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Let's talk about dating and ghosting culture
- Thread starter family_guy
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weemadarthur
Member
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Last edited:
Yeah you're probably right =_=
Sorry about your friend, but most people aren't going through that kind of real stuff. And I'm not talking about people mutually growing apart due to the reality of a busy life. I'm talking about one friend explicitly ignoring another friend. How about we not act like that doesn't happen?
Ghosting is a cold but nessecary part of modern life.
Its not like Ghosting is reserved to just dating, almost any application process is handled with Ghosting being the defult state for unsuccessful candidates.
As a guy i follow a simple rule.
Don't send more then 2 texts/messages without a response unless there was a spelling error or something else that warrants a quick correction. On occasion you might send a 3rd message consecutive message, but Never send more then 3 consecutive messages to a person you are interested in.
Its not like Ghosting is reserved to just dating, almost any application process is handled with Ghosting being the defult state for unsuccessful candidates.
As a guy i follow a simple rule.
Don't send more then 2 texts/messages without a response unless there was a spelling error or something else that warrants a quick correction. On occasion you might send a 3rd message consecutive message, but Never send more then 3 consecutive messages to a person you are interested in.
Sunster
Member
na that's not ghosting. ghosting is when you intentionally cut off all contact, ignoring any communication from that person. not feeling like connecting with friends is not ghosting. I do that all the time because being social is work and I'm lazy.
I feel like this is a lesson we all need to learn and re-learn as we get older.
btw once you get used to it, ghosting is fine. just don't get so attached so early in dating!
read this and wait until you're actually in a relationship before getting so attached
family_guy
Member
This is true and that's not ghosting, but if a friend makes repeated attempts to reach out to you and you never get back to them then your message(or non-message) to them is that you're probably not friends anymore. That's not to say that can't all be fixed by later reconnecting with them and explaining, but the onus is on you if you value that friendship.
Ron Mexico
Member
The pre-cell phone era had the same shit. Before we had cell phones we had caller id.
As someone who wasn't single from 1996-2012, I had this weird opportunity to see both starting (restarting?) dating in both the days before widespread internet dating and dating condensed down to an app.
I don't think things have really changed all that much other than the megaphone effect that the internet brings. I'm about as average of a guy as it gets. I myself "ghosted" in '96 terms and ghosted in today's terms. I've also been ghosted in both "eras".
My opinion (and not looking to put words in anyone's mouth, rather addressing the point mentioned somewhere earlier in the thread of ghosting not necessarily being a female to male)-- Is it the most elegant solution? No. Is there a better way? No. Shit happens and we're not entitled to anything different.
lightskintwin
Banned
This.
People use to ghost marriages. LOL Just up and leave one day and move 10 miles away and they'd never see each other again.
weemadarthur
Member
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Stallion Dan
Member
It's a basic decency to just say you're not interested or don't wanna do thing, not silently​ announce you're a prick.
This is exactly why people who are saying ghosting "sends a clear message" are so wrong about that. Not that I don't understand doing it for safety reasons, but it's uh, not exactly clear communication because you have no idea wtf is going on on the other person's end.
there's a great bit in the book modern romance about this - dude thought he was getting ghosted and he ran into the girl a few months later and it turned out to be something else entirely.
Ghosting in the terms of the beginning is a relationship and ghosting friendships are two entirely different things...
always crazy bacon
Banned
People ghost becuse due to online dating and the apps two people that have no social ties or shared social group can meet up. When you ghost there is nothing,nobody that knows you did to call the ghoster out on it. Imagine trying to real life ghost someone that was in a shared friendship circle, it's not going to work becuse your going to have to interact with that person again.
The flip side is with online dating you will get to meet far more people and have more hookups is you are so inclined so you have to look at the benefits as well before you hate on ghosters.
The flip side is with online dating you will get to meet far more people and have more hookups is you are so inclined so you have to look at the benefits as well before you hate on ghosters.
benicillin
Banned
When my cat was an outdoors cat she would ghost me all the time.
Only showed up when she wanted food ;_;
Only showed up when she wanted food ;_;
Guest12345678
Member
I think this happened to a dude in my family, but it was back in the motherland where they did arranged marriages. Hes one of the nicest dudes and doesnt seem to hate her for it.
always crazy bacon
Banned
It's basic decency to accept a rejection and not act like a prick too.
MetaCircular
Member
For me, ghosting has usually been a form of avoidance coping for my anxiety issues. I actually consider it a character flaw that I'm trying to improve (trying to avoid stress is making me MORE anxious).
I suspect the vast majority of the time in dating, it's done to avoid unpleasant emotions more than anything else. The (likely very small - seriously, no stats on this?) probability of real physical danger feels like a convenient excuse/rationalization.
