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Let's talk about the friend zone
- Thread starter Fudgepuppy
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blame space
Banned
my wife just put me in the marriage counseling zone
ZackieChan
Member
Afaik, your first definition is correct. I guess the "putting someone in the friend zone" is just the lack of acceptance of the romantic gesture or intention (or in some dude's cases, the pitiful inability to make such intentions known). It's almost completely passive, but the term is a useful shorthand, I guess.
maquiladora
Member
Some folk say that on the night of a new moon, he can still be seen roaming the woods.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
pit stop to divorce zone dawg
lightskintwin
Banned
I don't think it's bullshit because I've seen it happen numerous times.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Pretty much. We all worked together This guy was smitten with her. She was beautiful, smart, etc. We all hung out and he made his intentions known to her. He was really nice to her as in taking care of her on holidays, birthdays, listening to all her problems, helping her move, etc. I think because of all that she never completely shot him down, but dated other dudes the entire time. She had a terrible breakup, then she broke the emergency glass and they ended up being a couple. Shit moved so fast that they got married within a year. 3 years later they divorced.
IMO, she loved what he did for her and how he took care of every need, but she didn't love him. If that makes sense. I don't think he left any room for her to 'want' anything because he gave her everything. He was devastated.
I mean, real talk, if I put someone in the friend zone, it's because I want them as a friend. As in, I want them around, just not romantically. The friendzone isn't a bad thing.
If you're not interested in being anything but romantically involved, don't stay in that engagement. It's not fair to yourself or the other person.
See this is a real problem. If you're looking to rush into that relationship with no inkling of what the circumstances are, you're just going to end up hating that other person. There's no point in being a dick in a glass case, that does nothing but waste your own time and keeps you from meeting other people while continuing to put this person who isn't interested on a pedestal. It's silly, but people do it all the god damn time.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
romance is so much about right place at the right time
I don't think people get that
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
This image is also a good illustration for our current political climate and online "debate."
blame space
Banned
where is that place? what is that time?
BlueTsunami
there is joy in sucking dick
No one talks about the bone zone
https://youtu.be/UXqnfDc03uc
Lmao
Ultimately this friend zone can be universally defined as a self imposed hell. Anyone who uses the phrase as a way to describe a place someone else places them in doesnt seem to realize they have other choices other than hanging around.
Professor Renegade
Banned
The friend zone is such a stupid concept because the moment some butthurt dude gets rejected and cries "friend zone" it implies that something is owed when that's never the fucking case.
I think you're mostly correct- but that there's not necessarily an initial rejection that ever takes place- the trap (for the person with feelings) is that they've got their attraction leading them to want to be around that person, but the potential rejection makes them scared to act on it, because that runs the risk of them not being able to interact going forward (which they think is the worst possible outcome, even though it's what they need to do for a health mental existence)
It doesn't feel like anything. I mean it's just Natalie. She just loves hanging out with me. We tease and joke, I even blamed a fart on her once.
I mean she says she likes my eyes but lots of girls say that.
Hold up, it's Natalie calling. Probably to gossip a bit like she always does. It's weird though every time I tell her about a girl I'm interested in she always tells me their sexual history in extreme detail. Weird. She's just quirky, I suppose she just doesn't like hanging out with girls.
"Sorry I only like you as a friend" is a friend zoned as it gets. Guys who never ask aren't friend zoned, they're just chicken shit.
entremet
Member
Why did this happen, though?
The Friend Zone is a relatively new thing, probably last 30 years, and it's mostly the result of men lacking positive masculine dating advice. I'm not talking about misogynists tripe, but stuff our grandfathers already knew.
But if you like a girl, ask her out.
Somewhere along the line, guys started being friends with women they're attracted to, with the hope of romance springing from that.
Why is that?
That's a totally losing strategy. And it's happening more and more and these days.
Kor of Memory
Member
I believe the friend zone is a bi product of several themes and plot devices of a lot of media in the 80s, 90s, and 00s. I still see it nowadays, though not as much.
The friend zone is a awful thing that was born from a combination of several common beliefs, namely:
I try not to blame anyone that feels like the friendzone is a real thing, because they've had these concept drilled into them all throughout their life.
How many sitcoms involved a dweebish guy who had to watch the girl he wanted date these "jerks" that weren't good enough for her?
How many cartoons involved a cute girl interest where the guy really made no effort to initiate anything, and just hoped the girl would see him for who he is?
How many movies showed us a story about how a girl kept dating the wrong guys over and over only to eventually fall madly in love with her best friend who had been there the whole time?
This is what created the friend zone. This horrible idea that all women have to date these horrible assholes because they don't know any better until the sweet male friend swoops in to fix everything? Hell, people still cite Pam and Jim from The Office as a great on screen couple but the entire first 3 season are all about navigating the friend zone.
