cryptosporidium
Member
Never confide in a women = never get put into the friendzone
at least thats how its worked for me. Learn from mistakes
at least thats how its worked for me. Learn from mistakes
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Let's talk about the friend zone
- Thread starter Fudgepuppy
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LucidMomentum
Member
Sure, if you never want to try that's an acceptable outcome.
family_guy
Member
Let's put it this way. If you don't want to be friends with her, then don't be friends with her. There is no friendzone if you're not friends. It's the people who stick around after a woman says she's not interested in hopes she might change her mind later that have themselves to blame. It may seem counter-productive, but if you still are holding out for a chance, then the best thing you can do is disappear and meet other people. It might be that she changes her mind later, but that almost certainly won't happen if you let her even think of you as a friend.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Something tells me you're not learning the real lessons you should.
(The following is just speculation that can be safely ignored if you want, but maybe you just need a different perspective.) For example, was the stuff you were confiding fucked up and/or was your perspective on those things weird? Just anecdotally, I know I've had plenty of moments where people have confided in me and my attraction shot way up, but then there are others who do the same and it's obvious to me their way of thinking is a mess that I don't want anything to do with.
Edit:
That makes sense!
I think on some level confiding or giving too much to someone too early is probably a great way to make close friends (with the possibility of rejection), which is how that strategy ends up consistently delivering friendship.
cryptosporidium
Member
Nah I mean dont show too much emotional investment/attachment/subservience to as that will most likely push woman or sometimes a man away.
I think im explaining it right, but yeah dont tell a dude on the first date about how many dudes youve been with, or tell a girl some deeply personal stuff right off the bat.
Edit: to the person above, yeah the latter thing in that you come off with showing way too much baggage.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
well yeah of course
I'm just saying, in terms of sexual attraction, that never really goes away.
lightskintwin
Banned
You're making the mistake that all attraction is equally the same and not accounting for the various different degrees and extents of attraction.
AnathemicOne
Banned
Explain the supposed friend zone then and others will be fine (myself included) to argue otherwise without anecdote.
Darklor01
Might need to stop sniffing glue
Never get put in
LOL. I've been put there many times when I was in High School or after for being too much of a nice guy. Wait, no.. it's because I was not only a nice guy, but a fat guy. I was the funny friend who was great to be with, but not to lay with.
That changed, and I went through a whole slew of dating partners after, and then a few years back, I got married.
The Friend Zone is a horrible place to be because that attraction is still there for one or both of you, but you've been locked out of that part of the persons brain.
I always found it interesting that women can do that. Can simply decide to not think of you that way, and it's locked out sort of like your computer does when you forget your password. Sure, it can be reset, if the Admin lets you.
Do not get put in the Friend Zone unless you intend to be OK staying there.
LOL. I've been put there many times when I was in High School or after for being too much of a nice guy. Wait, no.. it's because I was not only a nice guy, but a fat guy. I was the funny friend who was great to be with, but not to lay with.
That changed, and I went through a whole slew of dating partners after, and then a few years back, I got married.
The Friend Zone is a horrible place to be because that attraction is still there for one or both of you, but you've been locked out of that part of the persons brain.
I always found it interesting that women can do that. Can simply decide to not think of you that way, and it's locked out sort of like your computer does when you forget your password. Sure, it can be reset, if the Admin lets you.
Do not get put in the Friend Zone unless you intend to be OK staying there.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Yeah I'm calling bullshit on this.
Umm men can do this too. It's called not liking someone enough to date. Women propositioning men if they like them has been a widespread thing of my generation (34).
In my 16-18 age sure I'd confuse and conflate the two and sleep with a girl if they showed half an interest regardless of whether i liked them in the way they implied they liked me but through experience you come to realise pretty quick that often lead to trouble, confusion and hurt on both sides.
It was my education of life.
blame space
Banned
i got friendzoned by society
Darklor01
Might need to stop sniffing glue
I'm sorry, yes.. I shouldn't exclude men. Also.. I'm 40. Lol. Yes, it was a widespread thing, and I think still is to be honest.
What I meant is.. I don't really think you are put in the friend zone unless someone didn't really want to date you, but didn't want to offend you either. I don't think it is somewhere they put you when something doesn't go right. There may be an exception to that rule where they do that to you if they become interested in someone else, but want to keep you around.
