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Just ended a 4 year relationship, what now?
- Thread starter MajorTom
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Makoto-Yuki
Banned
Your age doesn't really matter so ignore those saying "you're only 20" or "you're still young". 4 years is a long time to be with someone and if you break up it certainly does leave a hole and you need to readjust your life. doesn't matter if you're 18, 20, 25, 30, 50, 70.
When I ended a 3 year relationship at 19 I just decided to take some time to myself. It most certainly will be hard but you'll be fine! Spend more time playing games, reading books, going out with friends or try something new. Find a new hobby. Just use the extra free time to do something you enjoy.
When I ended a 3 year relationship at 19 I just decided to take some time to myself. It most certainly will be hard but you'll be fine! Spend more time playing games, reading books, going out with friends or try something new. Find a new hobby. Just use the extra free time to do something you enjoy.
Your age definitely matters in this case. The people saying "you're only 20" are saying that when you end a big relationship like this, of course it's going to be difficult but it's still not the end of the world. I'm sure a decent percentage of people at this age still haven't even had a girlfriend. You have still have time to find yourself and explore new things without any fear of being too old to start a family or having your career get in the way of searching for love.
We're not saying "it doesn't matter" but instead that "it's not the end of the world."
Take some time finding what you like to do and what makes you a whole person OP.
This TEDTalk "Rethinking Infidelity" might be enlightening or at least food for thought.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
No, not really. She is the one at fault. Is she still with that guy though now that he knows?
I'm not entirely sure she's told him yet to be honest.
I hope she does tell him soon.
It's the right thing to do
EDIT: Nevermind, sorry. I got this mixed up with another thread where the topic is similar.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Well, if you know him somehow, you might want to drop a tip, but I wouldn't get much further involved.
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
Go out and just socialize with people. Don't look for anything. Even go out by yourself, if need be.
And cut off any contact with her.
And cut off any contact with her.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Im not familiar with learning guitar, but I just assume, even if you try to keep it quit, your neighbors will be able to hear it.
Even if you use an electric guitar with headphones the sound would still come out of the guitar, yes?
Coriolanus
Banned
Install tinder.
Barely none. No acoustic box, so its just the sound of someone plucking some strings. A tv makes more noise.
Super Wario
Banned
Ryouji Gunblade
Member
Try some self-improvement. I dropped some pounds and starting lifting weights after my breakup. Find a new hobby, or check something off your bucket list.
Or make one! Keep yourself busy, learn from this and then you can go into the next one from a good place.
Screaming Meat
Unconfirmed Member
Just want to say thanks guys
Some really great advice here.
I think for now I'm going to concentrate on getting good grades at uni.
Maybe try become more active too.
There is a lot of good advice in here. Good luck, man.
Always-honest
Banned
Nah, unless you live in a cardboard house ofcourse.
BUNTING1243
Banned
No contact's a really big thing. I've had breakups that were a million times harder because I didn't do that. It literally can drag it out years.
GameAddict411
Member
Listen to this guy.
Captain Tuttle
Member
Start living man
TemplaerDude
Member
20? This is the best thing that ever happened to you. That girl is a bitch. Enjoy your freedom!
SubScorpianZero
Member
Do what most can't resist:
-avoid looking her up online (facebook, instagram, snapchat, whatever). Block her out moving forward.
-avoid texting/calling/emailing her.
-move on, it will suck, but move on.
-avoid looking her up online (facebook, instagram, snapchat, whatever). Block her out moving forward.
-avoid texting/calling/emailing her.
-move on, it will suck, but move on.
I think age applies here, adds some context.
youre 20 and youre asking "what now?"
dude...
im sorry but age totally applies here. Dude literally has his whole life ahead of him. Many of us would call him a "kid" still (I would but im an old fuck). Ending relationships sucks but lets not pretend its the same as if he was 40
dude...
im sorry but age totally applies here. Dude literally has his whole life ahead of him. Many of us would call him a "kid" still (I would but im an old fuck). Ending relationships sucks but lets not pretend its the same as if he was 40
Pretty much in the same boat. Four and a half relationship just ended a week ago. My first relationship. Currently 23. But we ended on good terms. Almost wish she had cheated to some extend. Would've given more closure I reckon. Now I just have this faint hope that we'll get togehter. Especially since me and the ex are currently together in London for NYE.
Anyway, for me in these four years she became such a big part of my own identity that it almost feels that I've lost myself. Like, I don't even know who the real me is. That'd almost the worst part. Plus the bruised ego.
Fuck it. We'll get over it.
Anyway, for me in these four years she became such a big part of my own identity that it almost feels that I've lost myself. Like, I don't even know who the real me is. That'd almost the worst part. Plus the bruised ego.
Fuck it. We'll get over it.
Almost the same thing happened to me a year ago. I was 21 coming out of 4 and a half years of being lied to and cheated on. If you're not fit, get fit. It'll change your life. Get a better haircut, update your wardrobe, and just look good all the time until you stop feeling pain.
