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[combine42]

Lotta people say they got strung along. A lot of the time I don't really think they did. So I wanna know what you mean to consider being strung along.

True, true. It's also a way to handle rejection, I know I've done it before to justify to myself

 

[The Lamp]

There have been guys I thought were cute who turned out to be a bad fit romantically, and it took hanging out with them for a couple weeks to see that. In light of that, I only ever date people after I've known them for a few weeks at least. I think that's the opposite of shallow.

Exactly. The girls I'm talking about would only date guys if they're "new" or have only just met them. After that the appeal would wear off for them. Because after two weeks they're like "nah we're just friends now, nothing happened" Lol.

 

[Chairmanchuck]

In my experience the people I know complaining about the Friendzone are the ones doing nothing at all to even show they are romantically interested in a partner.
Its like "I cant find a gf. Im so nice to them." "So? What do you do?" "I dont really go out often. We just talk a bit over Skype/WhatsApp etc."

I mean even checking out the dating-thread here on GAF, it somehow seems a lot of the guys there seem to struggle because of stuff like that.

 

[Milly Osworth]

I have the opposite problem. Every time I try to make new friends they always put me in the partner zone. How do I deal with this?

 

[Chuckie]

The friend zone is born out of the sexist notion that a girl is obligated to repay a man showing basic human decency to her with sex :/

That is most certainly not where it was born out.

Apparently the meaning has changed (as so many words like White Knight, SJW etc)

When I was young (long looong ago in the late 90s) friend zone was used like this.

Person A: I really like you <3
Person B: I like you too, but just as a friend
Friends of Person A: Lol...you've been friend-zoned.

 

[ramparter]

The friend zone is somewhere you put yourself and not something someone else does to you.

The "friend" in the friend zone is only in a friend zone because they want more and the object of their lust isn't attracted to them.

They then put on a pity party until they reveal their true colors as a disingenuous asshole trying a failed strategy to get laid.

It's a cage designed by the person that is usually in the friend zone.

If you want to be friends and their attraction to you doesn't matter, then you're friends. There is no friend zone.

If you want to be friends and you're attracted to them and they are not attracted to you and you say nothing about your attraction or ever explicitly act on it because you fear rejection and instead draw out the rejection process through a complicated set passive aggressive behaviors, then you are in the friend zone and it will end badly.

To avoid the friend zone you have to make a move and accept rejection or just move on emotionally.

This. Ive been a lot in that and its always my fault.

 

[Baron von Loathsome]

I laughed.

 

[VincentMatts]

What if she isn't into you, but then you leave the country and go on an epic journey of self discovery where you're trained by mystical monks in the Himalayas and find a bunch of lost treasure in Bhutan? Then you come back all ripped, cultured, and rich, and she's into you.

LOL

Then youd be batman!

 

[Glendemonium]

There is no friend zone since technically, she isn't asking you to stay in it.

Life is too short to pine on someone forever. It's hard, it sucks, but it's not the end of the world. Make as many female friends as possible, one of them might actually want to hook up. Put yourself out there, let the chips fall where they may.

Also guys, despite everything you learned about women being more assertive in school, careers, etc. Dating is the exception, we're still expected to make a move (take charge) without so much as a signal or a sign of interest. Yes, it'll be embarrassing if it blows up in your face and it will make you feel like shit for a while, but this is the world we live in. If I could go back in time and tell my younger self to drop the weight, hit the gym, and try a different major it'd help my confidence a hundred fold and handle rejection much better.

It's easier when you're older, there's less bullshit and fakery to deal with as long as you're honest with yourself (and the person you're trying to date is honest too.)

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Dude, it's people venting after getting their feelings hurt when the are rejected. It's no different when a scorned woman says "All men are pigs/jerks". Are they sexist, no just hurt.

You also ignore the MANY times women/men get strung along on purpose. It's usually obvious to everyone when a person is going the friend route but really wants more. I have pointed it out to a few women and they are aware but like the attention. Dating is a weird game.

I haven't called anyone sexist for it in what you quoted (because anyone can be any gender and have this happen, I use "women friendzoning man" as my examples because it's the most common I see and more relevant to this place's demographic). I'm saying behaving that way, where you assign blame to the other person for what they did to you (a failing strategy in literally anything because you can only control yourself) makes one a jerk who sees another person as more valuable only when they are agreeable to one's selfish wants.

Everyone gets strung along at some point. Humans are ultimately bad communicators, and we can't read each other's minds or intuitively understand their intentions. It's normal to feel burned by that. But I don't particularly understand how saying the person put you in the "friendzone" is a winning tactic for venting that frustration or to win your friend's heart.

This is a good reply, and is my overall point.

To be more specific in places, it sounds like if the person you rejected "wasn't holding out for a relationship" then that means they accepted your rejection and are friends anyway. That's good.

If they were your friend in the hopes that you'd change your mind later, that's bad. That's just "if I hang around here for awhile, he/she'll eventually see my side of this."

edit: I mean, treat this like a Bioware dialogue tree. You should always just explain your feelings, and if those feelings are unrequited, then you've got 3 options:
1) You can live with that and still be around so you say "I totally understand, we're still good friends and can stay as friends."
2) You can't live with that because your feelings are too strong so you say "I totally understand, but since I don't think I can handle a close friendship with you and these feelings then I don't think we can keep hanging out."
3) You can't live with that because your feelings are too strong so you say "I totally understand, we're still good friends and can stay as friends." (Lie)

Option 3 is the one that gets you Dark Side points here. You are objectively lying to this person from the minute you continue to be friends while expecting you to be more than that in the future. You are hiding your motives in sticking around. This is not cute, it's manipulation.

This is a phenomenal explanation!