Stop expecting blow jobs from Society.
Society will blow you when it's good and ready.
🤔🤔🤔🤔Never get put in
LOL. I've been put there many times when I was in High School or after for being too much of a nice guy. Wait, no.. it's because I was not only a nice guy, but a fat guy. I was the funny friend who was great to be with, but not to lay with.
That changed, and I went through a whole slew of dating partners after, and then a few years back, I got married.
The Friend Zone is a horrible place to be because that attraction is still there for one or both of you, but you've been locked out of that part of the persons brain.
I always found it interesting that women can do that. Can simply decide to not think of you that way, and it's locked out sort of like your computer does when you forget your password. Sure, it can be reset, if the Admin lets you.
Do not get put in the Friend Zone unless you intend to be OK staying there.
Moff
Member
It's a really weird notion in this thread here that apparently it's some devious masterplan of some guys to sneak into a woman's heart via befriending her when
a) that obviously is not the case because the "friendzone" is something negative and exactly the situation they try to avoid
b) the real reason for that is obviously that they are just too chickenshit to make their intentions/feelings clear out of fear of rejection
it's not a devious plan for chrissake, that is ridicoulus
also, I always said people ending up in the friendzone have no one to blame but themselves. but asking why the friendzone would be something to complain about because women are more than just sex objects is just as dumb.
StreetDisciple
Member
A chic needs to know your immediately interested in fucking. Otherwise she will start talking about other dudes, her ex etc. Then u find yourself giving advice to her and shit like that. Then ultimately find yourself in the friend zone.
lightskintwin
Banned
At its most basic and how the term is typically used; the friend zone is a zone men are in despite desiring more from a particular woman; but she has no interst beyond anything besides friendship because she can't see her self having sex with him, yet alone being in a relatinship with.
The majority of times men already start off in this zone, typically because she was already "out of their league", and they think becoming good friends or even best friends will give them a better opportunity to acheive their goal of successfully courting her, when infact it typically only aceives the goal of becoming good friends. LOL Which should be obvious but some men think being "nice" and being there as a friend should translate to more such as her seeing how he would treat her in a relationship, instead of the "assholes" and "douchebags" she continues to date and they perceive "treat her wrong": not realizing their biggest obstacle they have yet to overcome and probably never will is her being physically/sexually attracted to them.
Now there are men who didn't start off in the friend zone with a particular woman, and there was mutual initial interest from both parties. However during the dating phase, usually the first date, he failed to ignite and/or maintain any sexual tension and therefore she has lost intersest despite thinking he's a great guy and probably would make a great boyfriend. They could share so much in common and get along so well, but at best can only become really good to best friends because ultimately she doens't see herself having sex with him because regardless of how close they've become, she only sees him as a "brother". These type of guys usually have a pattern of this occuring.
Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, and there are instances of men escaping from their "freind zone" status.
Also as it relates to dating; I'm not speaking about dates where the woman outrights dislikes him afterwsrds or loses interest due to other issues. I'm specifically speaking when a woman still likes a guy, but realizes she no longer likes him "that way" due to lack of any "sparks". Even a bad first kiss with no "sparks" can relegate you to the dreaded "friend zone", despite everything up to that point going well.
Accurate as hell.
Curt Baboon
Member
I've always wondered how it feels like for a normal good-looking girl to be constantly surrounded by Nice Guys pretending to be her friends. Women MUST know that's what it is from Day 1, right?
Because I would feel so weirded out if I found out that some of my friends were my friends only to fuck me, but on the other hand I think the vibe these guys give off betrays their intentions right away so it would be hardly surprising once the shoe finally drops.
Because I would feel so weirded out if I found out that some of my friends were my friends only to fuck me, but on the other hand I think the vibe these guys give off betrays their intentions right away so it would be hardly surprising once the shoe finally drops.
Perfect Cha0s
Member
Pretty much. Only you can answer if you're willing to be cordial and actually just friends if you get turned down, or if you'd rather simply remove that person from your life (in some capacity) and move on.
Edit: And of course, sticking around, waiting for "your chance" while being shitty and/or passive aggressive is a super dick move.