I suspect the vast majority of the time in dating, it's done to avoid unpleasant emotions more than anything else. The (likely very small - seriously, no stats on this?) probability of real physical danger feels like a convenient excuse/rationalization.
TickleMeElbow
Member
Shit I got ghosted by one of my professors once.
I kept sending her emails asking questions about my final project, but she wouldn't reply.
Felt bad man.
I kept sending her emails asking questions about my final project, but she wouldn't reply.
Felt bad man.
A quick google search can give you a pretty good view of how people react to rejection.
Spoiler alert, it's not pretty.
family_guy
Member
But what do you do? Fill out a police report to make it official? How do you get a divorce in that situation?
Ghosting is pretty much the default indeed.
Its really heartbreaking ormaybe im pessimistic but I expect no replies 90% ,of the time in my interaction. Be it Romantic or even platonic.
People are just not interested in you most of the time in life.
entremet
Member
Yeah.
In the end, you wanna be with someone that wants to be with you. It sucks and can hurt, but dating carries that risk.
TheLostBigBoss
Banned
People don't want to be rejected
Ghosting is the absence of rejection
Insecure men don't get rejected and dont lose their minds
Win win!
daemissary
Member
A) "No one owes you shit" is a terrible outlook to have in life. I treat everyone with respect and I hope in return, they treat me with respect. There's a reason that the Golden Rule is treat others as you wish to be treated.
B) It absolutely does not send a clear message whatsoever. My buddy sent me two texts while I was at work last week, I read them and fully intended to respond after I got home but I spaced and didn't even remember he sent them until I got another text from him 3 days later. This isn't a rare occurrence, people are busy and things sometimes slip their mind.
"A ridesharing driver has been jailed for threatening to slit the throat of a passenger who refused his overture for a date."
http://www.wowt.com/content/news/Ub...shot-down-his-pitch-for-a-date-432296123.html
and you know, literally every woman in this thread telling us they've gotten flak for saying no vs ghosting
Pinko Marx
Banned
I hate being ghosted. I completely understand why ladies do it, but I'd definitely would rather just get a firm no. Once again, I get why, but it makes me feel like a giant loser every fricken time.
ProfessorLobo
Banned
Yeah I generally think ghosting is a shitty thing to do. Even coming up with excuses is fine, "sorry I'm going to be really busy in the future". But not responding at all sucks.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
As much as ghosting sucks, given the amount of crazy dudes out there, it's understandable. It's the instances where they try and unghost themselves months later that I can't stand.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Guys ghost too people, don't put this all as a female only behaviour.
hydrophilic attack
Member
did she give you the D
TickleMeElbow
Member
She actually gave me the A.
Stallion Dan
Member
A rejection requires contact, so not ghosting.
I was actually talking to a girl on OK Cupid about this a few hours ago. It's rude and hurts when they just downright ignore you, but I understand that pretty girls get hammered with messages and most of them likely disrespectful to say the least, so I can't really get mad. This on dating sites though, if we're talking about someone you met and are texting, then it's just downright mean.
BrutishMrFish
Member
The poster was specifically referring to dating and not all aspects of life. They weren't advocating for a libertarian hellscape out of Ayn Rand's dreams.
This thread proves otherwise, unless you think it's respectful to ignore the experiences of the women explaining what happened to them when they outright rejected guys and how they've gotten less shit when ghosting.
Ampersands
Member
Ghosting people doesn't incite anger because there's still some initial hope when being ghosted. This slowly dies as opposed to being blown up through a direct rejection.
I think it'd be better for society to adopt ghosting as the de facto rejection method asap. The modern dating scene doesn't need any more uncertainty.
I think it'd be better for society to adopt ghosting as the de facto rejection method asap. The modern dating scene doesn't need any more uncertainty.
It's an outlook on early dating, not life.
Very, very different context.
People off both genders ghost for all sorts of reasons. GAF brings up a valid point with women's safety and I really don't want to make light of that, but anywhere else on the internet I've seen the discussions tend to be much more nuanced. Plenty of women dislike ghosting too.
AuthenticM
Member
I can't believe I read this whole thread lol
lol what. Not completely yielding to somebody else's views and experiences is not being disrespectful.
Stallion Dan
Member
Nah, if someone gonna blow up they gonna blow up, all ghosting does is tell the reasonable people you're a rude person. And that is what ghosters are despite whatever excuse to justify it.
Some people do take silence better than outright rejection.
hydrophilic attack
Member
if someone quotes you on gaf and you don't quote them back
is this ghosting
is this ghosting