So now what happens when guys try to experience this in the real world, except it doesn't work? It can't be that they've done something wrong. They've literally followed the playbook of all the movies and tv shows they watch to know what "should" happen... yet it doesn't.
It's just this huge disconnect of what society teaching us vs what actually happens. It actually reminds me of the movie Don Jon. You send this whole movie seeing JGL dealing with a porn addiciton and not being able to cope with the disconnect of real women vs porn women, except for that one scene where you see the same thing illustrated to ScarJo's character where she sees these Romantic stories as a guideline for how love is supposed to work.
So you have two genders that are taught two radically different perspectives on how to deal with "love" from a young age, and neither of them are even close to how it actually works.
This is what created the friendzone, and this is why people still feel like they get trapped in it to this day.
The friend zone is a awful thing that was born from a combination of several common beliefs, namely:
- Good things come to those that wait.
- Nice guys finish last.
- True love was right in front of you the whole time.
I try not to blame anyone that feels like the friendzone is a real thing, because they've had these concept drilled into them all throughout their life.
How many sitcoms involved a dweebish guy who had to watch the girl he wanted date these "jerks" that weren't good enough for her?
How many cartoons involved a cute girl interest where the guy really made no effort to initiate anything, and just hoped the girl would see him for who he is?
How many movies showed us a story about how a girl kept dating the wrong guys over and over only to eventually fall madly in love with her best friend who had been there the whole time?
This is what created the friend zone. This horrible idea that all women have to date these horrible assholes because they don't know any better until the sweet male friend swoops in to fix everything? Hell, people still cite Pam and Jim from The Office as a great on screen couple but the entire first 3 season are all about navigating the friend zone.
So now what happens when guys try to experience this in the real world, except it doesn't work? It can't be that they've done something wrong. They've literally followed the playbook of all the movies and tv shows they watch to know what "should" happen... yet it doesn't.
It's just this huge disconnect of what society teaching us vs what actually happens. It actually reminds me of the movie Don Jon. You send this whole movie seeing JGL dealing with a porn addiciton and not being able to cope with the disconnect of real women vs porn women, except for that one scene where you see the same thing illustrated to ScarJo's character where she sees these Romantic stories as a guideline for how love is supposed to work.
So you have two genders that are taught two radically different perspectives on how to deal with "love" from a young age, and neither of them are even close to how it actually works.
This is what created the friendzone, and this is why people still feel like they get trapped in it to this day.
blame space
Banned
how do you know if you like someone without being their friend first? 🤔
AnathemicOne
Banned
Again, that's still rejection only followed up by possible friendship, it's still the rejected party's responsibility to either make the friendship, cut contact, or hell, even ask for delay to think about it.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
It is something in the way we were brought up. I always believed women hated when guys made advances because they wanted to be left alone, and that being a nice dude is how you would do it.
I wonder if our media has something to do with it.
Captain Smoker
Member
I think you are wrong that it implies this because you take one single theoretical situation.
This is your scenario and all of his premises:
a.) Guy is sexually attracted to girl and only wants to fuck her
b.) Guy does nice stuff and therefore feels she owes him sex
c.) Guy is butthurt because of rejection
d.) Guy uses the term "friend-zone" to explain his situation and blame her
In reality it's usually not like that because there are multiple scenarios:
a.) You imply that a dude thinks a women owes him something, he can do nice things and fail without thinking she owes him something because he respects her.
b.) You want sex, but you also want romantic feelings / romantic things to do with her, everything that is crucial to a good relationship.
c.) Guy is butthurt or angry at women because he fails, well, he doesn't have to be butthurt or angry at her, maybe he thinks he should improve himself.
Yeah, you can stay or get out. I agree.
Pai Pai Master
Banned
It may be too anecdotal to go that far I guess. I have only ever seen the term "friend zone" used unironically by bitter people who feel entitled to attention from the opposite sex.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
This seems close to the etymology.
I just tried googling to find more about this, and it looks like the first use of it was Joey telling Ross on Friends he got friendzoned by Rachel, but when that sort of cultural moment gets mixed with old romantic comedies that were almost always some aloof, average dude that couldn't get a hot girl, and the redpillers found the Ladder Theory, there wasn't long before people started to see right through the term.
BlazinSkatinAxel
Member
The No Poon Zone.