Usually I find when people use the term "friend zone" in a straight faced and serious manner its often a very personal, even self centered mind set. The idea itself often comes off the fact that a lot of guys are under the understanding that they can somehow get into a position to have sex with a woman just because. The idea that you are only being friends with someone to get somewhere else or worse sticking around because you think you can get somewhere sexual is pretty fucking deluded and narcassistic. Its pretty creepy just to be someone's friend so you can bang them, in a lot of ways you aren't really a friend, you just want something from them.
The friend zone seems to be the result of the fact that amazingly and surprisingly enough only to the dude in the friend zone, it didn't work out for them and they're "just" friends. Whether its on the guy or the girl or whoever it doesn't matter. Just cut your damn losses, move on and try again with someone else as rough as that might seem at the time. If you actually like them as a person and not a set of holes to claim and get your rocks off then just keep being friends because you enjoy their company.
The friend zone seems to be the result of the fact that amazingly and surprisingly enough only to the dude in the friend zone, it didn't work out for them and they're "just" friends. Whether its on the guy or the girl or whoever it doesn't matter. Just cut your damn losses, move on and try again with someone else as rough as that might seem at the time. If you actually like them as a person and not a set of holes to claim and get your rocks off then just keep being friends because you enjoy their company.
chillybright
Banned
Yeah one of my female friend gets friend zoned a lot during high school to undergrad. She always complained to me about it and asked for suggestions.
lightskintwin
Banned
I got some homegirls that use it to their advantage. These are the chumps I see taking them or picking them up from the airport or helping them move out or into a place of residence. LOL
Curt Baboon
Member
Man, if I was a hot girl I would be a goddamn monster. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
entremet
Member
LOL indeed.
Dear OP,
I'm a female and I've been called out on 'friendzoning' a lot of guys. Now, let me tell you the reasons and my experience.
First of all, the friendzone is a very real thing, but to define it, it is the zone where a guy is into a girl romantically, but the girl can only ever see him as a friend.
(this may or may not apply to other genders and relationships, as I said, from my experience)
Now, the reason behind this is when you're a nice guy. I mean a very nice guy. The kinda guy who will never say no and do anything in order to help out this girl and make her feel nice. That puts you in the friendzone and not in the romance zone. Why? Well, it's complicated, but over time of pondering a lot over it, I've come to the conclusion, that for me personally, it's because I don't want the whole 'game' to feel easy. I want to work to get a guy, to get his attention, to get him to do stuff for me and to do stuff for him back. When the whole game is too easy and everything is served to you on a silver platter, it's just boring and there's 0 chemistry left there. Basically, I know sometimes you'd feel the urge to give this person the whole fucking world and would do anything for them, but if they're not at this point in your relationship yet, just don't do it. Hold back. Calm down, play a bit hard to get. Play the game. Don't give it all at once.
Going back to chemistry class, there is no reaction when both parts aren't taking an action. (or something like that)
I hope this helps.
I'm a female and I've been called out on 'friendzoning' a lot of guys. Now, let me tell you the reasons and my experience.
First of all, the friendzone is a very real thing, but to define it, it is the zone where a guy is into a girl romantically, but the girl can only ever see him as a friend.
(this may or may not apply to other genders and relationships, as I said, from my experience)
Now, the reason behind this is when you're a nice guy. I mean a very nice guy. The kinda guy who will never say no and do anything in order to help out this girl and make her feel nice. That puts you in the friendzone and not in the romance zone. Why? Well, it's complicated, but over time of pondering a lot over it, I've come to the conclusion, that for me personally, it's because I don't want the whole 'game' to feel easy. I want to work to get a guy, to get his attention, to get him to do stuff for me and to do stuff for him back. When the whole game is too easy and everything is served to you on a silver platter, it's just boring and there's 0 chemistry left there. Basically, I know sometimes you'd feel the urge to give this person the whole fucking world and would do anything for them, but if they're not at this point in your relationship yet, just don't do it. Hold back. Calm down, play a bit hard to get. Play the game. Don't give it all at once.
Going back to chemistry class, there is no reaction when both parts aren't taking an action. (or something like that)
I hope this helps.
It's creepy as hell. Especially when said 'nice guys' have families and still write poems about how 'gorgeous' you are.
