watching one of my favorites The Trouble With Gribbles.
DALE: Mr. Gribble, I hold in my hand People Magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" issue. Are you familiar with this Time-Warner publication?
- No.
- May I remind you that you are under oath
and that the subscription label bears the name of your optometrist?
I'll ask you again, are you familiar with this Time-Warner publication? edit.screw the re-sizing
- Possibly.
LAWYER: Objection! How is this relevant?
DALE: Your honor, I intend to establish the witness's impossibly high standard of beauty.
JUDGE: I'll allow it,
but I want to see where this is going. Sit still and get on with it.
DALE: Thank you, your honor. Mr. Gribble, turning to page 16 of this magazine, can you identify the individual pictured thereon?
- Jennifer Aniston.
- Do you or do you not find her beautiful?
- The really hot girl next door, yeah.
Beautiful, no.
- Page 19, Denise Richards.
- I cannot get past her wretched acting to see any beauty.
- Mira Sorvino? Mina Suvari? Chloe Sevigny?
- Speak English, please.
- Cindy Crawford?
- Mole!
- Very well, then: Julia Roberts.
- A horse is a horse, of course of course.
- Are you telling this court, under oath, that you find none of these women beautiful?
Are you...
a homosexual?
- Noooooooo!!!
- You cannot have it both ways, Mr. Gribble! Either you are a homosexual, or the most beautiful woman in the world is in this magazine.
- The most beautiful woman...
in the world is in this courtroom.
COURTROOM: Gasp.
DALE: She is right over there.
PEGGY: Oh.
DALE: Not you,
the prettier woman next to you.
Would the woman in the sunglasses and hat please remove her sunglasses? And hat?
- Do you know this woman?
- She is my wife. She is my lover.
She is the mother of my child.
She is my raisin de tray.
- But is she beautiful?
Your honor, please direct the witness to answer the question.
JUDGE: May I remind the witness and his "attorney" that the entire basis of his damage claim rests upon his wife's appearance.
One of you answer the question!
DALE: She is the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I want her back more than anything. If anything, I owe Manitoba money for the loveliness my second-hand smoke has bestowed upon my Nancy.