
Jez "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" Corden[B said:
]... like, Xbox is kinda in a golden age, but you wouldn't know it from reading comments online.[/B]
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Fantastically accurate analysis from detective Corden.

You wouldn't know that Xbox was in a golden age through comments on the internet; you would figure out how flawless their business is by printing their latest Xbox report.

If you look at their report, you'll see words like "Year-Over-Year decline" or "Revenue down" or "We have work to do" or "HOLY FUCK, we are FUCKED." Don't listen to your mind or what humans call "basic literacy." I hope I can share what's really going on (without consequence) and tell you exactly why Jez Corden isn't lying when he says Xbox is golden.

First, dim the lights in your room. Second, and this will sound weird, close your eyes and say "30% profit margin" three times. You'll hear two sounds. The first will be a loud whooshing sound, sorta like this one. The second will be this sound. And here's what will happen next ...

... Amy Hood, CFO of Microsoft, will be standing in front of you. Do not be alarmed. By reciting the Series chant, you have summoned she who has made Xbox shills suffer. She will have two objects with her. In her left hand, she will be holding a neatly folded but burning "This Is An Xbox" hoody. In her right hand, she will be holding a "Project Helix" hoody.

Notice anything? Only the Sarah Bond hoody is on fire; the Asha Sharma hoody isn't. It's a little dry from its trip through the underworld/AI, but it's perfectly wearable.

What this symbolizes is the old is dead and the new is living. This is why Xbox is in its golden age; the symbol of life — unstretchable fabric — now represents the brand, and the grim reaper of Xbox has chosen to align herself with life. Te audit, Xbox sumus (Translation: She hear's you, we are xbox.)

Y'know, people on the internet — and a few on Arpanet as well — absolutely hate Jez Corden and frequently accuse him of being a deliberately disinforming member of the gaming press who consistently lies to thousands of people (to make money and get free stuff) at the expense of creating a misinformed audience who will blindly support horrible business practices that lead to thousands of people losing their source of income, healthcare, house, friends, etc.

But once you've summoned Amy Hood and seen how even she has lost all common sense and decided to get behind what's looking like the next Dreamcast, you realize that people on the internet are wrong and Jez is, yet again, right as usual. Long live Windows Central, long live Corden.
 
Xbox consoles nearly dead. Top brass fired. Phil Spencer looks haggard as if he's been through hell and back. Call of Duty down. WoW Midnight reviews and sales down. Halo still MIA. AI suits taking over the division. "Hear you." Their next 'console' is going to be $1,000+ (aka DOA).

Golden age.... lol
 
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Hudo said:
I mean, for competition's sake, I would like for Xbox to get its act together and fuck up Sony a little bit so they are motivated to actually put some effort into Playstation.
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Yeah definitely. I'm not going to buy this project helix thing if they can't even get some proper exclusives under their belt.
 
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Xbox shills are a different breed.

There's a lot of fun things on the horizon right now. Things like the fact Xbox has a new logo, she's brought back regular Xbox Series X|S console updates, and announced a project name for its upcoming Xbox "Helix" next-gen console.
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Some of you get excited for that? That's all it takes.

No wonder they are where they are.
 
IDKFA said:
Xbox is in a golden age?

What the fuck is he smoking?!
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I think he means "golden shower age".

These freaks just lie down with their mouths open while Xbox execs piss on them. Then they all get up and announce to the world how transformative an experience it was.

Delusional doesn't even begin to describe it.
 
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Lol, he really will never get perspective on why it's dumb to a be a fanboy.

New person comes in to correct some obvious bad choices like the copilot stuff, and suddenly Xbox is in a golden age :pie_roffles:

Imagine if they made some must have games and made their storefront as good as Steam, would that put them in the platinum space age?
 
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Posted a few minutes ago on X

Jez Corden- "Until there's memory supply to actually make Xbox consoles in meaningful amounts do not expect any movement on exclusives"
 
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