Poems, really? Sheesh.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I hope they read them to you.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
For the record, I'm not asking for advice. I learned pretty early on that the game is important to play. My previous relationship was difficulty level 0 because I was basically the best dude that has ever showed any interest in her (she has major issues with abandonment and anxiety), and by the time we were official, I just felt empty and bamboozled. No excitement.
I currently have two girls at work I suspect are a bit interested, and I'm teasing and flirting with them some, completely avoiding the accessible aspect.
Don't think anything will come out of either of them as I feel pretty good single atm, but it's always fun with some flirtation and possibly open doors.
lightskintwin
Banned
This too. In my observations, the majority of women do not like pushovers, a guy who will say and do anything to please her with no resststance whatsoever; no matter what it is. I think psycologically it places her above him and now she subconsciouly looks down on him rather than views him as an equal. So instead she moves on to find an equal that will maintain her interest.
I realize how crass and even sexist the expression is, but that's the general concept the movie, "The 40 year old vigin" was trying to convey when they kept advising, "Don't put the pussy on a pedestal".
Friendzone is a thing, but as I have grown up I have realised that its not as bad as I was making it out to be.
I was a nice guy in my teenage days and yes girls put me in the "friendzone" with the whole "omg you are perfect, any girl would be lucky to have you and stupid not to...but I don't see you in that way" speech, but of course looking back I can see why...plus we were young, at that age we are still growing and finding stuff out about ourselves so I really don't think it was that big of a deal looking at it as an adult.
However in saying this, I was "friendzoned" very recently for seemly no reason. She saw a picture of me on my friends instagram, told him she was interested and he hooked us up. Got talking to her and met for a drinks after a few days and it went really really well and we ended up kissing at the end of the night and arranged for another drink.
Then the next day she hits me with a message basically saying somethign along the lines of "Loved meeting you, you are such a cool guy and im really sorry to say this but I just want to be friends. Hope you are ok."
Thats fine. We pretty much knew each other for like 2 minutes despite the "chemistry", but I would be lying if I said that it didn't sting a bit. Im just more confused more than anything, but whatever, if I go into more detail then I might as well post this in the dating age thread.
Friendzone is defo a thing. I see allot less of it as I grow and mature due to having greater concerns and other focuses now as an adult, but it still shows up every once in a while.
I was a nice guy in my teenage days and yes girls put me in the "friendzone" with the whole "omg you are perfect, any girl would be lucky to have you and stupid not to...but I don't see you in that way" speech, but of course looking back I can see why...plus we were young, at that age we are still growing and finding stuff out about ourselves so I really don't think it was that big of a deal looking at it as an adult.
However in saying this, I was "friendzoned" very recently for seemly no reason. She saw a picture of me on my friends instagram, told him she was interested and he hooked us up. Got talking to her and met for a drinks after a few days and it went really really well and we ended up kissing at the end of the night and arranged for another drink.
Then the next day she hits me with a message basically saying somethign along the lines of "Loved meeting you, you are such a cool guy and im really sorry to say this but I just want to be friends. Hope you are ok."
Thats fine. We pretty much knew each other for like 2 minutes despite the "chemistry", but I would be lying if I said that it didn't sting a bit. Im just more confused more than anything, but whatever, if I go into more detail then I might as well post this in the dating age thread.
Friendzone is defo a thing. I see allot less of it as I grow and mature due to having greater concerns and other focuses now as an adult, but it still shows up every once in a while.
lightskintwin
Banned
My post addresses it; you failed to ignite and/or maintain sexual tension despite her initial interest. Hard to say when this occured without any details but it could've very well happened on the end of the date kiss to "seal the deal" which I also addressed in my post
Yeah you are probably right, but oh well. You live and you learn. Life is weird sometimes. *shrugs*.
This. If you leave a relationship hanging with someone they will move on to other opportunities and keep you around as a friend. Doesn't matter if you are male or female. It happens.
People who have been told no and are decent people don't go crying about the friend zone as if they were owed sex or a relationship, decent people don't bitch about being friend zoned, they respect the wishes of the people who rejected them.