I think you're dead on about the terrible media messages (which are basically just wish-fulfillment) playing into this. I loved that Stranger Things completely subverted these kinds of tropes.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
FUCKING KNEW Ross was the OG nice guy
I don't think it's always about rejection. Take this for an example. A guy starts freshman year and in class he's sitting next to a girl he's attracted to. They are friendly, he shares notes and stuff. Thinking that the nicer he is the more she may appreciate him and something can blossom over time. Then there's another guy who sees her in the next class and automatically asks her out that night for a date. By no fault of anyone, guy number 1 is end the firndzone without even asking and being rejected. IMO friend zone is the place where you go when you take things too slowly and other people are more aggressive than you are
Moff
Member
I don't understand why you would blame anyone but yourself for ending up "friendzoned". Doesn't make sense to me. It's also not my experience with that term, or any entitlement/obligation that might come with it. But I don't browse any red pill stuff or anything so maybe I am naive.
Also sucks for the girl who thought she had a friend but it turns out he only wanted sex.
BlueTsunami
there is joy in sucking dick
lightskintwin
Banned
There's a scene in Project Almanac that perfectly encapsulates this, there's an exact moment where he didn't act that put him in the friend zone afterward and he rewinds time and kisses her which changes everything. I've seen these type of moments numerous times IRL which forever changed the dynamic of their relationship depending upon what occurred.
Yes, I think that's also why there are so many different notions associated with "friend zone". Because of this shorthanded usage, it can easily change meanings by shouting or crying it out, thus creating definitions of "being used by sexist men, because they thing you owe them sex" etc.
Yeah, I guess I should have been more precise in my wording there or in what scenario I had in mind or I thought the whole thing about "window of opportunity" was all about.
I was thinking more of like: You get to know someone and you two are attracted to each other. After 2 months you meet said person again and you two are still attracted to each other. It's not like the attraction has vanished because you didn't get to see each other for 2 months and you missed your "windows of opportunity", because you didnt act faster.
Yes this is true, and I guess this is often because of the inexperience of young men.
MrToughPants
Brian Burke punched my mom
Bout to friendzone my pregnant fiancee if she keeps farting in my face when I'm going down on her...
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Christ and Ross was the one I most related to as well...
Oh nooooooooooooooooo
Oh nooooooooooooooooo
Vicetrailia
Banned
Friend zone is where you end up when you don't make your romantic intentions known. It esp sucks when you knew that you had the opportunity if only you acted.
On tinder (not asking the person out fast enough, so they get bored or distracted) they fall off a cliff.
So the lesson is...just let your intentions be known and seal the deal sooner rather than later.
On tinder (not asking the person out fast enough, so they get bored or distracted) they fall off a cliff.
So the lesson is...just let your intentions be known and seal the deal sooner rather than later.
Sounds scary I've luckily never even been put in the sleep on the couch zone.
this is why i specifically added to the females response "but we can still be friends"
also pro tip you can be friendzoned and still walk away, you could even ghost that person and still be in their friendzone.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
I think that with some, friend zone can be used in a bitter way. At other times people just mean they got rejected, and not particularly bitter. I think there is definitely some nuance there and context is important.
entremet
Member
Because the guy never learned to be masculine. Vilifying healthy masculinity hurts both sexes here.
He wasted his time on a losing strategy.
She loses a friend and feels cheap and used.
I find way easier to be friends with women who rejected my romantic advances from jump street. I know where we stand and I can choose to be friends with them sincerely instead of having ulterior motives.
Besides, most people want to be with those whose also share a mutual attraction romantically. Your "crush" quickly fizzles when you're rejected from the beginning.
well yeah. In real life the bullies and Alphas still get the girls at the end. That's the disconnect. It doesn't make for a good movie though.
Now whether they end up marrying them etc that isn't the point as I don't think any teenager is looking for marriage right off the bat. That's what happened in the office. Pans husband was the "bully" that won in the end. It just happens that years later it ended up not working out.
Airola
Member
Where does this theory comes from that all the people who cry about being friend zoned are doing that because they couldn't have sex?
Isn't that kind of sexist thinking too? That all guys are just wanting sex, especially if they can't handle rejection?
It comes from places like theredpill on reddit where guys are constantly crying that they got friendzoned by a slut who should be grateful to blow a nice guy like them
lightskintwin
Banned
I do think at it's most basic, primal level; getting friendzoned means the other person can't see themselves being sexual with you.
kinoki
Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.
It's hard to tell someone who is sexually attracted to you that you don't feel the same way, especially if you're friends with that person and want to stay that way. The friend zone is invented for people to deal with it through blaming the person who was never interested.
The faux theories of the "window of oppertunity" basicly means that the interested party is lying and will soon be found out. That "window" never closes. If you percieve that window as closed, it was probably never open unless you did something to close it. But if you did, you wouldn't still be friends. Unless the woman is scared of you and would rather have you as a "friend" than a psycho stalking her.
The faux theories of the "window of oppertunity" basicly means that the interested party is lying and will soon be found out. That "window" never closes. If you percieve that window as closed, it was probably never open unless you did something to close it. But if you did, you wouldn't still be friends. Unless the woman is scared of you and would rather have you as a "friend" than a psycho stalking her.
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