Manmademan
Member
yeah, it definitely does. 4 years or not, 16 year old high school relationships are very much the 'training wheels' of relationships and the vast majority are doomed to failure.
people simply change so much during their 20s (college, careers, etc) that they rarely stay viable.
If this was a 4 year relationship down the tubes and OP was 34, this would be a completely different story.
Psychoward
Banned
.
That's kind of how I feel to be honest.
It was my first relationship so it hurts a lot, but I'm sure I'll get over it.
It probably seems a little bit stupid but I lost my virginity to her, I feel like it wouldn't hurt as much if I didn't.
outunderthestars
Banned
This shit right here. Take a few weeks to exercise, eat well, and relax. Then in Spring just casually get back out there as it happens.
John Kowalski
Banned
prime time to go fill up your car with your favorite cds
Yeah, feeling the same. Plus that we've kind of grown up together. We've done lots of cool things for the first time together. Everything feels tainted. Feels like I either can't enjoy or do those things anymore. Even though I'd really want to.
1) Take some time
2) Spotify Playlist = Sad
3) Spotify Playlist = Happy
4) Tinder
5) YOU ARE 20... trust me you are fine
Be happy you found out at your age what she was doing... move on and find someone who will treat you well. But have fun before jumping head first back in. I am 38.. trust me you have no idea how much more growing you have to do as a person.
2) Spotify Playlist = Sad
3) Spotify Playlist = Happy
4) Tinder
5) YOU ARE 20... trust me you are fine
Be happy you found out at your age what she was doing... move on and find someone who will treat you well. But have fun before jumping head first back in. I am 38.. trust me you have no idea how much more growing you have to do as a person.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Girls everywhere do you man
OP, because you're 20 that doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel bad for what happened. Even at the age of 20 you can have very strong feelings for someone who used to be your buddy and lover. Being cheated on by someone like that at such a young age without any other experiences in that regard can really feel like a major betrayal combined with a feeling of being lost.
I've been there, at exactly your age too so I know what you're going through. I tried to take revenge on my ex by dating other girls and whatnot and while it made her jealous it only resulted in the situation getting worse so I can advice you to not go for the revenge route, the benefits (if there are any) last very short and are mostly bittersweet.
My advice is to firstly talk about it with someone who is reaaally close to you, you don't need to go into full details but having someone to conversate with about your feelings helps a lot (if you like to process things alone at first then that's okay if you feel better that way)
Like others said you should enjoy your life as a single young man from now on, go out and meet other girls, hang out with friends, seek distraction in participating your hobbies. Try new things, meet new people etc etc. Lots of people say it but it's true, it mostly helps. But to be fair, this won't heal the wounds, time will, and distraction is a key. I advise you to not go into some rebound relationship because the benefits are very short-lived.
Don't look her up online or seek any contact with her. Block her on evetything as she is not worth your time and erase her from your memory as much as possible, this is very hard because you may have feelings for her but again, with time and distraction you'll come very far.
Just don't do stupid shit.
I've been there, at exactly your age too so I know what you're going through. I tried to take revenge on my ex by dating other girls and whatnot and while it made her jealous it only resulted in the situation getting worse so I can advice you to not go for the revenge route, the benefits (if there are any) last very short and are mostly bittersweet.
My advice is to firstly talk about it with someone who is reaaally close to you, you don't need to go into full details but having someone to conversate with about your feelings helps a lot (if you like to process things alone at first then that's okay if you feel better that way)
Like others said you should enjoy your life as a single young man from now on, go out and meet other girls, hang out with friends, seek distraction in participating your hobbies. Try new things, meet new people etc etc. Lots of people say it but it's true, it mostly helps. But to be fair, this won't heal the wounds, time will, and distraction is a key. I advise you to not go into some rebound relationship because the benefits are very short-lived.
Don't look her up online or seek any contact with her. Block her on evetything as she is not worth your time and erase her from your memory as much as possible, this is very hard because you may have feelings for her but again, with time and distraction you'll come very far.
Just don't do stupid shit.
talisayNon
Member
Take your protein pill and put your helmet on brother
Rofl 20?
Jesus dude.
Youll be fine.
Rofl 20?
Jesus dude.
Youll be fine.
While nobody cheated on anyone, I just got out of a four year relationship right before Christmas.
I feel your loss of direction, op, but it'll be alright. If this is your first real breakup you'll look back on it in a few months and wonder how it could've thrown you for such a loop.
I feel your loss of direction, op, but it'll be alright. If this is your first real breakup you'll look back on it in a few months and wonder how it could've thrown you for such a loop.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Oh man. You are 20 dude. You got so much sex to go drown yourself in.
But take some time and grieve for the relationship. But after that just focus on yourself. What would you like to improve? Do it. What would you like to experience? Do it. Get dressed, get out, and get laid. They got apps for that shit now. Just tap so you can tap.
But take some time and grieve for the relationship. But after that just focus on yourself. What would you like to improve? Do it. What would you like to experience? Do it. Get dressed, get out, and get laid. They got apps for that shit now. Just tap so you can tap.
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