They might not all want sex, but if they think the friend zone is a thing they feel owed something, maybe not sex, but a relationship.
so every guy that does this is being friendzoned? Damn. I need to break this to a few of them.
lightskintwin
Banned
Nah I don't think it's life being weird, it's an activity that can be improved upon like any other skill usually through experience. I mean unless you have a homegirl willing to let you practice on her and teach you how to improve your kissing technique and ability in order to leave a more desirable impression on your next date.
Luckily for you, you seem to not have any issues sparking initial interest.
I like how the basic premise of the friendzoned infers that you actually had a chance to begin with. 99% of the time if you're in the friendzone, it's because the other party isn't attracted to you and just likes you as a friend.
I know that it's a difficult concept for some of you to wrap your heads around, but it's the reality.
I know that it's a difficult concept for some of you to wrap your heads around, but it's the reality.
ClosingADoor
Member
The friendzone is bullshit. Sure, someone might move on and won't wait on you. And it might be a bit more awkward or people are more hesitant to hook up, but I don't believe you go from being someone the other would want to date, to being undateable.
What's important is learning and using your newfound knowledge. I'm sure everyone in this thread has fucked up a few times
AtomskEater
Member
Huh. Somehow made my way to this video after reading the thread.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsoColickWY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsoColickWY
The friend zone is what guys call it when they like a woman for ages, finally pluck up the courage to make a move months/years later and get turned down...as if timing was the issue. Tip: She was never into you.
If shes into you, she'll likely always find you attractive. How many times do you see people who were friends for years but dating other people at different times etc, and when both are single they get together?
Women can be a bit more fussy with timing. She might be blowing hot one minute, and if you show no interest they can move on pretty fast. But often theres still an attraction.
If shes into you, she'll likely always find you attractive. How many times do you see people who were friends for years but dating other people at different times etc, and when both are single they get together?
Women can be a bit more fussy with timing. She might be blowing hot one minute, and if you show no interest they can move on pretty fast. But often theres still an attraction.
Stereogatari
Banned
My 3 major romantic experiences have been like this. None of them lead to relationships. It starts off as mutual liking (if anything each time they liked me more at the start and I didn't pay much attention and got drawn into it with time) etc. and I'm super super happy and into them and all of a sudden, like a switch, they seem like a totally different person not as enthusiastic about me anymore and I'm left feeling like a dumbass and heartbroken because I feel just as excited to talk and meet with them as when we first met and it feels like being abandoned ffs, fucked me up psychologically each time.
I don't know if I've just been unlucky to have had this kind of chemistry and romantic experience with fickle girls, or if this is the reality of how it works. The "Liking" stage being a house of cards that could come crashing down at any moment, whereas I keep thinking the "Liking" stage is more solid and defined of a thing than that.
Is it a gender thing? Due to biology, females are more selective and even if they like a male and there is a spark they will be more likely to lose that spark quickly, whereas a male will feel that spark and hold onto it for dear life because winning a mate is tough work.
I am an idiot though. I really really shouldn't have fell for it a 3rd time, after going through the same thing on 2 previous occasions. The latest one was long distance and lasted nearly a year so now it's so psychologically ingrained in me that I don't think I will ever trust a woman "liking" me again. It will always be "enjoy this while it lasts" in my brain now.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
Being bummed that you're not going to get to have sex with someone you're attracted to isn't the same thing as expecting someone to have sex with you.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
Recently had a reverse "friendzone" situation.
Strong friendship with a girl for 6 months which has now formed into a strong relationship for 2 months.
I think no weirdness during our friendship, transparency and just genuinely having a good time together lead to where we are now.
I asked her how she would have responded to me making moves during the first few months and she said she would have rejected me if I acted back then.
The timing aspect can work both ways depending on the person, some people don't like sudden moves. It depends on how much you value your friendship.
Strong friendship with a girl for 6 months which has now formed into a strong relationship for 2 months.
I think no weirdness during our friendship, transparency and just genuinely having a good time together lead to where we are now.
I asked her how she would have responded to me making moves during the first few months and she said she would have rejected me if I acted back then.
The timing aspect can work both ways depending on the person, some people don't like sudden moves. It depends on how much you value your friendship.
Permanently A
Junior Member
There are some strange definition of friendzone in this thread. As far as I know, its simply when you're attracted to someone and they aren't attracted to you. So you're stuck as friends.
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